Hey, Just Wanted To Let You Know How Much I Loved Your 'how To Move Past Trauma' Post. There's Something

Hey, just wanted to let you know how much I loved your 'how to move past trauma' post. There's something traumatic happened long ago that still hurts me. And I liked your post a lot. I'll practice all of those things :) Thank you 💕

Thank you for that.

Trauma can definitely stay in your mind for a long time. I dont know how most people look so happy (especially on social media, TV, glamour world) but the real plain ordinary life is just confusing and messy.

I dont think healing from trauma makes you forget it. It just does not affect you anymore. It doesn't hurt you anymore. You are indifferent to it. You dont care it happened. You don't wish what "should" have happened.

You fucked up? You fucked up. Shit happened? Shit happened. And dont think after reading this that I am super calm and smart. I feel anxiety 100 times a day over the past events.

SUN IN 7th house. THE NEED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

I have my sun in 7th house so this is my personal insight:

🌕 I feel so useless when I am not in a relationship

🌕 Relationship is the number 1 motivation in my life

🌕 Marriage is so important to me

🌕 I wanted to get married since I was a child. I actually value the security of marriage.

🌕 I do want a dominating, strong, assertive husband because I want to be proud of my husband. I want to worship my husband and I do want a fatherly figure in my partner.

🌕 I had a tendency to idealize opposite gender. I would romanticize any man and ignored their flaws.

🌕 Not parents, not friends, not sibling, not pets - but my hubby hub hub is the most important person in my life

🌕 I didn't have self esteem, self image and sense of self

🌕 I was a people pleaser and had no boundaries as a teenager

🌕 I was hypersensitive to rejection and other people's opinion of me. I was super gullible and cared too much about my social image. I didnt go to school to learn or study but to show off my image and boost my ego.

🌕 I had a fragile ego and was arrogant

🌕 I basically depended on other people for survival because I didnt know who I was. i wanted to be adored admired liked by everyone in the world.

🌺 Now I have healed myself. I work on my sense of self and self respect. I know who I AM and who I AM NOT. I am not dramatic. I am laid back and calmer. I have career goals. My marriage is a part of my life but not everything. I am currently single uh oh -

What this person said about 7th house placements is true. Especially if they have an empty 1st house, they discover themselves through other people. When I was a teenager, I was a mimic, class clown and mirrored other people. It took me a long time to find my own personality + voice + niche + identity + values + morals + thoughts + beliefs + ideas + boundaries.

7th house people MUST learn to HEAL.

Astro Notes (3/29/22)

I haven’t posted my own astro notes in a while. I’ve literally been working on this for so long. I always just keep adding whenever I get a new astro thought until it’s long enough for a post but I never felt like this one was long enough or ready for some reason 😭. But now I do , so here it is :

🌸 i personally think it would be great for everyone to manifest whenever there’s a new moon in the sign that’s in their 11th house. because 11th house represents our hopes & wishes

🌸 venus in 8th or 12th house : a love for spiritual/metaphysical things & it’s apart of your values. same can go for scorpio or pisces in the 2nd house

🌸 your 8th house may show what you love to use astrology for the most .

examples :

8th house ruler being the sun or in leo/5th house or sun/leo in the 8th might love to use it for understanding who they really are & discovering their talents/passions/hobbies

moon/cancer in the 8th house or 8th house ruler in the 4th might love to use astrology to heal themselves and to understand their family dynamics. they could study the charts of their family a lot

8th house ruler being venus or in libra/7th house or venus/libra in the 8th might love studying synastry the most

8th house ruler in mercury/gemini/sag or mercury/gemini/sag in the 8th might love it all around. they just love the knowledge it gives for a lot of different things & also use it to understand different people & they way that they are

virgo in the 8th/8th house ruler in virgo/6th house might use astrology to plan out things a lot

chiron/scorpio/pluto in the 8th house or 8th house ruler in the 8th/12th might really love to get a deep understanding of their traumas through astrology

🌸 venus in aries ppl LOVE head 😭

🌸 if you have a lot of personal planets conjunct your north node (making it opposite your south node) you’re very in tune with your purpose in this life and probably figure it out or have an idea pretty early on in life. you likely don’t have toooo hard of a time breaking out of some of your past life patterns. mmm, let me rephrase. it could be hard but like you have a deep need for understanding your patterns & letting go of them. rather than just having a “that’s just who i am” mindset

🌸 profection year note!! so this is piggybacking off of @lunarliyah ‘s profection notes. (i’m sorry, i can’t find the post). if i do, i’ll link it. so in the last one , she said the sign that rules the profection house is significant. i have another theory that’s accurate in my case. but it gets a bit complicated if you usually have trouble with this.

