Woke Up Drenched In Sweat And Nauseous Yet Again. Just Miserable. I Barely Got Down A Half Bowl Of Cereal

Woke up drenched in sweat and nauseous yet again. Just miserable. I barely got down a half bowl of cereal and have been sipping liquid iv.

I feel so gross. So weak. My chest has hurt all morning. I couldn't sleep well the last 2 nights because of irregular heartbeat knocking the wind out of me.

I just want to shower. I just want to sleep.

i know it's the same late-stage capitalism grift but i'm just so tired of everything being so anti-personalisation and anti-customisation.

everything has to be kept in good enough nick to resell to some stranger, and your touch being known on whatever it is degrades its value

i buy so many vintage clothes where i can see repairs from twenty years ago, most of the furniture i buy is 50, 100, 150 years old because it's so much better than anything newer, but also like... it's patterned. it's decorated. it's not soulless shite in landlord's colours

idk i've hung up 15 pieces of art in my apartment the past few weeks, when it's "complete" i'll probs have up a hundred or so pieces to cover the walls, i want a standing piano, i want blankets, quilting, i want comfort with my antique furnishing and art

sometimes people assume that because a piece of my furniture is a century or two old it must be So Expensive, but in reality i buy it for literally like, a sixth or a tenth of the equivalent unit, uglier, less well-constructed, new, BECAUSE it's old and LOOKS old.

it's not that no one appreciates antiques anymore, even, i don't actually believe, it's that no one's ALLOWED to - even if it was easy to move the furniture back and forth in a car they don't own to an apartment full of their shitty landlord's furniture they can't get rid of

everything has to be kept attractive enough for an invisible viewer's approval, has to be Fashionable and Saleable enough, whether that means TikTokable or appropriate for their work or a landlord or whatever other bullshit

and the older i get the more technophobic i am because i like certain specific things but everything is so fucking invasive and so hostile to everything about individuality EXCEPT for the vulnerabilities in an individual that might make them easier to advertise and sell to

I made a small batch of food around 3am after taking care of my youngest who happened to wake up middle of the night. I'd set my plate down on my nightstand, gotten comfy, and passed tf out.

So now I have a cold breakfast ready and waiting 😅🫠

(◡‿◡✿)

(ʘ‿ʘ✿) “what you say ‘bout me”

(ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ “hold my flower”

My partner introduced me to the Palia game and I cannot stop binge-playing...

....

It is a

PROBLEM