I Don't Hate You.

I don't hate you.

I'm angry, I'm sad, and I feel betrayed. But I don't wish you any harm.

I wish for your healing.

Today is the last day I'm allowing myself to cry about you.

You said you liked me, and I liked you, too.

It was refreshing to move slowly--to not rush into things. To ease into the physical affection and the romance.

Slow was what I needed.

The last person I dated SA'd me on our second date and acted like it was nothing. It was oh so familiar. My body remembers how to freeze like it always does.

You didn't do any of that, and I was so glad.

I know it's selfish to say this, but I wish I had more time with you. I wish that your feelings didn't change so swiftly.

I won't chase after you, though. I respect your decision.

Thank you for being kind to me.

Seeing you used to make me feel warm.

But today, the thought of seeing you sent me into a dysregulated panic. I trembled uncontrollably and felt like I was going to pass out or throw up.

I don't feel safe around you anymore.

“I have learned that when sadness comes to visit me, all I can do is say “I see you.” I spend some time with it, get up, and say goodbye. I don’t push it away. I own it. And because I own it, I let it go.”

— Carolina Zacaria