A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell

A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell

A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

“So, you’re a politician…”

“Well, yes, is that a problem?”

“Oh no, no problem. But we’ve recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a day in Hell. After that however, you’re free to choose where you want to spend eternity!”

“Wait, I have to spend a day in Hell?!” says the politician. “Those are the rules,” replies St Peter, clicks his fingers, and WOOMPH, the guy disappears. He awakes, curled up with his hands over his eyes, knowing he’s in Hell. Cautiously, he listens for the screams, sniffs the air for brimstone, and finds… Nothing. Just the smell of, is that fabric softener? And cut grass, this can’t be right?

“Open your eyes!” says a voice. “C'mon, wakey wakey, we’ve only got 24 hours!” Nervously, he uncovers his eyes, looks around, and sees he’s in a hotel room. A nice one too. Wait, this is a penthouse suite… And there’s a smiling man in a suit, holding a martini. “Who are you??” The politician asks.

“Well, I’m Satan!” says the man, handing him the drink and helping him to his feet. “Welcome to Hell!”

“Wait, this is Hell? But… Where’s all the pain and suffering?” he asks.

Satan throws him a wink. “Oh, we’ve been a bit misrepresented over the years, it’s a long story. Anyway, this is your room! The minibar is of course free, as is the room service, there’s extra towels next to the hot-tub, and if you need anything, just call reception. But enough of this! It’s a beautiful day, and if you’d care to look outside…”

Slightly stunned by the opulent surroundings, the man wanders over to the floor-to-ceiling windows through which the sun is glowing, looks far down, and sees a group of people cheering and waving at him from a golf course.

“It’s one of 5 pro-level courses on site, and there’s another 6 just a few minutes drive out past the beach and harbour!” says Satan, answering his unasked question.

So they head down in the lift, walk out through the glittering lobby where everyone waves and welcomes the man, as Satan signs autographs and cheerily talks shop with the laughing staff. And as he walks out, he sees the group on the golf course are made up of every one of his old friends, people he’s admired for years but never met or worked with, and people whose work he’s admired but died long before his career started. And out of the middle of this group walks his wife, with a massive smile and the body she had when she was 20, who throws her arms around him and plants a delicate kiss on his cheek. Everyone cheers and applauds, and as they slap him on the back and trade jokes, his worst enemy arrives, as a 2 foot tall goblin-esque caddy. He spends the day in the bright sunshine on the course, having the time of his life laughing at jokes and carrying important discussions, putting the world to rights with his friends while holding his delighted wife next to him as she gazes lovingly at him.

Later, they return to the hotel for dinner and have an enormous meal, perfectly cooked. As everyone is falling about laughing and flinging bread sticks at each other, his wife whispers in his ear… And they return to their penthouse suite, and spend the rest of the night making love like they did on their honeymoon. After hours of passion, the man falls deep into the 100% Egyptian cotton pillows, and falls into a deep and happy sleep… and is woken up by St Peter.

“So, that was Hell. Wasn’t what you were expecting, I bet?” “No sir!” says the man. “So then,” says St Peter. “You can make your choice. It’s Hell, which you saw, or Heaven, which has choral singing, talking to God, white robes, and so on.”

“Well… I know this sounds strange, but on balance, I think I’d prefer Hell,” says the politician. “Not a problem, we totally understand! Enjoy!” says St Peter, and clicks his fingers again.

The man wakes up in total darkness, the stench of ammonia filling the air and distant screams the only noise. As he adjusts, he can see the only light is from belches of flame far away, illuminating the ragged remains of people being tortured or burning in a sulphurous ocean. A sudden bolt of lightning reveals Satan next to him, wearing the same suit as before and grinning, holding a soldering iron in one hand and a coil of razor-wire in the other. “What’s this??” He cries. “Where’s the hotel?? Where’s my wife??? Where’s the minibar, the golf-courses, the pool, the restaurant, the free drinks and the sunshine???”

“Ah”, says Satan. “You see, yesterday, we were campaigning. But today, you voted.”

Headcanons Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Stardust Crusaders (+ GN! Reader)

Main plot : you and the Crusaders are on the road to Cairo and you have to rest somewhere for the night. Financial issue or whatever reason you want, you find yourself sharing a room (and a bed) with one of the boys.

Jotaro Kujo

Not really a light sleeper

Not a deep one either

Just... Neutral... I think

Yet very alert about the attack he might go through

He remains very still when it comes to slumber, something that's foreshadowed in his personality the first time you've ever met him. Doesn't take that much of space in the bed either. The dude is muscular but when he is completely lying down he is not that impressive.

