I Saw A Pigeon In The Train Station Today

i saw a pigeon in the train station today

i watched it fly from one side of the building to the other

between giant glass walls

back and forth it flew

back and forth

high above the open doors

as if next time there would be no wall

and it could fly out into the open

but the walls didn’t move

and the pigeon didn’t stop

back and forth it flew

back and forth

back and forth

and i thought about ants

and i thought about whales

and i thought about me and you

and i watched the pigeon fly

back and forth

back and forth

another csh drawing? wowie

perspective is a little messed up but yk what that’s okay

also please excuse my handwriting

i don’t feel trapped here

under layers of familiarity and routine

where everyone knows my name

and the changes are so slow you don't even notice

i don't feel trapped

not yet

but i will leave

as soon as i get the chance to i will leave

been counting down the days for as long as i remember

like snufkin when the leaves turn

from green to yellow

from yellow to red

it'll eventually be my turn

slip on soon to be worn out shoes

heave my backpack onto my already aching shoulders

but not aching in a bad way

aching from excitement

from anticipation

aching to carry

carry the weight of few belongings

everything, my whole life now

tossed together in a 30l backpack

enamel mug in a string from the back

a one way ticket please

lately i've been feeling the numbness again

the one when your arms get heavy

and you dread every conversation

i can't muster up enough energy to

..i don't know

i stay up cursing myself for an illness that convinces me he's my friend

is he?

maybe it's just a slip up

maybe it'll blow over

hopefully

little stars

all over my legs and arms

that one from the summer i was six

that one from when i was eleven

little white stars like milestones throughout my life

and the falling stars

meteors and comets

they come in groups

one two three

fifteen twenty thirtytwo

so many i cant count

make a wish

i haven’t been doing too well lately, there’s a lot of stuff going on and i can’t really bring myself to write

here’s something though

tw/blood + implied sh

i had a dream again

that i was covered in blood

my hands

my arms

my eyes

and something was wrong

but when i woke up i forgot to ask

if that was normal

it flashes before my eyes every so often

like a reminder

-something i wrote a while back about experiences even further back, im doing alright and this isn’t anything that should make anyone worry (just making sure)