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A Worse Pill to Swallow: A Bonkers Blueshipping Mpreg Pokéfic (part one of three)

I was twelve years old when I wrote this. Enjoy my oldfic if you dare.

Warnings: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy (I think mpreg is fine, just explain it maybe); bizarre anti-abortion overtones (the views expressed in this fic by twelve me do not represent the views of adult me); general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; weepy!James (even moreso than he is in canon); dickish!Jessie; generic boyfriend!Meowth; odd ideas about romance; kitten birthing scene; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-

*Meowth gets ready for bed. His beautiful, blue-haired virgin waits quietly for him. Obviously, that's James. He's wearing white pajamas: a white button-down shirt and white shorts. Very cute.

Meowth: (thinking) He looks so innocent, I almost hate to take his virginity away. (out loud) Are you ready? James: (turns around and smiles) Yes.

*James isn't afraid to reveal his body. He used to cringe at the thought of naked people, but he isn't afraid to expose himself to Meowth and let Meowth "explore" his body. If they're going to break the rules, they might as well enjoy it.

*A few weeks later, James wakes up nauseated. He goes into the bathroom and starts vomiting. Meowth wakes up because he notices James isn't in bed with him.

Meowth: James? Are you okay? James: (puking noises)

*Meowth goes in. James is wiping his mouth.

Meowth: What's wrong? James: I don't know. I guess I'm coming down with something. Meowth: (takes James's temperature) You don't have a fever. Hey, wait! I have an idea! Maybe it's hypothermia. James: Meowth, it's not even cold outside. Meowth: It was worth a try.

*They're both silent for a minute.

James: Remember when we….you know. Meowth: The night after the Shuckle incident? James: Yes. What if….something strange happened? Meowth: There's only one quick, private way to find out.

*Meowth takes out a pregnancy test for Pokémon (because James would have kittens).

Meowth: Here, pee on the grey oval. Then we need to wait a minute.

*James pees on the grey oval. Then he and Meowth nervously wait for sixty seconds, which feels like sixty years. When they look at the oval again, a blue plus sign has appeared. James and Meowth stare at it, then stare at each other. James has tears in his eyes.

James: Oh, Meowth, what are we going to do? Meowth: It's not the end of the world, Jimmy. James: Is there anything I can do? Meowth: There are pills that can end it in twenty-four hours.

*James rests his head on the toilet seat and starts to cry. He does not want to kill anything, especially a little kitten that hasn't even had a chance to live.

James: How long does it take for kittens to develop? Meowth: About sixty-three days. James: I have to put up with this for nine weeks?! Meowth: It's been a few weeks, maybe you're a few weeks pregnant? James: (sighs) I might as well get used to it. Meowth: You mean, you're actually going through with this? James: What else can I do?

*James and Meowth gaze into each other's eyes. They hug, then make out. James looks down, then looks away, giggling.

James: The kitten is already feisty. Meowth: I guess if it's moving, you're about four weeks along.

*James and Meowth make out again.

*A few days later, James is five weeks pregnant. He gets out a plate and warms up a hotdog. Then he covers it in chocolate sauce and starts eating it. Jessie stares at him.

Jessie: What's the deal with that food combination? Meowth: Well, we definitely know he's pregnant now.

*James then drinks two glasses of milk.

*Later in the bedroom, James and Meowth are getting ready for bed. James is folding his clothes on a chair, when he suddenly gasps and clutches his stomach.

James: Those kicks couldn't have come from just one kitten. Meowth: Kittens can come in groups of three to ten.

*James sits down heavily on the bed and winces as the kittens kick again.

James: Three to ten?! I thought I was only having one. (winces) I feel like a Snorlax. Meowth: It's definitely more than one. James: (eyebrow raise) Really? (looks down at stomach) Meowth: Cats can sense these things, you know.

*James has a puzzled look on his face as he looks down at his stomach. He's feeling the kittens settling down and….gently vibrating?

Meowth: What are they doing now? James: I think they're falling asleep. And purring.

*The next day, James wakes up at noon. Meowth is sitting next to him on the bed.

Meowth: You slept a long time. You must've been beat. James: Bearing a whole litter of kittens is hard work.

*Meowth makes sure his claws don't come out when he strokes James's soft, silky, blue hair. This immediately makes James smile. It also causes the kittens to move, making James sigh.

Meowth: Is it the kittens again? James: Of course. (blushes)

*James and Meowth start kissing and stroking each other. This is very soppy and like a romance novel, but Meowth did impregnate James, so….

*Later, Jessie, James, and Meowth are watching TV. James's mood swings begin to kick in when a romantic telephone commercial plays.

James: (wipes away tears) What a sad commercial. It makes me want to— Jessie: Cry? That's all you've done since you first started this ridiculous relationship! The commercial wasn't that sad. James: (irritated) Are you calling me a crybaby? Jessie: What if I am? That's what you are, anyway. Count one day out of the last five weeks when you didn't cry.

*James glares at her.

James: At least I'm not heartless! Meowth: Quit fighting, you two. It's not good for the kittens. James: (angrily, at Meowth) Haven't you done enough?!

*James flounces out of the room and slams the bathroom door.

Meowth: See what you did to him! You know he's going to be irritable. Jessie: I didn't know James could be irritable. He should wear a mood ring so I know. Meowth: Not funny. Jessie: It wasn't meant to be. Meowth: Do you mean the joke wasn't meant to be funny, or that James wasn't meant to have kittens? Jessie: Yes.

*James is listening to their conversation from the bathroom. He immediately goes to the toilet and throws up. He starts to regret having a Pokébestial relationship and starts to cry silently. A sharp pain makes him crumble into a ball on the floor, sobbing helplessly.

*After James cries for a while, he feels the pain go away. The kittens aren't kicking him anymore and have gone to sleep. James dozes off in front of the toilet.

*Jessie, James, and Meowth don't talk to each other until bedtime, when James apologizes.

James: Jessie? Meowth? Jessie and Meowth: Yes? James: I've been thinking. I may have said some things I didn't mean. I was just irritable from the hormones. I'm sorry. Jessie and Meowth: Apology accepted. James: (voice breaking) And Meowth, if I offended you when I….(sniff)…when I said you've done enough….(gets teary-eyed, then starts crying) I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. I love you. (hugs Meowth tightly to his bosom) Meowth: (smushed) Apology accepted, but not needed. James: Thanks, Meowth. (sniff) Meowth: (smushed) You're welcome, but please stop hugging me. James: Oh. Sorry. (puts Meowth down)

*A few weeks later, James is nine weeks pregnant. He's actually not showing that much, since Meowth kittens are a lot smaller than human babies.

*Every time James has to go to the bathroom, Meowth comes with him in case it's time for the kittens to be born. One night, James gets up to use the bathroom. Meowth goes with him.

Meowth: You'll only have to put up with this for a few more days. James: It feels like….(winces, holds stomach) It feels like a kitten could just pop out now.

*James starts to feel like he needs to poop. He suddenly feels a sharp pain in his stomach.

James: (yells) Meowth! Meowth: What?! What?! James: (strained) I think it's time now. Meowth: Breathe. Lie down.

*James's attempt to birth the kittens backfires. They go back to bed. James gets up several more times in the night.

James: (moans) This is the ninth time I've had to get up.

*Meowth is still in bed. James didn't bother to wake him up. Meowth wakes up to hear a small cry from James. He runs into the bathroom. James is sitting on a towel on the floor, legs spread and pantsless.

Meowth: James! Are you all right? James: (dazed) Yes. (reveals four Meowth kittens) Aren't they precious so far? Meowth: Yeah….Wait a minute, you said "so far." There are more kittens coming? James: Yes. I just feel one more left.

*Meowth goes over to James and coaches him to breathe and push. James is screaming. Luckily, Jessie is a heavy sleeper.

James: (straining and breathless) I can't do it, Meowth. I'm too weak from getting out the other four. Meowth: You can do it, James.

*James screams as the contractions get more intense. He pushes as hard as he can.

James: (nearly crying) Oh, the pain….(squeals, pushes) Meowth: One, two, three, push! James: (straining) Come on….come out….(continues pushing) Meowth: When you push, I'll catch. One, two, three, push! James: EEEEEEE! Kitten: (pops out of James's nethers) Meow! James: Oh my gods! (cries) Meowth: It's so cute! And loud!

*Meowth bites off all the kittens' umbilical cords. James smiles blissfully and opens his pajama top. The first kitten puts their mouth on James's nipple and drinks the milk that comes out. Meowth holds the second kitten up to James's other nipple. The others crawl around and nibble at the afterbirth while they're waiting their turn.

*Months later, the Meowth kittens have grown older and can mostly look after themselves. They've formed a pack and gone hunting. While they're out, James blasts Meowth's rocket off again. A few weeks later, this conversation happens.

James: I think I've acquired a fondness for hotdogs with chocolate sauce and milk. And maybe it's just regular that I cry during telephone commercials. Meowth: It's happening again. James: What are you talking about? (realization hits him) I'm….pregnant?! Again?! (looks down at stomach) Meowth: (sweat-dropping) Heh, heh. Maybe…. James: (trying to sound calm) How many kittens am I likely to have this time? Meowth: Judging by your eating habits and your four-hour nap on the couch yesterday, I'd say….Oh, about ten to twenty. James: Ten to….(faints)

-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: James really should've used Plan B, but knowing Team Rocket's luck with plans, it probably would've failed.

A Worse Pill to Swallow: Second Litter (part two of three of a old Blueshipping Pokémon fic)

The sequel sure is a thing.

Part one is here.

This fic contains:

-Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story)

-unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy (I think mpreg is fine, just explain it maybe)

-bizarre anti-abortion overtones (the views expressed in this fic by twelve me do not represent the views of adult me)

-general angst

-swear words

-shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy

-possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth and extreme out-of-character moments for Brock (I don't even know why I made him a super douche; I actually liked Brock)

-random "Jessiebelle does dark magic" plotline

-weepy!James (even moreso than he is in canon), dickish!Jessie, and generic boyfriend!Meowth

-no, seriously, Brock is just the worst in this fic

-odd ideas about romance

-ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-

*James wakes up on the couch.

James: What happened? Meowth: You fainted. James: You mean I fell asleep. Meowth: What are you talking about? James: It's not yesterday? Meowth: Did you hit your head when you fell, Jimmy? James: I dreamt you told me I was going to have more kittens. Meowth: That wasn't a dream. You fainted and I dragged you onto the couch. James: May I be excused? Meowth: Sure.

*James goes into the bathroom and starts vomiting. Meowth goes in with him. James finishes vomiting and just sits next to the toilet, crying.

James: (sobbing) I just can't stand it. Meowth: You can always take the pills…. James: (sharply) No! (folds arms)

*Meowth is a little surprised by James's tone of voice.

Meowth: Okay, I won't make you do it. James: You better not.

*James's voice is as cold as the snow falling outside Team Rocket's cabin. Meowth decides not to say anything else about the pills.

*A few weeks later, a snowstorm occurs. Team Twerp is wandering around the forest.

Misty: Hey, look, a cabin! Maybe we could ask to stay there.

*They go to the cabin and knock on the door. Jessie answers it.

Jessie: What are you twerps doing here? Misty: We're stranded and we need a place to stay. Jessie: Sorry, we can't. Ash: Why not? Jessie: Because….(gets a Pikachu-stealing idea) I changed my mind. You can stay.

*Ash and friends come inside. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, James is drinking milk. The kittens are asleep. He looks up and sees the twerps entering.

James: What are they doing here? Brock: You're looking a little fat, James. James: Shut up. Brock: Well, you are.

*James shoves Brock up against the wall.

James: You understand that I can sit my so-called "fat" self on your skinny little twerp butt, right? Jessie: Get off the twerp. You'll scare him.

*James backs away from Brock, letting him slide down the wall and onto the ground. Jessie takes James aside and whispers the plan to him.

Jessie: It may interfere with your kittens, but you can probably bear it.

*James looks shocked at the deviousness of Jessie's plan.

