I Just Relapsed....

I just relapsed....

Why?

Just because

Because I felt like it

Because I'm a fucking failure

Because I can

About that ^

My lungs are fucking fine.....

So now it's time for a train

I am going to the doctor tomorrow for a little control after being ill (yes, it was covid) and if she checks my lungs and they will be fine then idk man...I will jump in front of the train to see if I am unbreakable because man I am a smoker

Trying again....maybe this time

I am about to have an theoretical driving exam

I am not so stressed what's weird

I hope I pass it easily

Cheer for me

My dude, your parents did not TRAIN YOU, literally all parents get you to do things like come over to them when they call you. That’s a basic biological thing most mammal parents do lmao!! Go outside! Stop whining on the internet and see a therapist!

Therapist is not helping that's why I stopped seeing her

What I meant was that I leave everything and go to the because I am fucking scared that if I don't come something bad will happen to me

And they don't even have to call me....I hear the gate opening or the door and I am downstairs.... without them calling me or so

It's hard....

It's getting harder everyday

Knowing that you're not enough

Knowing that your mental illnesses aren't enough

Knowing that people at my university got it worse

They do

There are people who are half-blind

People with autism

People with worse sh history than mine

I can't

I can't do this anymore

I can't even be good at this

I suck

Today someone said that I am beautiful...

I didn't know what to do

I just blushed and murmured "thank you"

But it doesn't mean I believe her

No

I was just polite

I'm not beautiful

I'm ugly