The Dominant One (Doflamingo X Taller! Male! Reader + NSFW)

The dominant one (Doflamingo X Taller! Male! Reader + NSFW)

A/N : headcanon of @trashytoastboi (thank you for your work if you see this scenario). This scenario could also be adapted to a neutral gender Reader

Warning : graphic violence, death, dirty talk (sort of),

It was a victory again. You raised your weapon to the sky. As if you were threatening the gods themselves. The shining blade was dripping with blood. A wicked yet proud smile, your eyes flashing of rage. It seemed a beast stole your features, and no humanity was any longer present in your body. Only reigned in you the devil himself. You lowered your gaze towards your enemy, your foot applying pressure all over his ribcage, choking him. The crowds around you were roaring without pity, demanding that you end your opponent's life. The guy was already severely injured, you would provide him a service by doing so.

It was sad. The gladiator wasn't a true enemy. And he wasn't an ally either. He fell facing a real monster, beloved by a demon. Was there anything else to say? The excess of time he achieved to get for himself was making the ordeal tougher, but his bravery remained admirable. You lifted your foot from the man's body, getting him to loudly cough due to the blood in his mouth he spat.

"Look at me" you ordered with a low voice.

The guy raised his head, staring more carefully at your soul than just your eyes.

"Riku is the rightful king of Dressrosa. This charade of yours will end soon." your opponent prophesied with a gentle tone and a smile crossing his dry and bloody lips.

"I'd like to see that" you ended up before sinking your blade in the man's heart.

During a short second, you could have sworn you noticed a glitter of hope shining like a star in your enemy's eyes before the dreadful void of death froze his body for eternity. Then, you left his body fall backwards with your blade still crossing your victim's body. In reaction, the crowds went completely mad of happiness over the man's death. Even though it was all finished, you leant and reached out the man's face. A lot of people thought at the moment that you were going to take your opponent's head by separating it from his body and offering it to your king.

Although, you just closed the man's eyes, turning dead silent people, which were watching carefully each of your moves.

"In this arena, all men are on the same level. Only being brave or a coward matters."you state, severely glaring at the audience.

You grasp the pommel of your sword then retire it from the dead body lying in front of you. The disgusting sound of shredded human meat was only heard. Eventually, with a frank gesture to the side, the blood flew to the sandy ground below your feet then you sheathed your blade without any more words. You raise your gaze towards Doflamingo who was enjoying fully the show.

"I victory of today, I dedicate to my king" you state powerfully to the people around you adding a graceful bow to your declaration.

This final sentence drove the crowds to madness again. Rumors of you being the most faithful, strongest, more devoted of any soldier or servant in the kingdom to the current king were being spread between all the latter's subjects.

With a satisfied smile, Doflamingo stood up and, with a smile and a move of his feathery coat, he raised his arms then made a small reverence in front of all the people gathered that day in the Coliseum. The reciprocate screams echoed a long time between the walls of the majestic building. It meant the end of the show until next time.

Behind you the harrow was now down. You spared a quick glance to the dead body of the man you have just killed in the arena lying on a stretcher, a sheet covering his cold body. You sighed lankily, and remind the wound left on your right leg. You had to get it treated if you didn't want it to be worse. During a time which seemed endless, you managed to arrive at your private quarters. Not only the small trip to your chambers was long because of some people who seemed to crave to meet you, but it was also due to the absolute mess reigning in the palace after servants got their mind in a right way after the collective madness which is taking over all the subjects of the kingdom present is the Coliseum.

The familiar scent of a bubbly bath relaxed you instantly. However, the adrenaline rushing within your veins hadn't come back to normal after the fight. The mix within your skin made you almost collapse on the ground. You managed to hold still since the real hardship didn't show its face. You moved forward within your quarters to find Doflamingo lying on your bed, his arms crossed behind his head, waiting patiently. You spontaneously knew what it was about. Without being able to help yourself, a small grin stretches your features and you laugh lightly. Warned of your presence, Doflamingo got up and walked towards you, apparently satisfied.

He was smaller than you, barely reaching your chest. You always thought that it was adorable, even though the man was for some people a monster. "Everything that is small is cute" they say... Doflamingo had probably no idea of the image he wore in your eyes, or maybe not a full or a clear one. The dichotomy between your point of view and the world's may dwell in this mere gap of height. In the mean time, Doflamingo made his way towards you then stared at you from below.

"What are you waiting for?" Doflamingo asked, half threateningly.

"His Lordship demands a kiss I see..."you uttered with a certain appreciation, clearly intending to mess up a little with your king. "Come and get it"

Your disdainful provocation worked perfectly. Yet, only Doflamingo's brows furrowed, he didn't even move. You could say he was highly tempted to use his strings. But, the small restraint he was applying over himself was room for more taunt. Hence, you leant towards him, as if you were going to kiss him on the lips. Although, you drifted away and left a peck on the man's forehead.

If being dumbfounded had a face, Doflamingo would probably be the perfect archetype. The small flame he was feeling due to this kiss in his guts was being swallowed by the audacity you have just demonstrated to him. His face turned to stone within less than a second. You DARED ignore one of his direct orders ?! You couldn't help but snicker behind Doflamingo's back. Killing a man got you sassy apparently.

"Later for all the romantic thing your Highness, I have some tasks that need my attention" you utter, hiding badly this little joy of yours.

"Y/N" Doflamingo called coldly, without a trace of kindness in his voice.

"I know I know. You want to get to the nasty right away while I'm still in a wild beast mode, poisoned by adrenaline. Trust me, I do want the same, my Lord. However, my wounds won't get treated by themselves. This divine skin of yours cannot be tainted with the blood of a sinner, right? "

Doflamingo was reaching the end of his patience. How did you dare acting smug with your king? This insolent smile of yours, he will make you erase it from your features. He would be going to tear you apart, fucking you senseless to get your submission out of your mouth by the most delightful torture. You would beg for deliverance, moaning and screaming your pleasure. You would be his plaything, your sturdy body forced to endure your master's relentlessness.

Yet, this delicious idea had to wait a little. You were getting your body rid of the pieces of metal you were wearing as an armor in the arena. Even though, most of your skin was exposed. Some servants would clean all of it later, some would stay to help you wash your body under Doflamingo's scrutinizing glare. The dummy was almost falling due to the weight of your equipment. Naked, your back facing the eyes of your beloved king, you moved until a seat where some medicines were spread next to.

A woman disinfected the wound on your leg. She was madly flustered, trying to act quickly and properly. You leant towards her and took her face in the palm of your hand, a smile on your face.

"Take your time my dear. No demon will run after you." You playfully state before sitting more comfortably in your seat and sparing a glance at Doflamingo.

The latter was angry. His grin disapeared as soon as he saw you with this damn smile of yours. But you didn't belong to him, therefore he had no right to claim you as his. You may be a gladiator, a one night stand who remained, a powerful warrior, but these were the mere bond you shared.

