GEN V1.06 Jumanji

GEN V 1.06 Jumanji

On your AO3 you wrote The pieces I'm proudest of are the Broken Wheel series (Once Upon a Time) and Madness for Two (Doctor Who).

What made those two series stand out above others for you if it's ok to ask?

It's completely okay to ask!

Those stories are the ones that turned out on the page looking something like the vision in my head. They were relatively quick and painless to write, probably because they're so contained compared to my long fanfics, but also because I threw away some of the self-imposed constraints that make writing harder (if ultimately more likely to be attractive to a wider audience). They're more self-indulgent and removed from canon than I normally go for as either writer or reader.

Broken Wheel explores a Dark Castle-based romance for Belle and Rumple without really digging into the pitfalls of their relationship. They desire each other and they go for it. As a canon-divergent AU it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but as a fairytale take on OUaT's twist on a fairytale, it's kinda fun. It's quirky because Belle and Rumple are both quirky characters capable of becoming lost in each other to the exclusion of everything else. They spend the story exploring what's possible on their terms and - to deploy a phrase I didn't yet know when I wrote those pieces - matching each other's freak. I think it was the first time I wrote Rumple's POV, which I don't find easy or comfortable compared to Belle, so I'm proud of how that turned out.

Madness for Two is similar in a way - short, contained, smutty with feels, showing POV's I usually avoid because I find them hard. Self-indulgent, quirky, prioritising the Doctor/Master 'ship and smut over the more complex realities of their canon relationship. I wrote it for the 50th anniversary of the Master's debut on DW so I wanted to avoid really diving into the morality of it all and just celebrate my love for the characters. As with Broken Wheel's Belle and Rumple, I wrote Thirteen and the Master (and the subplot with Twelve and Missy) in an obsessive, claustrophobic, and quirky collision of personalities. Nobody matches freaks like those two!

In this case I added a MacGuffin to stop 'em actively fighting for five minutes so the story could work, not so much to enable the smut (though it was nice to do that for the Master's birthday - they've been jonesing for some quality Doctor-time in my head since the 1980's!) but to force their POV's to deal with the antagonism and intensity of their bond in words. I wanted them to describe each other as intimates and, in doing so, throw a light on themselves.

I intended both Broken Wheel and Madness for Two to be character studies first, smut second, love story third. The DW piece throws in angst and hurt comfort too, because that's my fave playground. I played with tone and voice and imagery more than I usually would and - on the whole - was happy with the results. I enjoy reading these stories back, actually seeing the story instead of the flaws in my writing/things I'd do differently now I've learned that bit more.

Lastly, they're actually finished pieces and not WIPs that keep me awake at night listening to the unfulfilled character voices in my head! I've always hoped to add a third piece to make Broken Wheel a trilogy, but it doesn't need it if I never can. I've never quite found the right narrative voice for it, maybe because it wants to be told from Belle's POV while the first two are Rumple's. It's a cute enough story from her POV, but I'd like the set to match and haven't yet figured out how to do that.

‘‘- You talked Wallace into sacrificing himself’’  ‘‘- No, I didn’t. I… presented a situation.’’ - (4x09 Miller’s Crossing)

LOKI SERIES (2021) DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE (2024)

Putting together S15 and The Winchesters--- was Dean aware of his feelings towards Cas and vice versa or did the confession scene shock him? What is your take on why Dean didn't reply to Cas?

I reckon Dean's usually aware of his own feelings, even accepting of them, but he's also very good at compartmentalising emotional confusion - shutting a lid on it to let him get through each day with as clear a head as possible. He prioritises ruthlessly and pushes 'crap I have no idea how to deal with' right to the bottom of the heap. Aspects of his relationship with Cas have always been on that heap.

That's why it's so devastating whenever he does let go and say the things he's been bottling up: why he brews it up until he explodes or breaks down, and says things that do more harm than good. It's not self-deception or self-censorship with Dean when he represses emotional issues. It's a practical defence mechanism sitting between all that self-doubt and self-loathing and Dean's functional, day to day existence. It's not a great defence - the drinking speaks to that - but it's one he understands and relies on. Letting it go, becoming vulnerable, is what scares him. What Cas tells him - what Cas gives Dean before he goes - is part of the key to unlocking himself.

Dean's definitely in shock there, aghast, but I don't think it's from hearing, "I love you." He must be startled that Cas would out and say it after so long just wearing it on his sleeve, but Dean's reaction screams, 'Not like this, not now, not another goodbye when I'm already drowning and can't handle one more thing, let alone face this without you'.

Dean did reply, and I think his, "Don't do this," was exactly what he meant. It's grief because he sees what's coming and he can't bear it. 'Don't drop this bombshell on me and then go. Don't leave me with this open wound. Don't leave me alone here. Don't leave. Don't die, Cas, please, don't die'.

If they'd both survived the scene, everything would've been fine between them (however they chose to proceed) - I'm absolutely sure of that. They got the rest of the mess out of their systems in the first half of season fifteen. They're solid.

As for The Winchesters, and the Supernatural finale come to that... I'm still processing. Heaven!Dean is not happy - he's not at peace. He's not acting like a man given paradise, but like he's taken up another, new burden in place of the ones he left behind. Like it's crushing him, come The Winchesters finale. It's heartbreaking, but it bodes darned well for the feels value of any sequel.