MK (Part I)

MK (Part I)

As promised, here’s another Mark post to make up for that brief birthday piece that didn’t get to highlight him that much.

I’ll try my best to post a lot of Mark content since it’s his birthday month, so stay tuned. 

Let the GIF below remind you of that. By the way, this is one of my favorite looks on him! Don’t you all agree?

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

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Summary: This piece was inspired by one of the prompts in @neoculturedrabbles​ list: 

Prompt #20: “What did you do this time?”

POV: 2nd person since I wrote this late last year. 

Word count: 749 words

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“Essie noonaaaaa!” It was the first thing you heard from Mark when he called you up late in the afternoon.

You just woke up from your nap and was about to start a relaxing day doing nothing, but the younger guy had to call you after drinking a glass of lukewarm lemon water.

“Yes, Mark? What can I do for you?” Your voice sounded hoarse, and you cleared your throat, so you sound better.

“I need your help, like, right now. Please. I really need you.” You sensed the fear in his voice, and you held onto your comforter tighter.

“What did you do this time?” Your voice could not hide the exasperation you felt at his call.

You should know by now that when he calls you with a whiny voice, he is up to no good.

“I forgot my wallet at home. I’m with Haechan, and you know how he is, he doesn’t bring a wallet when he’s with his hyungs,” you heard a sharp objection from his dongsaeng, “so can you please bring it here? You know how it looks like, right?”

You sighed, remembering his beat-up leather wallet that could’ve belonged to your uncle. “Yes, Mark. I know what your wallet looks like. Because I’m delivering it to wherever you and Donghyuck are eating, you have to treat me.”

It was his turn to sigh now but in defeat. “Okay, Essie noona. I got you. I’m really sorry I had to disturb you…”

“It’s fine, Mark. As long as you treat me to my fave cake and coffee, we’re good.”

The next thing you heard was Haechan laughing diabolically in the background before you hung up.

///

An hour after he called, you were on your way to the restaurant with his wallet. It felt heavy, and you wondered what it contained.

As you opened the door to the restaurant, you saw Haechan waving at you excitedly. You returned his wave in the same manner, making Mark sink deeper into his seat.

“Here you go, Mark Lee,” you said, handing his wallet before sitting down beside him. “Please don’t forget this every time you step out of the house, okay?”

He bowed in apology after getting the wallet, his face almost hitting the floor. “I’m really sorry, Essie noona,” he then looked at the guy across him, “but this one’s nagging me to hurry up a while ago, and I forgot to bring this in return!”

Haechan looked away, whistling a particular tune. You laughed at their interaction before you patted Mark on his shoulder.

“You should already expect that when you’re with him, okay?” You glanced at the blond boy, who gave you his trademark wink-and-hand-check pose.

Mark could only grumble in response, carefully fishing out bills out of his wallet.

///

After he paid for the meal he and Haechan ate, it was your turn to be treated.

You walked alongside the hyperactive boy, who you did a secret handshake with when he stood up from his seat. It took a minute and a lot of hype sounds (e.g., a lot of ‘hey’s’ and ‘get it’), making Mark embarrassed and amused at your thing.

“Hey, how come I don’t have like that with any of you?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at both of you.

“’Cause you’re not cool enough?” Haechan replied in his usual sassy way, eliciting giggles out of you. “And you’re always out, dude. How can we have a special handshake when you’re not here?” You added, planting your hands on your hips.

Your housemate pouted, defeated again with your ‘teamwork.’ “Haechan and I have become close over the past few months too,” you said softly, glancing at the guy beside you who responded with a bashful smile.

“I’m sorry that I’m always out, you know I don’t have much control with my schedule,” Mark mumbled, digging his hands deeper into his pockets. “But anyway, let’s have cake and coffee. My treat.”

You and Haechan exchanged your special high fives and screeched in delight. “Oh yeah! Mark’s treating us!”

“Guys, please. Stop doing that. It’s embarrassing,” your housemate whispered as he walked faster and farther from you.

