James's Special Delivery: Tab A Plus Slot B Equals Kitten (part Two Of Three)

James's Special Delivery: Tab A Plus Slot B Equals Kitten (part two of three)

There is a three-sentence sex scene in this. It's three sentences too long and it's also too short.

If you're going to write James/Meowth slashfic, you'd better go all in on it.

Part one

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance; Dr. Fuji is miraculously alive somehow; ridiculously easy resolutions to problems; attempts to rehabilitate James's mother (she totally approved of Jessiebelle's bullshit she deserves no mercy); divorce; IKEA erotica that's somehow way too graphic and under described at the same time; dialogue that can't decide if it wants to be humorous or suspenseful

-O-o-O-o-O-

Meanwhile, back at James’s hometown, his parents were getting a divorce.

“I’m tired of the way you’re treating our son!” yelled Bethany Morgan, James’s mother.

“That boy is just hopeless. He won’t marry a proper citizen like Jessiebelle. He’s even dating a talking Meowth who used to be a criminal. How disgraceful!” Jacob Morgan, James’s father, yelled.

“This is the year 2002. Things are changing. Besides, he’s really in love with him. Maybe he ran away because of you. You drove James away, both you and Jessiebelle.”

“How dare you talk back to me!”

“Someone has to. I want a divorce.”

So Bethany and Jacob got a divorce. Since Bethany was rich before she married Jacob, she didn’t end up in the poorhouse. Both of them took only what they brought into the marriage.

Bethany was happy. She was free to visit her son and write to him without drama.

-O-o-O-

James looked at the pill in his hand.

“Am I really sure I want to do this?” he thought.

James decided he was ready and he would’ve done this sooner or later. It might as well be sooner.

He swallowed the pill.

-O-o-O-

That night, James and Meowth did it.

James felt very invigorated by Meowth’s thrusting. Meowth loved James with all his heart and put his love in every thrust.

Needless to say, both of them were very happy (as well as tired) when they went to sleep.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, James woke up feeling nauseated. He ran into the bathroom and started vomiting.

Meowth realized James wasn’t in bed with him and woke up. He went into the bathroom. James was kneeling with his head in the toilet.

“James, what’s wrong? Why are you vomiting?” he asked.

“I think I’m pregnant,” James said.

Meowth took James to the doctors at the lab. Sure enough, James was right.

-O-o-O-

After eating just bland food and resting, James thought he’d gotten over his morning sickness in three days.

But morning sickness was the least of their problems.

“How are we going to tell Jessie?” James asked Meowth.

“Let’s tell her in the most subtle way possible,” Meowth said.

That day, after Jessie came back from the anger management sessions, they tried to be subtle when telling her about the experiment.

“Jessie….The experiment worked,” Meowth said.

“What experiment?”

“James is….er….‘fertile.’”

“What are you talking about?”

James, who was sitting next to Meowth, was massaging his temples. This was going to take a long time.

Jessie was getting impatient. “What. Is. Wrong. With. JAMES?!” she screamed.

“JAMES IS GONNA HAVE A KITTEN, OKAY?!” Meowth yelled.

“Why didn’t you just say you wanted to catch another Meowth?” Jessie said.

“Not like that,” James whispered.

“Then, like what?”

James whispered in her ear.

“What?”

James whispered it again.

“WILL YOU STOP BEING SO DAMN VAGUE?” Jessie yelled.

“I’M PREGNANT WITH MEOWTH’S KITTEN, OKAY?” James finally yelled.

“Freaking finally.” Then she realized what he said. “You’re what?!”

“It was an experiment,” James said. “Dr. Fuji made us do it for Team Rocket.”

“And we love each other,” Meowth said.

“Okay.”

“That’s it?!”

“Yeah, I don’t really have a problem with that.”

“Oh.”

James and Meowth went into the bedroom. They had gotten lucky.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Lusting and thrusting leads to tin roofs rusting.

Jessie Drugs James and Is Generally Abusive: Jessie Evolves Into a Poison Type Pokémon (part two of four)

Another installment of "Reasons I'm Glad I Instinctively Had a 'Lurk More' Mentality as a Kid." Featuring "What the Fuck Was Up with Twelve!me?"