The woman properly applied a bandage on your leg before getting to heal the small cuts on your chest.

"I ask you to clean and change all of this as frequently as possible and..." The nurse said before turning as red as a tomato.

"Yes dear ? I'm listening" you said, trying to foster her to talk to you with all of her heart.

"Please... Be careful Y/N-sama" She whispered before caressing absentmindedly your jaw, just above a small injury.

You couldn't help but laugh slightly.

"Thank you for your concern my dear. It goes straight to my hear to know that you care about me" You declared with a genuine grateful tone.

"Leave us" Interrupted Doflamingo with a threatening voice.

You turned your gaze towards your king.

"Go" you only ordered to the woman who rushed to the door and left without any more talking.

You got up and decided to stare directly into the man's eyes.

"Something's bothering you my Lord ? " you inquired rhetorically, your steely gaze entrenched within Doflamingo's.

The latter didn't allow you to feel the faintest pleasure of him being hypothetically taken aback while you were staring at him from above. No. Doflamingo is never taken aback by anything.

"I fear you forgot you're my fuckboy, my personal hole, you whore. It's my dick you have to suck" the king spat, a winning smile stretching his features.

"Well let me say this, my Lord. Your personal hole has a lot of dicks that penetrate it. And these are rarely your own" you replied without even a spark of doubt in your lie.

It would be very confident of people to say that you were the one dominated, with such a massive body as the one you had. Within less than a second, a smack echoed in the room. A light pain lingered for a short minute on your jaw.

"Know your place, little bug" your king spat again, his jaws firmly clenched.

"Says the one that is smaller than me" you snapped back with a poorly suppressed snarky laugh.

The red mark of the slap remained for some time on your cheek. Although, leaping like a tiger, you grasped Doflamingo's neck and bend over him, aiming to stare at him with your eyes on the same level.

"Release me." your king ordered coldly.

"Then, why don't you use your strings ?" you asked him half genuinely, trying to figure out why he didn't do so earlier.

This situation was not a rare one. It had happened already more than once actually. Doflamingo has always refused to use his devil fruit power against you. As if it was a personal challenge for him to leash you and he was going to take pride in it. However, you didn't make the task easy at all, always refusing what he wanted, getting only a carnal relationship. Your untameness was ultimaltely annoying and so refreshing. You were the only one who got him in a bottom position.

"Why don't we find out who has the biggest one, my Lord ?" you proposed to your king with no intention of him refusing you.

Your strong hand went to grasp your king's neck. You felt Doflamingo's muscles tensing up, making you smile. You pushed your king towards the bed and climbed over him, getting him prisoner of your legs.

"What do you think you're doing ?" the man spat in his submitted position.

"And you ? What did you think you were going to provoke by slaping and insulting me ?"

A flash or disdain sparked in your eyes when you were staring at Doflamingo from above.

"I don't suck for free, as well as I don't fuck with anyone. I dominate, not the contrary." You uttered before getting up and walking towards the large bathroom.

Eventually, you went in the pool. Your tiredness vanishing as well as the dust and the scarlet red blood tainting your skin. With a relieved sigh, you surrender to the warmth of the water. You bent over backwards, reaching the edge. You heard footsteps coming close to you.

"What do you want?" you inquire, half upset half curious.

You thought this argument was enough for the moment. You were wrong apparently. Doflamingo took a towel not far away from you and left it behind you. The king lied down, staring at you patiently.

"Do you come here to apologize?" you asked him half-heartedly.

The man did nothing but laugh loudly.

"Yeah. It sounded stupid to me too" you state with a monotonous voice.

"You're such a brat. I'll merely concede that" Doflamingo admitted with a half smile.

You reached out to grasp at your king's neck. But carefully this time. You kissed him, experiencing, tasting. Even the scent of Doflamingo's skin was totally endearing. Although, you wouldn't admit it this way. You changed your position, trying to face Doflamingo. He was still lying down on his towel, fully dressed but he was looking for your lips with his own.

Doflamingo was still slow, trying, also tasting just as you were doing. He liked you for your tall body, your strength and almost everything else except that untamed behavior. Then, the kisses got more and more passionate. It was hard to breathe, hard to resist while you were starting to lower your guard. You drew Doflamingo's body closer to the huge pool. His head so close of the edge of the bath. But you were only thinking about kissing those thin divine lips.

You felt your cock getting harder.

"Kissing makes you all hot and flustered like a dog in heat?" Doflamingo whispered while he was snickering.

"Well... That makes two of us, my Lord" you replied on the same tone, drawing the man's attention on his own hard shaft.

"Brat" your king added before going back on your lips.

"That also makes two of us" you add with a smile.

Upset by the slowness of all this, you put your arms on the edge of the pool and climbed up again over your king's body, riding him. You immediately thought about how much more comfortable it was to have this domination over the celestial asshole named Doflamingo. Yet, it was delusional, wrong. None of you had a spark of idea about who was in charge, as well as none of you knew who was going to be submitted. Doflamingo would never agree and you wouldn't either.

"Enjoy the moment while you can, Y/N"

"Shut your mouth for once and suck my tongue as if you were giving me a blow job"

Doflamingo chuckled with irony but didn't respond anything. Your hand was rubbing his abs, lightly, skillfully, just to arouse him a little bit more. Just to make it unbearable. Your king's cock went hard against your thigh. As you notice, you want to say it out loud and mock your divine partner about his sinning behavior. You moved your fingers a little bit lower, trying to caress the stiff shaft you were staring at shamelessly. Doflamingo's breath sped up but he was as if he remained undisturbed and all the attention over him was nothing more than a puppy messing around a sleepy tiger.

Your smirk said it all about the hurt your ego went through at the moment. Your hand's speed increased and the stroke turned out to be more effective on your dirty king. But the tiger didn't remain sleepy for long. He raised his arm and his own fingers tensed up like a puppeteer playing with a doll. You frowned instantly when you felt the strings tightening around your body to the point of almost entering within your skin.

"Get your fucking strings off of me my Lord or I'll be really mad" you warn, your eyes turning black with lust and anger.

"Is it a threat Y/N? Better for your sake that it is not one"

You can't help but chuckle. Doflamingo doesn't even have time to ask you why. You opened your mouth with disdain towards your partner.

"This is why you can't get rid of me. Nor wound me gravely. Because you need me. You need someone who's ready to worship you entirely. Because you need to swell your ego, your self-confidence and your body with praise. And I'm not silly enough to give you fully what you want. And what I give you is more than anything. After all, all the pleasure of hunt is to track your prey, right your Highness? " you declared while your body was laid down by Doflamingo and he got what he thought as his righful place.

"My sluts are rarely this talkative."The king stated before sliding his pants on his thighs.