Haechan, who was taller than you, hooked an arm around your shoulder and walked animatedly beside you. His energy was infectious, and you followed suit, later on singing a Queen song as you trailed the person who was going to treat you to dessert.

–––

FIN

Intoxicated (Part I)

Since I wrote a lot from @neoculturedrabbles​‘ prompt list, I didn’t expect that I’ll come up with pieces that are connected. 

Hence this mini-series – the title should give you an idea of what you’ll be reading. 

Here’s one of Johnny’s iconic music video moments – who wouldn’t like to drink with this man?!

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

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Summary: Aside from what has been mentioned in the introduction, this piece is before Johnny and Essie got together but are already living together as housemates. You know, they’re trying to keep their boundaries as best friends even if they have crushes on each other. 

POV: 3rd person here, peeps. 

Word count: 1,200+ words

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Prompt #8: “Are you stuck?”

“Yes. Help, please.”

Essie arrived at their apartment at quarter to 1 in the morning. She was inebriated after drinking four glasses of craft beer, which had alcohol content above 5% per glass.

As she stumbled into her bedroom after 10 minutes of trying to open their door, she cried in pain when she hit her knee on her bed.

This got Johnny’s attention, who was just browsing the Internet in his room. He took off his earphones (which weren’t noise-canceling) and peeked at Essie’s bedroom to see what happened.

It was convenient that their rooms were across each other, so he could be discreet on checking up on his beloved housemate from time to time.

He saw her sitting on the floor and rubbing her knee absentmindedly. Okay, it looks she has managed herself, he thought before going back to his computer.

A few minutes later, he heard her crying in pain again.

The girl had taken off her boots and jewelry and was about to unravel her hair from the French braid her work seatmate did. However, her hair tie got tangled, and she tugged her hair too hard, making the knot more difficult to take off.

“Ah, the perils of having curly hair!” she bemoaned, one hand still stuck in her hair.

Johnny knocked softly at her door before entering and saw that Essie was whimpering in pain how her hair can be such a pain in the butt.

“Hey, Essie. What’s wrong?” He rushed to her side, one hand rubbing circles on her lower back. “I can’t get this off,” she gestured to her hair tie, “because of my stupid freaking hair.”

“Are you stuck? I mean, your hair tie’s stuck in your hair?” He had to clarify, so he’ll know what to do.

She nodded. “Yes. Help, please,” she whispered, her red and puffy eyes making him soft.

It didn’t take long for Johnny to unravel her braids but then got stuck at the part where her hair got tangled in the hair tie.

“Baby, your hair’s seriously tangled up in it,” he said after careful inspection, “is it okay if I hack it off?”

She nodded again as if she was already used to this outcome. “Sure, I always do that when I get frustrated with things getting stuck in my hair.”

He got a pair of scissors from her desk and painstakingly cut the part that was knotted into her hair tie. As he took off the excess hair from the hair tie, he noticed that she reeked of alcohol.

“Baby, how many did you drink tonight?” She raised four fingers silently. “Well, that’s quite a lot. Were you able to compute the total alcohol by volume of what you drank?”

“Twenty percent,” she mumbled, one hand running through her hair.

“Jesus, Essie! That’s a lot!” He pinched her cheek, which made her yelp in pain for the third time tonight. “I’m sorry! But I needed it! I was thirsty!” She whined, prying off Johnny’s hand on her face.

“Promise me you’re going to drink lots of water and eat healthy for the coming week, okay?” She shook her head and laid down on the bed.

“Aw, come on! You have to,” he pleaded, lying down beside her. “Whatever, dude. Can you get me my makeup remover and some cotton pads?” She croaked, raising her hands in the air as if she can get her items from the ceiling.

He chuckled at her action and did what was told of him. When Essie saw that he got her what she needed, she sat up with her palms open. “Please hand them to me,” she slurred, feeling the aftereffect of the alcohol she consumed once more.

“Nuh-uh,” he whispered, shaking the bottle of her makeup remover and putting some on the cotton pad, “you’re too drunk to even remove your makeup.”

He was the one who dabbed the soaked cotton on her eyelids, and she groaned whenever he applied too much pressure.

