Death Of The Fool

Death of the fool

The evergreen fool. The believer of faith in goodness and light. Naive and gullible. He is the sparrow in his nest, singing a good melody, ignorant of the hungry predators hawking upon him. He is friends with the sun, the clouds, the tree and the leaves. Protected, inexperienced and untouched, the sparrow sings morning and evening. Clueless, impulsive and reckless. Childish, child like and the infantile. The fool is on a journey to sacred lands. Good intentions in heart, fueled by feelings, lacking life experiences and projecting his goodness on others, the fool is a tasty treat for dinner.

Do not mistake the fool for the poor fellow. His innocence is disgusting. He dwells in the unconscious and fears his own reality. Who even risks their life to make some new friends? The sparrow jumps off the nest, thinking it can fly, travel the skies and perhaps make some friends with the big gruesome creatures up there in the playground.

Acts before thinking, reckless, impulsive, rash, gullible. Fool is everything he should not be. Learn a thing or two about the world you are born in. Know a thing or two about the life force that ignites you. But the fool does not care. He is on an adventure, enthusiastic and intense. Excited to materialize his fantasies, the sparrow greets the horrific eagles. "They are just like me, see, they can fly and so do I, we are just the same!" Off the cliff, it happened. He is gone. Oh-he is gone. Where is he? Oh-find him, where is he? In the eagle's feast, singing a melody in his mind, the sparrow recalls his nest. Bring him back to the nest, the safety of his mind. One last melody, one more time.

The journey of fool never ends well. Maturity and self awareness are important to adulthood. Remember this, fellow fools.

"The little prince" quotes for signs:

⚘Falling in love as a water sign:

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day.

⚘Falling in love as an earth sign:

It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.

You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose.

⚘Falling in love as an air sign:

Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me

⚘Falling in love as a fire sign:

One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

The girl of her dreams.

🌼 For sun in 1st/7th/8th/12th; venus in 8th/12th; venus in scorpio, sun in pisces, sun in libra (my astro observation).

🌼 Naturally, we assume that it is men who dream of their dream girl, who they like and who they want to be with. It is strange to think that girls too dream of girls - albeit not the girl they want to date but the girl they want to "be". Have you ever sat in a social setting, checking out the faces of everyone and laughing loud/do something quirky to get a reaction out of people? In your mental world, they adore you, praise you, are captivated, bewitched and admire you. Aren't you just so perfect?

🌼 Sit with yourself for an hour and see through your fantasies. The random images, memories, movie scene, music lyrics, conversation - what is it that pops up in your mind? I did this and saw a fantasy of Barack Obama dancing to Cheap Thrills. Well, I know the meaning behind the symbolism because I know myself. This is a symbol of a powerful, important, competent man dancing to a quirky, playful and youthful song - it is the merger of the two fantasies I have, on one hand desiring to be grandiose and on the other hand craving to be carefree and silly.

🌼 I am talking of the PUELLA AETERNUS. The spontaneous, autonomous, dissociative and fanatical archetype of a young girl who is outwardly a mess but inwardly a princess. The eternal child. The eternal youth. Unrealistic adolscent fantasies. Often manifested in motion pictures like movies and TV - so it creates a social pressure to conform to the idea of a woman who is very desirable to the masses. On a personal level, the girl herself lives in the fantasy world of how life is supposed to be, how people should comfort her, react to her and care for her. The paradise of childhood. The birdy in the nest. Flees from the cold cruel world and its realities. Daydreams and reacts to passive fantasies. Fatasies of future, what would be, could be, should be, without taking any actions. She has an imaginary attitude towards life, escaping to temporary comfort and running as far as possible from the reality.