Brock: What is your problem? James: (folds arms) Why do I have to tell you? Brock: Just answer the damn question! James: (smirks) No. Brock: What is your freakin' problem?! James: You're my problem! You bug me! Brock: If you think you aren't fat, then why does it bother you? James: Because I'm pregnant, not fat!

*The room is silent. Then Team Twerp starts laughing.

Brock: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! Who would even want to do it with you? James: Why, you little punk!

*James grabs Brock by his shirt and is about to double slap him.

Meowth: James, calm down! It's not good for your kittens if you're like this! James: (to Brock) How do you think you'd feel if you were going to birth a whole litter of kittens in a week and someone kept bugging you? Brock: Put me down! Put me down! Meowth: Put him down, James.

*James drops Brock. He then storms out of the room into the bathroom, where he slams the door.

Meowth: What did you do to him? Brock: I just asked him what his problem was. Meowth: Never ask James that question. Especially when he's having kittens.

*Meowth goes into the bathroom. James is sitting with his head on the toilet seat. His hair is messy.

Meowth: Are you sick again? James: No. But I think I'm going to be. Meowth: Is it the kittens again? James: Yes. They keep kicking. I tried eating only bland foods, but it's not working. It's been like this since the start. It's almost like the kittens are purposely trying to hurt me. Meowth: They wouldn't be. They don't know any better and why would they want to hurt you? You're giving them life. James: Maybe you're right.

*James shifts slightly, which earns him a kick from the kittens. He winces.

Meowth: James! Are you okay? James: I'll be fine. (feels another kick) Ow! It's just getting worse. (winces) Maybe they're….coming early. (clutches stomach)

*The kittens stop kicking James and go to sleep.

James: I think they're finally asleep. Meowth: Maybe you should go to sleep, too. James: Good idea.

*Later, James is awakened from sleep in the early morning by the kicking of the kittens. He drinks a glass of warm milk and goes back to bed. James's departure from the bed and return wakes Meowth.

Meowth: You okay? James: I feel like they're going to claw their way out of me. Meowth: It must be Jessiebelle. She did dark magic to them. What has she put inside you instead of normal kittens? James: (crying) They're hellcats! All ten or twenty of them! She's put demon kittens inside of me! They're all demon kittens! (sobs)

*James feels a lot of kicks from the kittens. He cries out in pain, cursing his pregnancy.

James: (strained) She's mad that I wouldn't make an heir with her, so she's punishing me, using my body to create demons. That bitch.

*Team Twerp has been listening from the other room.

Brock: So he's really got a jelly doughnut in the oven. I guess he really is well-bred.

*The door they're leaning on swings open. James and Meowth see that they're being spied on.

James: What are you doing spying on us? Brock: I should take some of your "demon kittens" and breed them. Then they'll grow into pretty good battlers. James: Stay away from my kittens when they're born.

*Team Twerp goes back to bed. James turns over.

Meowth: Are you all right? James: Where did I go wrong? I was happy at first, but I don't know what to feel now.

*The next morning at 7:00 AM, a falsetto scream is heard.

Brock: The James trap worked.

*James comes out of the bathroom. His face is flushed and there is a glue trap stuck in his hair.

James: There is a glue trap stuck in my hair. I suggest the person who did this come over here and remove it. (puts hands on hips) I'm not leaving until you do.

*Brock comes over to him and takes out a pair of scissors.

Brock: This will be easy.

*Brock holds the scissors to James's hair and is about to cut some of his hair. James grabs Brock's arm.

James: Drop the scissors.

*Brock drops the scissors.

Brock: How am I going to remove it without scissors?! James: (sugary sweet voice) Well, then, I guess you'll have to find another way, won't you? (folds arms, smiles sweetly) Misty: He does look pretty cute like that. Brock: Whose side are you on?!

*Brock is about to get a handful of James's hair and pull it out of the trap. James flips his hair out of Brock's reach.

James: (giggles innocently) Lay one hand on my hair and you'll no longer have a hand. Brock: So what am I supposed to do? James: I don't know. (giggles a little too sweetly) Brock: First he's a brute, now he's an innocent ditz. James: (steps into Brock's space) What did you say? Brock: I said….There's no dispute! Yeah, we totally need to get that glue trap out. James: (steps out of Brock's space) That's better. (smiles sweetly)

*Brock reads the back of the glue trap.

Brock: It says "comes off victim in warm water." Okay, come over to the sink, James. James: Like I said, I'm not moving until you remove the trap. Brock: God damn it. (under his breath) You can lead a whore to water but you can't make him put his head in the sink. (gets an idea) I know what to do.

*Brock gets a small pail and fills it with water.

Brock: Want a shower? 'Cause I should pour it all over your dirty ass. Cool down the kittens. James: (sugary voice) I wouldn't do that if I were you.

*Brock holds the bucket up to James's hair. James puts his hair in the bucket. The glue trap dissolves and falls off.

James: Now behave yourself. You wouldn't want me to get ugly, would you? Brock: (sotto voce) You're already ugly. James: (ominously) What was that? Brock: Um….nothing! James: (smiles sweetly) That's better.

*James walks back into the bathroom and closes the door.

Brock: How did he possibly hear that?

*Later, in the bedroom….

Meowth: Ash is so annoying. James: It's not Ash, it's Brock. He keeps messing with me. Meowth: All Ash talks about is being a Pokémon master. Give the subject a rest. James: If I hear the word "fat" come out of Brock's mouth one more time….(goes back to bed) Meowth: (surprised) You just got up and now you're getting back in bed? James: (sighs) I'm just tired. Cats sleep for thirteen hours and I guess I should sleep that long for the kittens. Meowth: Actually, kittens sleep for sixteen hours. James: The longer the better. (yawns) Meowth: Are you sure you're not sick? James: I'll be fine.

*In a few seconds, James is in a deep sleep, snoring. Meowth watches him for a while.

Meowth: (thinking) He's so cute when he's sleeping.

*James has a dream where Jessiebelle comes and tries to take his kittens. He wakes up screaming.

Meowth: What's wrong, Jimmy? James: (shakily) I dreamt Jessiebelle tried to kidnap me and make me give birth to the kittens in her dungeon.

*Brock bursts into the room.

Brock: Are the kittens ready to come out?! James: No, and even if they were, you wouldn't be getting any of them. Brock: Oh, come on. You don't mean that. James: I believe I do. Brock: I can heal your pain. James: How? Brock: Give me the kittens and I'll tell you how. James: No. First of all, you're not getting any. Second of all, they haven't been born. Brock: I can heal your pain and help you birth them at the same time. James: No. (backs toward bedroom)

*James runs out of the room. Brock chases him through every room in the cabin. Brock finally traps James behind the couch.

James: (looks up, sees Brock) AHHH! Brock: Won't you let me help you birth the kittens? James: First, you insult me, then you threaten me? No way. If you want kittens, get your own two Meowths, and let them screw each other.

*James gets up and starts pushing Brock backward.

James: I'm going to birth them, and I'm going to keep them. (shoves Brock against the wall) Got that? Brock: (scared) Yes.

*James backs away from the wall, letting Brock fall to the ground.

James: Good day.

*James walks into the bedroom, after shooting a kind of flirtatious smile at Team Twerp.

Misty: Cute smile. Brock: Whose side are you on? Ash: That's the second time today he did that.

*Later that day, they're having lunch. James cooks meatballs and puts chocolate on his portion.

Brock: Why are you pouring chocolate on your meatballs? James: Because I like it.

*James eats every meatball on his plate and every last drop of chocolate. he drinks four glasses of milk. Brock stares at him.

Brock: Are you feeling okay? James: What's it to you?

*James puts his plate in the sink. He begins washing a spoon.

Brock: This fell off of your Pokéball belt. (holds out Pokéball) I'll give it back if you give me a kitten. (waves Pokéball in James's face) James: (slowly, ominously) Give me Victreebel's Pokéball. NOW. (holds up spoon)

*Brock walks over to where James is sitting and gives him the Pokéball.

Brock: (mockingly) Here ya go, Sugar-tits.

*James grabs Brock by his shirt and pulls him close to him.

James: (narrows eyes, smiles sweetly) Don't call me Sugar-tits.

*Victreebel comes out and bites James on the ass.

James: Let go of my sweet ass! (puts Victreebel back in the Pokéball)

*James smiles sweetly at Brock before getting up and walking back into the bedroom.

*Later that day, there is a telephone commercial on the TV. James bursts into tears at it.

Brock: What is your problem? Why are you crying at a commercial? It's just a friggin' commercial! James: You're getting on my last nerve! I'll bear the kittens, but I won't bear your constant harassment! Brock: Why are you even having kittens? Humans don't do that. James: This one does. Brock: Well, you're a Pokébestial freak. James: That's it! I may be a lot of things, such as irritable, hormonal, and emotional, but I am not a freak! Brock: Take a chill pill. Or maybe an anti-pregnancy pill. James: Maybe I will!

*Everyone looks at James, who has just realized what he's said.

Brock: You monster. Do you realize what you just said? James: You're right. I'm a monster.

*James runs into the bedroom, crying.

Meowth: What did you do that for?! Couldn't you see he didn't realize what he said?! Brock: I broke him. (yelling) Hey, James! Do you still have your Moltres personality now, kitten-murderer? James: (from bedroom) Shut up! (screaming) Just shut up, okay? (kicks door closed)

*Loud cursing while crying can be heard from behind the door.

James: That bastard! He knows I plan to have the kittens! He just wants them to come out all fucked up! He just wants an excuse to ridicule me! I hate Brock! I hate Brock! (crying) I am such a fiend for hating! I can't believe I almost considered taking the pills!

*Outside the bedroom door, Meowth is listening in.

Meowth: I better go in and talk to him.

*Meowth goes in. James is kneeling next to the bed with his face buried in the covers.

Meowth: James, what's wrong? James: It just hurts. (sobs) Meowth: That's a good sign. It means they'll come out soon.

-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Nobody is safe from the out-of-character plague.

okay hear me out

What if there's blueshipping, but James and Meowth are the tougher, gay version of Jessica and Roger Rabbit

And Jessie is Eddie Valiant

The Book of Moltres James: The Bird(man) Who Got Away (part three)

The story calms down for a bit, but goes back to its usual bonkers self in the next part. Teen-me just couldn't help herself and had to shoehorn in some blueshipping.

Part one

Part Two

This fic includes/will include: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (but since it’s the human form of the spirit of Moltres, maybe it’s okay?); mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky understanding of religion, cults, and the occult; lack of medical knowledge; bizarre focus on James’s virginity; mentions of blood; general angst; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; definite out of character moments for the twerps; unrequited blueshipping from Meowth; original characters; odd ideas about romance; ellipses abuse

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Third person point of view)

“James, if you’re going to wear those awful maternity clothes, at least wear matching shoes instead of your boots,” Jessie said.

“No way! I don’t want anyone to see my ankles,” James said.

His ankles weren’t that badly swollen, but to James, they were huge.

James also thought he looked awful in his Team Rocket uniform because he was very heavily pregnant, so he got a black maternity shirt and sewed a red “R” onto it.

Team Rocket hadn’t chased the twerps for eight months. The twerps wondered why. So they knocked on the door of Team Rocket’s cabin. James answered it.

“What are you three doing here?” he asked, peeking out from behind the door so the twerps could only see his face.

“How come we can only see your face?” Brock asked. Then he added, “Are you decent?”

“No,” James said. “I won’t be for another month.”

“You’re naked?!”

“No!”

“Then why would you be indecent?” Misty said.

“Because I don’t want you to see me.”

“Why not?” Ash said.

“I just don’t!” James said. He tried to push the door closed, but Ash started trying to push it open.

“Why haven’t you chased us?” Ash asked.

“Because we don’t want to!”

James pushed the door shut and locked it. The twerps were surprised.

“Team Rocket doesn’t want to chase us?” Misty said.

“I feel so rejected!” Brock said.

“Something’s up,” Ash said.

