Tonight I Saw A Really Neat Bird (a Juvenile Yellow-crowned Night-heron), And I Thought Of You. I Was

Tonight I saw a really neat bird (a juvenile yellow-crowned night-heron), and I thought of you. I was super excited about it and got an awesome photo. I wish I had someone to share it with (someone who'd be equally as excited to see it).

One day, I'll find my person, and we'll be excited about all the little things together.

It feels like life is always leaving me behind.

All my friends are with their lifetime partners. Some are family planning with their spouses.

And here I am, still searching for my person.

I am NOT your manic pixie dream girl.

I am SO fucking tired of people seeing me as their very own quirky, cute, manic pixie dream girl. Guess what--I'm a flawed human being with good days and bad days like everyone else.

At least the immature people weed themselves out by running away as soon as their fantasy version of me is shattered when they, inevitably, realize that I don't fit the unrealistic and overromanticized image of me they've created in their heads.

Good riddance. Why would I want to be with someone who can only love a fantasy?

You said you liked me, and I liked you, too.

It was refreshing to move slowly--to not rush into things. To ease into the physical affection and the romance.

Slow was what I needed.

The last person I dated SA'd me on our second date and acted like it was nothing. It was oh so familiar. My body remembers how to freeze like it always does.

You didn't do any of that, and I was so glad.

I know it's selfish to say this, but I wish I had more time with you. I wish that your feelings didn't change so swiftly.

I won't chase after you, though. I respect your decision.

Thank you for being kind to me.

I miss you and your idea your warmth, your presence, your fragrance when enveloped by absence, I miss you Today i miss you just like i did yesterday and i will miss you tommow just the same.

nocturne, excerpts from my journals

I don't hate you.

I'm angry, I'm sad, and I feel betrayed. But I don't wish you any harm.

I wish for your healing.