The Fact That Statistically Speaking, My Bastard's Box!Ted Ask Blog Is Already Doing Better Than My Main

The fact that statistically speaking, my Bastard's Box!Ted ask blog is already doing better than my main account is hilarious to me lmao

No, cause hear me out-

The Hatchetfield High mascot is Zeke the Fighting Nighthawk, right?

And the nighthawk who speaks for the flock in Perky's Buds is named Ezekiel

Am...am I onto something here???

hello i was doing my daily peter tag check and i saw your post please talk about the space bastard au

YES!!!!! SOMEBODY ASKED!!!!!

So the Space Bastard AU - officially called "Time and Space" (although I really use both titles interchangeably) - takes place post-NPMD and focuses on the fact that Tinky was totally hyped about the idea of nabbing another Spankoffski for his toy box during The Summoning. It follows Peter as he deals with having to navigate his life through the trauma of everything that happened in NPMD, including life without Ruth and Richie at his side (luckily with an awesome and really supportive girlfriend who went through the same trauma he did), alongside a bunch of sudden string weird dreams he starts having that he can never completely remember, all of which involve a certain yellow Lord in Black...

Some further details:

Rather than the mayor directing them to the Black Book in the forest during NPMD, he's instead going to lead the nerds to Miss Holloway, who will apprehensively allow them to borrow it to fix the whole Jägerman situation. They never do end up returning it though, as Grace still keeps the book for herself at the end. I'm pretty sure this is the only change to NPMD I make in here, and it's really just so Holloway can be here, since if she didn't have the book in the original story, then that means she likely didn't survive the battle with Wiley & wouldn't be in the story at all.

At some point pretty early on in the story, Pete's gonna rediscover Miss Retro's (since the last time he was there, they were all about to be murdered by a ghost) and subsequently semi-"re-meet" Miss Holloway. She is very important to this story, and effectively serves the role of "guide/character who explains what's going on to Pete because while she's experienced with the Lords in Black, he sure as heck doesn't know what's going on".

Homeless Man Ted is ALSO here! Turns out he's become a regular at Miss Retro's, as Miss Holloway gives him free food and an occasional place to huddle during particularly cold days. Yes, he and Peter will reunite. Yes, I will be using him for further Tinky-related angst.

On that note though, Ted's been missing for ~2 years during the events of this story. It's an understandably sore spot for Peter.

As you probably already guessed, I specifically chose title of "Space Bastard" for Pete as a callback to Ted's "Time Bastard" status & Tinky's moniker as the "Bastard of Time and Space." Where Ted is stuck traveling through time, Peter's going to be stuck traveling through alternate realities.

Tinky makes his first big move on Peter's birthday of all things. Pete's sitting on a couch watching a movie with Steph, fairly satisfied with his day, before he gets yoinked through the seat (You know the feeling of falling in a dream? It's like that) and finds himself...on a different couch? Watching a different movie? And what the hell is Ted doing here? Didn't he go missing 2 years ago? Where's Steph?

Honestly I could spend an eternity talking about this one scene ALONE, but long story short, Tinky ruins the nice moment of Pete suddenly being reunited with his lost sibling & Pete eventually does get back to his home reality a la Ted "waking up" back at Paul & Emma's wedding in Time Bastard. If anyone wants me to go further into detail about this scene, I HAPPILY will, because there's so much I want to talk about with it lol

Oh yeah! And Pete talks about this specific set of events (which he rationalizes as a really weird dream) to Miss Holloway the next time he's at Miss Retro's, which kicks off the main "try to make it so Peter avoids his fate" storyline of the AU.

Spoiler alert: Peter won't win. No matter what he or anyone else does, he can't escape his destiny. He'll eventually be pulled into the box just like his older brother before him.

I'm 100% convinced that Ted could have likely kept up the Konk rouse if he'd responded to Hidgens exposing all the stuff on his phone with "What's a phone?"

Honestly, it's a crime that IMAScore never released the music for Orion on YouTube. Every time I walk into Area 72, it's like a WHOOSH of dopamine because of the beautifully majestic music playing over the speakers. The music is so perfect for Orion and I want to be able to beam it directly into my skull the same way I can with the Mystic Timbers music lol

Do you ever get that random urge to make a Hatchetfield ask blog of Ted in the Bastard's Box?

...just me?

Alright-