The twerps ran around the cabin, looking to find a window to look in, but all the windows were covered with shades.

“Wait a minute. They haven’t chased us for eight months. James said he didn’t want us to see him for a month. That makes nine months,” Brock said.

“What does that mean? Is James in school?” Ash asked.

“School is ten months, Ash,” Misty said.

“And when Team Rocket drank the purple Shuckle potion, Meowth fell in love with James,” Brock continued.

“Brock, where you’re going with this story is just weird,” Misty said.

“Where is he going with it?” Ash said.

“Don’t you get it?” Brock said.

“No,” Ash said.

Brock and Misty face-faulted.

“He’s saying James and Meowth had sex and James is pregnant!” Misty yelled.

“Eww! I wish you hadn’t told me!” Ash yelled.

“But James is a human and Meowth is a Pokémon,” Misty said.

“There are times when that doesn’t matter,” Brock said. “However, we don’t know if this is one of those times.”

“We don’t even know whether or not James and Meowth had sex,” Ash said.

So the twerps forgot about it and minded their own business.

-O-o-O-

James was a little over nine months pregnant.

He had become quieter and emotional. He was eating more than he usually did.

Sometimes he would run to the temple of Moltres and stay there for hours, praying for a safe birth.

He still got feverish fits. Sometimes he would just get really feverish for a few hours.

One day, Meowth was sitting with James, who was lying down in bed.

“I know you’re hot and uncomfortable, but it’s part of the pregnancy,” he said, stroking James’s hair.

“Meowth….I’m two weeks overdue so far. Maybe it lasts more than nine months,” James said.

Meowth hated to see James so miserable. He knew Moltres had chosen James because he was pure and a virgin, but James was so young. He was only eighteen.

Meowth had had plans for James and himself. He wanted to capture Pikachu and other Pokémon and sell them to the boss, get rich, quit, run off, and marry James and raise kittens with James.

He also sort of thought that fantasy was too good to happen and figured he would end up being a thug while James was pregnant and barefoot in a Team Rocket trailer near the jailhouse.

The reality was a lot like Meowth’s worst-case-scenario fantasy. They were living in a shack little bigger than a trailer. Meowth was a criminal and James was pregnant, but not barefoot.

“He wouldn’t want to be barefoot. Then we’d see his ankles,” Meowth thought.

James raised himself off the bed slowly.

“Where are you going?” Meowth asked.

“The bathroom,” James answered, limping towards the bathroom for a nice long cry.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If you really love someone, you will learn to let them go and get impregnated by a mystical fire chicken spirit after reading a fortune-telling book.

Giovanni Is Just the Worst Boss (part two)

The conclusion. I put warnings for the really bad stuff in the tags as well as the preamble.

Part one is here.

Content Warnings: Abuse; workplace violence; misunderstanding of medical issues and injuries; Giovanni on crack; Giovanni says the r slur; workplace sexual abuse; death and rape threat and mention; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic

-O-o-O-o-O-

That night, James cooked dinner without a word. Not that that was strange. Even if he wasn’t talking, he would usually be smiling.

But he wasn’t.

I could’ve sworn I saw him wipe away tears.

After dinner, Jessie and I got James and sat him down on the couch. We were going to have a nice, long talk about why he was injured five times in a row.

“Okay. Spill it. Why were you injured five times in a row? How did you get those injuries? Why did you—”

I cut Jessie off. “You can’t just start firing a million questions in his face. Give him a chance to answer,” I said.

“All right. James, how did you get those injuries?” Jessie asked.

“I was hurt,” James said quietly.

“By whom?”

“I….I can’t say.”

“I’m just going to keep asking until I get an answer.”

“Don’t you think maybe he’s afraid to say?” I asked.

“Please, Meowth. He’d only be afraid to say if the boss was hurting him,” Jessie said.

I saw James looked scared. “James? Was it the boss?” I asked. “Has he been abusing you?”

James nodded and started to cry quietly.

“Why were you hiding it?” I asked.

“The boss said that he’d know if I’d told anyone because either I wouldn’t show up or you guys would go to his office,” James said through his tears.

“We can’t send you back there,” Jessie said.

“But he’ll know I told you and he’ll kill us all,” James said.

“But we can’t let him abuse you like this,” I said. “Maybe you could go in and we could stand out of sight if you need backup.”

“That’s a good idea!” Jessie said. James managed a small smile.

Operation Peek-a-boo was underway.

-O-o-O-

One thing got in the way of our plan. James got sick the next day.

We panicked. James, who was in no condition to panic, passed out. I wiped cold water on his face until he woke up.

“What are we going to do?” Jessie said.

James just said, “Don’t worry. I wasn’t feeling well for the past two days and I think I’m getting over it.”

Then how come you can barely stand up, I thought.

James still had to go to the boss’s office. We couldn’t stay out of sight because one of us had to stay with James in case he fainted. Lucky for us, the boss was drunk.

Actually, it wasn’t that lucky because the boss could’ve had a fit.

I went in with James. The boss threw an empty beer bottle at James. It hit James and fell on the floor.

We were lucky it didn’t shatter.

The boss took out a crackpipe and started smoking it. James hid behind a door. I followed.

“Hey, what are you hiding for?” the boss yelled. “Get out here, you retarded boy.”

James walked out there. I couldn’t believe he was letting the boss mistreat him like that. The boss touched James in some places that he shouldn’t. The boss must’ve been on drugs. He poked James in his nethers. I jumped out, in front of James.

The boss touched the red flag area. I wasn’t about to let him get away with it.

-O-o-O-

“What are you doing!” the boss yelled. He was coughing smoke from the crackpipe in James’s face.

I scratched the boss across his face. I helped James by jumping up and breaking the crackpipe. We both ran out of there.

Jessie saw us and started running, too. We all ran back to the cabin.

James collapsed on the bed as soon as we got in. His face as completely drained, except for a red flush. His breathing was unsteady. I knew his condition had gotten worse than it was in the morning.

I helped James into bed and gave him medicine. He was able to think more clearly and was stronger by the end of the day.

James’s sickness aside, Operation Peek-a-boo was a success.

-O-o-O-

We ended up running away after that. The boss was so drunk or on crack, he probably didn’t care.

I hope he dies from a hangover.

James didn’t get abused by the boss anymore. The boss said he was too ugly to rape.

The boss has bad vision if he thinks James is ugly. Or maybe that’s just how drunk or on crack he is.

Anyway, to make a long (about three more chapters) story short, we started camping out again. We have the unmarked van.

Everything worked out.

As if we planned it.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Giovanni's power is stored in his crackpipe. Break it and you break his hypnotic hold on your teammate/possible love interest (whose feet you get weird about at the wrong time).

James and Meowth Do A Fluffy Experiment

That last story was a bit of a downer. I'm posting a fluffy fic this time around.

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; lack of medical knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance; Dr. Fuji is miraculously alive somehow; unusual usage of words at times

-O-o-O-o-O-

Meowth went into the bedroom. It had been a long day and he just wanted to sit around and watch TV. Team Rocket’s latest plan failed. That little twerp, Ash, sent them blasting off again.

Meowth heard James come in.

James was the one reason Meowth stayed with Team Rocket. Meowth secretly loved James.

He saw James walk into the bedroom. He looked at James’s long, graceful legs.

James saw Meowth and smiled at him. It was a sort of small, shy smile. James had been shy around Meowth lately.

James got in bed. Meowth didn’t blame him for wanting to go to bed. It was 11:00 PM and James had gotten up at 6:00 AM that day.

Jessie came in. “Where’s James?” she asked.

“He’s in bed,” Meowth said.

“Okay, then. I won’t wake him up.” Jessie left.

Meowth sat, watching James sleep. He thought of kissing him in his sleep, but then he thought, “That’s not right.”

“Someday, I’ll tell him I love him,” Meowth vowed.

-O-o-O-

James got up, got dressed, and fixed breakfast.

He sat and waited for Meowth and Jessie to get up.

Meowth walked into the kitchen.

James felt like kissing Meowth. He was madly in love with Meowth. If James were also a cat, he would want to have Meowth’s kittens.

Little did he know, he’d get the chance.

After everyone had come to breakfast and eaten, they got a call from Team Rocket labs. They wanted to see James and Meowth.

They went to the labs. Jessie had come with them, but she wasn’t allowed to come in. She had to wait in the lobby.

James and Meowth went into the room where Dr. Fuji was waiting. He gave them a pill.

“Here. This is for our new experiment. James, you take this pill. Meowth, you have sexual intercourse with James. We’re trying to see if humans can have Pokémon offspring,” Dr. Fuji explained.

James was nervous, but happy. He would get to sleep with Meowth, and possibly confess his love to him!

James didn’t think the pill would actually work.

Meowth was happy. Maybe James would see how much he loved him while they were having sex.

They went home.

“What did he want to talk to you about?” Jessie asked.

“He wanted us to do an experiment to see if humans can have babies with Pokémon,” Meowth said.

“That’s weird, but okay. Which one of you is going to take the pill?”

“I am,” James said.

Jessie knew James had a crush on Meowth and Meowth had a crush on James.

“Good luck,” Jessie said.

“Thanks,” James said.

-O-o-O-

It was 9:00 PM. Meowth was waiting for James to get ready to do the experiment.

James was in the bathroom, staring at the pill in the bag. He wasn’t sure he wanted to do this.

“James, are you in there?” Jessie asked.

“Yes,” James said softly.

“What are you doing in there?”

“Taking the pill.”

“Are you almost finished?”

“No, I haven’t taken it yet.”

“Why not? Are you all right in there?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

James opened the door a crack. Jessie could see he had been crying.

“I can’t do this, Jessie. I’m too nervous,” James said.

“You’ll get over it,” Jessie said.

“I’m afraid of what will happen. I know it’s unlikely, but what if it works? Meowth will think I’m a slut and—”

“James, why would he think you’re a slut if he did it to you? You can do this. Meowth is in there, waiting for you. I bet he’s probably nervous, too. But you’ll do just fine with this experiment.”

James smiled. “Thanks, Jess.”

“You should take that pill and confess your love to Meowth.”

James took the pill and went into the bedroom.

“Are you ready?” Meowth asked.

“I guess,” James said.

James got into bed with Meowth.

“James, I really love you. If this experiment works, I will be there for you all the way,” Meowth said.

“I-I love you, too,” James said shyly.

There was an awkward silence.

“What if it doesn’t work?” James asked.

“Then we’ll have better luck next time,” Meowth said.

This puzzled James, but then Meowth said, “Let’s do this.”

James smiled shyly at Meowth. He forgot about his nervousness.

Meowth deflowered James for the rest of the night.

-O-o-O-

James woke up quietly the next morning.

“Was that all a dream?” he thought.

He saw Meowth in bed next to him and realized it wasn’t a dream.

He didn’t know what time they had to report back to the lab, but he was sure he had to do it that day.

“Meowth, wake up,” James whispered.

“Huh? What’s happening?” Meowth was still half asleep.

“Do we have to go to the lab anytime soon today?” James asked.

“I don’t know,” Meowth said.

Their phone rang. James got out of bed and answered it.

“Hello?” he said.

“James, you and Meowth have to report to the lab soon,” Dr. Fuji said.

“Okay, we’re on our way,” James said.

After they hung up, James and Meowth got washed up and dressed really fast. They told Jessie where they were going and went out the door. They got to the lab five minutes early.

“James, come in here for your test,” Dr. Fuji said.

James went in. When he came out, they were analyzing the results.

“James, Meowth, we have your test results now,” Dr. Fuji said.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: "Deflowered" doesn't mean what you seem to think it means, thirteen!me. Also, Dr. Fuji is dead. You should know this.

Level Nineteen and Pregnant: A Pokémon crackfic

For a change, here's a recent fic. Hopefully, it's not a badfic.

Of course, it contains blueshipping and mpreg. And TMI from Meowth.

