I Have Never Played Splatoon

I have never played Splatoon

jason todd angst courtesy of tiktok user  rulersreachfan

triple threat: handsome, horny, and homicidal

Morpheus: He is my masterpiece, the dark mirror of humanity that they cannot face

Corinthian, said masterpiece: *blonde twunk with “creator issues” who’s main traits are southern serial killer with too much libido*

Bruce Wayne: why would you buy me this?

Jason Todd: thought it was funny

Bruce, crying a little onto a t-shirt that says “I love my UNdead gay son”: it is but you still shouldn’t have done it

AU WHERE CLARK IS A GRUMP!!! JUST A RAINY CLOUD OF A MAN!!! I want older, exhausted, i- may- feed -on- sun- but- I -ain't- no sunshine- Clark Kent.

I think being constantly alienated and casted out and honestly, despised for being an alien yet saving the human race every Wendsay is bound to make the best of us a little hostile, -

do NOT get me wrong Clark loves his Ma and Pa, but he's mostly here because Diana keeps bullying him into it, and bc his parents happen to be apart of said species that thins his patience everyday.

LIKE-

This man is giving " Absolutely would yell at Parry White for trapping him in interviews with Lex Luthor even if he KNOWS Clark hates his guts" vibes. Living for it.

" TELL THAT FUCKING MORON THAT UNLESS HE PLANS TO SAVE 300 POLAR BEARS FROM MASS HOMELESSNESS, HE CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE!"

Bruce, literally shaking in his chair at the Daily Planet after Alfred grounded him with social interaction for patrolling late: hn

Clark is staring. Bruce can SWEAR there's a spot of red glowing in those ocean eyes before this titan of a man directs his attention to a tight-grinning Lois Lane, " What the fuck is HE doing here?"

" You were supposed to interview him today, remember?"

" It's honestly fine I can leave if he's busy"

" I'm not busy, Morticia Addams, I just don't wanna be around ANOTHER rich prick for hours- fuck it. Come on. I NEED to know how you knew Lex was swapping spit with those crooks from that laboratory. "

'' well some of us don't need to yell to get our point across"

" What?"

" Nothing"

Bruce of course follows Clark close and despite Clark expressing crystal clear " eat the rich and shit them out" energy, they still have a " excuse me, he asked for EXTRA blueberry" moment

ALSO GRUMPY TEAM DAD!! " Alright, which one of you failed condoms arranged this press conference? Was it you, Hal? I WILL make you hold that lantern while I fix the coffee maker again."

Hal is sobbing while pounding his fists on Clark's chest, " You monster, - YOU MONSTER -"

Arguing with Batman would be so much funnier. " You're a superpowered alien with unmatchable strength and anger management issues, of COURSE I have the right to worry!"

" Oh you fucking say that as if humanity hasn't been its own monster since, oh I don't know, - FOREVER? Maybe check your facts before you come at me, Bruce."

And Bruce is of course SHOCKED. " How-"

" I used my X-ray vision."

" You betrayed my trust!"

" Of course I did, we're not FOUR."