Forgive Me, Oh Daddy, For I Have Sinned Against The Laws Of Canon

Forgive me, oh daddy, for I have sinned against the laws of Canon

I rebuke any form of shipping, AU, and fusionfic in my life. I rebuke every kind of darkness that I have allowed Fanfic to work in my life, my OCs, and my blorbos, in the Creator's mighty name!

O Creator, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Content and the pains of Development Hell. But, most of all, because they have offended Thee, Creator, Who art all good, and deserving of all my eyeballs. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy Grace, to confess my sins, to do penance (whip me), and to question my life and choices.

just so you know, you have some followers who enjoy/write fanfiction. not saying their urls rn bc i don’t wanna air out dirty laundry in public but if you want them so you can block and report, just say the word and i’ll dm you a list

James's Special Delivery: Tab A Plus Slot B Equals Kitten (part two of three)

There is a three-sentence sex scene in this. It's three sentences too long and it's also too short.

If you're going to write James/Meowth slashfic, you'd better go all in on it.

Part one

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance; Dr. Fuji is miraculously alive somehow; ridiculously easy resolutions to problems; attempts to rehabilitate James's mother (she totally approved of Jessiebelle's bullshit she deserves no mercy); divorce; IKEA erotica that's somehow way too graphic and under described at the same time; dialogue that can't decide if it wants to be humorous or suspenseful

-O-o-O-o-O-

Meanwhile, back at James’s hometown, his parents were getting a divorce.

“I’m tired of the way you’re treating our son!” yelled Bethany Morgan, James’s mother.

“That boy is just hopeless. He won’t marry a proper citizen like Jessiebelle. He’s even dating a talking Meowth who used to be a criminal. How disgraceful!” Jacob Morgan, James’s father, yelled.

“This is the year 2002. Things are changing. Besides, he’s really in love with him. Maybe he ran away because of you. You drove James away, both you and Jessiebelle.”

“How dare you talk back to me!”

“Someone has to. I want a divorce.”

So Bethany and Jacob got a divorce. Since Bethany was rich before she married Jacob, she didn’t end up in the poorhouse. Both of them took only what they brought into the marriage.

Bethany was happy. She was free to visit her son and write to him without drama.

-O-o-O-

James looked at the pill in his hand.

“Am I really sure I want to do this?” he thought.

James decided he was ready and he would’ve done this sooner or later. It might as well be sooner.

He swallowed the pill.

-O-o-O-

That night, James and Meowth did it.

James felt very invigorated by Meowth’s thrusting. Meowth loved James with all his heart and put his love in every thrust.

Needless to say, both of them were very happy (as well as tired) when they went to sleep.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, James woke up feeling nauseated. He ran into the bathroom and started vomiting.

Meowth realized James wasn’t in bed with him and woke up. He went into the bathroom. James was kneeling with his head in the toilet.

“James, what’s wrong? Why are you vomiting?” he asked.

“I think I’m pregnant,” James said.

Meowth took James to the doctors at the lab. Sure enough, James was right.

-O-o-O-

After eating just bland food and resting, James thought he’d gotten over his morning sickness in three days.

But morning sickness was the least of their problems.

“How are we going to tell Jessie?” James asked Meowth.

“Let’s tell her in the most subtle way possible,” Meowth said.

That day, after Jessie came back from the anger management sessions, they tried to be subtle when telling her about the experiment.

“Jessie….The experiment worked,” Meowth said.

“What experiment?”

“James is….er….‘fertile.’”

“What are you talking about?”

James, who was sitting next to Meowth, was massaging his temples. This was going to take a long time.

Jessie was getting impatient. “What. Is. Wrong. With. JAMES?!” she screamed.

“JAMES IS GONNA HAVE A KITTEN, OKAY?!” Meowth yelled.

“Why didn’t you just say you wanted to catch another Meowth?” Jessie said.

“Not like that,” James whispered.

“Then, like what?”

James whispered in her ear.

“What?”

James whispered it again.

“WILL YOU STOP BEING SO DAMN VAGUE?” Jessie yelled.

“I’M PREGNANT WITH MEOWTH’S KITTEN, OKAY?” James finally yelled.

“Freaking finally.” Then she realized what he said. “You’re what?!”

“It was an experiment,” James said. “Dr. Fuji made us do it for Team Rocket.”

“And we love each other,” Meowth said.

“Okay.”

“That’s it?!”

“Yeah, I don’t really have a problem with that.”

“Oh.”

James and Meowth went into the bedroom. They had gotten lucky.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Lusting and thrusting leads to tin roofs rusting.

Whatever Happened to Jessie and James

my latest posted oldfic combined with an old movie (whatever happened to baby jane) made me think of Jessie serving Meowth's head as dinner while James wheels his chair in circles, screaming.

i should take a break from typing these things

The Angsty Domestic Life of Team Rocket: WTFcats (part one of three)

And we're back in the dark. Or at least a passing shadow. This starts off with standard-issue angst, then veers into what-the-fuckery toward the second chapter.