-O-o-O-o-O-

James fidgeted on top of the toilet lid, but kept his eyes locked on the plastic stick in his hands. The suspense was worse than waiting for a blastoff. "Has it been a minute yet?"

Meowth checked the stopwatch. "Not even close." He glanced up at James. "Jimmy, don'tcha know a watched pee stick never turns?"

James's gaze never shifted. "That only applies to pots. Besides, I want to see the exact second the blue line appears."

Meowth scratched his head. "What difference does that make?"

James pushed his hair out of his eyes. "Maybe the speed at which it appears will indicate whether or not this test is even reliable." He sighed. "I really don't want to tell HQ's doctors about this."

Meowth reread the test's packaging. "It does say 'Ninety-nine percent more accurate than other brands.'" He blinked at the tagline. "Maybe I shoulda swiped some of those other brands."

James shook his head, as if to clear it. "The clerks would want to know what a Pokémon wanted with human pregnancy tests. We'll work with the one we've got." He hazarded a glance at the stopwatch. "Has it been a minute yet?"

Meowth checked and shook his head. "Thirty seconds left."

"What is taking you so long—oh." Jessie stopped short when she saw the box in Meowth's paws. "This certainly complicates our mission."

"Tell me something I don't know." James fidgeted again, then sat up straight. "It's changing! How much time is left?"

The beeping of the stopwatch was his answer. Meowth was on his shoulder in seconds. "What's it say?"

James squinted at the test's screen. "It's….half a blue line? That can't be right." He skimmed the instruction sheet. "Thin line, thick line, two lines, no lines—they say nothing about half-lines!"

Meowth examined the test. "Maybe this one's defective." He put the test down.

Jessie grabbed the test and examined it further. "I don't see any signs of damage. Are you sure you followed all the instructions?"

"Positive," James said. "I peed all over the blasted thing!"

Jessie dropped the test as fast as she'd picked it up. "If only Meowth were that thorough about Poké-protection."

"Hey! I double-bagged my meat," Meowth protested.

Jessie glared. "Mew damn it, Meowth! You're not supposed to use two condoms at once!"

"You're not?!" both Meowth and James asked, surprised.

"Not unless you want them to tear from rubbing together." Jessie gave an annoyed sigh. "This is why we need Sex Ed as part of Team Rocket training."

James squinted at the half line again—had it lengthened?— and asked, "So, Jess, could I be half-pregnant?"

Jessie only face-palmed. "Let me see those instructions."

While she read the instruction sheet, Meowth mused over his newfound knowledge. "Come to think of it, maybe I got the wrong kind." He looked up at Jessie. "Do they come in different sizes?"

"Of course," Jessie said. "Some pocket rockets blast off further than others."

"And some have a French tickler head," Meowth boasted. James gave a weak nervous laugh.

"Too much information, Meowth." Jessie continued to read through the instructions. "You dingbats, you're supposed to wait two minutes for it to work, not one!"

"Mew's Tongue," James swore before sliding off the toilet to vomit into it. Jessie went to hold his hair back.

"I guess we don't need that test anymore," Meowth said.

"He could just be nervous. Two minutes have probably passed by now. Go check the test," Jessie told him.

Meowth picked the test up and looked at the screen. The line had lengthened to reach the other end of the screen. "Well, there's the thick blue line."

Both Jessie and James's shoulders sagged. "Seriously?"

"As blue as James's hair."

James wiped his mouth. "It's lavender."

-O-o-O-o-O-

Blueshipping, why can't I quit you?

The Angsty Domestic Life of Team Rocket: WTFcats (part one of three)

And we're back in the dark. Or at least a passing shadow. This starts off with standard-issue angst, then veers into what-the-fuckery toward the second chapter.

Also, so many unexplained talking Meowth OCs. WHY.

Warnings: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (this time with an OC talking Meowth); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; workplace violence; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; general angst; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; original characters; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance

-O-o-O-o-O-

The Meowth kitten packed her things. She wanted to get as far away from that place as she could. Her parents got blasted into the troposphere almost every day, her younger brother cried almost nonstop, wanting his man-mother, and she was considered a freak of nature.

The Meowth kitten’s name was Methidy. She was an unusual kitten. Her parents were a male Meowth and a human male. They were testing out a drug for Team Rocket scientists. The drug could make humans produce Pokémon offspring. The experiment worked and she and her younger brother, Methoni, were the results of it.

She looked unusual for a Meowth kitten, too. Instead of having grey eyes and cream-colored fur like her father, she had green eyes and bluish violet hair like her mother.

No matter how much her parents, James and another talking Meowth, said that the blue fur was pretty, their teammate Jessie always said, “It’s still pretty freaky.”

Methidy knew her parents loved her. But she just couldn’t stay in that hellhole any longer.

-O-o-O-

The next day, James found a note on his dresser. When he read it, he passed out.

When he came to, Matalico, his boyfriend (another talking Meowth), and Meowth were sitting next to him, wiping his face with a wet rag.

“I read the note, James,” Matalico said.

“What did the note say?” Meowth asked.

James gave Meowth the note. It read:

“Dear Mom and Dad:

I’m leaving the house. I can’t stand to be here anymore. It’s too painful with Jessie calling me a freak. I’ll send you an address and phone number when I find a place to live.

Your daughter, Methidy. P.S. I love you both.”

“This is just plain sad. I hope we can find her,” Meowth said.

“Why are our children growing up to be like me? I don’t want them to have to go through all of what I did,” James said between sobs.

“They’re like you because you had them and raised them. It’s just hereditary. Besides, you managed. Maybe Methidy will, too,” Matalico said.

“At least we know she still loves us,” James said.

-O-o-O-

Later that day, Methoni said his first words.

“Run away,” Methoni said quietly.

“Matalico! Methoni’s talking!” James cried.

Matalico ran over to the two.

“Run away,” the kitten repeated slightly more loudly.

Then he ran in circles saying, “Run away!” over and over again.

When he finally stopped, James picked him up and cradled him, with tears in his eyes.

“Even Methoni wants to leave,” he sobbed.

Matalico kind of felt guilty for being so proud of Methoni’s first words. James put his whole heart into being a parent and what did he get? Two kittens who just seem to want to run away.

Methoni didn’t really want to run away. He had just heard that phrase so often, he memorized it.

He would stick around when things got really bad.

-O-o-O-

One day, Team Rocket got a call from Giovanni.

When Matalico got off the phone, he looked so serious, James was shocked.

“They don’t need me anymore. So….they’re going to kill me,” Matalico said.

James was so shocked, he couldn’t even cry.

“But, Matalico….We need you….” James whispered.

“But they don’t.”

“They can’t!”

“Yes, they can. I’m no longer useful to them, James,” Matalico said.

The cruelty was enough to kill James, but somehow, it didn’t.

The next day, Team Rocket thugs came and took Matalico. An hour later, they threw his snow-covered body at the door of the cabin as James opened the door.

James screamed and cried as if he was being tortured, which he basically was. He couldn’t see how he could go on without Matalico.

Then things took a turn for the worse.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Go ahead, make your characters' names start with "Meth." You won't cringe half to death when you reread it twenty years later.

plot twist: this is also a sims blog

I made Team Rocket in sims 4.

This cabin was all they could afford. It has the following lot traits: Creepy Crawlies, Cursed, Filthy, Gremlins, Off-the-Grid, Spooky, Vampire Nexus, Good Soil.

At least James won't have trouble keeping his garden.

In this world, they've left Team Rocket and are laying low in the small town of Willow Creek.

Somewhere in their cross-dimensional journey from anime to Simworld, Meowth ended up being split into two separate entities: a human form and a cat form.

They're dressed like that because it's cold out.

"Are you sure they won't find us here, Jess?" (James's traits: Goofball, Geek, Squeamish, Collector; Aspiration: Freelance Botany)

"Just try to act normal and they'll never suspect a thing." (Jessie's traits: Hot-headed, Ambitious, Self-Absorbed, Gregarious; Aspiration: Leader of the Pack)

Meanwhile, human Meowth has already racked up a debuff from playing with fire. (Human Meowth's traits: Cat Lover, Erratic, Outgoing, Dastardly; Aspiration: Chief of Mischief)

Kitty Meowth would face-palm if he could. (Kitty Meowth's traits: Talkative, Free Spirit, Clever)

An aerial view of their cabin. Note the lack of an indoor toilet (that's what that large bush is for).

And the curse on the lot claims its first victim. Apparently, some angry ghost is playing with a James-shaped voodoo doll and wants to spread the rage. He stomped around pouting like this for a while.

He also kicked over his own trashcan.

Nice job, lol.

He cleaned it back up. Kitty Meowth fought small animals in their toilet bush and left them a present (feathers).

The welcome wagon showed up. They brought the dreaded fruitcake.

Jessie has the hidden trait that makes your Sims actually get a positive moodlet from fruitcake, because of course she does.

James and Meowth are not so lucky. (also nobody tells Kitty Meowth to stay off the furniture because it's futile)

Kitty Meowth sits on the counter. Where they cook.

James has a cat toy.

Travis Scott seriously questions volunteering to be in the welcome wagon that day.

a fanfic dream I had

A black and red tombstone carved with eldritch symbols. Somehow, I could read the epitaph and it said:

"Here lies the ashes of Darkonogoth, a most powerful and dastardly demon. Drove Giovanni, High Priest of the Rocket Cult to utter madness. Reigned over a dark army of ghost Pokémon with Lord Commander Jessica Romanov at its helm. Sired several demonspawn on Warlock James, whom he considered little more than his magical mortal plaything. Ultimately defeated by a modified shitpost spell at the hands of a talking Meowth."

The Angsty Domestic Life of Team Rocket: Return of the Kitten (part three of three)

The conclusion. Things are calmer compared to James's fever dream in the last section. That isn't really saying much, though.

Part one is here.

Part two is here.

Warnings: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (this time with an OC talking Meowth); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; general angst; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; original characters; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; bad ideas about romance; Doctor Proctor mention (that guy was a crap doctor); Star Wars cat ghost dad

-O-o-O-o-O-

Six hours later, James was still in the bathroom.

“He’s been in there an awful long time,” Jessie said.

“I hope he’s all right,” Meowth said.

Jessie went to the bathroom door. “James, are you in there?”

“Yes,” James answered.

“What are you doing in there?”

“Nothing.”

“I know you’re not doing just ‘nothing’ in there. Meowth said he heard you throwing up.”

“I’m okay now.”

Jessie went back into the living room. After she and Meowth talked, they decided to take James to Doctor Proctor.

-O-o-O-

Jessie and Meowth sat in the waiting room. They hoped nothing was wrong with James.

James came out.

“What did the doctor say?” Meowth said.

“We can go home now,” James said.

“That’s what he said?” Jessie said.

“I’ll tell you what he said when we get home,” James said.

Nobody said a word during the ride home.

The ride home seemed to last forever to Jessie and Meowth, partly because they really wanted to hear what the doctor said and partly because James was driving ten miles per hour. They also had to stop a few times to take care of Methoni, who was too young to be left at home alone.

When they finally got home, Jessie and Meowth couldn’t stand the suspense any longer.

“What did the doctor tell you? Is anything wrong?” Jessie asked.

“He said I’m pregnant again,” James said.

“Who’s the father?” Meowth asked.

“Matalico is the father. We did it just before we found out they were going to kill him,” James said.

Methoni had just woken up. “What happened?” he asked.

James forced a smile. “Guess what? You’re going to get a younger sibling,” he said gently.

“What’s a sibling?” Methoni asked.

“A sibling is a brother or sister,” James said.

“Yay! I’m gonna get a sibling!” Methoni said. He ran to the bedroom, cheering.

“He’s so happy. If only he could have his father and sister,” James said sadly.

This made Jessie feel guilty.

“I’m sorry I ever called Methidy those things! I didn’t think it would hurt her that badly! Now she’s run away and it’s all my fault!” she said.

“It’s okay. She’ll write to me and I’ll tell her you’re sorry,” James said.

-O-o-O-

It took nine weeks for a kitten to grow.