“You’re being too harsh, Youngho,” she moaned, trying to get the cotton from his hands. After her fifth attempt to grab it from him, he let her, and she gently patted it on her eye area. “This is how you should do it,” she mumbled.

“I was just trying to help, princess,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes at the supposedly correct way on how to remove eye makeup.

“Thanks anyway, but don’t press it too hard next time.” After a few seconds, she was done and threw the dirty cotton pad on the trash can beside her.

There was a moment of silence – if you count the sound of the air conditioner as noise – between the two before Essie laid down on the bed again.

Johnny did the same and tilted his body to look at her. She was wrecked – her makeup had already faded in patches, her eyes were red and puffy still, and her hair was in careful disarray.

It was a side of her that he didn’t usually see, and deep inside, he appreciated that she was becoming more comfortable showing her vulnerability to him.

It made him fall in love with her more. Not that he will confess to her any time soon, though.

“Stop looking at me,” she broke the silence with her whining, gently pushing him away with her hand. “But you’re so cute,” he cooed, pinching both of her cheeks.

A tickle fight ensued after, with Essie crying in tears at how Johnny knew all her ticklish spots. She was able to make him laugh though by tickling his sides, but he didn’t let her get to another ticklish spot by pinching her cheeks again.

“Stop it!” She cried, gripping his wrist. “Please stop pinching my cheeks. They hurt now.”

He took off his hands on her cheeks and placed them at her back. “Sorry about that, baby. You’re just too cute not to annoy,” he briefly pinched her nose before standing up. “I meant what I said. Remember to hydrate yourself and eat healthy, okay?”

She grunted in response and closed her eyes, processing everything that just happened.

She and Johnny are getting touchier these days, and sometimes, it made her feel things. There was a part of her that wished they were together but knew that it would be impossible.

Eventually, she slept in her work clothes and makeup still on her face. She awoke at eight in the morning, and frantically went to the bathroom to cleanse her face properly.

When she stepped out of her room, he saw Johnny was at the dining table. He looked like a dad scrolling through his phone with one hand while the other held a mug of coffee.

“Hey, Essie baby. Good morning,” he greeted when he saw her approach the table. She gave him a small wave and sat down at the seat beside him where a grande espresso and a chicken fajita roll was waiting for her.

“Got you these,” he said, pushing the food closer to her, “I know you’ve missed it.”

“Yes, I do. Thanks, John,” she said softly, digging into her favorite food from Starbucks with a smile on her face.

She felt so lucky to have a housemate like him and wondered how it would be like if she was his girlfriend.

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FIN

Intoxicated (Part II)

Since delayed gratification is my middle name whenever I have these mini-series, here you go, folks!

I’m so into Johnny being a DJ – I hope he’ll share his remixes on Soundcloud or any similar platform. And in this universe I’ve written, he is one than being the idol that he is now.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)

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Summary: I’m picking up where I left on the first part, with Johnny now as the intoxicated person from a night out. Essie’s quite awkward in this, and it’s amusing to see her as such.

POV: 3rd person here, baby.

Word count: 1,000+ words

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Prompt #7: “I love you.”

“…go back to sleep.”

It was Johnny’s turn to come back home intoxicated. 

Shockingly, Essie was still awake in the wee hours of the morning. After all, the weekend was approaching so she could stay up late doing whatever her heart desired.

Tonight – or should it be today? – she decided to continue writing her greatest novel. It was about a historical time-travel piece, and she was stuck on how to explain the intricacies of time travel, hence staying up late to research about the topic. 

So when she heard Johnny’s heavy footsteps approaching his room, she tiptoed toward her door and opened it slightly. She saw him fumbling for the doorknob, and she was about to help him out. But when he finally opened the door, she stepped away and went back to her bed. 

However, she felt uneasy that he had to stumble to his bedroom. Maybe he drank more than his usual. When they drank, he could finish two bottles of wine and almost two buckets of beer. In short, he has quite the stamina when it comes to drinking. 