Once he is totally lying on the bed, I guess he doesn't move for the rest of the night –another reflect of his stiff personality– or he doesn't move enough to disturb you while you're sleeping

Quite the contrary actually. Watching him letting his guard down even a little is always a sort of silent compliment. He feels good enough around you to let rest take him

Jotaro is someone who's very comfortable to sleep next to. He leaves enough space to breath at least, keeps his distance, a little bit too much for your liking sometimes but it's only detail

Actually, the perception of the distance between both of your shapes in bed is judged according to the relashionship both of you share

If you two are romantically involved with each other, don't be afraid of these strong arms sneaking to you to make you encounter his chest even though, when you would have pointed out this small detail, he may deny everything but surely mumbles an eloquent yet puzzling "Yare Yare"

Of course, you wouldn't mind having a little bit of Jotaro's body warmth, because, yeah, it's always surprisingly nice to be next to him

It's even better than Avdol's presence due to a stand which is literally not living fire.

Let's talk about Stands by the way

Star Platinum would probably ask you a goodnight kiss, or cuddles, or just a normal hug. Goodness... The soundless "ora" the stand breath out like a secret is too much for your tired little heart seeking for rest

You might think at the moment that Star Platinum has his own personality. An embarrassing fact for Jotaro who gets free kisses on the cheeks and hugs–of course it might be slightly different if he has a crush on you or if you two share an established relashionship but you literally met each other's path last week–

Star Platinum might like to interact with your stand depending on the shape it gets, which is obviously a wholesome yet weird scene.

"Yare Yare daze"

A LOT of Yare Yare daze. Even though he will tell anyone it annoying, he may appreciate it nonetheless.

If you respect each other's boundaries, it won't be any issues.

Joseph Joestar

Jotaro's grandfather is quite nice actually. A big bear when it comes to the field of sleeping –even more than he is with you already–

A lot noisier than his grandson that's for sure

Sleeps always deeply and snores. You could have sworn you heard him mutter "oh my god" in his sleep.

If it is only muttered it is quite nice actually. One night, you weren't with him but Avdol said he shouted it at 3 or 4 in the morning making jump the Egyptian and fall from the bed.

You could have killed someone to be a little mouse that night and watch the whole scene

For the roar of your elder as much to see Avdol fall from the bed. The image in your mind seemed priceless

Goodness... You have slept next to Joseph a few times already. He is not as still and stiff as his grandson. Quite the contrary actually. Arriving to the end of the night without having been slapped is rare enough to be highlighted.

While you were walking in a street, you considered the idea of buying straps like they used in insane asylum. Maybe a little bit too harsh but Jotaro understood your action. Making the younger Joestar smile under his hat.

Though, under normal conditions, for lack of better words, Joseph always keeps his distance while he was resting next to you.

Because... Boundaries... you know... He appreciates them as time goes on. Or maybe it's aging that makes him this way. Older people likes to have their little comfort, sharing but with privacy. A whole mood.

He is way more cautious with his than he was when he was younger. At least a little bit more. But when he sleeps, Joseph doesn't control everything.

Jean-Pierre Polnareff

Both Joestar are a thing.

Polnareff is another

You appreciated to sleep next to the French man. Even though he had no idea about boundaries. (Joseph's style for emphasis) OH MY GOD

Considering the kind of relashionship and the way you both are close, it might differ somehow but not that much

I guess Polnareff isn't the kind of guy to leave you only one minute alone

He's always talking, or more likely babbling his nonsense cut with French words. Which is fine to you but it seems you don't always get what this damn Polnareff would mean

'Mon Dieu Y/N ! I have something to tell you! You won't believe it'

Okay... Why not? But please Polnareff could you tell your story slower and try to organize it? Nobody understands a damn word. "Tu passes du coq à l'âne" as the French idiom says.

And definitely you encountered a week ago, so why the rush? Do you think our dear Y/N is going to vanish with the next rain?

I guess Polnareff is quite a deep sleeper. Sleeping beauty... you know how it is...

He moves a LOT. Turning and returning on his back, belly, shoulders. A whole mood when it comes to rest. A little bit like Sid in the first episode of Ice Age when the sloth tries to find a comfortable way to rest, less theatrical though... Or not.

Of course, it happens when he doesn't slide his arms along your hips, keeping you prisoner of his soft but tight and almost authoritative grip.

Not that you're uncomfortable but... Boundaries...

You understood very well that the road to Cairo would be quite the hardship to overcome. Maybe he needed some relief. J. Gail has raped and killed his sister, he might feel down sometimes.

I guess you just leave him hug you from behind, as weird as it sounds and thanks to the night's natural mystic power to enhance or soothe emotions.

Even though Polnareff is taken within rest's arms, I guess he is the kind to mutter while his eyes and closed and his hair down. You would think he was kind of the man to make big speeches yet he was more the type to say chivalrous pick up lines, may be flirting with his dream person literally, or just mumbling about toilets or food which probably be more realistic. His dreams are definitely a weird place, more than most as you can observe.