basically, the sign that rules the profection house - look at where that sign is placed in the houses of your birth chart. that may be a significant theme in your life that year.

example : 7th house is ruled by libra. libra is in MY 9th house. i went to college during my 7th house profection year & just went through a lot at that time so it was veryyy significant. (9th house is higher education)

another example : 8th house is ruled by scorpio. scorpio is in my 10th house (using placidus). i’m in my 8th house year now & it’s really been the start of one of my career journeys with doing readings & spiritual work

last example : scorpio is also in my 11th house, if i use whole sign. & i met a new friend this year that’s i’ve gotten really close with i don’t really make friends a lot

🌸 people who have personal planets in the same sign as your mars sign could be people you’ve developed an anger or annoyance towards at some point in your life

🌸 people with scorpio in the 5th house like to be private about the things they’re passionate about / the things they create. if they share those things with you, you’re really special to them & they trust you deeply

🌸 cancer mars in the 7th house = starting to cry if arguments seem unfair. like if someone just keeps talking over you, or just keep disregarding everything you say or very clearly try to gaslight you

🌸 leo risings tend to attract (in friendships & relationships) ppl who are really into astrology, because of aquarius in the 7th house. this can apply to people who have aquarius in the 11th house as well, but just friendship wise

🌸 if you’re wondering about someone’s placement & you’re stuck between two neighbor signs, then i’d go with the latter sign . because then they’d be that sign in western astrology & also the other sign in vedic astrology so it makes sense

🌸 adding onto that, easy way to know/remember your vedic placements : it’s always 24° before your tropical placement. so it’s likely the sign before your tropical placement. UNLESS you have your tropical placement in a late degree. Example : my tropical sun is 29° gemini & in vedic astrology , it’s still gemini but at 5° instead

🌸 7th house placements can often seem like they’re followers or copy cats but here me out (can apply to libra placements too) i believe that these people are literally MEANT to find themselves through other people & their connections, especially if they have no 1st house placements. so when they observe other people & the actions of others that make sense to them/resonate with them, they can then take on those traits or thoughts themselves. & it’s not necessarily that they’re copying. it’s just that this person has now activated this part of them/made them realize this part of themselves

HOW TO HEAL FROM PAST TRAUMA AS A LADY?

I dont know how men heal from trauma because society expects different things from men i.e. power, status, money, networking and connections.

As a lady and the one who is not so outgoing, this is how I chose to heal from my trauma:

Close that chapter of your life. You cannot move ahead if you keep rereading the same pages again and again. One trauma leads to another trauma. We are not capable of making right decisions when we are thinking emotionally. Mistakes happen in a rush, impulsive, irrational manner.

Ego means to be able to make your own life choices and to have your own reasons for making those choices. It is not a bad thing. Exercise your ego over your life.

Never givaway your powers to somebody else. No one should have power over your mind, emotions, body. As young girls, we are fooled by media that men need to be "pleased". That you have to stand on one leg to please others and impress others. It is rather the other way around. It seems hard for someone with low self esteem to understand that it is the men who should please women and not women who should please men. Women should never be people pleasers.

Never expect or ask for apology. People can give explanation, justification or blame you back, but they never apologize for their bad behaviour. It is out of shame, insecurity and fear of looking weak. So do not expect apology.

But do forgive everyone. Not because they deserve the forgiveness but because you deserve the peace and self confidence.

Karma is like a boomerang. It is accumulated and every action has a reaction. You do not have to see it through. You do not need to know how the perpetrator of karma is punished. Just forget it and stop caring about it.

Virtue, values, morals are real things. In this age of free love, casual sex, kinks and porn culture, you might be called lame and boring for having values/morals. People also argue that "morals are subjective" - what is moral for one person might not be moral for the other. But this is just an excuse to justify bad life choices. I have seen a lot of people hiding behind the masks of "modern lifestyle" and "American lifestyle", but they also change their stance to project a better image of themselves when anything "respectable" is mentioned. The point is, American culture or whatever we are taught on internet these days about casual sex, open relationships and polyamory as being honest, consensual and advanced lifestyles is actually a community of low conscious energy people. Remember! Sensual pleasures should NEVER be glorified. They only lead to desires and suffering. A spiritual person would know this.

It might be tempting to walk onto the slippery slope of sensual pleasures and mindless entertainment when you are young and naive. But in the end you will realize that it was not worth it. What looked like a shiny apple was rotten in its core. So contemplate on life and what are the things that really matter and ruthlessly say NO to everything else.

It might feel boring in the beginning to switch off mindless entertainment or disconnect with the online world. Find a purpose in life and devote yourself to it. This purpose should be your inner calling not something you have copied off of someone else.