A few minutes later, Essie decided to check up on him. She knocked softly on his door before opening it, revealing him still in the outfit he wore earlier. He was in a blazer, shirt, fitted jeans, and black leather shoes. He looked like a young professional who went out drinking after his work hours. He was scrolling through his phone and looked serious while doing so.

“H-hi,” she stammered at his doorway. “Hi Johnny, you okay?”

He slowly turned to look at her and flashed her a small smile. “Hey, Essie. Why are you still up?” He sounded a bit hoarse, probably from his alcohol consumption.

“I-I couldn’t sleep. Anyway, are you okay?” she asked again, more confident this time.

“Well, yeah. I’m fine. My head kind of hurts though,” he grumbled, massaging his temples.

“You had too much to drink?” She gave him a sheepish grin, afraid that he might get angry with her response.

“Yeah, I went more than my usual limit. By just one bottle, though. You were right,” he sat up this time, “Pink Moscato tastes good. We’ll get a bottle of that the next time we grocery shopping.”

Essie noticed how bloated his face looked from drinking, which emphasized the bags under his eyes. 

“Do you want an Advil? Berocca? Or plain water?” She offered, one of her hands planted on his doorknob.

 “A pitcher of water and both of those, please. Thanks, baby,” he whispered before lying down on his bed again.

The girl returned to his room a moment later with a lukewarm pitcher of water and packets of the medicine. She placed them on his bedside table before sitting down beside him on the bed.

“I got your water and medicines as promised, sir,” she said softly, tapping him on his forearm. “Thanks again, baby,” he mouthed. “Come lie down here with me.”

She did what was told, and he moved toward his right so she could lie down comfortably beside him.

“So what and where did you drink, Mr. Suh?”

“You know it’s part of my job, Essie. After playing, the crew gets drinks after. And I had too much wine. I even took some tequila shots. Maybe some vodka too.”

“That’s a lot, man. I’m going to return what you said to me last time I was wasted: rehydrate and eat healthy.”

“But I can do that, not like some people,” he scoffed, glancing at the irritated look Essie now wore. “You didn’t have to call me out, you know,” she grumbled. 

Johnny laughed slightly at her response before rolling over to look at her face-to-face. “I can feel my headache getting worse, baby. Can you get me the water and the Advil?”

The girl poured some water in a glass and handed him the medicine. “I hope you’ll invite me next time you go on a crazy drinking spree,” she suggested playfully.

“That wasn’t even crazy. It was just our usual after-work drinking. But yeah, I’ll drag you along to one of my events if you’re still awake by then.” She nudged him on the ribs, and he sat up to drink water and the Advil capsule.

Afterward, he handed the glass back to her so she could put it on the bedside table. He plopped onto his bed again, his hand trembling against his forehead. He groaned at the sensation he was feeling, making Essie worry about him more.

“Is there anything else I can do to help you?” She asked, concern etched on her face. Before he said anything, he grabbed her hand with his free one and held it tight.

“I want a kiss here,” the hand on his forehead pointed on the space between his eyebrows. “Please?”

She rolled her eyes at his request to cover how flustered she was.

They weren’t together, but they had some questionable moments where people thought that they were a couple.

He liked to kiss the back of her hand, her cheeks, and her forehead when they were in public sometimes. In return, she cuddled with him whenever she felt cold, or when she felt warm and fuzzy inside.

Today was one of those days, but she didn’t let her desire consume her. She pecked the space between his eyebrows and stroked his hair a bit. He closed his eyes as she continued to stroke his hair, sleep slowly creeping into his system.

“I love you,” he mumbled, trying to keep his eyes open so he could see how she would react to his words.

He wasn’t able to make out her face since his eyes felt heavy already. If he only had more energy, then he would’ve seen her flush at his sweet statement.

“…go back to sleep. You’re just sleep talking by now,” she whispered, removing her hand from his hair. “Good morning, my dear Johnny.”

He fell asleep with a smile on his face, his heart full hearing her call him dear.

–––

FIN

Cool Off (Part II)

After the giggles come the tears again, and here is the second and final installment of this brief series. 