You watched him with big eyes when he came to bury himself in your unprepared back hole. Sheathed like a sword in your ass, you couldn't even move out of his grasp. You swore internally when he started to thrust like crazy in you. Even with your height and your physical strength it hurt badly to feel the king's cock tearing you apart.

"Fuck you Doflamingo!" you utter while your breath was cut by light cry of pain.

"Doffy" the man corrected while he was stealing from now on moans of pleasure from you.

"The hell with it, asshole!"

"And yet yours is the one being pounded"

You closed your eyes long ago. Doflamingo have been using his strings for several hours, thrusting inside of you. It was like a punishment to endure every moans that echoed in the bathroom and then, in the sheets. The king's hot erected cock came and went inside of you. The strings were maintaining you under the man's painful attention.

"Consider it as your reward for every of your words" Doflamingo repeated several times in your ear.

Your whole body was covered of scratches due to these strings or various marks. The man used you as a sex doll. Your skin was a long-term reminder of Doflamingo's internal wrath during these hours of fucking. The acute memories of the latter's lips and hands roaming your whole body made you shiver. And then, the hard shaft within you.

Once Doflamingo was done with you, he laid down into the mattress and a satisfied grin stretching his features. You wondered if it was the same with everyone else. Though it didn't matter. You were a regular sex partner to Doflamingo and nothing else needed to be said. Your king might appreciate your body and the way you react to his strokes. However, you didn't love him and your body wasn't his, even though Doflamingo wanted to make you state the contrary.

Then, after the hours of brutal sexual relationship, you got up and strode towards your closet and withdrew clothes, scrutinizing them with great attention.

"What are you doing?" inquired your king chilling in your messed up bed.

"Mind your business, my Lord" you replied with an empty tone.

"Did I hurt your ego so much that you are going to fuck someone else to relieve you from this humiliation?" Doflamingo teased half-threateningly

"Come on, don't compare me to you. I have never slaughtered the whole family of someone who had the bad idea to scowl me" you viciously retorted. "Who I meet and who I fuck is none of your business if my memories are right, your Highness. I've applied for being a gladiator, not to be the king's personal slut."

"Let's say that I'm not a king. Would you tell me what are you going to do?" The man assumed.

Although, you both knew that Doflamingo doesn't hypothesize. It was a trap you were willing to outwit.

"Now you're just being ridiculous. If you weren't my king, I'd say my vocabulary would tend to make a spectacular decrease in terms of quality."

"Y/N, you should answer this question if you don't want to be crucifixed for treason" your king threatened.

"I'd like to see you try to punish the fuckboy who gives you this incredible feeling of domination" you chuckled while spitting this mugging challenging sentences to Doflamingo whose smile disappeared.

"I want an answer Y/N. I'll have it"

"Mind your business." you ended here without any more words.

You were dressed in an elegant suit, you staring into your reflection. You felt some satisfaction lingering in your heart. The mere image of your king lying in your bed was the sole blur here. You turned your back and then wak towards the door.

"Diamante will have to fight tomorrow. See you soon, your Highness"

"Y/N" the man called but you were already gone and the door was already closed.

Miss Allsunday was waiting for you in the restaurant, a file left next to her. An artificial smile remained on her features.

"It has been a long time miss Alsunday since I've seen you. How have you been?" you greeted kindly.

"Assisting Sir Crocodile is not an easy task to attend to. But I'm not here to complain. Here is the contract" Robin replied.

"Contract? I'd like to ask what kind of contract but we both know what is it about. But even though I like intimate relashionship, I am a fighter first" you stated calmly, staring at the lady right in the eyes.

"I understand. And you will be considered this way, I can guarantee it. As long as you stay by Sir Crocodile's side."

"Well... If you agree to allow me to think about more thoroughly..."you inquired rhetorically.

"Of course. I look forward to receive your answer Y/N."

"I thank you Miss Allsunday" you ended while reaching out the file handed towards you. "Now let's eat, I'm hungry and slightly upset"

You took it and grinned slightly. The dinner was nice and Robin was a fine company for it. You appreciated the woman but you didn't sleep with her. Crocodile was offering you to stay by his side. You had to fight for him and your price would be his. Eventually, you accepted to leave Doflamingo for Crocodile. It sounded like a melodramatic love story of a man shared between two others fighting over the latter. But you would be paid the price you want with a very easy contract and you could also get Crocodile himself as a reward sometimes, because yeah he had a sort of soft spot on you. And, since you slept with each other several times, and spent a tremendous amount of time together, you could say you felt better with the latter than Doflamingo.

The attached contract Robin left you was agreeable at almost every points. And you weren't even forced to stay emotionally involved with Crocodile, to the contrary in Doflamingo's case since he always tried to enslave you to him. No. Crocodile was only adamant on you fighting for him, the way he wanted it to be done and the reward he would give you. You sent back the answer to the contract, announcing a positive response. Nearly two weeks after and the first of your numerous victories by his side, you were sharing a glass of alcohol and a delighful night of pleasure with Crocodile.

Far from Alabasta, Doflamingo was going crazy. He beheaded a dozen of what he would call 'useless servants'. Diamante returned in the Coliseum and had to fight while a new high-leveled gladiator would be either hired or trained to fill the space left by your sudden and silent departure.

I started to read the Hobbit, and so I enter the LOTR fandom. But I wasn't ready to fall in the Legolas Greenleaf fandom.

Adam/Shindo Ainosuke X Male Reader

Author's note : Adam needs a bit of love, don't you think? A little love that doesn't imply to hurt Tadashi. It doesn't prevent that it is certainly crap. English is not my main language and it must be awful.

Warnings : NSFW, spanking, degradation and all the BDSM pack.

You were a newcomer, a rookie here. In S. You had the time to watch the local legends fall from their safe sky on the large screens. The most incredible was the race against Langa. Well... You were still wondering if his name was really Langa. Maybe you misunderstood, hidden in your shadows. First Joe, then Cherry and finally Adam. You had to admit their style was eclectic. Even them had to learn again. They were believing themselves as gods because they were the founders of a clandestin course. It made you shrug a little while you were observing them.

People were people. Here, in S, freedom was at its most powerful. A place were no one could say, order to someone something he doesn't want to do. Everything was ruled by skateboard and the people's talent. You were quite happy of that. Because of an accident years ago in mountains with your motorbike while you were heading to the summit so as to practice snowboard. You had the ambition to reach the Winter Olympic Games in half-pipe. You fell from a cliff and you miraculously landed meters below with broken ribs instead of your backbone.

During years you suffered and your dream of medals in the Olympic Games was gone, vanished into the air. Your well-known recklessness almost hurried you in your grave. In the hospital, you spent the last three years to reeducate with an omnipresent pain in your back, anger against the people who had forgotten you when you would have given them your soul if they asked for it an ended alone. You nearly lost your mind when you woke up from coma and nothing appeared in front of you. You weren't able to see anymore. Time went by and you found yourself offered the chance to remedy to your blindness. But it doomed you to wear particular sunglasses every day of your life. A little cost considering what you've been through.