Skipping to the fourth week, James was getting mood swings and cravings.

Jessie and Meowth could only stare at James when they saw him eating weird food.

As for his mood swings, they could get weird at times. For example, they were watching TV when a telephone commercial came on. It happened to be a romantic commercial, too. James saw it and burst into tears.

“James! What’s wrong?” Meowth was worried.

“It’s just so romantic. It reminds me of Matalico,” James said, wiping tears.

They were silent for a while until they heard James gasp.

“What is it?” Jessie asked.

James looked blissfully happy. “The kitten just moved.”

“That’s wonderful!” Meowth said.

Methoni, who was sitting quietly and watching the TV, jumped up and ran to James’s side to feel him. Jessie and Meowth watched as James explained what was happening to Methoni.

“He’s actually a better mother than my mom was,” Jessie said.

“It’s so sad the boss had to hurt the family like that,” Meowth thought to himself.

But James handled it.

-O-o-O-

James was nine weeks pregnant. He was only a little bigger (Meowth kittens were smaller than human babies), but he still wore maternity clothes. Methoni, Meowth, and Jessie were really curious to see how the kitten would turn out.

While James was waiting for the kitten, he was also waiting for a letter from Methidy.

One day, he got that letter. It said:

“Dear Mom and Dad (and Methoni),

I found a place to live. It’s really close to where you live. The address is 666th street, House 13.

How are Jessie and Meowth?

Love, Methidy.”

James’s eyes filled with tears. Meowth saw James crying.

“What’s wrong, James? Why are you crying?” he asked.

“I just got a letter from Methidy,” James said. He wiped away tears.

“What does it say?” Meowth asked.

“She gave an address.” James handed him the letter.

Meowth read the letter.

“Hey, that’s only two blocks away,” he said.

“Do you think I should go over there and get her?” James said.

“I don’t know. I think we should ask her first,” Meowth said.

James went into the bedroom to lie down and think about it. Meowth followed him.

Suddenly, James sat straight up. “Meowth….” He started.

“Yes, James?” Meowth said.

“I think my water broke,” James said calmly.

Meowth ran to call the doctor. Jessie kept Methoni out of the bedroom.

About two hours after the doctor came, James gave birth to a Meowth kitten. It was a girl. She had cream-colored fur and bright green eyes.

James was crying. The kitten’s green eyes looked exactly like Methidy’s eyes.

“I wish Methidy could see her new baby sister and how much Methoni has grown up,” James sobbed.

“I can,” a voice said.

James looked up. Standing in the doorway, next to Jessie was Methidy.

“Oh my gods….” James began to cry again.

Methidy walked over to James. They both hugged.

Matalico’s spirit was floating outside the window.

“I knew she’d come back someday,” he said to himself.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If you're going to run away, try to get further than two blocks.

Jessie Drugs James and Is Generally Abusive: Jessie Evolves Into a Poison Type Pokémon (part two of four)

Another installment of "Reasons I'm Glad I Instinctively Had a 'Lurk More' Mentality as a Kid." Featuring "What the Fuck Was Up with Twelve!me?"

Part one is here.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; abuse; workplace violence; questionable depiction of medical issues and injuries; possibly uncomfortable discussions of romance; angst over romantic orientation that might hit too close to home; poisoning by chemicals or drugging; forcible injection; sexual abuse; suicidal ideation; attempted murder plot; Pokémon/Human romantic (maybe?) relationship; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (this isn't even the worst of it)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

Lately, I noticed James acting differently. When he was around Jessie, he wouldn't look at her or talk to her. If she talked to him, he'd burst into silent, but violent tears.

Then one day, he asked me for advice about something that surprised me, but sort of didn't. This was probably the bravest thing James did because he was so shy about romance.

"Meowth? What do I do if….I-I love another boy?" James asked.

"What?" I said.

"I'm in love with another boy," James said softly.

"Who?" I asked. James looked away suddenly. He was probably afraid to say it. "Okay, you don't have to tell me."

"I don't know how it started. I can't even remember when it started." James managed to say this and then broke down into tears.

"I don't even want to have these feelings," James sobbed. "I don't want to fall in love."

"Why don't you want to fall in love?" I asked.

"What if the person I'm in love with hates me? What if they think there's something horribly wrong with me for falling in love with them? What if they abuse me? What if they act like I'm not there? And if I get married, what if they make me do….forbidden things with them?" James began wiping away tears again.

"But don't you want to be happy when you're in love?" I asked.

"I won't be happy if I'm in love! I'm not ready to fall in love. I just want to take care of you," James said.

"Are there any other reasons why you don't want to fall in love?" I asked.

"I-I'm still afraid of being tied to someone," James whispered.

I could understand why. With all that Jessiebelle put him through, no wonder James was afraid of romance.

I didn't blame him for fearing love.

-O-o-O-

Another very unexpected thing happened. It frightened me.

It also proved how crazy Jessie was.

James was sitting in the tent. Jessie came in with a medicine cup. It was filled halfway. The liquid in it was a weird cream-colored white.

"Meowth, go outside," Jessie said.

"Why?" I asked.

"James and I have business," she said.

I went outside. What business could Jessie have with James?

I saw a small opening I could look through. I peeked in and didn't believe what I saw.

James was holding the medicine cup and eyeing it suspiciously.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Your medicine. What else?" Jessie acted like James was on drugs or something.

"I'm not on any medication," James said.

"Just drink it."

"No."

I must've tuned out because I heard a cry from James.

"Get off me! Stop it! I don't want it!" James yelled.

Jessie was sexually abusing James!

Jessie stuck the needle full of liquid in James's arm. James fell unconscious.

As soon as Jessie left, I went in to see James.

"Wake up," I said softly. James didn't move.

"Wake up," I said loudly. James still didn't move.

"Wake up, James! Say something!" I was crying and yelling.

James opened his eyes. He looked sad and serious. He almost looked hurt.

"So it was Jessie, wasn't it, Meowth?" James said. His voice was breaking and he sounded like he was going to cry.

"Yes," I said.

I wished I hadn't said that because James began to cry quietly. I hated to see James so unhappy.

The fact that it was Jessie who was hurting him made it worse.

-O-o-O-

I was coming out of the tent the day after the "medicine" incident. James wasn't in his sleeping bag, so I decided to look for him. I found him sitting near the river.

He was picking off the petals of a rose. I could hear him saying, "He loves me, he loves me not."

When he picked off the last petal, he said, "He loves me not." He sighed sadly and threw away the stem.

After a while, James shuddered violently. He looked into the river at his reflection.

"I'm such a failure. I don't blame Jessie for trying to drug some sense into me," he whispered. I could hear the tears in his voice. "I should end it now."

"Don't do it!" I yelled. I ran over to James, crying. I hugged him. "Don't kill yourself. Don't do it. I love you."

James hugged me back. I was crying with my mouth open, so I got to taste James's tears. They were weirdly sweet.

Just like James.

When we finished crying, I looked at James. I never realized how beautiful he was before. His silky hair was a rare violet color. For some reason, a thin clump of hair hung down in front of his face, which was so cute. His green eyes shone like emeralds. He was slender with delicate hands and feet. His skin was smooth and soft against my fur.

I envied the boy he loved.

(James's point of view)

The next day was the day everything went wrong.

Jessie told Meowth to get out of the tent. Meowth obeyed.

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I always got that feeling when I was alone with Jessie. I wished Meowth wasn't so obedient sometimes.

Jessie handed a bottle to me. It had black liquid in it.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Poison. Put it in Meowth's food. Pour half of it in," Jessie said.

I swallowed so I wouldn't throw up.

"Will it kill him?" I asked.

"Of course it will! It wouldn't be poison if it didn't," Jessie said.

"Will he notice?" I managed to say.

"He'll die in his sleep," Jessie said.

That night, before I cooked dinner, I was driving myself crazy about it. When I left the camp, Jessie asked, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get some firewood," I said.

I was out of Jessie's sight. I was about to go look for the firewood when I remembered I had the bottle of poison in my pocket.

I looked at the bottle in a daze. I couldn't kill Meowth. But I didn't want to go against Jessie's orders. I decided to dump the poison out secretly.

I knelt down and dug a small hole, about the size of Meowth. Then I got a disturbing thought.

What if I drank the poison?

I opened the bottle. The poison smelled awful, worse than the cleaning liquid. I couldn't do it. I poured the poison into the hole I dug. I'm not suicidal and I'm not a killer.

I put a rock in the hole and buried it. I used another rock as a marker.

At dinner, Meowth was quiet. Did he know what Jessie wanted me to do? Meowth didn't look scared. He looked worried.

Good, I thought. He doesn't need to be scared.

I do.

When we went to bed, Jessie asked me where the poison bottle was. I handed her the empty bottle.

"Good. It'll work better since you used all of it," she said.

I couldn't sleep. I really wasn't feeling well after lying to Jessie. I decided to run away with Meowth and turn Jessie in to a mental institution.

I set my alarm for 2:00 AM.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Meowth picks the worst times to have romantic thoughts. Also, he likes the taste of James's tears.

James's Special Delivery: James Conquers His Fear of Marriage with Meowth (part three of three)

"There once were Pokémon that married people. There once were people who married Pokémon."

I bet none of them had to worry about ending up in a sappily written mpreg. Or having their kid's name start with "Meth."

Part one

Part two

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance; unusual pillow talk; Meowth lingers on James's feet again; ridiculously easy resolutions to problems; attempts to rehabilitate James’s mother (she totally approved of Jessiebelle’s bullshit she deserves no mercy); both James and Meowth eat the placenta (off-screen)

-O-o-O-o-O-

James and his mother had been writing each other letters and calling each other.

James and Meowth had quit Team Rocket. They started selling legal drugs and were making a surprising amount of money. James would keep his kitten.

Bethany knew about James’s kitten. She was okay with it.

James was eight (out of nine) weeks pregnant. His mother was coming to visit their cabin.

James and Meowth were trying to save for a very small wedding. They were planning on using a wedding dress and a Meowth-sized tuxedo from their disguises.

“I’m going to look just awful in white,” James said. He wasn’t even showing that much, since Meowth kittens were smaller than human babies. He was showing a little, though, enough that he could hardly move fast.

Meowth almost wished James would give birth early. He hated to see James so uncomfortable. He decided James should stand up as little as possible.

The kitten was moving around a lot inside of James, which was a pretty weird feeling for him. He thought the kitten might be trying to come out early. He read a book about what to expect when “expecting.” It said having sex could induce labor. He grabbed Meowth and ran into the bedroom.

“Meowth, please have sex with me,” James said.

“Why?” Meowth asked.

“Because having sex might make me go into labor,” James said.

“I don’t think you’re in any condition to have sex. And you’re only eight weeks through it. That would only work if you were overdue,” Meowth said.

James collapsed onto the bed. “I’m worried,” he said.

“About what?” Meowth said.

“I’m worried about if I’ll be a good parent.”

“You’ll probably make a good parent,” Meowth said, massaging James’s feet. He pressed his paw into James’s finely arched soles and rubbed his slender toes.

“Maybe you’re right,” James breathed.

“You kinda already sound like you’re in labor,” Meowth said.

James moved to a more comfortable position. “Maybe I’m just hot and bothered,” he said. He lowered his eyelids, trying to look sexy. He let out a falsetto giggle. “My mother is coming tomorrow. She’d have a fit if she walked in on us right now.”

Meowth stroked James’s hair. “She knows about the kitten, right?” he asked.

“Yes, I wrote her about it,” James said.

They sat on the bed for a while.

“Did you still want to have sex?” Meowth asked.

“Yes, I’m pretty hormonal,” James said.

They closed the bedroom door.

-O-o-O-

The next day, James’s mother came. As soon as she came in, she and James hugged. She could only stay for one night. She had to go back to work the next day. She didn’t have to work, but she chose to.

James cooked dinner for everyone. He made sure to make extra food.

After dinner, he and Bethany went into his bedroom. James confessed about being worried when Bethany asked him why he wasn’t more enthusiastic.

