I Still Think About Last Year

i still think about last year

how many times I told you ink will sink trough skin

how it stained your hands and sleeves

and as it dripped on the floor i thought about how it would form a pond deep enough for us both to drown in

i coughed up ink for a week after that night

i don’t feel trapped here

under layers of familiarity and routine

where everyone knows my name

and the changes are so slow you don't even notice

i don't feel trapped

not yet

but i will leave

as soon as i get the chance to i will leave

been counting down the days for as long as i remember

like snufkin when the leaves turn

from green to yellow

from yellow to red

it'll eventually be my turn

slip on soon to be worn out shoes

heave my backpack onto my already aching shoulders

but not aching in a bad way

aching from excitement

from anticipation

aching to carry

carry the weight of few belongings

everything, my whole life now

tossed together in a 30l backpack

enamel mug in a string from the back

a one way ticket please

one day i’ll hold you for reasons other than holding onto anything that could keep me here

i really like candles

i saw a pigeon in the train station today

i watched it fly from one side of the building to the other

between giant glass walls

back and forth it flew

back and forth

high above the open doors

as if next time there would be no wall

and it could fly out into the open

but the walls didn’t move

and the pigeon didn’t stop

back and forth it flew

back and forth

back and forth

and i thought about ants

and i thought about whales

and i thought about me and you

and i watched the pigeon fly

back and forth

back and forth

in the depths of winter night

the sky fills with coloured light

and people raise their glass

to the end of yet another fight

i push away all thoughts of tomorrow

and ignore the cold air through the fleece you let me borrow

it makes me shiver where i stand

beside you hand in hand

i will scream into the sky

how we made it

you and i

me trying to rhyme

when i wrote this I thought i’d be celebrating with other people but then like 4 hours before the new year i got fever. yayy. so i ended up celebrating alone by standing outside our door wrapped in a blanket and with a really sore throat. so i could definitely not scream anything haha

happy new years, it’s 2023 now, scary

Art! The above one is from a dream I had, it was pretty odd