You suffered. You were still aching but less than these last month. Moreover you felt better each day passing. Only eternal scars remain. And to be here in S got you like you were free as much as before your accident. And you would thank Adam for this. Yet, you meant nothing, watching the same scenes which were playing in front of your eyes.

You were sitting on your motorbike far behind the last people composing the crowds ahead of you. Actually, the last time you came at S was when Adam had been defeated. Since then, you weren't coming as often as you should now. Everything was more peaceful and Adam abandoned this bad habit to smash people in the face with his own skateboard. Of course, the blue-haired show-off would never stop to make his little shows and big entrances. You don't think that one day his "hey bitches and bros and non-binary hoes" would leave your mind so easily.

Yet, even if you admired Adam as an remarkable skater, you wouldn't prevent yourself to hate him for everything he was aside all of it. He was "in love" as he told to anyone who would like to hear it with his partners of race. It was nothing like love. You didn't know how you manage to not go through the crowds to slap him right in the face. He didn't understand. He wouldn't anyway. Love is sweet, a fluttering sentiment which set upside-down your guts and your soul. It wasn't how you remembered this wonderful thing.

Anyways, Adam had been defeated by a rookie that you had the power to crush on a snowboard. Even if he was talented, had he the talent of someone able to go in the Olympic Games? You didn't think so. You had yourself a modified board. And right now before the attended race between two opponents, you were as if you were playing on the half-pipe near the start of the race.

You were jumping even higher than this little rookie and executing figures in air that were turning sick some of the people gathered in your audience. You were hearing the slight gasps of awe coming from several girls watching them. Even Langa applaused you in the distance with an annoying smile. That little group comprehending Shadow, Reki, Langa, Miya and the others was sincerely uselessly noisy. Though, they were sometimes giving you back a smile you had long forgotten it was existing. But you didn't care anymore. You were busy with your "switched back flip with nose grab" and to make people applause even louder around you.

They were kind and cute because even if the trick wasn't so hard, doing it on a skateboard was something else. And it earned you the nickname of Eagle in S. You were impressive to say the least and people were clearly stunned. What you didn't expect was to attract the boss' attention here. Adam. Actually, his little grieves left you as if you were like marble.

Not only was he sticking to you but he also was quite insisting in his behavior. You didn't like him at all. It may have been the second or the third night that you came on the half-pipe of S. No one challenged you that time. You just shrugged your shoulders and were going on the way to leave this place. The pressure, the people gathered here, the races and the clear lack of delicacy from them made you get away from here. A sort of repulsion ordered you to go away. A skatepark would be big enough to allow you to do the same show for any passerby. After all what was the point of tiring yourself by skating if no one could applause for your demonstration of pure talent. And today, several nights after Adam's defeat, you were leaving S for good this time. It has no point for you to stay.

Yet, Adam didn't want the same. He was observing you before Langa. So he caught you up while lights were dancing around him.

"Mmh... What a wonderful little bird I see here. Don't be scared my dove, I'm not going to bite you." Adam said both loudly and sensually, thus it made crowds look in the same moment towards you.

A heavy silence has just fallen onto the crowds. You have heard the wheels of Adam's skateboard behind you. And he came, leaving his hand on your hips, getting you closer and closer to him. You could feel his hands roaming and doing delicate circles on the fabric of your clothes. Such an intimate action while you could almost feel his head rest on your shoulder. He made a little comment about your scent. Does this man have really no shame ?

"Aren't you tired of your own bullshit, Adam? Losing once wasn't enough to bring humility in you?" you snapped back while the man gazed at you.

"Never, my sweet, stubborn little dove" Ainosuke whispered in your ear while his hands were circling around your waists.

His sweet, gentle, poisonous tone was near to give you shivers. You weren't able to discern within yourself if it was a sort of trespassing desire that was boiling in you or a fire of rage and the deep will to smash him with your skateboard. Probably both. Let's agree on the fact that this man was a living invitation to luxury and rough love. You were just a little smaller than him but strong enough to make him comply and kneel in front of you like a slut. You clicked your tongue and forcefully escaped from Adam's treacherous embrace.

"Alright Eagle. I challenge you into a beef" Adam called behind you.

"Carry on" You answered back while the crowds become immediately silent were watching you with great interest.

"A race. You and me. Right now. The loser become the slave of his opponent." Adam added with his usual disturbing smile.

For one of the first times since you were coming in S, it was one of your first beefs. Moreover, with the boss of all that mess. And finally, it involved something hidden behind all of this display. And you liked it. Why not enjoying fully the race and the aftermath. You used the back extremity of your skateboard you hit Adam in the belly and making him move backwards. You were almost ecstatic. You walked calmly until the start line, put lightly your skateboard on the ground and set your foot on the deck while you were waiting for Adam to come. Obviously, he made his way towards you.

"Mmh... I'll enjoy to turn you upside down after this race" Adam sensually whispered.

"Your self-confidence will kill you one day, filthy man" you replied with a dry tone.

"Let's say that now that I've lost my Eve, the only person in S having my attention is you my little dove. Be ready, I'm not going to be easy on you"

These last sentences would the death of you. His magma-like voice was burning your insides. How can someone warm you up so efficiently? That was a mystery. But you liked it. Adam was well-known to be kinky. You hated a little yourself at that time. You were falling for an insane guy who is now targeting you. Obviously, it was not in a romantic way. Yet, Adam remained a reachable fanstasm. And you were apparently one of his. The green fire came rapidly, thus the start of the race.

Adam became fastly the first. You forgot about everything and just tried to have fun. You were skating as if your board was a part of yourself, dodging rocks and Adam's attack. You knew very well that he didn't change that much after his first defeat here. He even did his little thing of holding you close to him with the sort of horns on his skateboard.

" I love the movement of your hips, so agile, so smooth, I can't prevent myself to wonder what it will feel like to love you fully until you will ache for attention under my touch. You are a snowboarder too, right?" Adam asked more or less.

"You could say that. But I'm not like that kid. I prefer half-pipes. Besides, you have really no shame, haven't you? Anyways, goodbye."

You increased your speed and left Adam behind. You were jumping the cliffs where the turns formed the shape of a snake with the lights in the night. While you were flying, you were shining with more and more complicated figures and graceful landings, making you significantly ahead of the blue-haired holy creature named Adam. He managed very quickly to catch you up. A little smile was playing on your lips. That was funny to see him a little bit in difficulty.

You were provoking him. That was unbelievable and remarkably bold of you to do so. You annoying smile was allowing to build desire and longing in Adam's heart. He was the king and yet, a little dove was playing with him shamelessly. Adam was so mesmerized by your own race that he barely realized he was in the factory. The screams of the people gathered in there dragged him from his thoughts. He saw you fly until the finish line and cross it. You win against him. A huge silent welcomed him.