“You’re really lucky you love Meowth,” Bethany said.

“I suppose,” James said.

“Why aren’t you excited?” Bethany asked.

“I’m just so nervous. I’m afraid I won’t be a good parent to the kitten.”

“Of course you’ll be a good parent. You may be a former Team Rocket member, but you do have parental instincts. You’ve got what a lot of people don’t have these days: a good heart. Stay true to yourself and your kitten and you’ll be fine.”

James had broken down in tears. “Oh, Mother. I wish we could’ve been this close sooner,” he cried.

Bethany hugged James.

“Now, about what you’re going to name the kitten….”

-O-o-O-

The next day, Bethany had to leave. James and Meowth waved from the porch as she drove away.

They went inside. James felt a strange movement inside of him.

“Meowth….the kitten is kicking harder,” James said.

Meowth put a paw on James’s stomach.

“Wow. The kitten is pretty active today.”

James put a hand on Meowth’s paw. It seemed as if the kitten would come out at any time.

-O-o-O-

James was well over nine weeks pregnant with the kitten.

He wasn’t showing as much as he would with a human baby, but he still felt like he was carrying a Voltorb in his shirt.

One morning, Meowth was trying to help James get up.

“It’ll be fine, Meowth. I can manage,” James said. He suddenly felt a sharp flash of pain. He doubled over, clutching his stomach.

“Are you okay?” Meowth asked.

“I think I’m in labor,” James panted.

“Stay in bed, Jimmy,” Meowth tried to sound calm.

James shifted into a sitting position and breathed deeply. A few hours later, James gave birth to a tiny Meowth kitten.

“It’s a girl,” James said.

“What’s her name?” Meowth asked. He bit off the kitten’s umbilical cord.

“Her name is Methesia,” James said.

“That’s pretty,” Meowth said. He put the placenta on a plate. He and James could make a breakfast for two out of it.

James wiped away his tears as he brought Methesia to his bosom and nursed her. He had to be strong for his kitten.

-O-o-O-

The next day, James and Meowth got married. They held the ceremony in their backyard.

James put on his white dress and wove tiny white roses into his hair. He wasn’t a virgin, but as a former member of Team Rocket, he didn’t care about rules.

James stood by the window. This was it. He was about to tie the knot with Meowth. He thought Jessiebelle had scared him away from marriage for life.

He briefly thought about how a character in a movie made a rope out of sheets tied together and climbed out of a window. He immediately banished that thought.

“I have to be strong for Meowth and Methesia,” James thought. “I can’t think about the past.”

He looked in the mirror, checking his appearance. He had something old (his dress, from one of their disguises), something new (he’d just gotten a new bottlecap), something borrowed (he’d borrowed a slip from Jessie), and something blue (his hair).

“You look just fine,” a voice said.

James turned around. “Mother!”

Bethany hugged James. “You’re going to be a beautiful bride to Meowth and a great parent to your kitten,” she said.

“Thank you, Mother,” James said, wiping away tears.

-O-o-O-

Bethany went to sit down with the other guests (Jessie and Mondo). James stood quietly, waiting for his cue. He took a deep breath.

As he walked down the aisle, he knew even though he was scared, he had to do it.

He had to be strong for the kitten and Meowth.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Team Rocket members don't care about virginity and placenta makes a great romantic breakfast for you and your cat-husband.

The Sad Saga of James Morgan and Company: My Writing Style Was Goblin Mode

Imagine being an eleven-year-old girl who is obsessed with Xena: Warrior Princess (and ripping off the dark plots from it) and Pokémon. Imagine being this kid who, after acting out her fanfics (that involve way too much human sacrifice and crucifixion) with her Barbies, decides she should actually write them down in a form other people can read.

Add a dose of repressed anger issues and you get this.

This fic contains: Colorful language; general angst; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; violence; convoluted occult lore; blood; murderous, occult-powered Jessiebelle; attempted murder; Jessiebelle wants to honor-kill James(?!); Jessiebelle slut-shames James a lot; character death and resurrection; ellipses abuse; Jesus Hades Christ eleven!me tortured James a lot in fic (I don’t know why; he was and still is my favorite Pokémon character); James has bottlecap powers

-O-o-O-o-O-

*Imagine that Jessie, James, and Meowth have been trying witchcraft to do better at their job. It doesn't work for Jessie and Meowth, but it works for James. So he's a witch now. Imagine Jessiebelle is trying to kidnap James and is also a witch. Since James is a witch (whose powers are not supposed to be used for evil) and Team Rocket is an evil organization, the mismatch makes his powers go insane, weakening him.

*Jessiebelle sneaks up behind James while he's sitting at camp. He screams, but Jessiebelle puts a rag with knockout potion over his mouth. He passes out. Meowth comes on the scene.

Meowth: What did you do to him?! Jessiebelle: If he won't marry me, I'll have to marry him. I made him unconscious with a potion. I'll do the same with you.

*Meowth screams. Jessiebelle knocks him out with the potion and runs off with James, who is still unconscious.

*When Meowth comes to, Jessie is there.

Jessie: What happened to you? Where's James? Meowth: Jessiebelle used a potion to knock him out. She did that to me, too. I guess she took James away.

*They go out looking for James. Meanwhile, James comes to. He's chained to a wall. Jessiebelle is standing in front of him.

Jessiebelle: Did you have a nice nap?

*James magically screams so loud, Jessie and Meowth can hear him.

Meowth: That sounded like James!

*Back at the dungeon…

James: What are you trying to do to me? Jessiebelle: If you won't marry me, I'll just have to marry you. By force. And I know you're a witch, so those chains are witchcraft-proof.

*James tries to break the chains with his powers but it doesn't work. He screams. Jessiebelle puts her hand over his mouth.

Jessiebelle: Don't make me use the potion again.

*Jessie and Meowth climb through the window.

Jessie: You can't force him to marry you! Meowth: He doesn't love you!

*James looks relieved to see them.

Jessiebelle: I'll kill him if you two try anything.

*James's eyes widen. Jessiebelle turns to him.

Jessiebelle: You have dishonored your family, you know. If you resist marrying me, I'll have no choice but to kill you.

*James's widened eyes focus on the noose Jessiebelle is holding.

Jessiebelle: Either tie the knot or tie the noose. James: Why should I have to die because I don't want to get married? Jessiebelle: Shut up, or I'll blast you to pieces!

*Jessiebelle takes out a bulky wand that looks like a shotgun. James puts his head down.

Jessiebelle: And don't you dare try to scream again because I've got a really sharp dagger I'd like to test out on some flesh. (pulls out a really sharp dagger) Jessie: Stop threatening him! It makes no damn sense, killing him just because he doesn't want to get married. Jessiebelle: So you want to be killed with him? I can arrange that. James: Don't kill her! Jessiebelle: I told you to shut up, you insolent trollop! (takes out a needle with black liquid in it)

*James can't help it. He struggles against his chains. Jessiebelle pimp-slaps him across his face.

Jessiebelle: I told you, that's useless! Now, stop it! (kicks James) Meowth: You stop it! Quit trying to marry or kill him. I think you just want to marry him to kill him. Jessiebelle: That's not true. If he resists, I kill him. If he accepts, he lives. James: Why would I marry a murderer? Are you going to sacrifice me? Jessiebelle: That's it! I'll make you suffer, little witch! James: No, you won't! I'm not that same weak little child I was before. Jessiebelle: I can trigger your powers to go insane, you know. Jessie: I challenge you to a Pokémon battle, Jessiebelle! Jessiebelle: Fine. If you win, you can keep the little whore. If I win, I keep him. And possibly sacrifice him. Jessie: Don't call him a whore.

*They start the match. Jessie's Arbok wins the match and knocks Jessiebelle's Vileplume out. Jessie, James, and Meowth escape the dungeon. They look for a place to camp out.

Meowth: (to James) Are you okay? James: Why wouldn't I be? Meowth: You're not usually so quiet. James: I'm just tired.

*They find a place to camp out.

-O-o-O-

*Imagine Jessiebelle has a new way to kill James if he doesn't marry her. She makes him suffer and beg for death.

*Jessie, James, and Meowth are trying to think of a new plan for stealing Pokémon. Jessiebelle comes out of nowhere and grabs James inconspicuously.

Jessie: Where did James go? Meowth: I don't know. I think I saw him get grabbed by somebody.

*Jessiebelle is running off with James, who is magically screaming as loud as he can so Jessie and Meowth can track him.

Jessiebelle: Will you shut up, you harlot?

*Jessiebelle shuts James up with her knockout potion. When she gets to the dungeon, James wakes up.

Jessiebelle: All right. No more Miss Nice Warlock. James: What do you mean, "no more?" You were never Miss Nice Warlock. Jessiebelle: You're going to suffer until you beg for death. I'll be glad to fuck you up until you die. James: It'll be a cold day in hell before I beg for death. Jessiebelle: Well, I guess you'll be there in hell on that cold day.

*Jessie and Meowth set their tent up right next to the dungeon. Even though it's next to it, Jessiebelle can't see it because James left them a camouflage potion spray.

*Jessiebelle drags James outside (it's a really hot day) and ties him to some dead leafless tree that's in the sun. The sun is right on him and it's "no shadow time." He almost faints. Next, Jessiebelle throws rocks at him, but doesn't kill him with them. Then she makes him carry heavy bricks, barely clothed, through mud on a rainy day. That's his breaking point. James faints and the bricks are cutting his arms and legs, so now he's covered in mud and blood.

*Jessie and Meowth are unaware of all this happening until they find James's limp body lying there. He's not dead. When they take him into their tent, he wakes up.

James: What happened? (tries to sit up, but is still dizzy from the torture in the sun) Jessie: I don't know what she did to you. We just found you lying in the mud. James: I don't know if I remember all of what happened. (tries to sit up again, winces, clutches head) Meowth: Lie down. What happened to you?

*James tells them what he remembers.

James: I don't care what she does to me, I'm not marrying her. Meowth: If that bitch ever tries that again, I don't know what I'm gonna do, but it won't be good. Jessie: So what you're saying is, a fucking-up is in the question. Meowth: Yeah. Pretty much.

*Jessiebelle glances out the window. She squints through a magic scope and sees the tent.

Jessiebelle: Whoever's in that tent, you're squatting on private property and I have a right to shoot! (cocks wand)

*Jessie and Meowth tell James to stay inside. They get out of the tent.

Jessiebelle: Not you bastards again! What'd you do with James? Jessie: He's not with us right now. Jessiebelle: My ass! (jumps out window onto tent)

*Jessiebelle lands next to James.

Jessiebelle: I'm locking you up and throwing away the key!

*James screams. Jessiebelle puts her hand over his mouth. He bites her hand. It doesn't faze her. She takes James inside the dungeon and locks the door behind them.

*Inside….

Jessiebelle: You know what happens now? First, I'll get your little friends.

*Jessiebelle drags Jessie and Meowth in with a sucking wind and chains them to the wall with witchcraft-proof chains.

Jessiebelle: Next I'll test out my new dagger on their necks. James: Don't kill them, kill me. Jessiebelle: What was that? James: I said, kill me instead. Jessiebelle: Fine. (walks over to James and stabs him)

*James slides down the wall, leaving a trail of blood. Jessiebelle unchains Jessie and Meowth.

Jessiebelle: You can't help him now, so I might as well let you free. (leaves in a cloud of red smoke) Meowth: No….(walks over to James) No….he's not dying….we can save him.

*James isn't quite dead yet.

James: I'm sorry. It's true. I am dying. Meowth: No, you're not. I can help you. I'm sorry we didn't save you in time. James: (coughs up blood) She moves too fast. Nobody can stop her. At least she won't bother you now I'm dying. Meowth: You're not dying. Just don't talk, save your strength, maybe you'll live. James: (painfully) Nobody can live through being (breathes with difficulty) mortally wounded. Meowth : Is this goodbye?

*James's eyes close. They don't open again. Meowth holds James's hand in his paw. James's hand is cold.

