Unrequited Feelings - Tumblr Posts
please, i am begging to understand … what is the meaning to truly love someone? when i feel as though i’ve come to an understanding the idea of it quickly unravels.
Next to you - p.js
Blaring music, sweaty bodies, and alcohol: a summary of the usual clubbing experience. Although I never was a regular club-goer, I had to admit it hit the spot sometimes, especially as a stressed second-year university student who needed a bit of release every once in a while. And after a strenuous week packed with midterms, a night out was exactly what my body craved.
"I don't know if I can survive another week of midterms..." Rei mumbled as we were waiting in line to enter the club. Rolling my eyes, I turned to her and gently gripped her shoulders.
"Rei, right now I need you to focus on the fact that we're about to get absolutely plastered. You can worry about the future tomorrow" My words managed to coax a smile out of her, and I shot her a grin in response. Rei, my best friend since we had met back in our freshman year of high school. Her sweet demeanor and fierce loyalty were apparent from the first time we met, despite her shyness, and I immediately knew I wanted to pursue a friendship with her. Now, five years later, we were inseparable despite attending different colleges. She was an art major at Iwha University while I studied law at Seoul University.
"Wony's already inside with Yujin, and Hanni should be on her way here with Yunjin" my friend reminded me, and I nodded absentmindedly while scanning the clubs' queue for familiar faces.
"Also Heeseung will be there with his friends" My eyes immediately shifted toward Rei as she smiled slyly.
"You're kidding" She shook her head and pulled out her phone to show me that Heeseung had posted a story on Instagram just a couple minutes ago at the establishment we were about to enter. I squealed and hugged Rei.
"Oh my god!" I exclaimed excitedly. You see, Heeseung had been my campus crush for about two years now. He was majoring in Business Administration along with our friend Yunjin, so I was able to meet him through her. His perfect smile and round eyes pulled me in from the moment we met and I had been smitten ever since. Although we texted every now and then, we were merely acquaintances, and I had been wanting to get closer to him for quite a while.
Once we got past the bouncers and left our coats in the cloakroom, the nervousness started to be replaced with excitement.
"Do you think I should shoot my shot?" I asked Rei.
"Absolutely! You've been infatuated with him for months, it's about time" She nodded encouragingly, and I bit my lower lip considering it.
"Let's just see how the night evolves, but first we need to find our friends"
We eventually located Wonyoung and Yujin having a drink by the bar. They greeted us with a warm hug and we wasted no time in heading to the dance floor. Soon after, Hanni and Yunjin joined us, blaming their tardiness on everyone but themselves.
At some point during the night, we bumped into Heeseungs' group and got to mingling. There were four of them in total, but I only really knew Heesung and Jay. I had met the latter a few months back at one of Yunjin's gigs, where they both performed with electric guitars. Even though his sharp eyes and defined jaw made him appear intimidating, he was extremely kind and polite once you engaged in a conversation with him. After that, I didn't expect to see him again, but he actually attended the same university as me, so we occasionally ran into each other around campus.
While both groups got to talking, I managed to sneak a couple of glances at Heeseung. Tonight he had combed back his dark hair thus exposing his forehead, making him seem even more handsome than usual. Then again, it may have been the alcohol talking. As distracted as I was, I failed to notice Jay walking in my direction.
"Hey Y/N!" I jumped slightly as my eyes met the young man's.
"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you" he chuckled while scratching his neck. I quickly shook my head.
"Don't apologize! I was just, somewhere else, I guess" I smiled apologetically, trying to diffuse the awkwardness of the situation. Jay nodded and looked over his shoulder.
"This place is packed tonight, huh?" he mentioned.
"Yep, and there are too many freshmen" I complained.
"I mean, we were all freshmen once" Jay replied, stifling a laugh. As I opened my mouth to voice my very strong opinion on this year's freshmen, I was met with a sight that made my throat go dry.