🌼 Her problem is that she is missing a sense of identity, she feels fragmented and worthless. It is too much for her to cross the borders from fantasy to real world. In the modern world, she is expected to get education and do job, but all she wants to do is to be on social media all day. If you know someone like this, she is a puella - a little girl in an adult body with a father complex. Her playful and carefree facade hides deep insecurities. She idealizes the other people and craves their admiration. When the sun is weak in birth chart, it shows a father who was emotionally unavailable, distant and not there - resulting in low self esteem, stunted psychological growth and childish fantasies in the girl. A lot of women are like that, a lot of fathers were not available and active in their daughter's life, a lot of women stay puella even after marriage and children through their 40s 50s 60s. The forever 21.

🌼 If you can see yourself in this archetype, I have a bad news and a good news. A bad news is that you have essentially drifted your whole life in a fantasy. A good news is you can quit today. There is no "closure" or "the end" to your past story. The day you decide to quit is the day you commit to it. That ultimately is the only solution for this trouble. Work. Any work. Chores. Responsibilities. Immerse yourself in something. Study paint write work exercise. Just work. Test yourself. Challenge yourself. Every time your mind drifts to a fantasy, bring it back to reality. Remember that the social media even tumblr is a world of make believe. How many of us are puella but in denial? Throw yourself into the fire of life and let it rebirth you. Break down the ideal imagery in your mind and accept your humanness.

🌼 The shadow of this archetype is the Crone wise "old" woman. She is balanced, disciplined, hard working, realistic, conscientious, controlled and mature. Committed to work and immersed in whatever is her calling in life. She has sacrificed the wonder of fantasy realm. She immerses herself in the external world to find her individuality and to learn skills for life. There is no magical way. Just the practice, learning, practice, learning, practice. You can cultivate these qualities in yourself. Think it is too easy? Why not try. Habits are hard to break, sometimes very hard. Sylvia Plath was one puella who desired reconstruction of her life but took her own life when the conflicts were too much to bear.

🌼 I am reminded of the tarot card two of wands in this context

The globe in his hand is the projection of the inner fantasy world while he gazes out over the bay at the real world, the realities of life, the potential in him, the challenges he must face, the risks he must take. He has to choose a decision, to leave comfort zone, and compare the two worlds side by side. On one hand is the inner fantasy world that he holds in his palm that he escapes to for temporary comfort while on the other hand is the external reality, hardships and worldly successes. You cannot live in your inner world forever. Commit today and henceforth the fantasy world is meaningless to you. I read this somewhere: *"Sometimes people have to injure themselves very badly in order to awaken to what life really is"* - that is sometimes the only solution to life problems. The anxiety and fear never end, you just work through it and claim your life in your hands.

🌼 "If you want to go your individual way, it is the way you make for yourself, which is never prescribed, which you do not know in advance, and which simply comes into being of itself when you put one foot in front of the other. If you always do the next thing that needs to be done, you will go most safely and sure-footedly along the path prescribed by your unconscious. Then it is naturally no help at all to speculate about how you ought to live. And then you know, too, that you cannot know it, but quietly do the next and most necessary thing. So long as you think you don’t yet know what this is, you still have too much money to spend in useless speculation. But if you do with conviction the next and most necessary thing, you are always doing something meaningful and intended by fate." - Carl Jung.

Who takes decision in your life?

🌸 for anyone who resonates

I was met with one question "Who is in control of your life?" People replied "Me"; i thought to myself what was my answer? I never felt like i chose my choices. Sometimes they were wishful thinking that happened to come true. But most of the daydreams did not come true. Hint: No I didnt fall in passionate thrilling romance with a bad boy who only has soft place for me. Not to say that fantasies are useless. Fantasies are psychic processes that tell you a lot about yourself. They are not waste of time either. Fantasies tell you have a creative bone that is urging to express outside. Most of the times fantasies are when we are really bored stressed unsatisfied lonely insecure in life. Fantasies can be a way to quickly satiate unfulfilled desires.

