Tw/blood + Implied Sh

tw/blood + implied sh

i had a dream again

that i was covered in blood

my hands

my arms

my eyes

and something was wrong

but when i woke up i forgot to ask

if that was normal

it flashes before my eyes every so often

like a reminder

-something i wrote a while back about experiences even further back, im doing alright and this isn’t anything that should make anyone worry (just making sure)

in the depths of winter night

the sky fills with coloured light

and people raise their glass

to the end of yet another fight

i push away all thoughts of tomorrow

and ignore the cold air through the fleece you let me borrow

it makes me shiver where i stand

beside you hand in hand

i will scream into the sky

how we made it

you and i

me trying to rhyme

when i wrote this I thought i’d be celebrating with other people but then like 4 hours before the new year i got fever. yayy. so i ended up celebrating alone by standing outside our door wrapped in a blanket and with a really sore throat. so i could definitely not scream anything haha

happy new years, it’s 2023 now, scary

i still think about last year

how many times I told you ink will sink trough skin

how it stained your hands and sleeves

and as it dripped on the floor i thought about how it would form a pond deep enough for us both to drown in

i coughed up ink for a week after that night

painting!

it’s the them!

i love them!

i don’t feel trapped here

under layers of familiarity and routine

where everyone knows my name

and the changes are so slow you don't even notice

i don't feel trapped

not yet

but i will leave

as soon as i get the chance to i will leave

been counting down the days for as long as i remember

like snufkin when the leaves turn

from green to yellow

from yellow to red

it'll eventually be my turn

slip on soon to be worn out shoes

heave my backpack onto my already aching shoulders

but not aching in a bad way

aching from excitement

from anticipation

aching to carry

carry the weight of few belongings

everything, my whole life now

tossed together in a 30l backpack

enamel mug in a string from the back

a one way ticket please

picking up the pencil

it's been a couple weeks

hello dear old friend

nice to see you here again

like a tuft of grass

in a seemingly endless mire

thank you for the hand

mister apollo

painted for the first time in a while today, it was very therapeutic

maybe perhaps i will post the painting when it’s finished