Mercurialmink - Secrets I Keep

I don't hate you.

I'm angry, I'm sad, and I feel betrayed. But I don't wish you any harm.

I wish for your healing.

“The best kind of people are the ones who come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people who believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people who love you, simply for being you.”

— Unknown

Just a Look

I saw you on Monday, and you saw me, too. This time, I was brave enough to look at you directly. I glanced at you first, hoping that you didn't see me looking. I'm not sure if you did.

I was secretly (not-so-secretly) hoping you were watching me that day, despite the fact that the thought of you watching me stopped my breathing.

As I walked to the exit, it felt like time slowed down. I was brave! I was brave, and I looked at you. And, to my surprise, you looked back. Maybe it was for a few seconds. Maybe it was a split second--I'm not sure. But I didn't expect it, so after a moment I turned away and apparently tried to play it cool by flipping my hair. I didn't even think, it just happened. I felt shy.

I feel like a chump admitting this, but that momentary eye-contact made my day. I feel like even more of a chump also admitting that I hope one day you'll talk to me again.

One day

I'll listen to music and not think of you.

I'll pass you in the hall without feeling my stomach drop

I'll see your first name without automatically thinking of you,

and I'll look around a room full of people without searching for you.

I was just a means to an end--to support your oh-so-fragile head.