"One of the first things you have not to lose when you run is your own concentration. I don't know what happened to you but it doesn't prevent that you weren't really skating. So for the beef, I cancel the slave thing." You declared when Adam went towards you.

You turned your back to him and headed to your motorbike followed by the blue-haired man. You didn't want to stay any longer. Adam's footsteps were soft behind yours.

"How can you cancel the slave thing, as you called it?" Adam demanded.

Seeing that he didn't have any answer, Adam reached you to catch your shoulder and make you turn to look at him.

"Because I'm the winner" you responded with a threatening tone.

"So having me doesn't interest you?" Adam questioned with a spark of deception.

"I didn't say that" you replied with a playful half-smile crossing your lips.

You were surrounded by darkness and no one cared anymore about you. For the people, you were remedying with your little issues about the beef. Nothing very interesting for them. Your hand climbed Adam's tensed thigh before going backwards to his ass and caressing it shamelessly. You heard the man getting a heavier breath and mumbling sinner sentences in your ear. You didn't even move when he came closer to enjoy the caress.

"Adam... You are such a slut... Look at you, you sound like a virgin discovering sex" You told with an incredible amount of heat on your voice.

You left your fingers coming down on his half-hard dick and rub it lightly. Just enough to give shivers to the man.

"Horny, aren't we?" you carried on while Adam was melting under your touch.

It was only simple caresses yet the man in front of you was letting himself go as if you were escaping and he won't have anymore opportunities to have you so close.

"More" demanded Adam while he has finally what he wanted so hard.

But you stopped here, creating frustration in the man.

"There's a love hotel down Crazy Rock. Come with your Grim Reaper costume." You requested with an overbearing tone.

Adam ordered to Tadashi who wasn't present in S that night to bring him to this place and the black clothes he was wearing against Langa. Once arrived in the building, he headed towards the receptionist who led him until the room. The space was dark and very classical for a love hotel but it was enough to arouse Adam. He felt as if your hands were still on him while he was changing his red costume. The memory of your hands trailing down his back to reach his ass and caressing it shamelessly was still unbelievably strong in his mind. Then he felt the touch join his cock, gently but still enough to make surrender to your touch. He desired you so much right now. Once he wore his Grim Reaper clothes, he laid down the mattress. He let himself go to the warmth he was feeling. He already wanted you so hard. He thought he was still dreaming when he felt the sudden touch of your hand on his neck.

"Ready to cum due to a shameless imagination. What a dirty little pet we have here. Were you planning to touch while you would wait for me? " You whispered in Adam's ear, getting him to have goosebumps.

Your fingers went down along his spine then reached the start of his ass. You were riding him from behind, each of your legs apart Ainosuke's body. You spanked his cheeks violently when you see you wouldn't get your answer, making the man moaning of both pain and pleasure.

"Use your tongue. You still have one, right?" you picked up after this unwanted silence.

"Yes" mumbled the submitted man.

"Louder. I don't hear you."you commanded.

"Yes"

He was speaking at the volume you wanted to listen. Loudly but not enough to disturb people out there.

"Better" you acknowledged with a neutral tone.

You got away from the position you have over Ainosuke. You were looking for the bad you brought with you. In the corner of your eye, you remarked the presence of a mirror. It could be useful but not now. You were secretly impatient to play with the king of S. You glanced at him and couldn't prevent a half-smile on your face. His hips were slightly higher than what would be normal. The blue-haired man was aching for your touch. Unhappily, it seemed sometimes you weren't as mean as some of masters with their human pet when it comes to tough, rough and painful but delicious sex. Well... It didn't matter actually. Your beautiful puppy lying on the mattress would love it anyway. You sincerely enjoyed the fact that this natural dominant male was completely under your control.

"Get up and kneel. Be rid of your clothes and keep your eyes on the wall. If you look at me I leave you here, tied and with a toy in your ass until you faint. Is that clear?" You ordered with a severe voice.

You didn't get any answer immediately.

"Yes". You heard behind you.

"Yes who?" You added.

"Yes Master" Adam ended while he just worked to be in his knees over the blankets.

The man got rid of his suit not so quickly. The fabric was comfortable and smooth, suiting perfectly his body. The memory of your touch was almost disappearing with him leaving aside all the clothes. He ended naked on the bed, his pale skin revealed to the air. He kept his eyes locked on the wall and he didn't have any access to the mirror to watch what you were doing. He only heard some noises somewhere behind him. Adam was shivering litghtly because of anticipation. He didn't want you to be kind with him. The rougher the better. Anyways, love and pain were both the faces of a coin, right? He submits but you serve.

Ainosuke felt your hand climbing along his leg and rest a few seconds on his thigh. You slided a lubed toy in his hole. You went as deeply as you could without bruising you pet and without leaving without any sensations. His insides were slightly stretched enough to emphasize the rubbing which you started from a few feets away.

You had the time to change in a black leathery pants and high boots, all black, with an open shirt lazily flying along your sides. After that, you were just watching Ainosuke's nakedness from behind. He was well-shaped. You couldn't say more. And this beautiful insane man was craving for your attention. You knew the effect the toy had. The more Adam was holding back his moan, the more the toy is going to make him lose his mind. You knew very well that the man had a certain endurance. Yet, it had no effect when the right points within his body were touched and loved.

You were still gentle. You could be more cruel and less careful about your little pet. Adam knew it very well. He was sure he looked like a little virgin taking pleasure for the first time but the thing inside of him suppressed all of his strength. He was grunting and moaning like a whore and he loved it. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't you.

"More..." Breathed the man while his whole body was totally shaking.

"More? Really?" you asked while you were enjoying the frustration on Adam's face and the red hue on his cheeks.

"Inside me... Touch me..."you went to caress Ainosuke's naked ass before spanking it another time.

"You have no permission to cum, dirty pet. I'll punish you otherwise."you warned with a threatening tone in your voice.

The heat was slightly consuming the blue-haired man and pleasure was way too heavy for him, almost choking sometimes. You would be the death of him if it carried on.

"Please..."Adam silently begged while you were heading to an armchair not far away from the display in front of you.

Were you sadistic? Probably. You had one of your legs hanging on the side of your seat and watching Ainosuke fighting the destroying pleasure inside of him. You were so desirable. No one would ever say the contrary. It was only the start for your adorable pet. But it wasn't enough for you.

"Come here." You commanded with a monotonous but commanding tone in your voice.

You saw Adam moving to reach you. He stumbled on the few meters he had to make to come at you. He knelt in front of you but it sounded more like he wasn't able to carry his own weigh. He was looking up at you with eyes tainted of pleasure. He caressed your legs as any good cat would do to please his master and get some food or any touch. Your hand reached his chin and you lift it without any delicacy. A few more and Adam was going to surrender and leaving himself being overwhelmed by pleasure. His red eyes were blurry and full of lust and you locked yours on his. Your hand went in his hair and you brought him closer to you.