I have personally no interest in romance and love (despite being venus in 8th house). These are cheap temporary boosts to elevate your low self esteem and feel important in life. The whole thing about love and romance is probably a mental illness, a marketing gimmick for children and teenagers. It is an illusion and fooling yourself that you are happier than you really are.

SPIRITUALITY and 8th house

We tend to think that spirituality means yoga, mantra, religion or occult. Wrong.

☀️Spirituality is simply becoming a better version of yourself.

☀️When you understand that there is a higher power. Whether you subscribe to free will or not, just acknowledgment is enough.

☀️Overcome your weaknesses.

☀️Do shadow work.

☀️Face your demons every single day.

☀️Understand your insecurities and everything that is hidden within your mask.

☀️Why you do what you do? Who are you? You are just a bundle of insecurities and desperation.

☀️You want to feel special, important, seen, heard and valued.

☀️You use tumblr for validation, to belong to a community, to feel accepted and liked by people similar to you.

☀️Knowing yourself is spirituality.

☀️Spirituality means living your true life. Being true to yourself.

🌑 when I say that 8th house gives spiritual boost, it means that your life will be unconventional if you have 8th house placements. You will witness sudden unexpected events like DISEASES, ACCIDENTS, BREAK UP, LOSSES, MISFORTUNES, FAILURES and unexplained problems. You have to understand that your 8th house planet is giving you a shortcut to spiritual progress by challenging you.

🌑 it sounds so silly. What kind of meaning can there be in suffering? Let's take cancer. 8th house is capable of giving cancer. So what is the meaning? There is no meaning. This disease sucks. It hurts like hell. It transforms your life. It kills the old YOU. You are FORCED to reborn. That's 8th house in action. Suffering has no meaning at all. It simply humbles you. Suffering means nothing. You can decide your attitude and find meaning.

🌑 "Meaning" doesnt mean anything special or extraordinary. It simply means having standards for yourself, giving a direction to your life. Check out 'Academy of Ideas' on YouTube and its videos on Psychological well being and mastery.

🌑 So what kind of spirituality does 8th house entail? It is the rebirth after rebirth after rebirth. You live many incarnations in one lifetime. 8th house is a door to freedom from the cycles of death and rebirth. The world is an illusion. We are bound to reincarnate trillions of times until the end of... universe. Once you understand that very few things in life matter, you will get rid of ego/ignorance/attachment/illusion.

🌑 This is all I know. If I knew more, I would be God. But from what I have read and researched, people like Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud, Steve Jobs "knew". Check out their vedic birth charts.

🌑 Finally, spirituality is an everyday thing. You cant brush your teeth one day and never brush again. Spirituality is like brushing your soul and psyche.

Character analysis of Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and 8th house in astrology

This movie is written by someone who has themselves had BPD. This I am sure of. When I watched this movie, it was like someone took my mind and made a movie out of it. Only someone who actually suffers from BPD and has gone through a similar situationship in life can write this story. Period.

Clementine is into witchcraft. She changes her hair color because it transforms her identity like someone with moon in 8th house. Her emotions are volatile, she is quick to anger and easily irritated. She must have inherited this emotional instability from her maternal bloodline. She has intergenerational trauma and psychological instability. 

She writes a lot of letters, takes Joel to Charles river, gives him a lot of gifts and makes his life so exciting because she has idealized him. She has a mental image of a perfect boyfriend and cannot see the real person in front of her. She projects the same mental image on every boy she dates. She repeats the same thing with everyone. She must have an absent or unavailable father. She wants a caregiver who will love her unconditionally. She forces intimacy on the first date because she craves union of soul and deep connection like that of a parent and child.  

This is why Patrick goes through the exact same storyline in place of Joel because Clem idealizes every person she dates, does the exact same things with them to PLEASE them so that they will not leave her. She has intense fear of abandonment and rejection. She brings excitement to life because she fears rejection. She constantly creates drama because stability feels scary to her. This is someone with 8th house Moon.

She idealizes every man who gives her attention, does things for him to impress him and please him, repeats same letters/drawings/dancing with everyone. When some months have passed she fears engulfment and boredom. She fears that now she has exhausted her supply of excitement. She is not fun and colorful anymore. Before the guy dumps her, she will dump him. Her sense of self depends on the guy she is dating. She purposely chooses guys with low self esteem and adds excitement to their life because she wants to control them so that they cannot leave her. But then she sees their flaws after some time that the man she is dating is actually a mediocre person with low self esteem and poor character traits. She has pattern of choosing similar guys. 

Out of sight out of mind. pwBPD forget people in a snap. It is like the whole relationship never happened. This is why they did not show Clem going through the procedure because her mental illness  automatically erases the whole relationship from her mind after she is done devaluing Joel. She has not gone through the procedure. Her mental illness BPD has erased her memory. 