Expect a lot of depressing music here too, so if you’re up for those, I hope you’ll like my recommendations. 

Here's a photo of a young Johnny playing in front of the piano as a fitting teaser.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

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Summary: Read Johnny cope with Essie’s short-lived disappearance as he sings the most heartbreaking songs that she loves. 

POV: Keeping it up with 3rd person. 

Word count: 943 words 

Warning: There’s nothing that you haven’t read yet in other stories, but Italics are for thoughts and lyrics. Mostly the latter though, because I went ham with that one. 

Recommended listening: The titles of the songs are mentioned in the story, so I’ll add them at the end of the story for your listening. Feel free to suggest songs of the same caliber – I would appreciate it so much! 

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Since Essie hasn’t returned from her self-imposed exile, Johnny has been on his piano a lot. He usually played depressing hits late at night, probably during times when he couldn’t fall asleep due to the situation. Although Mark hears him play from the comfort of his room, this time he was able to catch his hyung hunched over the keyboard in the living room as he sang his heart out to ‘The Songwriter’ by Father John Misty.

What would it sound like if you were the songwriter

And you made your living off of me?

It was heartbreaking to see Johnny struggle with his performance, whether he was aware that someone was watching him or not. Mark bit his lip as he watched his housemate from a dark corner, crossing his arms repeatedly until he felt comfortable with his position.

Goodbye little songbird, now you’re free

Don’t forget I’m the only fan of yours who has the sense to ever leave you be

How could do this to me?

That last line broke the older guy as he stopped playing and cried for what seemed like an eternity. Mark was glued to his spot, trying not to cry with his hyung.

Never has he seen Johnny so broken over someone, and he wished that Essie would come back soon. However, even if she does come back, it would either be to resume the relationship or cut it off completely. He hoped that it was the former because Johnny will never be the same again.

What would it sound like if you were the songwriter

And loving me was your unsung masterpiece?

The six-footer stood up after finishing the song and returned to his room. It was Mark’s cue to return as well, and he found it hard to sleep after hearing that soul-crushing song.

It got more depressing after that – Johnny sang ‘Without You’ by Tobias Jesso Jr. at three in the morning, which the younger guy remembered was the most straightforward depressing song Essie ever heard. Maybe that’s why he’s playing it, he thought while he lay on his bed.

Why can’t you just love me?

Should I move on or should I wait?

And how’d you get so high above me?

I reach higher every day

But nothing changes

No, it all just stays the same

Mark heard his hyung’s voice break when the chorus came, and he couldn’t help but cover his ears a bit out of secondhand embarrassment and hurt.

I can hardly breathe without you

There is no future I want to see without you

I just don’t know who I would be without you

There is nothing out there for me without you

Without you

Once Johnny was done playing, his crying was the next sound that permeated the whole apartment.

The last song that Mark heard from his hyung before Essie returned was ‘The Ultracheese’ by the Arctic Monkeys, which he knew the couple adored. The band was one of the things that brought them closer, and it was during their concert that Johnny realized he was in love with Essie.

The song was not as depressing as the previous ones, but it still sounded painful as the older guy sang with all his hurt.  

Still got pictures of friends on the wall

I suppose we aren’t really friends anymore

Maybe I shouldn’t ever have called that thing friendly at all

This time, Johnny was able to compose himself and not let his emotions get to the best of his singing. Mark closed his eyes to savor his hyung’s rendition since it was not always he heard him cover a song like this.

Oh, the dawn won’t stop weighing a tonne

I’ve done some things that I shouldn’t have done

But I haven’t stopped loving you once

The croon at the end made the song more melancholic than it is, and the sole audience made his presence known by clapping loudly.

Johnny whipped his head to look at Mark, who was silently crying as he continued to clap. “That was amazing, hyung,” he said, slowly approaching the performer.

“Thanks, dude,” Johnny whispered, looking away from the younger guy. “I miss her so much. I wish she’ll come back now.”

“She will. You’ve just got to be patient.”