But somewhere fantasies create unrealistic expectations that are almost impossible for the life we currently actually have. And that is a pretty shitty way to live. To be always living in glamour of fantasies, anticipating it and hightened expectations. Not to forget that for every 1 successful person there are 100s of those who do not succeed. "Just try harder", "Good luck next time", "You probably didnt work the right strategy" but the real answer is "I dont know why you did not succeed". I personally dont believe in law of attraction because it did not work for me. So I instead chose to go with the flow of the tao and let fate bring whatever result it wants.

Jeff Bezos once said "When a company comes up with an idea, it's a messy process--There's no 'aha' moment." What it means is that rather than panicking for the final result, try to solve the mess that the process is. As an 8th houser, my life + my parents' life (both 8th housers) have been very unpredictable; just when we thought things were stable something would create ripples and disturb the calm waters. From one extreme to the other, we were all affected by each other's fate and ups downs. Being a child, I would get neurotic thinking "why is my life not carefree like others", "why cant i be stable for one day", "does everyone have such rollercoaster life"? Then I would think "perhaps if we get through this life would calm down", "perhaps this is the last challenge", "just this time then i will enjoy life". Little did I know that 8th house is highly karmic and fated. Same for Saturn/Saturn in 8th house/Pluto placements. When life feels fated, you have no choice but to surrender to the forces. Because the more you consciously push the more life resists your movement. Problems of 8th house are not going to mild, we just learned to be calm in emergency, control our panic, calmly take logical decision and manage our life as much as possible. The lesson for these people was "to choose their emotional reaction".

"However simple an impulse appears to be, every nuance of its particular character, its strength and direction, its course, its timing, its aim, all depend on special psychic conditions, in other words on an attitude. And the attitude consists of a constellation of contents so numerous that they cannot be counted" - Carl Jung. My current life attitude is somewhere between cynicism, hopeful pessimism, taoism and stoicism. A mix of all these work for me. What it means is that instead of obsessing over things not under my conscious control (like result of an exam, behaviour of other people, fate of a relationship), I only focus on things under my control that is effort, reason and mind.

It is not passivity or defeatism. It is a life lesson for people who have faced many misfortunes to be prepared for the future and to make peace with the past.

Self development series: It is almost impossible to know how others perceive you.

For a trauma survivor, social circle can be a tough nut to crack. Whether they are in classroom or with family or on a date or on social media, they are always worrying what others think about them. They would not consciously know but their behaviour shows they are trying to impress others/mould their opinion/desperate for likes dislikes views. What happened in offline world before is now visible on social media clearly. When their self esteem is terribly low, no achievement or external validation is ever enough. They are always unsure of themselves. Even for a non trauma survivor, people's perception is impossible to find out. Some might think that this post and blog are thoughtful or deep, while others might think that I am a complete dumbass and a noise. Even my choice of words, language, tone of writing and your own life stage, experience, perception will affect your judgment - it is that multidimensional how mind works.

While it is important to trust your own perception about the world, it is, at the same time, very hard, or even impossible, to know how others perceive you. You might think in your mind that others look down upon you/think you are boring/think you are ugly/think you are lazy, but do you actually know what they really think of you? A tyrannical parent is someone who controls their children, tells them lies about the world, tells them lies about themselves. "You are not that good", "You could have done better, there is nothing to celebrate", "Yeah, I see you got that degree, you must be too proud now". The parent does not even know they are downright invalidating their child, they just think that they are normal. A low self esteem girl is hungry for male approval. She will put down other women, compete with other women, but live in complete denial of her deep seated insecurity.

I have read through many resources but could not find one legitimate answer for "how to know others' perception of me?" The only answer was "ask them". Well, how would you ask others what they think about you? They might lie. And how many people in the world will you approach? You are barely around 100 people in daily life. You are only left with assumptions about YOURSELF.

Different people have different priority. Scorpios want deep intimate partner so they might think fwb situation is risky and stupid. Gemini want fast intellectual stimulation so they might think that quiet people are boring and uninteresting. Aries are leaderly and dominating so they might think that spiritual ones are lazy and unambitious. How many people will you "prove" yourself to? If your self esteem is low enough, you might as well overcompensate for it by really getting out of your way to flaunt, show off, sneakily post that shiny car in your story.