Idealization, rushing into relationship, projecting a perfect image of boyfriend and relationship, intensity. Then devaluation, seeing the flaws in the person, fearing abandonment. Black and white thinking, extremely defensive, a lot of arguments. She has no self concept, no self image, no self esteem.   

She mentions “I’m crawling under my skin". This is Moon in 8th house. Intense emotions, so deep and so strong that you feel like you will explode. I have suffered with this my entire life until diagnosis.

She is promiscuous and has sex with every man because she feels like her only value is sex. She forces intimacy with men by oversharing every single embarrassing thing with them and having sex with them so that they won’t leave her. She wants security and stability in her life. Which is why when Joel says “my life is not that interesting. I go to work come home", she licks her lips because she wants this stability, consistency, pillar of strength in her life to hold her through the storm and chaos in her life. She tells him that when she was young she wanted to transform her girl doll so that it would magically transform her and then she says “never leave me". She has no self image. She is intentionally creating intimacy and self pity so that Joel will feel like a caregiver. Joel feels like a man, strong, protective. She wants this rock figure in her life. Clem has an endless pit of emotional needs that no man ever can satisfy.    

Notice how Joel says “I met this girl Clementine, she is amazing”, “I thought you were nuts but you were exciting", “I love you", “How cool I am attracted to someone’s back”, “and then you just took it without waiting for an answer. It was like we were already lovers", "you are lucky you have Clementice. She is cool". These are not the words of Joel. I repeat. These are not the words of Joel. Clementine is doing maladaptive daydreaming. She has MDD disorder. She is thinking these words about herself from Joel's POV because she can only see herself in relation to someone else. She has no self identity at all. She feels invisible, like a void unless she is being seen by someone else like an audience. Clem is thinking these things about herself in her daydream. She wants to be praised. She wants to be seen and appreciated.

This whole movie might just be her Maladaptive Daydreaming episode. Perhaps this whole movie is just an MDD thing. This is why they add science to it because Clem is daydreaming the whole movie and making things up. MDD coexists with BPD. The person cannot distinguish between real life and fantasy. They are so engrossed in it. They repeat the same scene until perfection. They especially repeat the “good" scenes many times because it gives them kick and rush.

Notice how the same scene is repeated many times in the end? This is because Clementine is doing maladaptive daydreaming. A maladaptive daydreamer repeats the same story in her head 100 times again and again like mad. It gives her dopamine. This is a compulsion. She is addicted to it. The “science" involved in this movie is not real. Clem is daydreaming everything and making things up.  

Clem also has a drinking problem.

This whole movie is a MDD episode of a person with BPD. I have daydreamed similar love stories in my head throughout my childhood, teenage and early 20s and then I went through a similar situationship. Then I was diagnosed with BPD. After which I found out I am gifted in astrology, occult. I have calmed down now and have done deep soul searching and have a self concept. I have treated my BPD to a large extent.  

Notice how every guy in the movie has had some relationship with Clementine? Clem idealizes men. She is daydreaming that all these men desire her, want her, everybody loves her, she is so cool and different. She wants to be loved and fucked by every man because they gives her security, validation, safety, self confidence.

Notice how Joel is already in relationship with Naomi? The other girl in the movie who is receptionist is in love with Howard who is married? This proves that not only Clem but even the receptionist also has BPD. Girls with BPD are intensely attracted to committed men because it gives them a sense of stability, caregiver, protection, father figure, rock figure. When I was 5 or so, I used to fancy marrying/dating men who were 50+

Notice how Clem and Joel are near the sea and Clem is jumping like a child while Joel walks beside her like a father figure? This is a fantasy in Clem's mind. She sees herself as a little girl. She has not grown up. This is why she is so exciting because she is literally a child mentally. This is why they also show them going to Joel's childhood because both of them are stuck in their childhood trauma and never grew up past it. Childhood traumas are signs of 8th house. Both of them are doing shadow work. They hate each other by the end of relationship because this is a karmic relationship to reveal their shadows to them.

When these people erase Joel's memory, Clem is daydreaming it all happening. Notice how the receptionist girl only talks about Howard? Because she is obsessed with him. She also has BPD. But she flirts and has sex with this computer guy because she wants validation, attention but she idealized Howard in her mind. While Howard has a messed up married life, she cannot see that because she only thinks in all perfect/all bad worldview.

Clem has an emotional meltdown where she feels like her skin is coming off and she is getting old. Nothing makes any sense. She cannot distinguish between feelings and facts.

Clem gets offended whenever Joel says something against her. She gets extremely defensive and insults him. She fears rejection and criticism. She also makes double braids because she is a child emotionally. She is impulsive and takes decision without thinking anything.

I can go on and on. But this is it for now.