I Love This Man With My Whole Heart

I love this man with my whole heart

Your work has been a gift to mankind. You’ve shaped the century. I need you to do it one more time. CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014) Directed by Joe & Anthony Russo

I wanted to write down exactly what i felt

but somehow the paper stayed empty.

And i could not have described it any better.

You know Levi since you both grew up as friends in the underground. You joined the scout regiment together.

You have to go on a veery dangerous mission and levi's group has to stay in the walls.

It is time for you to go, and you and levi stand a few meters away. You lay your head in his nape and softly punch his chest. "You're such an asshole all the time. Why can't you be that now??! Come on...yell at me, make fun of me, tell me you have a crush on somebody else! Anything!! Anything that helps me go away from you..! That i dont feel as miserable, as i feel right now...!

He just pushes you away from his body and starts walking away. You call after him, inwards begging him to stay with you. To not leave you. But he just goes. Without turning back once, he makes a turn and hes out of your sight.

Little do you know, its killing him as much as its killing you.

How can you miss someone,

you've never met.

Cause I need you now,

but I don't know you yet.

Can you find me fast,

because I'm in my head.

Cause I need you know,

but I don't know you yet.

It' impossible,

to get you off my mind.

I think about a 100 thoughts,

and you are 99.

I've understood that you will never

be mine.

And thats fine.

I'm just breaking inside.

Pleeeaasse make a part two!!! I need it!

You were the weakling | Newt

Warnings : loads of angst , crying .

Summary : Y/N wants to become a runner and as expected , her boyfriend Newt disagrees . Y/N tries to convince Newt , thinking it was tough but not impossible until events take turn and hearts break .

Pairing : Newt x reader , Thomas x reader .. Minho x reader (platonic , small mention)

This is kinda reader!insert and kinda OC

English is not my first language

I waited for my boyfriend Newt as I sat in the Deadheads , our daily spot to meet . He's been a lot busy lately due to Alby and Thomas . I had to discuss something very important with him . I wanted to become a runner . I knew he wouldn't allow me but I had to convince him . Minho and Thomas told me that I was completely fit to be a runner so why not help them . I felt a strange fear and excitement at the same time . Convincing Newt was the toughest job but I had to do it . I kept pacing around the Deadheads when I saw Newt limping towards me . His face instantly bought a smile on my face and ran forward , engulfing him in a hug . He chuckled and wrapped his sweaty arms around me . I released him from the hug and took his hand in mine . Still , his touch made my heart go faster all the way .

I sat down with him , admiring the sky wen he spoke up "U look a bit distracted , love . What's wrong?" I loved his accent .

As much I tease him about it , I know that's one of the thing I loved the most.

"Nothing just that.. I had something important to tell you .." I trailed off at the last , suddenly fear took over me .

My heart beat violently and a pit formed in my stomach.

"Go on , y/n/n .." he spoke .

He used my nickname only when he had already half way figured out what i was going to say or when he was very stressed . I took a deep breath , turn to face him .

Go on y/n , it's now or never with this thought , I blurted it out "I want to become a runner , Newt " I spoke , fear laced in the voice.

His head snapped in my direction and his eyes showed mixed emotions of anger , irritation , panic , stress and loads of fear .

He spoke almost immediately " No!! . Never . No " he spoke.

I knew this was to happen , so I began my speech , that I had been preparing to convince Newt .

"Listen Newt , I know you're worried about me . But just hear me out . I want to become a runner since I am capable . And then when I don't become a runner and we don't get outta here , it would be because of me . Because I was shucking capable but not ready to give myself for a way out . I don't want that Newt . I am capable and I should come off as useful to you , the Glade , to everyone by finding a way out . All I have ever dreamt of is getting you out of this place Newt . I know how much you hate evey shucking second of it . I want to put an end to it . Or atleast try to. I don't want to sit here like a shank and wonder if there's a way out , when I can go into the maze and find it out . I want to die trying or escape .... " I finished .

All this time I was speaking , Newt kept looking at the ground as if it were the only thing to do . He didn't react , not a word . Firstly , I thought he is convinced but the looks on his face didn't say that . His face was so sad , almost depressed . It was the same face I had seen after his recovery from.... . I couldn't think anymore . I wanted to become a runner , so that I could take him away from his dark past . I knew I was determined about it and I also knew that unlike me , I was going to stubborn as a boulder about it. I knew it was a bit selfish to let him worry about me whole day and rather choose to run , but in the end , it was for the Glade . For him .

"Newt , are u listening?" I asked him after a few moments had passed .

I thought my speech was atleast worth a reaction from him , positive or negative . He just stood up and looked everywhere else but me . I got up and took his hand in mine . I used my other hand to cup his cheek , making him face me . But as soon as his eyes met mine , I saw wat he was trying to hide . Tears . They were pooling in his red eyes .

"Newt , honey-"

I was cut off by Newt speaking in a hoarse voice "No , just-just bloody listen to me . Why ? Why , y/n/n . Why do you wanna do this to me ? I know I am being selfish , but you can help the runners in mapmaking ? Or cooking bloody amazing food ? Or just being a Med-jack as u are ? Please love , please ." after this suddenly his tone changed , as if he was ordering me .

He knew how much I hated this tone , I hated when he controlled me , which he never did until maybe now .

"I know how pathetic that maze is .. I know how cruel it is .. it has killed many of my friends in there , I won't let it take u . U are not becoming a runner , that's the final decision of the second-in-command of the glade . " He finished it in the tone I hated .

But it was just the beginning for me , I got annoyed , mostly due to the advantage he had and the tone of his .. "Newt ! U can't do this . I'll always make it back for you , you know it. I am strong enough to be a runner , you know that . Please , let me become a runner , or else the guilt is gonna kill me " I pleaded .

"I'll help u with the guilt , y/n . But you are not becoming a runner , that's final ." He ordered . Again .

I countered back "Fine , see if I agree with u , I am challenging u that I won't . You know how much of a rebel I am . I'll go in the maze with Minho or Thomas or anyone . Or else I'll memorize the maze and go in . I don't know how , but I'll do it and I am promising u Newt , you won't find me in the glade tomorrow morning . " I finished and everyone in the Glade knew that if I was challenging someone then I would do it .

I was about to walk away when Newt's hand clasped my wrist gently and pulled me back into him . He directed my hands to his wet cheeks and spoke "Please love . Don't do this . Please ! Don't you see how cruel the maze is? Am I not a sheer proof of that? My limp? " He spoke .

This annoyed me to the hell . He was emotionally blackmailing me and I hated that he had the advantage . Being the one who gets easily annoyed , I decided to speak something to stop him . But I didn't know it would come out so harsh and blunt .

Before I could stop , the words flew out of my mouth "It was you , Newt , you were the weakling ."

He instantly dropped my wrists and my hand flew right on my mouth . Telling him this was the last thing I wanted to do . But now , the damage was done . The anger took over me again and this time , newt looked angry too . His eyes flared with anger but it had more of betrayal in it .

Before he cud speak , I spoke up again " We both know it Newt . S-So just , stop , stop controlling me . Please . I am sorry . " i spoke , shocked at my words and insensitivity . I blocked the urge to apologise for my behaviour . I blocked the guilt .

Newt walked away without another word and that's when the guilt washed over me . How could I speak that to him I thought . It felt so bad and now I knew , that I wasn't worth his forgiveness . Hot tears took the cue , rolling down .

Soon , Minho came running into the deadheads to inform me "You're a runner now , y/n !! I can't believe you convinced Newt !"

Should there be a part 2 ? Lol

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