When we act out of low self esteem, we think that we have actually done something - while we may have just made a fool of ourselves in reality. For example, when I was in school and was the queen of gutter-land-self-esteem, I would be class clown, sarcastic, quick, witty (I am gemini moon). I made others laugh and that gave me massive validation... for 2 minutes. Then I would again wait for the next opportunity to tell jokes and feed on laughter for validation. So on, everyday. Validation seeking at school took so much of my energy that when I came back home I would be exhausted, tired and had mood swings.

If scientists invent a mirror in future that somehow answers "tell me, mirror on the wall, what does xyz think of me?" I think this gadget will break the market. Until then, we just have to live with self development and inner work. Recent example is Andrew Tate. All of us who are self aware would know how insecure this man was. His self improvement talks were just not enough when his complete philosophy was so self destructive. He might appear rich, give confident facial expressions, do podcast by citing biological instincts of men, but we can see how hard he was trying to manipulate other people's opinions about him. This is a case of unevolved person, someone who is unaware and in complete denial.

I can see insecurities in Andrew Tate because I have been there, done that. Same for any other celebrity who appear wise on social front - but are terribly insecure on personal front, when they are alone by themselves.

This underatanding will set you free and give you more time and energy to focus on your inner life. You might as well break the intergenerational cycle. Knowing the limitations of your brain will set you free. I believe that active imagination might help one to see how their character appears to others. You are, after all, collective unconscious, but that would require years of inner work.

Life themes: yours and mine.

🌸For anyone who resonates

I was watching a youtube channel of a woman who posts her life. It reminded me of my teenage years and early 20s years when I was too naive and careless like her. I would make drawings, cards, record songs and really dedicate myself to people I cared for. I would not think consciously of what I was doing and just followed my heart. Somehow when I got at a low point in life, I felt like I was depressed and started living my childhood again. I would tell my childhood stories and venting as a joke but later i realized that it was no jokes it was serious trauma. Then began a long journey of internet research and contemplation on human psychology and mental illnesses. Obviously, now my perspective was changed. I started looking for underlying faces, ulterior motives, signs of manipulation and really take lies seriously.

But somewhere in my heart was a bitterness "why me?" If other women can do the same things as me but flourish, have smooth lives and socialize, then why was I bumping into detours and psychological pain? For eg, some woman can post picture of her award on social media and be proud of it. But if i do it, i would feel intense regret and shame "what if i am imposter?" "I am so entitled and narcissistic" "i am just lucky, my good karma will run out then I will face failures" "There are so many girls who worked harder than me but did not get award" and so on. A cycle of self destructive thoughts and not under my control either.

Later, I read that it was my unconscious telling me I was on the wrong path, one that was not determined for me. What we see in other people's life is not necessarily meant to work for us either. Other people do have softer life paths and imitating them will do you no good, if your life has been darker than average. Life is not black and white, some days are really nice, some memories are really nice but if you think that the downsides outweigh the upaides then it is time to rethink if you are making some mistakes, that is if you are walking the path not meant for you? Simple example, some person can do love marriage all fine, but you keep getting into heart breaks, does this mean you need to go by arranged marriage route? Or, some people can succeed in business all fine but you seem to make losses, does this mean you need to go by job route? Or, some people can eat carbohydrates all fine but you seem to get sick from too much carbs?

I make a list of all the things I did in past and whether they were mistake ❌ or correct ✅? If they worked out correct for me then that is meant for my life theme but if it was mistake for me then I would not do it again. One more thing is to use tarot to ask question and write down cards that come up then in future reflect if this decision was mistake ❌ or correct ✅ for you? Eliminate mistakes and repeat correct decisions. This strategy is same as told in many self help books.

Basically, individual life theme differs between people. You are not living the life I live, although we both are interested in astrology. It might take some practice to figure out life theme but I think it can help some people who are prone to chaotic decisions making.