"Take it. And do it well, slut" you requested with an overbearing tone.

You felt shaking hands roaming over your leather pants and undo the belts resting on your hips. His fingers freed your half-hard dick but he was too slow.

"Faster" you ordered.

Adam put his finger on the skin of your shaft, then his lips. You hardly held back a grunt of pleasure while you were feeling his hot mouth around your cock. That was divine but not enough. You settled your fingers in Ainosuke's hair and pulled it closer.

"Come on, slut"

The blue-haired man wasn't slow but it wasn't fast enough and it frustrated you. You ordered him for more speed and he did it. Adam was all focus on your pleasure, worshipping you with his tongue and his lips. It was warm inside his mouth. You wanted to dirty your sub with your seeds and make him feel like a doll in your hands. Besides, you increased the speed of the toy inside Adam's ass. He was fighting tou bring you pleasure and not to cum. His whole body must ache but you didn't really care. You wanted more. You helped a little Ainosuke with his movements. His tongue was caressing you shamelessly, and he was all focused on you. You were almost fucking his throat.

"You are really a whore my pet. Worse than a dog in heat. Loot at you"

You led his eyes to the mirror not far from you. Adam moaned when he saw the image of himself. The red hue on his cheeks while he was taking your cock into his mouth. The sight was mesmerizing. Then, lower, the pre-sperm was dripping from his own sex. Adam wasn't able to suffer it anymore and the last image had been the death of his limits and he cummed lankily on the ground. His muscles all tensed relaxed in a few seconds. He spilled his white liquid everywhere at the bottom of the armchair while he was moaning with your shaft still in his throat.

You raised your hand and gave him an echoing slap which made the blue-haired man fall on his back, covered of his dirty sperm. You perceived Adam hard cock raising between his legs.

"Kinky whore. You are not even able to handle it, right? Such a disobedient little puppy. You'll be punished, you know that, aren't you?" you threatened with a sweet voice, penetrating under Ainosuke's flesh.

You were watching your pet getting up from his position on the ground.

"Be happy that I'm not going to order you to lick it, silly kitten. On the bed, now. Twenty whiplash, and if you are not obedient, I'll double that number. Understood?"

"Please Master, no!" Adam surprisingly begged with and hoarse voice to you.

"This is the cost for your insolence and disobedience. It could be a hundred so take what I allow you" You replied without any softness.

You gave the order to your dog to be astride on the bed, on all four. Adam settled over the blankets and stayed still. The man heard you get the tool in your hand. And without telling him, he felt a painful burn on his ass, followed by your hand which rubbed it. Ainosuke heard himself grunt to the sudden soothing caress.

"It was the first. I won't be that kind after. Count them. At any mistake, It'll be thirty"

You blowed him again and your sub was counting but it was painful and red traces were appearing on his skin. You weren't soft with him and appreciated his delicious reactions of suffering and adoration. The toy was still in his ass, driving him crazy from both inside and outside. Adam wasn't able to keep up anymore and at the end on the punishment, he fell over the blankets, naked, full of shame, pleasure and love. He was crying due to the overwhelming amount of feelings. His shaft was so hard that it was painful and he wanted freedom from you. His pants were perceptible in the silence of the room. The blue-haired man felt your hand on his ribcage and forcefully turn him on his back.

He saw climb over the mattress and settle near him. Your finger roamed over your pet's belly and touch his nipples, making him shiver and grunt. Your softness was welcome for Adam. His body was aching due to tension and slaps but pleasure was still present in his blood and adrenaline was keeping him conscious. Suddenly, the toy Ainosuke had in his ass had a different movement, more intense, more rubbing and making him moan loudly.

"Did you seriously think it was ended?" you questioned with a playful tone. "No. Of course not".

You got up and put yourself in a riding way. You pushed your shaft inside Adam's mouth and start to fuck his throat again. Fingers curling down the sheets and becoming white. Your sub was testifying of this pleasure. And you were too. Your hips were getting faster and faster and Adam's eyes were rolling backwards while pleasure was burning him. You were silently moaning and keeping your features still but it was hard when your little pet's tongue was that agile and smart to find the areas able to make you shudder. It felt like eternity till you finally cummed inside of Ainosuke's mouth. Your sub swallowed everything and as a reward you ordered him to change of position and to rest on his belly. You removed the toy from his ass and caressed it softly.

"Master..." called quietly Adam.

"Mmh?" you responded with distance in your behavior towards him.

"Please. Fuck me." begged silently the man.

Where was Adam, the king of S, almost undefeated? Where was the show-off, the insane guy? You knew very well where he was. He was subdued to every of your desire now, drunken by pain and pleasure, knocked by envy. He wanted you in the simplest way. The incubus became the innocent virgin and you were his master. Nothing was left from the skater man that you met at the nightfall. He was just a body aching for softness after a hardship, pleading for quietness now. And more sincere than he never had been until tonight. He needed you.

"Please Master..." whispered again Adam.

But his begging stopped when Adam felt your dick against his hole. A slight moan escaped from him and you started to bury yourself in him. His insides were warm and comfortable but so tight. The rubbing was divine and you could help yourself but start to fuck his ass very slowly to push him to worship you. Adam had his hips hanging a little in air as you were thrusting to give you both an amazing amount of pleasure.

"P-Please Master... More..." moaned Adam while you were almost hitting his ass.

It was so nice to see the man so submitted to his needs coming from you. You couldn't help yourself but started to thrust more and more quickly and fastly. The sound of your flesh against each other was echoing in the room and you liked it. You got rougher and rougher but it was still nice and finally, you let yourself be. You felt Adam's hole tightening around your shaft for the second time. Your hands slide down his hips to find his own sex so as to apply languid caresses. It was too much for him and his muscled yet thin body sank on the bed and you followed him in his climax not long after him.

You were panting heavily and your pet was actually nearly fainting. You took him into a warm embrace and rubbed his skin to soothe him. You didn't have the time for a real aftercare because he fell asleep immediately. You would wait him to take a needed shower. For the time that you had, you left him be.

Adam had been a wonderful sub. You were happy. But you didn't have the intention to stay with him. If he wanted you, then maybe you should have a more serious and deeper conversation. But now, it wasn't what you wanted.

Headcanons Jujutsu Kaisen (+ GN! Reader)

Main plot : you're scrolling on Instagram and you don't pay attention to your own S/O and they don't like it.

Nobara Kugisaki

Why not starting with a female character? (maybe the only one present here, sorry)

Kugisaki doesn't notice at first that your attention is completely taken by the screen in front of your eyes.

It doesn't really matter to her since she would do the same if she had her own under the condition that you would have to take her within your arms or somewhere comfortable.

Yes, she doesn't have any since she dropped it and she often requests yours to know what happens or anything else.

