Mfw I Find Myself Writing A Scene In Which Pinky Is Gleefully Chugging A Thimble Of Goat's Blood Because

mfw I find myself writing a scene in which Pinky is gleefully chugging a thimble of goat's blood because he's pregnant with a demon (who will grow up to look and act like Dark Pinky and probably try to seduce Brain while impersonating Pinky) due to one of Brain's world domination schemes while Brain watches in horror and fascination

how many times will I inflict this Gabrielle's Hope-ass plot on a male character I like

I'm just curious, feel free to rb for a greater sample size and stuff

so I just watched a few videos of rodents in heat

they chased each other around.

they played "Chase me!"

tell me tumblr, what game is it that Pinky's parents play in that one episode that Pinky later tries to play with Brain

You Got Played: Kaiba Gets Cheated On While I Play Unfitting Music (Part Three of Five)

It is becoming apparent that the concept of a songfic (a fic that includes song lyrics that actually make sense with the plot) was lost on teen!me.

Part one is here. Part two is here.

This fic contains: Teen!me laboring under the delusion that Bandit Keith is the same age as Yugi and company; song lyrics inserted into the prose; mpreg for real this time (bonus “even pregnancy of the male variety does not work that way” content); vomit mention; Bandit Keith being a prick; everybody is kind of an idiot; author’s notes to give track listings; abortion mention; anti-abortion protesting and abortion being outlawed mention; cheating; terrible OC; Noah Kaiba somehow being alive and bizarrely invested in his brother’s romantic life; Yami/Atem is corporeal for some reason; Blue Eyes White Dragon underwear as a plot point

-O-o-O-o-O-

The next morning, Noah was thinking (or obsessing) over the argument he had with Kaiba.

“Maybe Seto’s right. Maybe I only think Keith’s cheating because I don’t like him. Maybe I just like butting in too much,” he thought. “No! That’s wrong! I saw Keith cheating with my own two eyes-twice! Maybe this is one of these things that he needs to find out on his own.”

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Kaiba was puking his guts out. He had no idea why he was doing it, but he knew it was worse than it had been the morning after he did it with Keith.

Mokuba walked in. “Seto! Are you okay?” he asked, worried.

“I’m fine, Mokuba, I’m probably just coming down with something,” Kaiba answered. “I must’ve caught it from Yugi’s room. I think Yami had the flu last week.”

“What were you doing in Yugi’s room?” Mokuba asked.

“We….we were….um…..we were kinda, sorta, maybe doing it,” Kaiba answered. “But don’t tell Noah.”

There was a period of silence.

“Maybe you’re pregnant,” Mokuba said jokingly, trying to get Kaiba to relax.

Unbeknownst to Mokuba, Kaiba took his joke seriously. Kaiba grabbed his trenchcoat, ran to the drugstore, and bought a pregnancy test. When he got home, he went back into the bathroom and, following the instructions in the box, peed on the white oval on the little plastic stick. After about a minute, he looked at the oval. There was a blue plus sign on the oval.

Kaiba’s grip on the test tightened until the plastic stick snapped in his hands.

-O-o-O-

“That test is wrong. There is no way I could be pregnant,” Kaiba thought angrily. He washed his hands vigorously, then dumped the test in the garbage can. “But….it wouldn’t hurt to go to the doctor and see if the test could be right.”

Kaiba went to the doctor’s office (he had made an appointment earlier), where the test was proved right.

“It has to be Keith’s. But I can’t tell him. He’ll probably dump me even faster. And I definitely can’t tell my brothers. I don’t want to worry Mokuba and Noah would go ballistic,” Kaiba thought.

Meanwhile, at the Muto residence, Mr. Muto was taking the laundry out of the dryer when he found an odd piece of underwear. It was a pair of white boxers with Blue Eyes White Dragons on it.

“What’s this? I’ve never seen this underwear before,” he thought. He decided to go ask Yami and Yugi about it.

“Yugi? Yami? Is this your underwear?” Mr. Muto asked, giving them the underwear.

“Um….yeah, it’s my underwear,” Yami answered.

“Really? It looks a little big for you.”

“Yeah! That’s why….uh, that’s why I’m….I’m gonna take it back to the store for a refund! Yeah, that’s what I’ll do!” Yami said, trying so hard not to sound fake.