A few feet behind Jay, Heeseung was busy with his tongue down another girl's throat. Suddenly, my face felt very hot, and an all too familiar knot formed in my stomach. As much as I wanted to look away from the scene, my eyes were glued to their figures. Jay noticed the abrupt change in my demeanor and turned around, following my eyes. Judging from the pitiful glance he spared me, he had understood the situation all too quickly. Thankfully, Wonyoung stepped in and pulled me away, sitting me down on a stool next to the bar counter.
"I'm taking you home" my worried friend insisted, but I shook my head profusely. I flashed her the brightest smile I could muster
"No way, Wony! I don't plan on ruining your night just because I got my feelings hurt. Besides..." I leaned forward to whisper in her ear.
"Didn't you have something planned for tonight?" Wonyoung turned beet red, stealing a quick glance at Yujin.
"That's not important! I can talk to her another ti-"
"That's what you always say! Seriously, if I don't hear an update from you tomorrow, I'm telling her myself" At this, she chuckled, but she still seemed hesitant to leave me alone, so I flashed her the brightest smile I could muster.
"Seriously, I'm fine Wony, I just want to go home, is all" This was enough to convince my friend, and we parted ways with a warm hug.
The cold air hit my face the moment I stepped out of the club. I tightened my fluffy scarf around my neck and began making my way towards my apartment. Thankfully, I only lived a few minutes on foot from the establishment, so I didn't have to rely on public transport.
I had only been walking for barely a minute when I heard someone calling my name.
"Y/N! Wait up!" I turned around, confused as to who it could be, and to my dismay, it was none other than Jay, who had seen the whole ordeal.
"Wonyoung told me you were heading out, and I wanted to walk you home" he smiled once he caught up with me, coaxing a shy grin out of me. He had always been a gentleman.
"Don't worry about me, I live super close!" I tried explaining, but Jay brushed me off. I sighed and just as I was about to begin small talk, the man spoke up.
"Are you okay?" I looked up at him, surprised to find his worry-filled eyes boring into mine. I quickly nodded, trying to seem as non-chalant as I possibly could.
"It just surprised me, is all! I thought he was single" I managed to utter out in an attempt to justify my strange reaction.
"He is single though" Jay noted. Maybe that should have made me feel better, but to be frank, it did exactly the opposite of that. It essentially confirmed the fact that he probably would have made a move on me if he were interested in me. And since he had never done so, not even once, it was safe to assume that he wasn't into me.
"Y/N?" Jay's voice snapped me out of my thoughts with a start, and I smiled apologetically.
"Sorry, I'm really tired, I can barely function" I wasn't sure that he would buy such a lame excuse, but he simply nodded and proceeded to swiftly change the subject. At some point, he insisted on carrying the extra bag I had brought, which had a couple of spare sweaters in it. I always make sure to bring spare outerwear to outings with friends in case any of them get cold.
After a couple of minutes, we were standing in front of my flat's door. I turned around and thanked Jay profusely for accompanying me.
"You don't need to thank me for being a decent human being. I couldn't let you walk home alone at this hour" he firmly stated with a wide smile plastered on his face. I smiled back at him and entered my apartment. The moment I closed the door, I curled into a ball on the floor. The image of Heeseung kissing that girl was burned into my mind, and all I could do was pity myself for not being the type of girl he liked.
Realistically, it was ridiculous to cry over a man I hadn't even dated. Nevertheless, over the past year, I had developed strong feelings for him. It seemed as though they were unrequited in the end.
Tears streamed down my face as I reminisced about a relationship that never happened, and soon, I was sobbing uncontrollably.
"Wh-why am I never the first choice?" I wept aloud, leaning against my front door.
Jay's POV:
"Shit, I forgot to give this back to her"
It was only when he had already arrived at his apartment that Jay realized he had forgotten to hand Y/N her bag back. He sighed exasperatedly and quickly made his way back to the young woman's flat. Thankfully they lived in the same apartment complex, so in less than a minute, he had arrived.