But, she is only genuinely curious about what you seek on social media such as Instagram, or what are the accounts getting your attention.

Yet, you don't move. Not even from an inch. As if she wasn't here, next to you, almost trying to climb your lap so as to have a sufficient view about your likings on Instagram.

Eventually, she would try to rob your phone to judge you, kindly or not, and play with you with her mischievous grin and probably helped by Gojou or Yuuji.

It's only when you are forced to get up from your couch and you run after the fools who thought they could rob your phone so easily without the fear to be punished.

Eventually, she gives back your phone and stops playing. You move to YouTube and watch some cats video or anything else to calm Kugisaki's insane mind you loved so much.

Itadori Yuuji

You were nicely settled on the couch of Jujutsu Tech and everything was going to be okay.

Lying on the furniture, scrolling down on the feed of Instagram with a lot of cats because Yuuji likes them and those little cuties invaded the posts you were usually liking instead.

Yuuji noticed you, chilling between two deadly missions and he couldn't help himself to see how you were.

Though, he doesn't get the same reaction as usual. It concerns him slightly. Did he do something wrong?

He's quickly panicking which exasperates Sukuna who calls him "silly" internally.

Your boyfriend adopts the "puppy boy technique". He tries to attract your attention by being cuter than he is always. You could have sworn you saw a tail wagging behing his back. His clinginess rises and you find yourself trapped under your boyfriend's weigh while you are just reading some short texts on your screen.

"What are you doing Yuuji?" you asked, trying to get your boyfriend on another position because it was much harder to breath with him and his whole body applying a pressure on each of your bones even though he is adorable as hell.

As a response, the boy has the sole delusional words"notice me senpai" written all over his face.

You don't get a clear answer but you understand what he means. You change your position and call Yuuji to come next to you to watch what you were doing until now.

Eventually, he got sleepy and takes a nap against you whole you pat him gently. Although, he is visibly happy so you don't disturb his rest while Sukuna talks with you.

Ryomen Sukuna

Why did you do something so reckless?

Sukuna is the one who is the least accustomed to technologies and he is rather possessive.

He woke up from a slumber that lasted thousand years so such devices as your phone, PC, whatever, were quite the discovery at first.

You had fun trying to explain what you were able to do with that stuff. Or not. Because the king of curses being the king of curses, nothing is simple with him.

Yet, right now, Sukuna didn't get the attention he wanted from you and reacts quite harshly. He wants your eyes on him every second of every day. Don't lie in that couch and pretend as if he didn't exist at all, it will make him agressive.

He stares at you with empty eyes at first.

He noticed you weren't going to come near him to talk or anything else. When Sukuna takes control of Yuuji's body he is way more silent. He could've have accepted such an excuse, as stupid as it sounded because you're a little human after all. Weak, slow-minded.

Now he was upset. He made his aura become more oppressive. As if chains were joining your neck and remove air from your ribcage. He also considered to attract within his domain but it wasn't a good idea. Yuuji might be present there and the king didn't need to involve a stupid ass such as his vessel.

It wasn't enough to make you move. Yeah, you had some Gojou vibes inside of you.

Then, a wild thought starts to cling within Sukuna's mind. What if you're tired of him? What if you want to get rid of him and uses the card of ignorance to get what you want? Actually, he has been rather harsh this morning and snapped at you things he didn't mean.

No. That's not possible. You can't get tired of him. He's so perfect despite the fact he has to share a body with Yuuji. He scrutinizes himself in a mirror, there's no blur in the reflect.

Long ago, everyone would have killed to be with him, licking his feet if needed. And YOU were in your couch, ignoring HIM. Did you have a death wish or something?

Eventually, Sukuna might think as much as he wanted, he didn't get to come to you. The answer might be not the one he didn't want at all. And, he didn't want either to say that you didn't like him anymore. You made him feel alive and free while you were spending time together. Things he didn't have anymore since he came back to life.

"Something's wrong Sukuna?" you asked, your eyes had drifted and you wondered what he thought. Was he daydreaming or anything?

Sukuna swallowed back the bitter words he was going to spit and only said "push your ass aside. I want to see what you're doing"

"Did you ever say 'please' in your former life? Your mother didn't teach you how to be polite?" you replied with an uncaring tone.

Sukuna didn't say anything more but sit next to you and shuts his mouth. As time goes on, you notice his arms locking you against him.

"Damn curse, asshole" you mutter, making your boyfriend's lip curl upwards. Sukuna was certainly going to make you regret your behavior in the bedroom.

Fushiguro Megumi

It was after he got some rest. Last mission has been tiring and he couldn't move anymore. He insisted to take a long bath and since you have to prepare for your own to come you left him rest properly within water so as to allow his muscles to relax.

Nothing big until now. Though, when Megumi's tired, he tends to be a little bit more clingy. Call that a need to be warm or reassured, I don't know but here are the facts. Nothing big here either.

This time though, Megumi thought he would never see you again. It was close and your arms were perfect for some mental rest.

You weren't accustomed to Megumi being more clingy than usual. It wasn't something regular in your relashionship and your boyfriend was quite of a distant guy. Hugs and cuddles aren't his thing.

You were scrolling down Instagram. Liking random accounts of posts you appreciated.

You sense Megumi's presence and he sits on the couch next to you. You don't pay attention to his gestures but to the words he might say.

You kept scrolling, observing the posts, being impressed by how people can be insanely talented but your lips were sealed.

Suddenly, you feel Megumi's head coming to rest on your shoulder while silence engulfed you. The sole noises came from the TikTok videos some Instagram users shared.

Then, the hand which wasn't holding your phone entwined with Megumi's. His hands were getting colder and colder.

"Do you want a cup of tea, Megumi?" you asked with a low voice so as to not disturb the moment you shared.

Your boyfriend shook his head lightly. He was getting sleepy and catching a cold is not in anyone's priority.

You opened you arms and Megumi put his legs on yours, then starts to cling to you like a kitten lacking of affection. You know very well that this situation was possible because your beloved one is tired and seeks for rest. He tried to look at the screen of your phone but your warmth shushed him.

If he wasn't already sleeping, you would have probably cracked a joke about the fact that now he was going to learn violin with Gojou. Yuuji told you your sensei was teaching 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' to him. Which is definitely priceless. Although, the joke had to wait tomorrow when Megumi's fully aware about his environment.

Finally, depending on your strength, you either lift him or wake him up so as to go to bed. He will need your special "heroes' breakfast" after all the events of these last days.

Eventually, you kiss him on the cheeks or the forehead before saying goodnight.

Gojou Satoru

It's probably gonna be funny.

You were used to Gojou being Gojou. Way too cheerful, badass, stupid, cheesy, sassy...

Breath in. Breath out. Everything's gonna be fine. He didn't do anything yet, which is ultimately dangerous. What's gonna happen?