“I’ll take it back for you, Yami!” Yugi said. “Because I know where you got it!” Yugi sounded extremely fake.

“Thanks!” Yami said.

“I’ll just take this back to the store and not to Kaiba’s house because it’s not his underwear!” Yugi said.

“What was that last part you said?” Mr. Muto asked.

“I said…..maybe I’ll find another pair! Yeah, that’s what I said!” Yugi said.

“Okay,” Mr. Muto said, then he left.

“That was close,” Yugi and Yami thought.

-O-o-O-

Yugi set off, underwear in his pocket, to find Kaiba. He decided to go to Kaiba’s house first.

Kaiba was pacing the floor, wringing his hands, and worrying about his relationship with Keith when he heard the doorbell ring. He went to go answer it since Mokuba and Noah were doing something else.

Yugi was standing outside. “This is a really big mansion,” he thought. “I bet Kaiba has a really big bedroom….and a huge bed……Wait, what am I thinking?! Why did I just think that?! Okay, stay calm, think normal thoughts…This underwear looks a little stretched out in the butt…..Kaiba’s got some junk in his trunk…What the hell?!”

At that moment, the door swung open and Kaiba came out.

“Hey, Yugi,” he said.

“Hi, Kaiba,” Yugi said. “I brought you these.” He held the underwear out to Kaiba.

“Thank you,” Kaiba said, taking the underwear.

Yugi started to stare straight ahead—at Kaiba’s crotch. “I wonder if he’s wearing any underwear now,” Yugi thought.

“Um..Yugi? I’m up here.” Kaiba was looking down at Yugi with a concerned expression on his face.

“What?” Yugi looked up. “Oh, sorry.”

“So, would you like to come in?” Kaiba said, stepping back to let Yugi in.

“No, thanks. I should probably get going,” Yugi politely declined.

“Are you sure?” Kaiba really wanted Yugi to stay. He liked being with Yugi.

“I’m sure.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Kaiba.”

“Good bye, Yugi.”

Kaiba watched Yugi’s short, retreating figure.

“Yugi’s so sweet…I love him…..What the—I love him?! But that’s not right…I’m having Keith’s child…How can I love Yugi that way?”

For the first time in his life, Kaiba was utterly confused.

Yugi walked home with his hands in his pockets.

“Kaiba’s changed a lot since Battle City,” Yugi thought. “He seems a lot nicer…and hotter…Why am I suddenly wishing that he’d break up with Keith?”

‘I used to pride myself on being the other man, But now it’s flipped and I don’t want you with no other man.’ “I guess we’re only meant to be friends, or dueling rivals…” ‘Why can’t you understand anything I’m offering? I gave you the world but you just wanted arguing.’

“I still wish he’d come over to the game shop more often.”

‘Won’t you come on and go with me? Come on over to my place. Won’t you sit yourself down and take a seat? Let me ease your mind. We’re gonna do it our way.’ (author’s note: My Place - Nelly)

-O-o-O-

The next day, Kaiba sat on the subway with his brothers.

“How am I going to tell Keith about his child? He might not like the idea of becoming a father so young. And because the anti-abortion groups protested, I can’t get an abortion. I could never bring myself to abort a child, anyway…I’m afraid to tell him, but I can’t wait till it’s too late,” Kaiba thought.

‘Sitting on a crowded train, It’s all good, it’s all good, it’s all good. Wishing all the time away, Til that day, that day!’

“On the other hand, he might be okay with all of this. I wish I knew what he was thinking.”

‘Oh, Seto, hold on. Just hold on, and on, and on, and on. Oh, Seto, be strong. Just hold on, and on, and on, and on.’ (author’s note: Jesse Hold On - B*Witched)

The train reached the stop. The Kaiba brothers got off and ascended out of the subway station and walked to the mall.

They were walking around the mall. Mokuba and Noah were trying to pick up girls and Kaiba was just along for the ride. He was also hoping that he would see Yugi there.

The brothers were sitting on a bench in an obscure part of the mall, when they suddenly heard someone yell, “Bandit Keith, what’re ya doin’?!”