As Jay was about to ring the doorbell, he heard faint sobs coming from behind the door. He hesitated for a second, thinking he might have gotten the apartment wrong, but his doubts were quickly dismissed when he heard Y/N's shaky voice speak.
What he heard made him frown deeply, and he decided he would return the sweaters at a better time. As Jay walked back to his own apartment, he quietly whispered: "You are... you always have been"
"Somewhere deep amidst the ocean of chaos, our love is lying dead on the seabed. Like the keys those lovers hurl in The Seine after locking their hearts"
~ mashriqiyyah
┄ WISH YOU WERE SOBER
➳ Ejiro Kirishima x f!reader
𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
— content warnings: one-sided pining, unrequited feelings, alcohol
— word count: 1.1k
Inspired by: Wish You Were Sober by Conan Gray
Kirishima knew that he would get hurt in the end. He saw how you looked at Bakugou whenever he was in the room, your eyes full of adoration and love. But he couldn't help how his heart skipped a beat whenever you spoke to him.
So here he was, at a table with everyone from class 1-A for a reunion dinner planned months in advance. He sat next to Bakugou, who was seated across from you, only making it easier for you to keep your eyes on him.
As the waiter walked past Y/N raised her hand to gain the waiter's attention, "Hi, can I get a glass of chardonnay?" A polite smiled played on your lips.
The waiter gave your a curt nod before walking into the kitchen.
After that your eyes went right back to Bakugou, they were always on Bakugou.
Kirishima's heart ached at the thought of knowing that you'll never be his. That your heart will always belong to Bakugou.
That he will only ever be a side character in your love story with Bakugou.
Glass after glass your senses were becoming duller, and it seemed to become harder to control your own body.
"Hey, hey we should hangout at my house." You blurted out. And even though the words were directed towards everyone, his heart skipped another beat.
"I don't think I can, I have early watch tomorrow." Mina spoke out, most of the others couldn't either due to prior plans, or work.
"I don't think I'll be able to either, but we can plan something later?" Bakugou spoke up.
Kirishima didn't miss the dejected look in your eyes, nor the way they sparkled when he practically asked you out.
"Yeah, that's be great." A kind smiled tugged at the corners of your lips.
Kirishima made sure he kept a smile on his face even though he felt liked he wanted to cry. It wasn't fair, he had feelings for you before Bakugou even knew you existed.
He was always there for you.
But as always, he once again came in second to the fiery blonde.
"Also, Y/N do you need a ride? You shouldn't be driving right now." Bakugou offered.
"Oh, I can take her. I know she lives a little far from you and her house is only 5 minutes from mine."
There was a silence between the three of you before Bakugou spoke up, "Yeah. Thanks Kirishima." Bakugou patted Kirishima on the shoulder, his eyes were locked with the redhead's giving him a silent warning before removing his hand.
Mine
"I'll see you later Y/N." You pulled him into a hug, missing the smile on Kirishima's face fall for a moment.
"Well we should get going."
You gave a lop-sided smile, along with a loopy nod before starting to walk towards the door, Kirishima close behind leaving Bakugou behind.
The parking lot was empty, not a surprise though considering how late it was. 11:24pm
It didn't take either of you long to find his car, a bright red land Rover parked in the middle of the deserted lot. The keys jingled in his hand as he pressed the unlock button of the key fob.
You both climbed into your respective seats. You, the passenger, and he the driver.
Once you were both buckled he pressed the start button next to the steering wheel, he wasn't even able to put the car in drive before you called his name.
"Hey... Kiri.."You voice was small, barely audible.
"Yeah, what's up? You okay Y/N?"
He sat in silence, butterflies in his stomach as he waited for you to finish what you were saying.
You looked towards him, your E/C eyes were sparkling in the moonlight, leaving the redhead speechless.
And you leaned towards him, tilting your head to the side until your lips finally met.