You were scrolling down Instagram and, yet, in the atmosphere, you felt something stinky. Like electricity or clouds gathering before a storm.

Though, you let go. You were chilling on your couch, your eyes locked on the screen of your phone and everything was fine for once. You loved Gojou but he was such a human mess.

Not even a second after, a loud creak echoes in the room, the door hits the wall, a long leg appears through the doorframe, a white-haired guy with an exasperating smile on his face. It was all you were able to notice since your boyfriend was in the corner of your sight.

With time, you learnt how not to be scared of Gojou's behavior. You knew very well how he was able to look as a creep for the people around and your presence made them relieved to see someone by his side. As if he was mentally ill but he isn't alone in his disease, this detail being a relief for folks around.

You knew Gojou was an amazing sensei, you can observe it everyday. But you had some doubts about him as a human being.

Gojou literally broke into the room and you were still on your couch. You barely looked at him, used to this kind of noisy behavior.

Gojou literally walked three steps to join you. His head came so close to yours that you felt his breath on your lips.

"Hello Y/NNNNN. Did you miss me?"

"Hello Gojou" you only replied while your interlocutor got closer to kiss you softly.

Still, there was a nice post in front of your eyes. Your attention was completely drown in it.

Your white-haired boyfriend circled you in his arms and went to make you lie on the couch, his body crushing your own. He kisses you everywhere like a puppy licking your face after having been far from you for a second.

"Go-Gojou stop !" you scream before being shushed by his lips

"No way. I missed you so much. This trip in Tokyo was so long without you"

Goodness... Eventually, you allowed him to kiss you as much as he wanted. You missed him this incredible man so much too.

Getou Suguru

Sincerely the most efficient to attract your attention besides Gojou because he knows what to do.

You were enjoying your time on the beach that day, scrolling down Instagram, enjoying or not people's posts.

You heard the sand crack under someone's slow steps. You recognized the gait as Getou's.

Light. Balanced. Yeah, it was him for sure.

Mahito and the other curses were playing elsewhere with Jogo's head.

You feel Getou getting closer to you and just settling down next to you, then tries to find a confortable position and rests his head on your shoulder, caressing the skin of your arms.

You sense his touches getting stronger and stronger. He also tries to kiss you and get away the screen of your phone to have your complete attention.

"Good afternoon to you too, Getou" you greet while your boyfriend's soft hair tickles your neck, making you slightly laugh in reaction.

"Let's go inside. I wanna cuddle with you and it's too hot out there"

Eventually, you left the beach and went elsewhere, following your boyfriend who was kissing you along the way. He couldn't miss the opportunity to have you all for himself while the other curses are gone.

Characters who will probably not care about your uncaring behavior (on surface at least, which might be a different story when they think about it) :

Maki, Mai, Momo, Ieri, Nanami, Mahito, Inumaki

Will make you pay your boldness (probably with your body and it's going to be painful) :

Fushiguro Toji

A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell

A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

“So, you’re a politician…”

“Well, yes, is that a problem?”

“Oh no, no problem. But we’ve recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a day in Hell. After that however, you’re free to choose where you want to spend eternity!”

“Wait, I have to spend a day in Hell?!” says the politician. “Those are the rules,” replies St Peter, clicks his fingers, and WOOMPH, the guy disappears. He awakes, curled up with his hands over his eyes, knowing he’s in Hell. Cautiously, he listens for the screams, sniffs the air for brimstone, and finds… Nothing. Just the smell of, is that fabric softener? And cut grass, this can’t be right?

“Open your eyes!” says a voice. “C'mon, wakey wakey, we’ve only got 24 hours!” Nervously, he uncovers his eyes, looks around, and sees he’s in a hotel room. A nice one too. Wait, this is a penthouse suite… And there’s a smiling man in a suit, holding a martini. “Who are you??” The politician asks.

“Well, I’m Satan!” says the man, handing him the drink and helping him to his feet. “Welcome to Hell!”

“Wait, this is Hell? But… Where’s all the pain and suffering?” he asks.

Satan throws him a wink. “Oh, we’ve been a bit misrepresented over the years, it’s a long story. Anyway, this is your room! The minibar is of course free, as is the room service, there’s extra towels next to the hot-tub, and if you need anything, just call reception. But enough of this! It’s a beautiful day, and if you’d care to look outside…”

Slightly stunned by the opulent surroundings, the man wanders over to the floor-to-ceiling windows through which the sun is glowing, looks far down, and sees a group of people cheering and waving at him from a golf course.

“It’s one of 5 pro-level courses on site, and there’s another 6 just a few minutes drive out past the beach and harbour!” says Satan, answering his unasked question.

So they head down in the lift, walk out through the glittering lobby where everyone waves and welcomes the man, as Satan signs autographs and cheerily talks shop with the laughing staff. And as he walks out, he sees the group on the golf course are made up of every one of his old friends, people he’s admired for years but never met or worked with, and people whose work he’s admired but died long before his career started. And out of the middle of this group walks his wife, with a massive smile and the body she had when she was 20, who throws her arms around him and plants a delicate kiss on his cheek. Everyone cheers and applauds, and as they slap him on the back and trade jokes, his worst enemy arrives, as a 2 foot tall goblin-esque caddy. He spends the day in the bright sunshine on the course, having the time of his life laughing at jokes and carrying important discussions, putting the world to rights with his friends while holding his delighted wife next to him as she gazes lovingly at him.

Later, they return to the hotel for dinner and have an enormous meal, perfectly cooked. As everyone is falling about laughing and flinging bread sticks at each other, his wife whispers in his ear… And they return to their penthouse suite, and spend the rest of the night making love like they did on their honeymoon. After hours of passion, the man falls deep into the 100% Egyptian cotton pillows, and falls into a deep and happy sleep… and is woken up by St Peter.

“So, that was Hell. Wasn’t what you were expecting, I bet?” “No sir!” says the man. “So then,” says St Peter. “You can make your choice. It’s Hell, which you saw, or Heaven, which has choral singing, talking to God, white robes, and so on.”

“Well… I know this sounds strange, but on balance, I think I’d prefer Hell,” says the politician. “Not a problem, we totally understand! Enjoy!” says St Peter, and clicks his fingers again.

The man wakes up in total darkness, the stench of ammonia filling the air and distant screams the only noise. As he adjusts, he can see the only light is from belches of flame far away, illuminating the ragged remains of people being tortured or burning in a sulphurous ocean. A sudden bolt of lightning reveals Satan next to him, wearing the same suit as before and grinning, holding a soldering iron in one hand and a coil of razor-wire in the other. “What’s this??” He cries. “Where’s the hotel?? Where’s my wife??? Where’s the minibar, the golf-courses, the pool, the restaurant, the free drinks and the sunshine???”

“Ah”, says Satan. “You see, yesterday, we were campaigning. But today, you voted.”