About That ^

About that ^

My lungs are fucking fine.....

So now it's time for a train

I am going to the doctor tomorrow for a little control after being ill (yes, it was covid) and if she checks my lungs and they will be fine then idk man...I will jump in front of the train to see if I am unbreakable because man I am a smoker

My hobby doesn't feel like a hobby anymore....

It just is an activity I got used to doing

It's not fun anymore

It just is part of my weekly routine

I'm loosing interest in it

I'm loosing it all

Are we even friends ?

I don't expect you to text me everyday but once in a while will be enough

I don't want to be the only one to start the conversation

If I don't start there won't be any

"If I stop texting them first I'll never hear from them again"

And asking me questions to get to know me is so hard ?

Giving me this kind of hope for anything

I don't want that

When I catch myself smiling at your texts I want to bump my head on the wall, to kick something just to get rid of this feeling

I don't want to get too attached (I probably am already)

Take it from me

Do you also feel worthless when other people succeed when you don’t? Is there anything to stop this?

Yeah I do

I feel guilty

I could work harder, do something better but I didn't

They did it instead

When you think about it it's a good opportunity to find motivation....

Like when you see people succeed and you don't you can try to put a goal for yourself "next time I will be better"

It might work

Setting goals for yourself sometimes help us to get grip of ourselves and work harder, work more successful, be even better version of ourselves

This will sound weid but last night I was really close to ending it all and then turned to tumblr and somehow ended up on your blog and for some reason it comforted me and calmed me down a bit. Still in a shitty place but in my head I’m like hey there mutual let’s be miserable together and comfort each other lol

Sorry for the random rant, i just want to say i appreciate you

Thank you for those words, they mean a lot to me and don't be sorry for saying what you want to say...never

You're always welcome here

I don't know what happened last night or what's happening in your life but I want to say that you're strong....not ending it when you wanted ? So strong mind and will

I am proud of you

You got added to my mutuals list ! (It's not long...only one or two people now one more!)

I just relapsed....

Why?

Just because

Because I felt like it

Because I'm a fucking failure

Because I can