Also, so many unexplained talking Meowth OCs. WHY.

Warnings: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (this time with an OC talking Meowth); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; workplace violence; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; general angst; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; original characters; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance

-O-o-O-o-O-

The Meowth kitten packed her things. She wanted to get as far away from that place as she could. Her parents got blasted into the troposphere almost every day, her younger brother cried almost nonstop, wanting his man-mother, and she was considered a freak of nature.

The Meowth kitten’s name was Methidy. She was an unusual kitten. Her parents were a male Meowth and a human male. They were testing out a drug for Team Rocket scientists. The drug could make humans produce Pokémon offspring. The experiment worked and she and her younger brother, Methoni, were the results of it.

She looked unusual for a Meowth kitten, too. Instead of having grey eyes and cream-colored fur like her father, she had green eyes and bluish violet hair like her mother.

No matter how much her parents, James and another talking Meowth, said that the blue fur was pretty, their teammate Jessie always said, “It’s still pretty freaky.”

Methidy knew her parents loved her. But she just couldn’t stay in that hellhole any longer.

-O-o-O-

The next day, James found a note on his dresser. When he read it, he passed out.

When he came to, Matalico, his boyfriend (another talking Meowth), and Meowth were sitting next to him, wiping his face with a wet rag.

“I read the note, James,” Matalico said.

“What did the note say?” Meowth asked.

James gave Meowth the note. It read:

“Dear Mom and Dad:

I’m leaving the house. I can’t stand to be here anymore. It’s too painful with Jessie calling me a freak. I’ll send you an address and phone number when I find a place to live.

Your daughter, Methidy. P.S. I love you both.”

“This is just plain sad. I hope we can find her,” Meowth said.

“Why are our children growing up to be like me? I don’t want them to have to go through all of what I did,” James said between sobs.

“They’re like you because you had them and raised them. It’s just hereditary. Besides, you managed. Maybe Methidy will, too,” Matalico said.

“At least we know she still loves us,” James said.

-O-o-O-

Later that day, Methoni said his first words.

“Run away,” Methoni said quietly.

“Matalico! Methoni’s talking!” James cried.

Matalico ran over to the two.

“Run away,” the kitten repeated slightly more loudly.

Then he ran in circles saying, “Run away!” over and over again.

When he finally stopped, James picked him up and cradled him, with tears in his eyes.

“Even Methoni wants to leave,” he sobbed.

Matalico kind of felt guilty for being so proud of Methoni’s first words. James put his whole heart into being a parent and what did he get? Two kittens who just seem to want to run away.

Methoni didn’t really want to run away. He had just heard that phrase so often, he memorized it.

He would stick around when things got really bad.

-O-o-O-

One day, Team Rocket got a call from Giovanni.

When Matalico got off the phone, he looked so serious, James was shocked.

“They don’t need me anymore. So….they’re going to kill me,” Matalico said.

James was so shocked, he couldn’t even cry.

“But, Matalico….We need you….” James whispered.

“But they don’t.”

“They can’t!”

“Yes, they can. I’m no longer useful to them, James,” Matalico said.

The cruelty was enough to kill James, but somehow, it didn’t.

The next day, Team Rocket thugs came and took Matalico. An hour later, they threw his snow-covered body at the door of the cabin as James opened the door.

James screamed and cried as if he was being tortured, which he basically was. He couldn’t see how he could go on without Matalico.

Then things took a turn for the worse.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Go ahead, make your characters' names start with "Meth." You won't cringe half to death when you reread it twenty years later.

a fanfic dream I had

A black and red tombstone carved with eldritch symbols. Somehow, I could read the epitaph and it said:

"Here lies the ashes of Darkonogoth, a most powerful and dastardly demon. Drove Giovanni, High Priest of the Rocket Cult to utter madness. Reigned over a dark army of ghost Pokémon with Lord Commander Jessica Romanov at its helm. Sired several demonspawn on Warlock James, whom he considered little more than his magical mortal plaything. Ultimately defeated by a modified shitpost spell at the hands of a talking Meowth."

This is sort of how I feel about Rocketshipping in Pokémon. I don't hate that ship (I do enjoy it when it involves mpreg, which is rare); it just really doesn't do anything for me.

My favorite characters are James and Meowth (Jessie's fine, too), but sometimes things are labeled Rocketshipping when it merely includes Jessie and James in the same frame, so filtering out the tag isn't really worth it.

Also my OTP (blueshipping) is pretty much heresy.

Anyone else ever experience a ship that is so popular in the fandom but it just bores you to death? It does not spark joy. In fact, it does not spark anything. I don't even hate it but everyone keeps insisting that it's the best thing ever and I just.. don't see it? I am tired of getting it shoved in my face (and not being able to say no without getting some choice replies). I might start hating the ship just out of spite