“It’s been almost two months, Mark Lee. I’m worried that she has moved on with another person. She should let me know if we’re going to continue this or not, you know?”

Johnny’s voice was starting to break again, and Mark went to his side to comfort him.

“I’m sure she will. Maybe she’ll be back tonight. I can feel it.”

His words proved to be true as the girl returned a bit past after midnight, reeking of cigarette smoke.

Mark was speechless as she popped into his room first and asked him what had happened since then.

“Noona, I’m happy you’re back and all, but please don’t cause any more trouble to your relationship with Johnny hyung by talking to me first,” he said, hoping that his honesty will not be taken against him.

“I’m sorry, Marky. But I wanted to return with a surprise. Is he asleep now?”

He took a deep breath first before responding. “Please, noona. You can surprise him now if you want. I’m sure he would be happier if he was the person you talked to.”

“Sheesh, no need to be grumpy with me, Mark,” she chuckled. “And I’m sorry again for this. Okay then, I might as well surprise him now. Thank you.” With that, she went to Johnny’s room, and they made up for lost time with tears and snuggles.

–––

FIN

Soul-searching (Part II)

Sometimes, we need to commit mistakes to learn from them. It may sound horrible, but deep inside, you know it’s not far from the truth. 

Anyway, this wraps up Essie’s so-called journey before she reconciled with Johnny. If you’ve been a loyal reader since day one and know which story it’s connected to, please give me a holler?  

Since Oh Sehun from EXO co-stars in this piece, here’s a dreamy GIF of him. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: This picks up from the last installment, but with a few days’ interval. Essie, who felt hurt, depressed, and lost after her encounter with Kun, ends up drinking with Oh Sehun in a bar. Before you know it, the story has become one of those cliches. In short, another brain fart from yours truly. 

POV: Shockingly, I wrote a 1st person POV! Do you think I should keep it up?

Word count: 1,200 + words

–––

“You know, if things were different, we could’ve dated.”

I almost spat the beer I was drinking when Sehun that. “Dude, please. Be serious.”

“But I am,” I heard him shuffling closer to me, “and I know what I’m saying doesn’t help your situation either.”

“Well, maybe you’re drunk than you’ve let on,” I whispered, examining the bottle I was holding. Its amber color was intoxicating, even if I have already held it a hundred of times.

“Babe, I’m far from drunk,” he scoffed, “haven’t you heard that when you’re drunk, you’re more likely to tell what’s on your mind than when you’re sober?”

I looked at him briefly, and he grinned like the cheeky bastard that he is. “It’s true. Youngho knows that I like you, but he told me not to pursue you. As a friend, I respected that.”

I was shocked with the information I heard – Johnny told Oh Sehun not to take his chance with me, which makes me cringe at the mere thought of it.

I have to admit that I found him handsome when I first met him. He had that mysterious charm around him, but the more he stayed with us, the more I found him cocky and annoying. That put me off with him completely, and I forgot that I even liked him in the first place.

Now that I ended up at this bar with him, I don’t know what to feel or say for now. I got another bottle of beer from the bucket we ordered and drank silently as I looked out into the night sky.

“What’s on your mind, princess?” Sehun broke the silence, and I felt him close the small space between us. I could feel his body heat as well as his sweat.

“I wonder why I end up in these kinds of situations,” I glanced at him and saw that he was also looking at the dark cityscape.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I ruin relationships, I guess? I broke Youngho’s heart because I had an affair with Yoon Oh, and I lead on Kun,” I took another swig of beer before searching my bag for another pack of cigarettes.

“Here,” Sehun gave me his stick that had already burned halfway. I did not hesitate to put it in my lips and took a long drag. I felt so awful right now, and I know that having drinks with him wasn’t helping at all.

But he was drinking alone at this bar that I’ve always wanted to go to, and now I ended up in a private area at the rooftop with him. Fortunately, we could smoke here as much as we could, and he wouldn’t make me feel guilty if I finish a pack or two.

“Wow, that’s quite a record,” he said after he was halfway through a new stick, “but things happen for a reason. Maybe they ought to teach you a lesson or two for breaking other people’s hearts. Or maybe it’s karma? Did you do something horrible before?” He snickered before putting out the cigarette on the ashtray.