Meowth: He's dead. Jessie: I guess it was too much for him. The suffering was, I mean.

*Meowth starts to cry. Jessie holds him.

Jessie: Maybe we could try one of those rituals to bring him back. Meowth: But how? The powers didn't come to us. Jessie: Then we'll steal some of Jessiebelle's.

*They find Jessiebelle's spell books and supplies. They find a cauldron and start trying to mix the potions. They sacrifice three Spearow, prick their fingers, and add their own blood to the cauldron. Then they drip their own blood on the floor, making markings, and place James's body in the center. They pour some of the potion on James. He comes back to life.

James: I'm alive. (gasps) Meowth: Don't get worked up. We don't want you fainting when you've just come back to life. James: I'm not worked up. I'm happy.

*The three of them hug and get out of there.

Meowth: I managed to grab this. (pulls out a bottle of potion) But I don't have anything to cover it.

*James zaps a bottle cap out of the air and puts it on the potion bottle. Team Rocket walks into the sunset.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Eleven!me knows way too many synonyms for "whore." Also, James's powers are magical screaming, conjuring bottlecaps, and mixing potions.

Toxic Rocketshipping: Jessie Makes James Her Sex Slave WTF (part one of three)

This is one of the very few times I tried to write a Jessie x James fic.

And in the proud tradition of Team Rocket, I fucked it up royally.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; sexual assault; gross misunderstanding of slavery; possibly uncomfortable discussions of romance; Stockholm syndrome mistaken for love; bizarre focus on James’s virginity (why); Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (seriously what the fuck)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(James's point of view)

The trouble started when Jessie bought me.

Yes, that's right, she bought me.

I don't know how she did it. She even had a title deed written up for me.

I skimmed the deed. Something caught my eye. It was a word. Two words, actually.

"Sex slave."

I was Jessie's sex slave?! Didn't she know I valued my virginity?

What exactly did a sex slave do, anyway?

I was about to find out.

-O-o-O-

The horrible abuse started the night after Jessie bought me. She touched me in places that were inappropriate. It was really uncomfortable, but for some reason, I didn't try to break away.

Was I becoming a weak slave?

I realized I wasn't becoming weak. I was already weak. I thought that answered my question.

It didn't.

I soon realized why I was letting Jessie do all these things to me.

I was beginning to fall in love with her.

I didn't know why I was in love with Jessie. She had abused me so much, I should've hated her.

I couldn't, somehow.

I didn't want to get on her bad side, so I let her do whatever she wanted to me and did whatever she told me to. It wasn't the smartest thing to do, but I wasn't very smart.

I'm lucky she didn't do it with me. I wouldn't be a virgin right now.

-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

Jessie started taking James into her room a lot. I knew James was her sex slave, so she was probably "exploring" his body.

One night, James came out of Jessie's room and came into the room that he and I shared. He was trembling and crying.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Jessie made me strip right in front of her. I refused, so she ripped off my clothing. I've never been so humiliated in my entire life," James said between quiet sobs.

"Why did she do that?! That's an invasion of privacy!" I was angry.

"I'm her sex slave. She'll do that if I don't do what she says," James whispered.

"She has no right to make you strip if you don't want to," I said.

"Yes, she does, Meowth. She bought me. She has a title deed and everything." James produced two sheets of typed paper. One was a contract and the other was a title deed.

"Where's the 'everything'?" I asked.

"Right here," James said. He took out his sex slave identification card, a name tag, and an identification bracelet.

"Jessie has so much control over you, she's got you defending her when she's violating your rights. You need to stand up to her," I said.

"I just don't know how. And even if I did, I couldn't," James said.

"Why not?" I asked.

No answer.

"James, is there something you're not telling me?" I asked.

"I just can't stand up to Jessie, that's all."

"Why can't you?"

"Because….I love her," James said. He looked at me with tears in his eyes. I was sorry I pushed him to answer.

"Even after she did all those awful things to you?" I said, in a softer voice.

James nodded and the tears ran down his lovely face.

"But if you love her, why haven't you told her?" I asked.

"Because I don't want to love her. I don't know how I do. It's just a weird feeling. I can't explain it," James said. "I didn't even want to fall in love." He started to cry silently.

"It's okay. You can't help your feelings," I said, comforting James.

"I thought that if I let her do whatever she wanted with me, I wouldn't get on her bad side so there would be a chance she would love me too and stop doing these things to me," said James.

"That won't help. She'll just be like, 'okay, I can do whatever I want with you,' and she won't stop, she'll get worse," I said.

"So how am I going to stand up to her?" James asked.

I had to admit, I had no freaking idea.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Living beings are not property. They are certainly not real estate.

The Sad Saga of James Morgan and Company: Nobody Is Safe

More of my Pokémon occult AU, barely-there OCs, and James whumpage (I swear he's my favorite character I don't know why I did this to him).

This fic contains: Colorful language; general angst; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; underdeveloped original characters (and their fridging); violence and blood; convoluted occult lore; murderous, occult-powered Jessiebelle (now with fucked up whip action!); attempted murder; main character death (RIP Jessie); Jessiebelle is really messed up; ellipses abuse; Jesus Hades Christ eleven!me tortured James a lot in fic (this extends to Jessie and Meowth it seems); James still has magical powers

-O-o-O-o-O-

*Imagine Tylas quit being Jessiebelle's guard because he didn't want to help kill James. He figures out that James is in love with him. Jessiebelle decides to kill him by putting a curse on James. So, because James loves Tylas, if they kiss each other, Tylas will die.

*James is running from his Victreebel, which is chasing him. Tylas is running, too. He wants to get away from Jessiebelle's dungeon. They both run into each other.

James: (gets up) I'm sorry. It's my fault. I wasn't watching where I was going. Tylas: I wasn't looking either. And I was running too fast. I should be sorry.

*They both look into each other's eyes. Victreebel ruins the romantic moment by pouncing James. James gets Victreebel back into the Pokéball. Tylas is looking at him.

Tylas: Are you okay? James: (shyly) Yes. (blushes) Tylas: You sure? You're turning red. James: I'm fine. (blushes harder)

*They stand there like that for a few seconds.

Tylas: Are you, by any chance, in love with me? Is that why you're so shy and blushing? James: (breathes) Yes. Tylas: Wow. (smiles) James: Well, I have to get back to the camp now. Tylas: Okay.

*They walk away from each other.

Meowth: Did you tell him? James: Yes. At least I didn't kiss him. Then he'd die.

*The next day, the trio and Tylas walk toward each other.

Tylas: James, I know you're kind of shy around me, so I'll make this short. I love you.

*This is too much for James. He bursts into tears.

Tylas: Was it something I said? James: I'm sorry….I shouldn't have started crying. (sniffles) It's just that….Jessiebelle put a curse on me and if I kiss you, you'll die. Tylas: I still love you. James: So do I. But I can't kiss you. Tylas: That's okay.

*Jessiebelle is spying on them.

Jessiebelle: He's too smart. He won't make a mistake. I'll have to kill Tylas myself. James will either beg me to kill him, or die of a broken heart.

*Jessiebelle traps James and Tylas. Jessie and Meowth follow them. Jessiebelle gets out a dark occult knife. She locks James in a cage.

Jessiebelle: Now you'll witness the death of your lover! James: No! Let me die for him! Jessiebelle: No, this time, you can't die for your friend. I'm going to dip this knife in a very powerful potion. It's so powerful, your life potion and your powers won't be able to bring him back to life. I call it "Pure Death." (dips dark occult knife in the pure death potion)

*Jessiebelle stabs Tylas with the the dark occult pure death knife. James's vocal cords lock up and his breathing is shaky.

Jessiebelle: You want his dead body? James: (shakily) Yes.

*James grabs Tylas and gets out of there.

James: You're not going to die. You can live. I can save you. Tylas: She stabbed me with the pure death knife. James: Maybe she was lying about how powerful it was. Tylas: She wasn't. I know that potion. I saw her make it. I will always love you. James: I will, too.

*Tylas dies.

Meowth: You okay? James: No. (is quiet awhile) Maybe I'm not meant to love anyone. (gets up and walks away) Meowth: Where are you going? James: To get a shovel and to bury him.

*Jessie and Meowth see James standing out there in the rain, burying Tylas. He says something, but they can barely hear it. Then he comes back.

*The next day….

Meowth: Love is cruel. James: I hate that word now. Meowth: What?! James: I hate the "L" word. Jessie: You're being ridiculous. James: Everyone I love dies. I managed to bring Meowth back to life, but Tylas is gone. If one more person I love dies, I might consider committing suicide. Meowth: You must've liked him a lot to feel that way now. James: I did. (sighs heavily) I don't want to hurt your feelings, but can I please be left alone for a while? Meowth: You're not hurting our feelings.

*Jessie and Meowth go into the tent. James stays outside. He lets go of the fact that Tylas is dead and realizes that sometimes when you really love a person, you have to let them go.

-O-o-O-

*Imagine Jessiebelle captured James and then Jessie and Meowth followed them and got chained up, too. Jessiebelle injects poison into James. It isn't the pure death poison or some other deadly poison. She sets off a bomb, leaves the dungeon, and lets it blow up. Jessie, James, and Meowth blast off, get separated, and land in three different places. Jessie lands in a lake. James lands in a tree. Meowth lands in another dungeon.

*Jessie gets out of the lake.

Jessie: I wonder what the other two are doing.

*A bunch of kids see her coming out of the lake and start laughing. Meanwhile, James is up in a tree, on a branch. He loses his balance and falls. The tree branch snaps and falls. It lands on his head and knocks him out. At a dungeon….

Meowth: This must be Jessiebelle's new dungeon. (looks around) I'm never blasting off again.

*At the lake….

Jessie: I would take off my skirt and wring it out if all those kids weren't staring.

*At the tree a blond boy finds James. The boy's name is Lucian.

Lucian: He's hurt really badly. Jessiebelle doesn't have to know about this.

*Another boy (red-haired) comes out of the bushes.

Boy: What happened? Lucian: This boy is really hurt.

*The other boy's name is Lenny. He's Lucian's friend.

Lenny: How could he have gotten all those injuries? He looks so young. Lucian: He's only seventeen. His parents want him to marry Jessiebelle, but Jessiebelle has been abusing him. I'm Jessiebelle's new guard. It's a shame he's being abused. Lenny: How has he not died? Lucian: He's a witch, so he has some slight protection against her. But I'm going to protect him more.

*Lucian spreads a paste on James's leg where the poison was injected into him.

Lucian: He's got a bad head injury. Jessiebelle must've hit him. Or maybe he fell out of a tree.

*James wakes up.

James: Where am I? (sits up with difficulty) Lucian: I'm going to help you. I don't care what Jessiebelle thinks. Where are your friends? James: I don't know. We got separated when Jessiebelle blew up the dungeon. Lenny: Who are your friends? James: One of them is a girl named Jessie. She looks exactly like Jessiebelle, but tougher and with longer hair. The other one is a talking Meowth. Lenny: A talking Meowth? I think you should lie back down. James: But it's true. Lucian: He's right. I've seen the talking Meowth. They seem quite close. What happened to you? James: Jessiebelle injected poison into me and blew up the dungeon. Somehow, when we blasted off, Jessie, Meowth, and I got separated. I landed in a tree, but I lost my balance and fell. Then something hit me on the head and I blacked out.

*Jessie and Meowth step out of the bushes.

Meowth: What are you doing? Lucian: I'm helping him. Jessie: A likely story. Lucian: But I want to help him. Meowth: So you can earn his trust and then ambush him when he least expects it. Lucian: No! It isn't like that. I just found him unconscious a few minutes ago. He told me he got separated from you and he didn't know where you were. Meowth: You gained that much of his trust to find that out. Lucian: I took care of his wounds. Meowth: Usually he does that himself. Lucian: He was unconscious.

*Jessie and Meowth share a look.

Meowth: Okay. You can help him. But we'll stay with you to make sure there's no funny business. Lucian: (to James) I'll take care of you.

