Soyeah

so…yeah…

those things they said on the bridge…

what if we put the things they said before together with they said on the bridge…

i can’t take anything seriously

it’s like. i’m your older sister and i love you and i love your mom who has become my mom. i’m your little sister and i love you and i love my mom who is also your mom because i don’t know anything else.

i’m your older sister and our mom is gone and our dad is also gone but in a different way so now i’m your mom and the only way i know how to be that is by emulating the cheeriness our mom taught us. i’m your younger sister and you think i don’t understand what’s happening but i do i just don’t know how to stop it so i’ll make myself easy to cheer up.

i’m your older sister and there is so much wrong with me but the last time i tried to fix it i took you with me and i put you in danger so now i’ll just keep that part of me separate. i’m your younger sister and now i’m old enough to process the grief our mom left behind but i can’t do that because you never share any of your grief with me.

i’m your older sister and the person i could actually turn to for help is gone and i can’t muster up the energy to help you with your trauma so i’m shutting down. i’m your younger sister and i don’t know how to help you heal because you never taught me how so the best thing i can do is keep you from being responsible for my healing by making my trauma nonexistent.

i’m your older sister and being apart from you helped me grow into myself. i’m your younger sister and being apart from you left me stagnant.

i’m your older sister and i gave up everything for you and i’ll keep giving up everything for you i’ll throw myself off a bridge and leave behind the girl i just found and healed with just so i can keep you safe. i’m your younger sister and i’ll come after you.

i’m your older sister and now i know you don’t know how to exist without me and i can’t hate you for that but i don’t know what to do. i’m your younger sister and now that you exist without me i don’t know what to do and i can’t hate you for that but i do.

NOT THE FOOT POP

original post here.