Kirishima's heart was doing flips, had you really chose him? Was he wrong the whole time? Did you actually like him instead of-
"Bakugou~" You moaned into the kiss.
His heart shattered right then and there.
It wasn't him, of course. It never was, nor was it ever going to be.
Once again you had gotten his hopes up, and brought them down. But this time it stung, because you didn't want to kiss him, you wanted to kiss Bakugou.
He pulled away from you, a deep ache in his heart.
'Real sweet but I wish you were sober' He thought as he put the car in drive, knowing that once you wake up tomorrow you won't even be able to remember the kiss.
copyright 2021 heizenka, all rights reserved. I do not allow my creations to be published of translated anywhere else so please do not repost.
My friends: You and (crush name) would look so cute together!
My crush: Nah... we’re just friends
Me (crying from the inside): Y-yeah your right.
My friends( looking at me): You good fam?
Me: :’)
lol isn't it annoying when you care for someone yet they just chose someone else
I couldn't even sleep without thinking of her once... like he doesn't even ask you how you are doing if you are alright if u need help... it was all me ... me. So why do you choose someone else.... why I am always here yet you still choose someone else?!
I couldn't even sleep without thinking of her once... like he doesn't even ask you how you are doing if you are alright if u need help... it was all me ... me. So why do you choose someone else.... why I am always here yet you still choose someone else?!
you know its even worse when she baits me like that like no one tells you that they r gonna tell u ily till u say it back like isn't that just an open invite... she plays on thin ice but doesn't save me when i fall...
and yet u fall for some random ass guy u don't even tell me about... and I'm supposed to tell you everything that happens in my life?.... is this what one calls double standards?
you know its even worse when she baits me like that like no one tells you that they r gonna tell u ily till u say it back like isn't that just an open invite... she plays on thin ice but doesn't save me when i fall...
and yet u fall for some random ass guy u don't even tell me about... and I'm supposed to tell you everything that happens in my life?.... is this what one calls double standards?
She's being so nice sigh it makes my heart hurt to hate that she loves someone else is it so bad to want you for myself is it so bad... now she is all excited and like texting me about going out... I think to her it's just going to be hanging out with just a friend... but it's so precious to me I'd do anything for it to happen...
She's being so nice sigh it makes my heart hurt to hate that she loves someone else is it so bad to want you for myself is it so bad... now she is all excited and like texting me about going out... I think to her it's just going to be hanging out with just a friend... but it's so precious to me I'd do anything for it to happen...
she keeps calling him cute then when I tell her to get closer to him she says she is satisfied with just being a friend? lol that's bull shit but then again I'm in no position to say anything am I?... i want to see her smile yet i don't want to see her and this ... guy with her... arugh.
I feel so friend-zoned why am I even encouraging her to go out with some anti-social dude... like I'm the one hanging out with you listening to u accepting u praising u I have always been by your damn side so why... why do u go for someone else... and the worst part is you know that he doesn't even think of you like that... to the point where you even automatically feel the need to study harder just to be one his level?....
I feel so friend-zoned why am I even encouraging her to go out with some anti-social dude... like I'm the one hanging out with you listening to u accepting u praising u I have always been by your damn side so why... why do u go for someone else... and the worst part is you know that he doesn't even think of you like that... to the point where you even automatically feel the need to study harder just to be one his level?....
lol imagine spending almost more than 5 hours with that one person for them to just go You're so nice... and then proceed to talk about her crush ... bruh
Rejection at it's finest
Why is love called love, when it's actually pain in disguise-
With much forgiveness, anyone can go from foe to friend.
Frustrated tears cooled the warm face of the young girl seated by herself outside in the warm summer afternoon. No matter what, this day felt especially bad and her thoughts wouldn’t stop for anything no matter what she did to halt them.
However, the world would have it where she could have no privacy and was soon approached by someone else.
“Cassie?”
