10/10 - A Story About My Boyfriend. This Is A True Story, I Just Added Poetic Effects To It And Made

10/10 - A story about my boyfriend. This is a true story, I just added poetic effects to it and made it more "story-like".

He jokes with me. “You’re like a 10/10 and I’m a 3/10.” Whether he truly thinks this or not, it hurts me. He is one of the most beautiful boys I have ever seen. “I think you are a 10.” I reply. “Really?” He asks. He acts as though I don’t tell him he’s beautiful everyday. “Yes, I mean, maybe not to others.” I say this because I know people have not thought of him as a beautiful person, not like I have at least. I get it. Sometimes you don’t realise how beautiful someone truly is at first glance. There’s things about his appearance that people haven’t analysed as much as I have. No one has stared as deep into his eyes as I have. And certainly not for as long. No one has played with his hair like I have, massaging his head, feeling the softness of his hair and smelling the scent of coconuts that always makes its way to my nose. I don’t think anyone has seen his real and genuine smile either. I never saw this smile before we were close. But I am so grateful to have seen it now. When he smiles he looks as happy as a little kid that has just gotten exactly what they wanted after begging all day. The pure happiness of a child. His eyes squint so much, they’re practically closed and his lips curve upwards with this look of playfulness. It is so cute. I’ve never seen someone my age smile with such cheerfulness. It looks so.. real. It sounds cheesy but when I see that smile - that real smile - it makes me think everything in my life is perfect. If I can witness this boy- this masked, distant, secluded boy be happy then nothing can be wrong. And what makes everything even more beautiful is that I am making this boy smile that way. Occasionally when I tell him how much I love him, I see his eyes tear up a little and his smile turn upside-down. He looks so warm and precious and it makes me want to protect him no matter the cost. I have also seen him cry. He looks so small when he cries, even though he is a full head taller than me. He looks so soft and sweet and precious. Maybe he seems so small because he has let his guard down. He doesn’t have to be bigger anymore. He can be looked after. I can look after him. This makes me want to hold him forever and never let go. The reason for his crying is usually me. I am already crying and that makes him cry. The sensitivity and the way he cares is more beautiful than anything. I never thought a boy would sit in front of me and cry because he couldn’t help but crumble completely when I cried. His feature I have analysed the most are his eyes. A soft blue, surrounded by a darker blue with a spot of yellow indicated on just one of his eyes. These eyes paint a picture in my mind. When I stare long enough I start to see a riverbank. The river is the same colour as his eyes. A soft, light blue with a mix of green. His eyelashes morph into trees that surround the river bank. The trees are tall and they are beautiful. Trees that are untouched. The river bank is a secluded area. Only I have seen the beautiful bank for what it is worth. Some may think it is just a body of water but to me it is a streaming river of life. The sun shines through the trees and leaves a reflection on the water. As I step closer to the trickling water, I see myself. I am smiling. And then I am back in a room staring at the boy I love, and he is staring back at me. If that isn’t beautiful then I don’t know what is.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 - nina's book nook 　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

now that’s a church i would happily attend every sunday.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 - nina's book nook 　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

Does anybody want to start religion were heartstopper is our bible and Alice Osman is our god. Reblog to join

STOP im so convinced we are the same person i love taylor, jake & johnnie, heartstopper, agggtm and im turning 15 in a few months

omg i love you !! we’re so similar, let’s be moots! 💗🫶🏼

vent post 🫶🏼 (tw skin picking, ocd, anxiety, mention of blood)

2 weeks ago i started taking adhd medication. this is my first time on this type of medication so i expected some new side effects but i feel like my mental health has changed sort of drastically since i started taking them. i have had a past of OCD traits but i have never been tested. i have an anxiety disorder and i haven’t been fully diagnosed but i am taking medication for that and my depression.