*James is looking up at Lucian adoringly. Team Rocket befriends Lucian and Lenny. James is in love with Lucian.

-O-o-O-

*Imagine Jessiebelle wants to make James die of sadness. She kills Lucian. Then she decides to try to kill Jessie, then James will commit suicide, ask Jessiebelle to kill him, or die of sadness.

*The trio is walking along the road. Jessiebelle grabs James, knocks him out with her potion, and runs. She comes to a toll booth in the middle of the forest.

Toll Booth Attendant: Where are you going? Jessiebelle: Sorry. I can't tell. It's top secret.

*Later, Jessie and Meowth come to the toll booth.

Toll Booth Attendant: You again?! Jessie: That was just someone who looked exactly like me. Which way did she go? Meowth: And was she carrying a boy? Toll Booth Attendant: She went that way. (points) Yes, she was carrying a boy. Jessie: Did you see what the boy looked like? Toll Booth Person: He had long violet hair. His eyes were closed. He was wearing a uniform similar to yours. Why? Do you think she's going to do something bad to him? Meowth: She's going to kill him.

*They find Jessiebelle's dungeon. James is locked up in a cage. He's kicking the door and trying to blast it open with his powers.

Jessiebelle: Kicking it and using your powers won't do anything. James: I have to at least try!

*Jessie and Meowth come in.

Jessiebelle: Since you're here, I'll just kill one of you. I can't kill that hell cat or I'll get cursed, so I'll have to kill you. James: No. Don't you kill her. Let me die for her! Jessie: James, you're too young to die. I'll die for you. James: No. I couldn't save Tylas and Lucian, but I'm going to save you. Jessiebelle: (dips dark occult knife in pure death potion) I think I'll end this argument. (stabs Jessie)

*James starts screaming and kicking the cage door to get it.

James: You bastard! How could you?! Jessiebelle: Young witches. Always so temperamental. (lets James out)

*James grabs Jessie's dead body, grabs Meowth by the hand, and gets out of there.

James: She's already dead. I didn't even get to say goodbye. (starts to cry softly)

*Meowth can't say anything because he's crying, too. James gets a shovel and buries Jessie.

*The next day, Jessiebelle jumps out of a tree and lands on her feet in front of James and Meowth. She's dressed like Jessie.

James: Jessie? Is that you? Jessiebelle: It's me. Your worst nightmare. Meowth: You're not Jessie. Jessiebelle: Meowth, that's right.

*James faints. Jessiebelle is about to stab James.

Meowth: Fuck off of him! (scratches Jessiebelle across the face)

*Jessiebelle screams and runs off.

Meowth: James, wake up!

*James wakes up.

James: What happened? Meowth: You passed out when Jessiebelle came back.

*Meowth notices James trembling.

Meowth:What's wrong? James: She couldn't have made a Team Rocket uniform that quickly. She would've had to take it off Jessie's body. She dug up Jessie's grave and disrespected her body. Meowth: You're sweating. James: I hate Jessiebelle. Meowth: So do I. James: What did Jessie ever do to her? Why did she have to kill her and do that to her dead body? Meowth: We've gotten killed by her, too. What did any of us do to her to make her kill us? James: I think she wants to make me die of sadness or beg for death. She's getting back at me for not marrying her. Meowth: That could be right. James: I think I should put something on Jessie's grave. Meowth: What are you going to put there?

*James gets up. He goes over to Jessie's grave (which is next to Tylas's grave) and takes out one of his roses. It's a blood red rose. There's a faded pink one on Tylas's grave.

Meowth: But that's your rose you say the motto with. James: I know. I'll carry a black rose because I'm in mourning. Meowth: She'd probably want us to continue saying the motto as we steal Pokémon. James: I don't know if I can continue to be a Team Rocket member. I think she'd want me to, and I want to honor her memory. Meowth: I want to, too. James: Why don't I just dye my uniform black?

*Jessiebelle jumps out of a tree again. She grabs James. Meowth runs after them. They all end up at the dungeon.

Jessiebelle: Marry me or die. I know a great way to kill you.

*Jessiebelle pokes James in the dick with the handle of a dark occult knife. Meowth manages to free James, take him by the hand, and run out of there.

Meowth: Why don't we tell Officer Jenny about this? James: She'd never believe a Team Rocket member. She'd probably laugh if I told her I was sexually abused.

*Jessiebelle kidnaps James and his grandparents. Meowth gets catnapped (or Poké-napped) too.

Jessiebelle: I thought you could use your old-age wisdom to set your grandson straight. (whips James around the waist)

*The whip wraps around James's waist and starts choking him. Jessiebelle tugs on the whip, trying to strangle James.

James's grandfather: What are you doing to him?!

*Jessiebelle lets go of the whip. James falls backward, unconscious. His grandparents catch him before he falls.

James's grandmother: This is madness. Meowth: Why are you killing him?

*James's grandfather is holding his body.

James's grandfather: You killed him. Meowth: (listens to James's heartbeat) He's not dead. He's just unconscious.

James's grandmother: You're going to be all right.

*James comes to.

James: What happened? Meowth: Jessiebelle tried to strangle you to death. James's grandfather: You leave our grandson alone. Jessiebelle: And if I don't?

*Growlie comes in and sets Jessiebelle on fire. She pours water on the fire. Meowth scratches her face. Everybody else runs out of there, taking Meowth with them.

James's grandmother: I'm so sorry we didn't intervene earlier when your parents tried to force you to marry Jessiebelle. We didn't know the danger they were putting you in. James: It's okay. They covered up a lot.

*After James's grandparents and Growlie leave, Meowth comes up to James.

Meowth: I guess it's just the two of us. James: Yeah. Just us. Meowth: Let's go.

*James and Meowth walk into the sunset.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Even in the middle of nowhere in an occult-infested forest, you can't escape the toll booths.

a scene that will not leave my head

Setting: A 24-hour diner called Waffle Hut. The "W" in the light-up sign is blown out so it reads, "Affle Hut." Jessie, James, and Meowth stand outside the filthy, weirdly sticky glass door while an employee stands in front of it, barring their way.

Jessie: What do you mean, you don't serve Pokémon? He's toilet-trained, can talk, and probably cooks better than any of you!

Meowth: (is distracted by a roach crawling on a table) Do I really want to be served here?

(James, who is pregnant with Meowth's kittens, pukes in the outdoor trashcan.)

James: (wiping mouth) Why do I crave French toast?

Aaaand scene.

i see (un)dead people

It's a strange coincidence that I'm posting this set of pictures around the same time as that "Bad Blood" vampire oldfic.

James made up with the bees. For now.

Looks like the "Vampire Nexus" trait is kicking in.

Meowth lets the wrong one in. Vlad, welcome to Bad Decision Theater, starring Jessie, James, and Meowth!

And this is why he was the wrong one (well, one of the reasons why). You come onto my lot and kick over my trash can,

"Meowth, your new acquaintance keeps hissing at us and flashing his fangs. Should we be concerned?"

"He's just a little eccentric, that's all. You and James should be used to that by now."

"This was definitely a good decision."

The lot gets its spooky on. A ghost appears.

Nobody told them this lot was the site of a massive pool ladder and bookcase fire "accident" and that's why it was so cheap.

Team Rocket, where are your manners? Just because your guests are dead people doesn't mean you can ignore them and go to bed.

Eventually, James came out to get a glass of water and was met with this.

I don't think he likes this arrangement.

"Your neck looks delectable. So soft and full of blood."

"Why would he say that?"

Vlad eventually left, but the problems didn't.

"Mew's Tongue, those aren't Zubat!"

One of them bit him. Fortunately, the only harm it caused was a negative moodlet.

Kitty Meowth wasn't in this set because he likes to run off and have his own adventures off-lot (he comes back when it's time for food).

Bad Blood: Garlic Won't Heal Bite Mark Holes (part two of three)

I'm starting to wonder why past!me even tried to write Rocketshipping. You can clearly see me straining to suppress the urge to ship James with characters other than Jessie.

Part one is here.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; colorful language; blood mention; very loose understanding of psychological issues (seriously twelve!me does not seem to understand psychopathy); abuse mention; out-of-character behavior for James, Meowth, and Mondo (Mondo starts acting like lovestruck Meowth towards James for a bit); absolute character assassination of Jessie (she’s Elizabeth Báthory now); just vampire things 🧛; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (my favorite whumpee)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Mondo's point of view)

We stopped running to rest for a while. We were going to start running again soon because Jessie would be after her "Child."

I set James down on some soft grass. I realized how pretty and sweet he was. How could Jessie mistreat him? He had stood by her, even in life and death situations. He was so loyal and gentle.

James began to come to. "Where am I?" he asked. His voice was quiet and weak.

"You're away from Jessie," I said.

James tried to sit up. I held him down.

"Don't sit up. Just rest," I said.

James lay back down again.

Meowth came over to me. "Isn't he going to be a vampire?" he asked.

"No. Jessie didn't get enough blood and he'd have to drink some of her blood," I said.

Just in case we were wrong, we gave him some garlic water.

We got back on the road again. James seemed to be breathing heavily, as if he was being put through labor.

James tripped and fell. He didn't get up.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's nothing," James said.

Right after he said this, he threw up.

"You look drained, Jimmy," Meowth said.

Meowth was right. James's skin was white as his uniform.

"I'm just a little under the weather," James said, right before vomiting again.

Needless to say, we had to find somewhere to stay.

-O-o-O-

We were going to the next town when Meowth scratched his leg on a rock.

"Ow! The fuck was that?!" he yelled.

He noticed he'd scratched his leg. It was bleeding.

I just remembered at that moment that James would faint at the sight of blood.

James got out his first aid kit and started to bandage Meowth's leg. I didn't have any first aid supplies with me.

James bandaged and cleaned Meowth's leg. He looked even more unwell than before. He then picked Meowth up and comforted him.

I thought of Meowth as a senior teammate, but James seemed to think of him as someone much closer.

(Meowth's point of view)

We got into a motel late at night.

When we got into the room, Mondo and I had a talk with James about why Jessie abused him.

"So, James, it's not your fault she's a psychopathical vampire. I don't know why she's like that, but it's not your fault," I said.

James still looked confused, but he seemed to understand. He still had a serious, hurt look on his face.

"But what'll happen to her?" he asked.

This was the one question we tried to avoid.

"She'll be taken away," Mondo said.

"Where?"

"To the mental institution."

"Why is she a psychopath?"

We never thought James would ask this question because we thought we explained it. "It's just her usual mental….thing," I said.

"I'm usually with her," James said.

I couldn't look at James anymore. I didn't want to see him cry.

"So it is my fault. I knew it. I'm such a screw-up, I messed up Jessie," James whispered. "I'm useless!"

To my surprise, Mondo went over to James and said, "No, you aren't! Some people are just like that."

"If Jessie goes crazy in the mental institution, she could get sent to jail. We would never see her again," I thought aloud.

James burst into tears and ran crying into the bathroom.

"Maybe he wasn't ready for it," Mondo said.

I looked at the closed bathroom door. I heard loud sobbing coming from it.

Maybe James should tell Jessie his true feelings.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: A regular, non-supernatural jail can definitely keep a vampire contained, especially a vampire that can dig her way out of pretty much anything (and spends most of her time digging holes for other people to fall into).

while trying to summon the haiku bot, i got inspired

So now you get haiku-ish arrangements of words about blueshipping.

-O-o-O-

Meowth, the charmed cat.

James, his quirky human queen.

Sailing the blue ship.

-O-o-O-

He did it again.

Went and fell for a rich kid.

Who needs Meowzie?

-O-o-O-

The lovers blast off.

"Get a room," Jessie tells them.

A tent is fine, too.

-O-o-O-

A tryst in the woods.

"What's that rustling in the bush?"

Oh, shit. It's the twerps.

-O-o-O-

A breeze up his skirt.

The tom cat fondles his queen.

"Oh, my, that tickles!"

-O-o-O-

This is not Professor Oak's poetry.