She rubbed her face quickly and turned to look at the voice that called her. “Jessica? Why are you here?”
Her eyes looked off. “You’re annoying ass brother wouldn’t leave me alone. He didn’t know where you were so I… figured you’d be here.”
Cassie’s head shook. “How did you know I would be here?”
“Because, dummy, this is where you and… him would hang out isn’t it?”
Thankful she hadn’t mentioned the name, Cassie still felt a twinge in her chest and turned her head away. “I guess so…”
The pair remained in a stiff silence and Jessica made no effort to say anything. Cassie didn’t move and remained sitting on the ground with her knees pulled up to her face. Eventually, Jessica sat down beside her and let out a sigh.
“Can I ask, why you’re out here?”
Cassie just shrugged. “I wanted to be alone.”
“Because?”
“Just because.”
Jessica rolled her eyes knowing they weren’t going to get anywhere. She didn’t know if things were right for her to say considering their relationship up to this point, but she felt a bit like she could say one thing.
Now, it was a matter of if she wanted to say it or not.
Jessica sat on that thought for a while and eventually Cassie shifted to stand up.
“I’m sorry Ren bothered you. I think I’m just gonna head home now.”
Jessica said nothing as Cassie started to walked off. She didn’t get very far before Jessica got to her feet as well and caught Cassie by her arm.
“Hey just… you don’t have to leave.”
Cassie didn’t look back.
“Just, let me say something okay?” Jessica’s grip only tightened and soon she let out a slight groan before speaking. “Were you crying over Aki?” Feeling her arm tense, Jessica assumed she was right.
“I wasn’t crying,” Cassie said with her head turned away.
“Come on already, I know you were crying and I know it had to be because of him.”
Cassie continued to shake her head and she started to yank her arm trying to break away from Jessica.
“Look, I miss him too, and it wasn’t like I had any reason to; but you can’t sit here and cry about him. It’s over and time to move on.”
More violently this time, Cassie pulled her arm and used her free hand to pull as well. “Let go of me!”
“No, just… if you don’t have anyone to talk to, then you can talk to me.”
“No, I can’t.”
“Why can’t you? What’s the issue with just telling me something I already know?”
Cassie, with a frustrated tone, said, “because you’ve always acted like you know everything! Even when you would bully me because of some boy.” Jessica’s grip loosened and Cassie was able to pull her arm back to her side.
Trying to ignore the first part, Jessica moved on. “So, he was just some boy to you?”
Cassie sighed. “No, he wasn’t just some boy and you fucking know that.” Cassie ran a hand through her hair. “I just used to think it was so ridiculous that you were actually bullying me because of a crush you had on a guy who was dating someone else.”
Jessica wrapped her arms around her waist. “Yeah, I know it was stupid.” She paused. “But, you can’t blame me. I had no other choice, especially when… I had no chance.”
“So you were aware Aki would never like you, yet you still bullied me to no end?” Cassie scoffed. “I’m not sure how I should feel about that. This whole conversation is making me feel that way."
Jessica kept her eyes away from Cassie’s figure and as the silence fell over them, she could only hear her thoughts trying to answer that exact question. Eventually, Jessica managed to find some words and looked back at Cassie who was scowling at this point.
“I know I should say something like sorry to you, but that would be a lie. I don’t feel sorry for what happened, I feel like I should make it up to you instead.”
“Huh?”
“Like, I know what I did to you. Saying sorry isn’t going to make up for the years I made fun of you, the rumors I spread about you, or even the spiteful things I did to break up you and Aki. So, I feel like maybe I should make it up instead of saying sorry.”
Cassie stared at the girl in front of her. Without very many words, Cassie felt a little off about what she was saying. Not because she didn’t want to hear it, but because it didn’t make sense where this was coming from.
Crossing her arms over her chest, Cassie said, “why would you even want to do that? Why not just leave me be?”
Jessica let out a small breath. “Because, I think you and me are the only two people in the world who knows how the other feels.”
“I’m… not getting it.”
“Come on, you and I are both too smart to play dumb here. You were crying, no matter if you say otherwise or not, and I know exactly how you feel because I also liked Aki.”
Cassie bit her lip listening to Jessica’s words. “Even if that was true, what happened between me and Aki isn’t something I’ll remember forever. I’ll move on because no one cares about just a stupid relationship anyways.”
“I know you don’t feel that way. I don’t know what kind of shit you went through to think that no one would care, but only an asshole would say that to your face.” Jessica paused. “Someone who really cared about you would feel every little sliver of pain you feel no matter how dumb you think it is.”
That seemed to strike a cord in Cassie and her breath caught in her throat. “Wha-what are you saying that for?”
“Because Aki is an extremely nice person who—believe it or not—comforted me as well. I know he said those things to you because he used to say them to me. The only difference being that he was just sympathetic to me.” Jessica’s head dropped. “I can admit now that, yes, I was jealous of what you and him had. So, to see that you lost what I was trying so desperately to get… I know how you’re feeling, Cassie.”
“Like I haven’t heard that a million times. Listen, I don’t need any comforting. Like I said, I’ll move on eventually.”
“And I’m sure you will, but I need you to understand that you don’t have to be by yourself right now. I told you—I know exactly what you’re feeling.” Jessica’s head came up and there, Cassie saw something she never thought she would.
Streaming down her face, were tears that appeared just as cooling as Cassie’s did. Jessica started to choke over her words, but she spoke through it. Through her sobs and coughs, she managed to keep talking.
“I know it hurts… I know you feel like Aki was the only good thing to ever happen to you… I know you want to hug him again, you just want him to tell you everything will be alright.” Her hands went to her face. “Because he always made it seem like things really would be okay.”
Hearing that and seeing Jessica’s strong outburst, Cassie felt the tears she tried to hide come back. Her head dropped into her hands and once again, she started to cry. Jessica moved closer to Cassie and grabbed her, pulling her into a tight embrace. The girls held each other as if letting go would kill them and, in this moment, it felt like it would.
It felt like their hearts were both hurting and this hug was the beginning to mending them. Their hearts that fought for so long to maintain an image that hurt them more than protected them was starting to melt away. This embrace felt like something they both had been missing in the months their hearts were given back to them.
Jessica managed to calm herself and leaned over to see Cassie’s face. She was still crying, but was obviously holding it back by her frame shaking in Jessica’s grasp. Thinking not to bring it up, Jessica spoke about something else instead.
“By the way, Ren didn’t tell me you were here.”
“H-he didn’t?”
“No. I got worried about you when you left school today. I figured something might have been bothering you since you never really opened up about it.” Jessica paused and allowed the quiet to wash over them. “So, are you really okay?”
For a while, Cassie didn’t say anything or even move. Eventually, she said, “no…” Her voice was broken.
“Is there anything that’d help?”
Cassie shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never had to deal with something like this before.” Her voice was becoming shallow.
“Okay, that’s fine.” Jessica paused. “I wouldn’t know what to do either, but how about we take it slow? You can talk to me if you want and if not, we’ll spend the summer doing whatever you want.”
Cassie said nothing to this, but it was obvious she was grateful as her shaking calmed significantly. She then gave a slow nod.
“Okay…”
Jessica felt relieved at those words. “Alright, but I really think you should at least let your brother know about this. He can be with you much more than I can.”
Cassie barely got out any of her words, but she finally mustered out a whisper of, “thank you…”
Jessica smiled. “You’re welcome.”
I fought the Universe to avoid you,
But the Universe laughed
And pummeled me to the ground.
When I stood up,
You were standing there.
I was so afraid of you, then.
Until you spoke.
Fear turned to calm.
Calm to warmth.
Warmth to excitement.
Excitement to
Heartbreak.
And you were gone.