Kakyoin Noriaki

Rather complicated to imagine how it would be to share a room with the cherry boy. I think we'll have to take a bigger and general frame to distinct how it would happen while you share a room with Kakyoin

As always, it is mostly about what your relashionship is about. A crush? Real love? Friendship? It has been barely a week that you're with the boys but you feel as if you've been with them your whole life, as if nothing happened before and mostly thanks to Kakyoin's presence

I guess he is quite the guy to try to make you feel comfortable around all the other Crusaders and being a part of them as well.

He is very sweet, welcoming and tries to tell you everything you could have missed since the start of their journey, first, how they ended together to chase Dio. First, the illness striking Jotaro's mother so as to not make an undelicate remark in the future for instance.

Kakyoin loves to talk to someone able to listen to him as much as he would be able to listen to someone.

He would also like to hear you talk about your country and customs or places where you have been. He firmly believes that you can see the heart of a person and their interests through the places they went for any reason.

These little talks would surely take place in the room you share.

Kakyoin likes to share stories too. It doesn't have to be serious ones but you could come to share what made you laugh, dream or anything else in any situation.

Kakyoin has a lot of boundaries. Might blush a little when it comes to privacy. Because, yes, it is a question that doesn't come first with the other boys and cherry boy is really concerned about it. He is the one that cares the most about respect with Avdol.

As for sharing a night in the same bed, he is quite normal I guess. Although, if your relashionship goes a little further, his unconscious being might be slightly clingy if you are close to each other.

Also, if you have a TV in your room, he will leave you choose what you want to watch. Something that could end into a battle with any other guy of the team.

Kakyoin might be the most accepting among the boys as long he can relax a little bit between the steps of your journey to Cairo, which is not so obvious with anyone else in your little team.

Muhammad Avdol

WAY TOO WARM !!

If you don't like being cold Avdol is your man. Though, is you don't endure well heat, you'll probably curse him every second of a night spent next to him.

His body irradiates already of some warmth, if Magician Red comes in the room, prepare yourself to go in a sauna.

This being said, Avdol is quite nice actually.

Likes silence and long talks. If he's not in the mood, he might read a book while enjoying this short break. He'd like to know your taste in these by the way. It's even nicer if you can share about a story you both read or if you are able to recommend him something.

All this little talks takes place in the room you share. Even in the bed sometimes when it's 1 or 2 in the morning because nights are difficult due to the eternal pressure of time and the threats ahead lying in the shadows along your trip.

Avdol is also quite the stiff man when he sleeps so don't worry too much about boundaries. He's also very polite and respect you pretty much as a person with privacy.

Actually, the Egyptian mostly shares a room with Joseph so as to have a plan in case and anticipate potential next hardships. So you don't share a room that much. Ten times at most along the trip to his homeland.

Avdol is also a quiet man and very cautious. He's also learning to apprehend you and to trust you. And behind the shut doors of your room, you are yourself in your most human way.

His little hobby is trying to predict your future but as any people of his kind, he doesn't make it direct enough to be clearly understandable.

And yourself, whether or not do you believe in his talents, you ask him sometimes to see what's going to happen according to cards or palm lines. It relieves you or not but at least you keep you ready to what your going to face in the future. Even though it remains awful or not.

So damn cute ❤️

I started to read the Hobbit, and so I enter the LOTR fandom. But I wasn't ready to fall in the Legolas Greenleaf fandom.

"Love is such an awful thing. It provokes dread jealousy, gut-wrenching anger, unbreathable anguish, sick sadness, painful happiness, cheerful despair, obsessive hunger, insane longing, throbbing loneliness in me when I see you.

Yet, the Sun shines harder, searing my skin, warming my body. Akin to Icarus, I fall down, fracture my skull, smash my bones and light still mocks my ambition, the whole universe laughs at my dream and I die and reborn by the sole grace of your glimpse over my decaying figure.

Thousands moons of hope and an eternity to say 'I love you'. I ache, fall and break but I still smile at the very sight of you"

One Piece characters with a playful S/O who is deep down a merciless badass

TW : none.

A/N : This won't focus entirely on the relashionship with any of the characters.

Characters : Mihawk, Ace, Aokiji

Mihawk

At first, your way to be so lively, bold, untamed and uncaring about everything kinda annoys our dear Warlord.

Then, he finds out about your piercing glare, your powers if you have any, your talent at using your weapons or just your style in general.

He is amazed, honestly.

Won't show how surprised he is, though.

But still. He will wonder how he could have been so blind when it comes to your talent for fighting.

The way you kicked those noisy bastards' asses ? Mihawk wouldn't have done better. Well he was able to, but, you know...

