Jim: If You Order Them Around Like A Cop, Then They're Gonna Rebel, It's Just What They Do.Bruce: What,

Jim: If you order them around like a cop, then they're gonna rebel, it's just what they do. Bruce: What, so i'm supposed to let them do whatever they want? Jim: No, I didn't say that i think you should.... talk to them.                            Bruce: No. NO. cause talking doesn't work!                                                            Jim: Not yelling. Not ordering. But talk to them, you know, like a heart to heart.  Bruce: Heart... to heart...? What is that?                                                                Jim: You sit them down and you talk to them, like you're their friend. I find if you talk to them like you're on their level, then they really start to listen... and then you know, you could start to create some boundaries.                                        Bruce: ... boundaries                                                                                         Jim: yeah but Bruce, it’s really important that no matter how they respond you stay calm, you cannot lose your temper.                                                              Bruce: uh... maybe you could do it for me.                                                          Jim: No. 

tfw you expect a fellow goth but instead you get a ray of sunshine

LMFAOOO

oh bruce…

Also guest starring, Jerry the Turkey

batfamily on reality tv headcanons

The Beginnings

Bruce Wayne is approached by a popular reality TV studio with a specific request

They want the Waynes to appear in an episode of a show that follows prominent families to film their dynamics and ways of living

And it so happens that every bat kid LOVES THIS SHOW

They sometimes skip out on patrol to watch it as it airs

They easily get sucked into the drama

“Hey, did you see that Katie from the Mayron family disowned her daughter last night?”

“she WHAT??”

“Hey guys I love the show and everything but can we focus on the gun that pointed at my head right now? Thanks.”

Bruce, at Sunday dinner: “So everyone, for full transparency I must disclose that yesterday I was approached by the makers of some show called ‘Keep-’”

“YES YES 100% YES”

The Episode

It wasn’t even arguable at that point

Bruce went along with it, supposedly because turning it down would look “suspicious” but really he saw how happy it made his family

Their episode is WILD and widely regarded as the best one of the series

Starts out with a house tour led by Bruce and Alfred with meddling kids littered throughout the place

After that it follows them around a typical day and literally every scene is turned into a meme

Tim goes face first into a bowl of cereal after accidentally falling asleep at breakfast

The kids have a handstand contest to see who sits shotgun

There’s not enough room for all the kids in one car

Duke sits on Cass’ lap

Dick and Damian squeeze into the trunk between the jumper cables and a spare tire

Tim just jogs beside the car because he got there last

CARPOOL KARAOKE

Follows the kids getting ready for a press conference

No one can find Jason

Stephanie wears bright blue eyeshadow and refuses to take it off

Bruce goes to yell at Dick but literally cycles through every other name before he gives up

This happens

After the popularity, Bruce is again approached for a spinoff series

*deep sigh* “I can’t do this again…. I’m too weak…”

Notable Quotes

“And here’s the grand staircase whose- *loud crash* -railings are not intended to be a sliding board, Richard-”

Jason: “And here’s my room. Well, it was my room until some crackhead moved in.” Tim, off camera: “Stop calling me a crackhead! You know I was afraid of getting my flu shot!”

Camera man: “so you named your cat after your butler? Isn’t that a little weird?” Damian: “Look this cat in the eyes and tell me that he is not an Alfred.”

“I’m the only sane person in this family.” -everyone, at least once

“Screw you, Bruce! I wish Batman was my dad!”

“Superman wouldn’t treat me like this!”

Tim: “I’m running away to join the circus!” Dick: “Okay, first of all, any self-respecting circus wouldn’t even consider taking you. Secondly-”

Interviewer: “So Barbara, do you consider yourself a part of the Wayne family?” Babs: “Yes, but I’m hoping the emancipation papers go through smoothly.”

“Bruce trusted me, a seventeen year old, to run his entire billion dollar company and y’all think he’s Batman? Sad.”

Steph, to Bruce: “you’re just not that interesting to look at.”

ask and you shall receive - feel free to add on - requests open

Holy crap my heart

“So, I was thinking about that case from yesterday and I think someone killed Mr. Roberts.” Tim stepped into the kitchen, looking at the pictures he’d taken in his hands, and kept talking without looking up. “A heart attack wouldn’t have made sense, because he was in his prime. I think our killer knew what he was doing, so he put an air bubble in the IV line.”

He sat down at the island, hopping into a seat, and laid out his photos on the table. Only when he was sure of himself did Tim look up at Bruce, who was sitting across from him, and open his mouth to continue.

But he didn’t. The words in his throat died the instant he lifted his eyes off the pictures.

Keep reading

Hear me out: If there are Gotham memes about Batman, there must be Batfam memes about Batman (and each other).

Gotham memes Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

@nananananananabatfam made the John Mulaney one. I just did the editing.