Kaiba recognized the someone as Joey, but he didn’t think much of it because Joey was always running around, talking at the top of his voice. But then he heard Yugi ask, “Bandit Keith, who’s this girl?”

Kaiba snapped to attention. He began to walk closer to get a closer look. Mokuba and Noah followed him.

He saw Joey and Yugi looking at Keith and some other girl. Joey and Yugi looked shocked and horrified. Keith looked like he was thinking, “Shit, I’ve been caught.” The girl had a “what-the-hell-is-going-on” type of expression on her face.

“Um.. This is my girlfriend,” Keith said, stupidly.

“But I thought you were wit’ Kaiba,” Joey said. Then it hit him. “Wait a minute…..You’re cheatin’ on `im!”

“Bandit Keith! How could you cheat on Kaiba?!” Yugi yelled. Keith was staring at something—or someone—behind Yugi. “Hey! Look at me when I’m talking to you!” Yugi shouted.

“Uh, Yuge? I think he’s starin’ at Kaiba,” Joey said.

Yugi turned around and saw Kaiba standing there. “Oh, no…..”

Kaiba stared in disbelief. “He’s got a girlfriend,” he thought, “and she’s beautiful….”

Kaiba had an expression of mostly anger and disgust on his face. But Yugi could also see, in Kaiba’s eyes, that Kaiba was heartbroken.

Kaiba ran off to the bathroom silently.

“Kaiba, wait!” Yugi called.

But Kaiba didn’t even look back.

-O-o-o-

“He has a girlfriend,” Kaiba thought angrily. “I’ve been such an idiot. How could he possibly want to be with someone like me, when he could be with that sexy girl? How could I let myself get tricked like that?”

Kaiba walked out of the stall he had been sitting in and splashed some water on his face. Then he exited the bathroom.

Noah and Mokuba were waiting outside the bathroom.

“Let’s go home,” Mokuba said.

So they went home, since they were tired of the mall, anyway.

Meanwhile, at the mall, Yugi and Joey were still chewing Keith out for cheating. Kyra had gone into a cosmetic store and, being the ditz she is, she didn’t remember what had happened not but five seconds ago.

“You low-down, piece o’ trash cheata! Dis is da lowest thing a guy like you could do! I don’t even like da guy, but how could ya cheat on Kaiba like `dat?!”

As you can probably guess, Joey was doing most of the talking while Yugi seethed silently.

“Listen, dorks! Why don’t you just butt out and mind your own goddamn business?!” Keith yelled as he walked off.

“Man, what an asshole!” Joey exclaimed. Then he looked down at Yugi, who was staring into space. “Yuge, you okay?”

“I hate Bandit Keith.”

Joey was shocked. He had never heard Yugi talking about hating anybody-except this substitute teacher they had once, but she was a bi-otch, so everyone hated her.

“But, Yuge, you don’t hate anybody.”

“Except Bandit Keith. I wish he’d go to hell.”

Joey got scared. “You’re freakin’ me out, Yuge.”

Yugi sighed. “I’m sorry, Joey. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just that I hate what Bandit Keith did to Kaiba. He shouldn’t be able to get away with it.”

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Even if you are male, you will not know if you are pregnant the day after you had sex.

Head canon about Pinky and the Brain

They're part of an experiment in society-building and civilization creation.

The scientists genetically altered mice to be more intelligent so they could study how intelligent animals build societies and civilizations. They had to use mice because it's illegal to run such an experiment with humans and rodents were the easiest for them to work with. There may be more genetically-altered mice (and other rodents), but Pinky and Brain aren't aware of most of them.

At some point in the future, the scientists planned to relocate all the intelligent mice into an area on lab grounds where they could figure out how to build villages and form some sort of rodent government.

I agree.

(possibly gross elaboration involving elephants below cut, just to be safe.)

My favorite animals like to stick their trunks up each other's butts and eat what they find up there. While I, a human socialized into human society with human norms, might find this a little gross (and also pretty funny), I don't think it is immoral (and if you know anything about the digestive system of elephants and their general society, you could even argue that this is a necessary ritual for them). I certainly don't want to outlaw or punish elephants having a bit of an anal spelunking session with their herdmates.

It doesn't even lessen my liking for elephants.

You have to be at peace with the fact that not everything you find disgusting is immoral. There's no secret way out of it.