“I don’t know anymore, seriously. But you know,” I leaned back on the couch, holding the beer bottle closer to my chest, “based on what you told me earlier, we could’ve dated in a situation like this.”

The alcohol is doing its job on ruining myself more; the sober side of me thought after this was all over.

“Hm? Tell me more,” Sehun mimicked my actions, and he gave me a dopey smile this time.

“I could be drinking with a couple of friends, and you’ll be on the other table. We’d catch each other looking, and we’ll be giggling messes because we’ve drunk quite a bit. Later on, we’d make excuses to get to know each other by going to the bathroom, and before we know it–––”

He never let me finish the story because he had already kissed me.

He tasted like memories of a careless past – a bittersweet mixture of alcohol, cigarettes, and his personal taste. I am reminded of the times I used to kiss boys back in college during parties and then kick their nuts when they wanted to have sex with me when I didn’t want to.

I had the urge to pull him away, but I couldn’t. He had already pinned my arms on the sofa, and his kisses became more ravenous.

When we almost lost our breaths to that intense kiss, he broke away but still held my wrists.

“That story of yours could’ve been us, really,” he said, still panting, “but now we got to the part that can happen but won’t ever get repeated.”

“Sehun, please,” I cried, “Don’t make things worse. I’m begging you.” My whole face felt warm, probably because of the alcohol and shame I was feeling. Even the tears that I cried felt like it was going to burn my face.

He let go of my wrists and resumed drinking. He didn’t say anything when he finished another bottle and took out another cigarette. All of that, I observed while I cried silently.

“I’m sorry, Essie. I admit I know what I’m doing, but rest assured, it would be the last time I’ll do that. So please,” he looked at me with teary eyes, “do the right thing and fix everything with Youngho before it’s too late.”

A few minutes later, we were at the sidewalk waiting for a cab.

“I would suggest that you return in a prettier state, not like the hot mess that you are now,” he chuckled, eyeing me from head to toe. I rolled my eyes at him and shoved my hands deeper into my coat’s pockets. “I can freshen up inside the car, dude. No need to worry about me.”

When Sehun finally hailed an empty cab, he pulled me into a half-hug and patted my shoulder. “Remember, do the right thing,” he whispered.

I nodded as I stepped inside the cab. We waved at each other once I was inside, and I burst into tears again when he was out of sight.

///

I did my best to compose myself before returning to the apartment I shared with my boyfriend and our common friend. I wiped away the damage my tears have done to my makeup and retouched. I took a couple of mint candies and spritzed some perfume on my pulse points.

What took most of my time inside the cab was that I prayed for things to better, for me to be more responsible for my actions and to be more understanding of how other people feel.

I prayed for a lot of things that would help me become a better partner because I know that Johnny Suh is the one for me.

I’ve done a lot of questionable things over the past few months, but my heart knows that it is with Johnny that I find true peace and contentment.

To those I have hurt, I deeply apologize for what I’ve done. I can’t claim that I never meant to break your hearts, but as sad as it sounds, what happened was part of a learning process for us.

Maybe we’re meant to burn our bridges, or maybe we can still be friends without falling for each other.

I took a deep breath when I was in front of our apartment. I noticed that the lights were off – it was already three in the morning – but that didn’t stop me from going back to where my heart has always belonged.

I’m back, my love.

–––

FIN

Where was I?

Yeah, where did I go for almost a month? Nowhere – I’m still stuck at home given the situation where I’m at is getting worse each day. 

I know I haven’t posted for a while, but I had to take care of some things in my personal life. I was not in a good place during the time of my last post, and things got worse too on my end. I had to step back, take a breather, and reflect on why I’m feeling this and doing that. 

Now that I’m in a better place – well, sort of – I will resume this blog’s regular programming. There might be times that I might not post for a week, but it won’t take as long unless I say so. 

You never know what might happen in life, right? That’s why please take care of yourself always and ask for help when you need it. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :)