It Bothers Me That You Often Don't Really Hear About People Having A "favorite Album" The Way They Might

it bothers me that you often don't really hear about people having a "favorite album" the way they might have a favorite movie or favorite video game

Thought i'd share my experience with suicidal thoughts and self harm so here it goes. A lot of triggers probably so you may wanna step out.

When i was 10 years old, i was really stuck on school stuff. like, they put a lot of pressure on us, and i'm a real procrastinator. i waited till the last moment to do all that stuff, and honestly it's my fault. the thing is, i had to stay up till kinda late, wich i used to NEVER do. plus, on the next day we had to present that stuff to our parents, plus dance for everyone else's parents too, and play a song, and i have social anxiety. This got me so stressed for the longest time, bc it was like a huge thing and it was worth a lot of my grades. to top it all off, that annoying ex friend who kept pressuring us didnt even show up.

The next year, i started hating school for it. It felt useless, and i felt no motivation. The worst part was: that year, i made two friends, but they ended up pretty fake, one in specific. she thouht she was better than me, and made sure i knew it. She made fun of using medicine, was pretty ableist and was a complete narcissist. During that time, i started thinking i was autistic. i related way too much with stuff i read about it, but when i told her i thought that she went "haha aren't we all" and just kept on with her life. She didnt try to underestand me, and i think i felt a need to be validated by her. I started feeling the pressure of school, the dependence i felt towards my friends and my self hate, always being fed by both media i came across and my toxic relationship with my own feelings.

Soon, i started feeling extremely depressed, trying to figure out if i truly was autistic or if there was something wrong with me. To complement all that, i started finding out about my queerness, which was important, but it actually only made me feel more stressed.

I had to go with my parents on their business trip on October, and it felt great to escape for a while. The problem was that, by the time, i already felt incredibly depressed. I wasnt exited about anything, had no motivation, and to be honest the only thing that kept me from killing myself was the thought of how my friends would feel, specially one of my best friends, who nowadays i am proud to call my brother, was also suffering with his own mental health.

On that trip, i had many valuable conversations with my friends, them helping me go through this even with the distance, even if every time i saw a window i begged myself to jump. They helped me figure out my sexuality, which also gave me courage to both come out to my mom and come clean about my depressing thoughts.

After i came back home, i started having to wear an orthopedic vest or whatever, idk how to say that in english. Of course that didnt help much my situation, but at least i started going to therapy. I went back into school and saw my friends, including that one girl i mentioned earlier.

While that happened, i had some serious anger issues. I was pretty rude to her, while she was ableist to me. After I told her and my other friends I'm a lesbian, they all were supportive of me, except for her. It kept on for the whole year, until i finally changed schools together with a friend of mine.

I could see other friends on my new school, but the change was weird. The new school was farther from my house so i had to wake up earlier, but at least i got rid of seeing that girl. The thing is, i kept lying to my therapist, and felt like i couldnt tell anyone my thoughts and feelings. I started having kinda murderous thoughts about me killing my homophobic classmates and then myself. I continued procrastinating my arts project, and i thought i'd get a failing grade. Not long after, i started cutting myself. I liked the pain. Its like I had always felt. By the time, i found out a way of fooling the medicine, kind of stopping it from working. I thought I deserved to feel like this. I started planning on killing myself.

I had the perfect plan of every step i'd take. I'd take a cup of coffee on the middle of the night, wearing my favourite PJ's, steal a bunch of ginger biscuits from the kitchen and go to the little empty house on our yard. I'd grab a knife with me. I was going to send my goodbyes via whatsapp, eat all the biscuits and cut my palm with the knife, to use the blood to write on the walls. After that, i'd slit my throat. But i didnt do any of these. Because of my ex brother-in-law.

I started planning my goodbyes, sending myself the texts i'd send them that night, just so i could copy and paste. Then, i'd send their friends texts for them to comfort my friends. On that, i sent my ex brother-in-law a message asking him to comfort my brother the next day. I thought he wouldnt see it immediatly, but he did. He asked why, and i answered i was going to kill myself. He started lecturing me, and i admit that his speech wasnt what kept me alive, but the fact it lasted 10 minutes and made me forget to drink the coffee to keep me up.

I slept tightly that night, the night i had been planning to be my last.

After that hell of a night, i started using my medicine correctly, which helped a lot on my recovery. Today, a fuck ton of time later, I'm telling you about it, because a few days ago i cut myself again. I dont want anyone to go through that, to think their feelings arent valid because there are people who suffer more, who think life is nothing but the limited time of working of the brain and the heart.

Life means, you get to change. Life means, you get to thrive. Life literally means whatever the fuck you want it to mean. So live. It's your only chance.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF I STARE INTO SOMEONES LIPS IS EYE CONTACT IF I LOOK AT SOMEONES NOSE ITS EYE CONTACT WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK

2 guys chillin in a forest, 1 foot apart cause theyre not gay

Ryan’s ig story 😭😭😭

YOU BETTER NOT!!! :DDDDDDDDDD

You Really Are God's Perfect Idiot, Aren't You?

I tried. Deadpool would've been proud. Shut up.

AW YES HUN I DONT WANNA SEE YOU STOPPING ANY TIME SOON OR LATE!! YOURE ALREADY IMPROVING SM I SWEAR

You Really Are God's Perfect Idiot, Aren't You?

I tried. Deadpool would've been proud. Shut up.