It's mostly your eyes and your expression that he will remember. He so used at seeing that little smirk of yours while you are eagerly awaiting for a poor fool to fall in your little traps. And yet, here we are. There's no trick this time.

Mihawk won't say anything immediately but he will appreciate if you accept to tell him more about your training and mostly your past because he wants to know what or who made you become such a badass.

As obvious as it sounds, Mihawk won't go full fangirl about you. But he respects you even more from now on. +100 points of charm for you.

Although, your cheekiness comes back and our dear Mihawk finds it both endearing and slightly upsetting.

He didn't know you were doing all these jokes more for him than yourself and had no idea about it. But the black-haired man will find it endearing when you will tell him.

Just to make it clearer, it happens almost like the following drabble.

"If I had known you were smiling like that, I would have slaughtered thousands of people already" you state with a smirk on your face. Mihawk just stared at you, his brows furrowing.

"No no. Don't play pretend. I've seen it, my dear" you continued, passing in front of your beloved swordman.

The latter was a little bit shocked and didn't know what to answer. Even though he remained stoic, you noticed his unease. You got closer to him and almost kissed his cheek. Yet, you remembered you were in public and just withdrew before embarrassing Mihawk.

"You wanted to make me smile ?" inquired the latter.

"Yeah. Why not? You look like you're always far away. Even when you're with me. That's why I keep trying to attract your attention towards me" you admit, blushing and your head slightly tilted to the side.

"I... Had no idea. I apologize if you feel like I am ignoring you, my dear" replied Mihawk after a short time and almost as equally flustered as you were, he was just better at concealing it.

You felt him take your hand and raise up to his lips. He just kissed it lightly as he was used to do. You nodded and here was the end of the story. Although, it didn't stop you in your kidding habit.

Ace

Will find it incredible. Like his eyes are glittering with delight. Goes full fanboy about your strength.

Of course, he loves your little tricks. And mostly the ones that aims the others *Marco suddenly feels as if he is called somewhere on the ship's deck*. He always find it really funny as well as the crew who asks you where you find all these ideas.

You would never tell them by the way. You just shrug then walk away.

But you like to make Ace's heart lighter with jokes and he knows this.

Although, once a Navy ship took a liking in saying bullshit to your crew. You didn't even wait for Pops to give an order and by the time he did, all these soldiers were lying on their deck, bathing in their own blood and their body cooling down as nature intended.

Ace was seriously taken aback. Where was his little childish cat who messes around with the people of the crew?

"Hey Y/N... You okay?

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You have just kicked all of their asses in 3 minutes, that's why. You could've left me some by the way!"

"Sorry?"

Ace just hugged you after that and showed off slightly, claiming all loudly "that's mah gurl bitches" or something alike.

All of this to say that Ace is super happy when you're all bold, joking around and just untamed with people. But he also likes that merciless side of you that crushes everything which doesn't go the way you want to. Although, he mostly prefers that smiling and childish side of you even though he accepts you as a whole.

Aokiji

Let's go for our lazy Admiral of the Navy.

When he meets you, you have some reputation among the soldiers for being quite an unconventional servant of the holy Justice.

There are some bottles of milk which apparently exploded in the kitchen, some bubble invasions when the day for laundries came and all the Marine capes went pink instead of the immaculate usual white. All these kinds of small things that brought smiles to the soldiers and made them look just human as much as completely unnerved.

Fortunately, Aokiji has never been touched by such pranks. The pink coats was your most famous joke. Even Sengoku didn't manage to keep his laughter for himself.

In the meantime, you were slowly constructing your legend with that gentle smile of yours always plastered on your face. A smile which made Kuzan fall for you.

One day, Aokiji was required for a mission in some places and you were of the party. Everything was going well until you had to fight random pirates. Nothing strange until then since it was your job.

It turned out to be something else when you literally dashed in the first line and just killed your ennemies without a care in the world. You were a little bit like a bull smashing everything in its way. Your crewmates had barely the time to see the pirates flying lifeless behind you.

The rumor that spread after that was that apparently, the soldiers of your crew just needed to sit on an empty trunk of a tree observing the pirates landing - or more likely royally wallowing - at their feet and applauded while giving you a score of ten out of ten for having masterfully fallen like shit on the ground.

Anyways, all that mattered for Aokiji was if you were okay first. Then, when he noticed a blood stain on your cheek that wasn't yours, he felt relieved. You mercilessly butchered those pirates and you weren't injured.

Aokiji doesn't overly appreciate your habit to just go before anyone in battles and can't say he is 100% for it. Your style is too unstructured. You will get killed if you are not careful and since you are unleashed during this time without any immediate back-up, he will ask you at least to wait to have some soldiers at your side. Losing you is never an option and he can't be always behind you to save that ass of yours he was so fond of.