so my anxiety has spiked since taking the adhd medication. before the medication i was actually doing really well with anxiety and depression. i hadn’t had that general anxiety feeling in a long time. and then it came back. yk that feeling where you feel anxious/worried but you don’t have anything in particular that you’re worried about? that’s what i mean by “general anxiety feeling”. so that was one of the first signs of my anxiety spiking bc it was just there. i could sense it. next was the nausea. i have different feelings of nausea and i have been able to label all of them over the years. the nausea i have been feeling is my well known anxiety nausea. again, there was nothing making me worried. although i was starting to get a little worried around this time because i was really struggling with communication so it was hard to tell people how i was feeling. it’s made my social life really hard. but i wasn’t necessarily overthinking this when i got that anxiety nausea. next was the obsession with my fingers. i could not stop picking the skin around my nails. i hate the little bits of skin that stick out. it looked bad and it made me uncomfortable somehow. so i’d pick it. and i’d pick it again and again until all my fingers had scabs/infection or were bleeding. i felt so bad. i didn’t want to keep picking but i couldn’t help it. even though it made me feel worse for picking my skin, it make me feel a bit better. it relieves some of the anxiety. that’s how i felt at least. it was a distraction from the things around me. i realised i actually liked the pain sometimes. this worried me. i’m not the type of person that hurts themselves as a coping mechanism. but the pain felt good. like i deserved it.

i started using the app “i am sober”. it’s been sort of helpful. so today i was so close to reaching the 3rd day milestone. i was so proud of myself. at school i planned with my bf to go to his house. one, because i love hanging out with him and two, i never feel anxious at his house and atm i’ve been opting for the “stress-free” option ofc. turns out i couldn’t come over. i was really disappointed but i sucked it up and went home. me and my bf were kind of pissed and i felt like he was a bit annoyed at me which didn’t make me feel any better (he wasn’t annoyed at me btw). i get home and i remember that i broke a nail at school and my nails are uneven now. as much as i’ve been trying to avoid going anywhere near my finger nails, i realise my finger nails are getting in the way of my mouse pad giving my finger tips a weird feeling.

fast forward 3 hours. i spent 3 fucking hours, trimming, cutting and filing my nails. i picked at the sides of my fingers with the nail clippers trying to remove any dead skin that might show up later (which i hate). i attempted to remove my cuticles because i just couldn’t get them even. i picked at the side of one of my fingers so much it began to bleed. i hated myself. i realised then that i’d lost my streak of not picking my skin. i had been doing so well and then i ruin it all. which is untrue, i didn’t really ruin it all. but that’s how i felt. still, i kept picking. it had been around 2 hours and i hadn’t even finished a whole hand of fingers. by 3 hours i’d completed one hand. the only thing that stopped me from continuing my picking was the call that dinner was being served and after dinner my bf called me. he knew i wasn’t ok. i wanted to leave the call but he begged me to stay. i can’t say no to him. the feeling that i need to finish the other hand is still lingering in the back of my mind but i don’t want to upset or disappoint my bf.

tonight i felt like hurting myself. there were scissors on my bed i used on my nails earlier. i imagined what it would feel like on my skin. i hate myself for admitting that i was going to hurt myself if my bf wasn’t on the phone with me at the time. i pray i wouldn’t have been brave enough to do it anyway. i felt like i deserved it. to be in pain.

anyways my lovely bf made me feel better just be being there. we didn’t talk, he listened to me and when i stopped talking we sat in silence. but he was there and that’s what matters. if we wasn’t there i might have done something id extremely regret. i also think i might have had a panic attack if he wasn’t there to calm me down. i love him 🫶🏼

i realised later that when i wanted to go to my bf's house it was like my body was warning me that the anxiety was going to be bad. that the picking was going to be bad. it's not bad at his house so my brain wanted to go there. maybe i'm reading into this too much but the way i felt when i realised ii couldn't go to his house wasn't just disappointment. it was worry and stress. i felt like i needed to go to his house.

if you read all of this, bless your heart 😭🫶🏼 if you have any similar experiences or thoughts on this lmk!! could this be ocd or is it something else?

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 - nina's book nook 　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

this is something i've always thought about. the reality is that you cannot be strong and defend yourself without being seen as a bitch to some people. but if you are kind and you give people what they want some will see you as weak. either way they will use these things against you. be you, love yourself, be kind but stand your ground. it is not easy but nothing really is.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 - nina's book nook 　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

How to be nice without people mistaking your kindness for weakness no glue no borax

what should i say, girlies??? i could use the extra cash 🤑🤑 /j