Part one is here.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; abuse; workplace violence; questionable depiction of medical issues and injuries; possibly uncomfortable discussions of romance; angst over romantic orientation that might hit too close to home; poisoning by chemicals or drugging; forcible injection; sexual abuse; suicidal ideation; attempted murder plot; Pokémon/Human romantic (maybe?) relationship; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (this isn't even the worst of it)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

Lately, I noticed James acting differently. When he was around Jessie, he wouldn't look at her or talk to her. If she talked to him, he'd burst into silent, but violent tears.

Then one day, he asked me for advice about something that surprised me, but sort of didn't. This was probably the bravest thing James did because he was so shy about romance.

"Meowth? What do I do if….I-I love another boy?" James asked.

"What?" I said.

"I'm in love with another boy," James said softly.

"Who?" I asked. James looked away suddenly. He was probably afraid to say it. "Okay, you don't have to tell me."

"I don't know how it started. I can't even remember when it started." James managed to say this and then broke down into tears.

"I don't even want to have these feelings," James sobbed. "I don't want to fall in love."

"Why don't you want to fall in love?" I asked.

"What if the person I'm in love with hates me? What if they think there's something horribly wrong with me for falling in love with them? What if they abuse me? What if they act like I'm not there? And if I get married, what if they make me do….forbidden things with them?" James began wiping away tears again.

"But don't you want to be happy when you're in love?" I asked.

"I won't be happy if I'm in love! I'm not ready to fall in love. I just want to take care of you," James said.

"Are there any other reasons why you don't want to fall in love?" I asked.

"I-I'm still afraid of being tied to someone," James whispered.

I could understand why. With all that Jessiebelle put him through, no wonder James was afraid of romance.

I didn't blame him for fearing love.

-O-o-O-

Another very unexpected thing happened. It frightened me.

It also proved how crazy Jessie was.

James was sitting in the tent. Jessie came in with a medicine cup. It was filled halfway. The liquid in it was a weird cream-colored white.

"Meowth, go outside," Jessie said.

"Why?" I asked.

"James and I have business," she said.

I went outside. What business could Jessie have with James?

I saw a small opening I could look through. I peeked in and didn't believe what I saw.

James was holding the medicine cup and eyeing it suspiciously.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Your medicine. What else?" Jessie acted like James was on drugs or something.

"I'm not on any medication," James said.

"Just drink it."

"No."

I must've tuned out because I heard a cry from James.

"Get off me! Stop it! I don't want it!" James yelled.

Jessie was sexually abusing James!

Jessie stuck the needle full of liquid in James's arm. James fell unconscious.

As soon as Jessie left, I went in to see James.

"Wake up," I said softly. James didn't move.

"Wake up," I said loudly. James still didn't move.

"Wake up, James! Say something!" I was crying and yelling.

James opened his eyes. He looked sad and serious. He almost looked hurt.

"So it was Jessie, wasn't it, Meowth?" James said. His voice was breaking and he sounded like he was going to cry.

"Yes," I said.

I wished I hadn't said that because James began to cry quietly. I hated to see James so unhappy.

The fact that it was Jessie who was hurting him made it worse.

-O-o-O-

I was coming out of the tent the day after the "medicine" incident. James wasn't in his sleeping bag, so I decided to look for him. I found him sitting near the river.

He was picking off the petals of a rose. I could hear him saying, "He loves me, he loves me not."

When he picked off the last petal, he said, "He loves me not." He sighed sadly and threw away the stem.

After a while, James shuddered violently. He looked into the river at his reflection.

"I'm such a failure. I don't blame Jessie for trying to drug some sense into me," he whispered. I could hear the tears in his voice. "I should end it now."

"Don't do it!" I yelled. I ran over to James, crying. I hugged him. "Don't kill yourself. Don't do it. I love you."

James hugged me back. I was crying with my mouth open, so I got to taste James's tears. They were weirdly sweet.

Just like James.

When we finished crying, I looked at James. I never realized how beautiful he was before. His silky hair was a rare violet color. For some reason, a thin clump of hair hung down in front of his face, which was so cute. His green eyes shone like emeralds. He was slender with delicate hands and feet. His skin was smooth and soft against my fur.

I envied the boy he loved.

(James's point of view)

The next day was the day everything went wrong.

Jessie told Meowth to get out of the tent. Meowth obeyed.

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I always got that feeling when I was alone with Jessie. I wished Meowth wasn't so obedient sometimes.

Jessie handed a bottle to me. It had black liquid in it.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Poison. Put it in Meowth's food. Pour half of it in," Jessie said.

I swallowed so I wouldn't throw up.

"Will it kill him?" I asked.

"Of course it will! It wouldn't be poison if it didn't," Jessie said.

"Will he notice?" I managed to say.

"He'll die in his sleep," Jessie said.

That night, before I cooked dinner, I was driving myself crazy about it. When I left the camp, Jessie asked, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get some firewood," I said.

I was out of Jessie's sight. I was about to go look for the firewood when I remembered I had the bottle of poison in my pocket.

I looked at the bottle in a daze. I couldn't kill Meowth. But I didn't want to go against Jessie's orders. I decided to dump the poison out secretly.

I knelt down and dug a small hole, about the size of Meowth. Then I got a disturbing thought.

What if I drank the poison?

I opened the bottle. The poison smelled awful, worse than the cleaning liquid. I couldn't do it. I poured the poison into the hole I dug. I'm not suicidal and I'm not a killer.

I put a rock in the hole and buried it. I used another rock as a marker.

At dinner, Meowth was quiet. Did he know what Jessie wanted me to do? Meowth didn't look scared. He looked worried.

Good, I thought. He doesn't need to be scared.

I do.

When we went to bed, Jessie asked me where the poison bottle was. I handed her the empty bottle.

"Good. It'll work better since you used all of it," she said.

I couldn't sleep. I really wasn't feeling well after lying to Jessie. I decided to run away with Meowth and turn Jessie in to a mental institution.

I set my alarm for 2:00 AM.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Meowth picks the worst times to have romantic thoughts. Also, he likes the taste of James's tears.

Whatever Happened to Jessie and James

my latest posted oldfic combined with an old movie (whatever happened to baby jane) made me think of Jessie serving Meowth's head as dinner while James wheels his chair in circles, screaming.

i should take a break from typing these things

Forgive me, oh daddy, for I have sinned against the laws of Canon

I rebuke any form of shipping, AU, and fusionfic in my life. I rebuke every kind of darkness that I have allowed Fanfic to work in my life, my OCs, and my blorbos, in the Creator's mighty name!

O Creator, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Content and the pains of Development Hell. But, most of all, because they have offended Thee, Creator, Who art all good, and deserving of all my eyeballs. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy Grace, to confess my sins, to do penance (whip me), and to question my life and choices.

just so you know, you have some followers who enjoy/write fanfiction. not saying their urls rn bc i don’t wanna air out dirty laundry in public but if you want them so you can block and report, just say the word and i’ll dm you a list

The Angsty Domestic Life of Team Rocket: Return of the Kitten (part three of three)

The conclusion. Things are calmer compared to James's fever dream in the last section. That isn't really saying much, though.

Part one is here.

Part two is here.

Warnings: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (this time with an OC talking Meowth); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; general angst; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; original characters; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; bad ideas about romance; Doctor Proctor mention (that guy was a crap doctor); Star Wars cat ghost dad

-O-o-O-o-O-

Six hours later, James was still in the bathroom.

“He’s been in there an awful long time,” Jessie said.

“I hope he’s all right,” Meowth said.

Jessie went to the bathroom door. “James, are you in there?”

“Yes,” James answered.

“What are you doing in there?”

“Nothing.”

“I know you’re not doing just ‘nothing’ in there. Meowth said he heard you throwing up.”

“I’m okay now.”

Jessie went back into the living room. After she and Meowth talked, they decided to take James to Doctor Proctor.

-O-o-O-

Jessie and Meowth sat in the waiting room. They hoped nothing was wrong with James.

James came out.

“What did the doctor say?” Meowth said.

“We can go home now,” James said.

“That’s what he said?” Jessie said.

“I’ll tell you what he said when we get home,” James said.

Nobody said a word during the ride home.

The ride home seemed to last forever to Jessie and Meowth, partly because they really wanted to hear what the doctor said and partly because James was driving ten miles per hour. They also had to stop a few times to take care of Methoni, who was too young to be left at home alone.

When they finally got home, Jessie and Meowth couldn’t stand the suspense any longer.

“What did the doctor tell you? Is anything wrong?” Jessie asked.

“He said I’m pregnant again,” James said.

“Who’s the father?” Meowth asked.

“Matalico is the father. We did it just before we found out they were going to kill him,” James said.

Methoni had just woken up. “What happened?” he asked.

James forced a smile. “Guess what? You’re going to get a younger sibling,” he said gently.

“What’s a sibling?” Methoni asked.

“A sibling is a brother or sister,” James said.

“Yay! I’m gonna get a sibling!” Methoni said. He ran to the bedroom, cheering.

“He’s so happy. If only he could have his father and sister,” James said sadly.

This made Jessie feel guilty.

“I’m sorry I ever called Methidy those things! I didn’t think it would hurt her that badly! Now she’s run away and it’s all my fault!” she said.

“It’s okay. She’ll write to me and I’ll tell her you’re sorry,” James said.

-O-o-O-

It took nine weeks for a kitten to grow.

Skipping to the fourth week, James was getting mood swings and cravings.

Jessie and Meowth could only stare at James when they saw him eating weird food.

As for his mood swings, they could get weird at times. For example, they were watching TV when a telephone commercial came on. It happened to be a romantic commercial, too. James saw it and burst into tears.

“James! What’s wrong?” Meowth was worried.

“It’s just so romantic. It reminds me of Matalico,” James said, wiping tears.

They were silent for a while until they heard James gasp.

“What is it?” Jessie asked.

James looked blissfully happy. “The kitten just moved.”

“That’s wonderful!” Meowth said.

Methoni, who was sitting quietly and watching the TV, jumped up and ran to James’s side to feel him. Jessie and Meowth watched as James explained what was happening to Methoni.

“He’s actually a better mother than my mom was,” Jessie said.

“It’s so sad the boss had to hurt the family like that,” Meowth thought to himself.

But James handled it.

-O-o-O-

James was nine weeks pregnant. He was only a little bigger (Meowth kittens were smaller than human babies), but he still wore maternity clothes. Methoni, Meowth, and Jessie were really curious to see how the kitten would turn out.

While James was waiting for the kitten, he was also waiting for a letter from Methidy.

One day, he got that letter. It said:

“Dear Mom and Dad (and Methoni),

I found a place to live. It’s really close to where you live. The address is 666th street, House 13.

How are Jessie and Meowth?

Love, Methidy.”

James’s eyes filled with tears. Meowth saw James crying.

“What’s wrong, James? Why are you crying?” he asked.

“I just got a letter from Methidy,” James said. He wiped away tears.

“What does it say?” Meowth asked.

“She gave an address.” James handed him the letter.

Meowth read the letter.

“Hey, that’s only two blocks away,” he said.

“Do you think I should go over there and get her?” James said.

“I don’t know. I think we should ask her first,” Meowth said.

James went into the bedroom to lie down and think about it. Meowth followed him.

Suddenly, James sat straight up. “Meowth….” He started.

“Yes, James?” Meowth said.

“I think my water broke,” James said calmly.

Meowth ran to call the doctor. Jessie kept Methoni out of the bedroom.

About two hours after the doctor came, James gave birth to a Meowth kitten. It was a girl. She had cream-colored fur and bright green eyes.

James was crying. The kitten’s green eyes looked exactly like Methidy’s eyes.

“I wish Methidy could see her new baby sister and how much Methoni has grown up,” James sobbed.

“I can,” a voice said.

James looked up. Standing in the doorway, next to Jessie was Methidy.

“Oh my gods….” James began to cry again.

Methidy walked over to James. They both hugged.

Matalico’s spirit was floating outside the window.

“I knew she’d come back someday,” he said to himself.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If you're going to run away, try to get further than two blocks.

Jessie Drugs James and Is Generally Abusive: Hurt Without Much Comfort (part one of four)

Another darkfic. I had almost forgotten I'd written this (those repressed memories wouldn't cooperate).

I'm slowly realizing that I wrote a lot of hurt/comfort and whump fic before I even knew there was a term for it.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; abuse; workplace violence; depiction of medical issues and injuries; poisoning by chemicals or drugging; forcible injection; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

It all started when Jessie decided we had to work harder and look more threatening so people would be scared of us. That meant we had to look good and not ghetto.

That meant cleaning the van.

All she did was shove a bucket of some cleaning liquid in our faces. It smelled like ass.

"What is this crap?" I said.

"It's a special chemical blend," Jessie said. Then she went to work on our plan.

At the time I didn't know what was going on. I thought this was just another way to improve Team Rocket that probably wouldn't work.

It wasn't.

-O-o-O-

We were cleaning the van for about a half an hour when James started coughing.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I don't know. I just don't feel good," James said weakly.

"Maybe it's the chemicals," I said.

At that point, James fainted.

I ran to get Jessie. "James just fainted!" I screamed. "Help him!"

We went to James. He was unconscious and motionless.

"Speak to me! Do something!" I yelled.

Jessie just said, "He'll live," and walked away.

I couldn't believe it. I just stood there. Had she lost her mind?

(James's point of view)

I came to in our tent. I was lying on my sleeping bag. Meowth was sitting nearby.

"What happened?" I asked.

Meowth ran over to me and hugged me. "You fainted," he said. He was crying. I didn't know why he was crying at the time.

"Why are you crying?" I asked. It hurt me to see Meowth unhappy or crying.

"I'm just happy you're conscious. Now get some rest," Meowth said. He exited the tent.

I lay in bed, alone in the tent. The only reason why Meowth would be crying is if something happened.

"Something could've happened to Jessie!" I thought.

I was almost panicking. I tried to sit up, but was hit by a sudden rush of nausea. I lay back down, but it didn't improve. I sat up again and threw up.

I slept for about three hours after that.

Even thought Meowth came into the tent again, I didn't ask him why he was crying. I thought he would be upset or hurt.

I was also scared. Maybe it was something Jessie was trying to do to me. She did make us clean the van with some strange chemicals.

She was trying to drug me.

(Meowth's point of view)

The day after the van incident, I saw something that nearly frightened me.

It also gave me a clue to what Jessie put in the cleaning liquid.

I was sitting outside the tent. James was inside the tent, resting. He had been resting a lot after the incident with the cleaning liquid.

Or maybe he had been training that homicidal Victreebel.

Anyway, Jessie came in. She was holding a syringe with a needle. What could that be for, I thought.

I watched with curiosity, then fear. Jessie stuck the needle in James's left arm.

James sat up quickly. His bluish-violet hair was ruffled because he'd been sleeping. His bright green eyes were glazed over.

He stared at Jessie for a few seconds, then passed out.

I went into the tent after Jessie left.

"Wake up, James," I said softly.

James opened his eyes halfway.

"What happened?" James asked softly.

"I saw Jessie inject something into you. It made you faint," I said. I didn't know if James would believe me or if he would think I was putting down Jessie, but I had to tell him the truth.

He didn't believe it.

"It….it must have been something else that caused the fainting," James whispered.

"No, I'm pretty sure it was the injection," I said quietly.

James began to cry as if his heart had been broken.

In a way, it had been.

-O-o-O-

I saw something I never thought I would see.

Jessie was forcing James to take some pills. James was refusing. Ever since he was drugged with the needle, he'd been feeling unwell.

Jessie took out the syringe. She dissolved the pills in water and put it in the syringe. She injected the drug into James. James pulled away and ended up collapsing on the ground.

As soon as Jessie walked away, I dragged James inside the tent. He sat up weakly.

"Meowth….Was I dreaming? Did I just have a nightmare about Jessiebelle? Am I hallucinating?" James asked weakly.

"It was real, and it was Jessie," I said.

James didn't look like he in any condition to resist the truth. In fact, he looked like he would faint from shock.

James also looked hurt. I didn't know what to do.

"But why?" he asked.

All I could say was, "I don't know."

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: The D.A.R.E. program did strange things to twelve!me's brain.