Tw Sui Talk - Tumblr Posts
Radfems found the blog so reminder
TERFS, RADFEMS OR WHAT HAVE YOU, GO AND KILL YOUSELF WITH RUSTED BARBED WIRE!!! Now get off my blog.
Anyways most everyone else I love you :3
TW// self-unaliving
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I think I am going to have to make a plan to kms even though I don't want to die because I am failing all my classes and I would need an actual miracle to pass any of them and if I fail all of them let alone just one of them, then it's all over for me. My life will be over anyways.
TW sh, sui
Kinda feel like I should be admitted to grippy sock jail cause of my unalive thoughts and urges but I can't because the US healthcare system sucks and its too fucking expensive!!!
So ig i just gotta sh and secretly hope someone sees despite the fact that I will hide them or else ill get in trouble with my parents but I want help.
'but what about women????!!!!' we get it, you hate men and think they don't have valid issues. please get out of the nuanced gender discussion and go back to your elementary school playground shenanigans lookin ass group of man hating 'feminists'
Fun Fact!
Did you know you can talk about the discriminations that men go through WITHOUT saying women aren't discriminated against?
Men, whether cis or trans, should be able to talk about the discrimination they face in some circumstances (especially their suicide rates) without someone hopping into the conversation and saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT WOMEN?!"
Yes, women have problems, but we can't act like they're the ONLY people who have problems.
Male suicide rates are something to be concerned about! 22.8 out of 100,000 is still a lot! That's 75,924 out of 333mil people (the population of the USA in 2022) committing suicide! Female suicide rates are SIGNIFICANTLY lower at only 5.7 out of 100,000. That's 18,981 out of 333mil people. Still a lot of people! But, evidently something is affecting men more here, and that needs to be addressed!
And if someone brings up how often women are raped? We don't truly know the actual statistics of either gender because rape goes SEVERELY UNDERREPORTED BY BOTH GENDERS! But male victims of rape (in my personal experience) are taken less seriously, ESPECIALLY if their rapist was a woman, getting comments like "Wow, you were so lucky! I wish I could bang her," or "Don't lie, men can't be raped! You probably liked it anyways!"
I speak as a rape survivor myself who is AFAB and transmasc, who suffered severe social isolation and several suicide attempts after I mentioned to my friends I was raped, AS A CHILD (my rapist was just a month younger than me), and most of my friends took the side of my rapist.
Let people talk about the discrimination they face without being made fun of.
Will always reblog stuff like this when it comes up, there's a lotta apps like it! All different you can always search for one that works for you and it's ok if none of them do, just means that one out of hundreds of alternatives doesn't work
i recommend this app to help you distract yourself when you feel an urge to hurt yourself!
It’s so cute and calming :D
Oh god I fucked it
I hit beans again. I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like I'm loosing it, slowly bleeding every bit of me out
I did two styros and almost removed the piece of skin in-between them when bandaging
God I'm loosing it I can't even kill myself to get out of this god damn state.
I'm needed no matter what I say. I have someone relying on me and wanting to die while having that feels like hell.
Oh god I fucked it
I hit beans again. I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like I'm loosing it, slowly bleeding every bit of me out
I did two styros and almost removed the piece of skin in-between them when bandaging
God I'm loosing it I can't even kill myself to get out of this god damn state.
I'm needed no matter what I say. I have someone relying on me and wanting to die while having that feels like hell.
Oh god I fucked it
I hit beans again. I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like I'm loosing it, slowly bleeding every bit of me out
I did two styros and almost removed the piece of skin in-between them when bandaging
God I'm loosing it I can't even kill myself to get out of this god damn state.
I'm needed no matter what I say. I have someone relying on me and wanting to die while having that feels like hell.
Oh god I fucked it
I hit beans again. I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like I'm loosing it, slowly bleeding every bit of me out
I did two styros and almost removed the piece of skin in-between them when bandaging
God I'm loosing it I can't even kill myself to get out of this god damn state.
I'm needed no matter what I say. I have someone relying on me and wanting to die while having that feels like hell.
Kinda evil and messed up rambling, tags have TWs
I finally got the courage to cut again, nothing as deep as before, I really scared the shit out of myself last time so new rule, no cutting during disassociation or depersonalization episodes, way to fuckin reckless
That sounds goofy as fuck "no cutting while in a bad episode, gotta do that shit in a good mental state" honestly at this point it's a sleep aid am I even actually mentally ill? I'm probably just an attention seeking whore you know? honestly I should just stop. gauze is expensive and I shouldn't be wasting money just for attention. If I want attention so bad I'm sure there are plenty of men who will have their way with me I'm not even worth any money I'm too gross. I'm a disgusting awful thing, not even a person that title is too good for me.
And to think I'm actually "needed"? I should just kill myself shouldn't I? Get it done and over if I left all my money too him at least ide be worth something
But if that's the case why not live? Spend every waking moment working, being something useful to him, get as much money as possible all for him that's why I can't kill myself, he deserves a good life and the second I can't help with that he might as well kill me.
Kinda evil and messed up rambling, tags have TWs
I finally got the courage to cut again, nothing as deep as before, I really scared the shit out of myself last time so new rule, no cutting during disassociation or depersonalization episodes, way to fuckin reckless
That sounds goofy as fuck "no cutting while in a bad episode, gotta do that shit in a good mental state" honestly at this point it's a sleep aid am I even actually mentally ill? I'm probably just an attention seeking whore you know? honestly I should just stop. gauze is expensive and I shouldn't be wasting money just for attention. If I want attention so bad I'm sure there are plenty of men who will have their way with me I'm not even worth any money I'm too gross. I'm a disgusting awful thing, not even a person that title is too good for me.
And to think I'm actually "needed"? I should just kill myself shouldn't I? Get it done and over if I left all my money too him at least ide be worth something
But if that's the case why not live? Spend every waking moment working, being something useful to him, get as much money as possible all for him that's why I can't kill myself, he deserves a good life and the second I can't help with that he might as well kill me.
Kinda evil and messed up rambling, tags have TWs
I finally got the courage to cut again, nothing as deep as before, I really scared the shit out of myself last time so new rule, no cutting during disassociation or depersonalization episodes, way to fuckin reckless
That sounds goofy as fuck "no cutting while in a bad episode, gotta do that shit in a good mental state" honestly at this point it's a sleep aid am I even actually mentally ill? I'm probably just an attention seeking whore you know? honestly I should just stop. gauze is expensive and I shouldn't be wasting money just for attention. If I want attention so bad I'm sure there are plenty of men who will have their way with me I'm not even worth any money I'm too gross. I'm a disgusting awful thing, not even a person that title is too good for me.
And to think I'm actually "needed"? I should just kill myself shouldn't I? Get it done and over if I left all my money too him at least ide be worth something
But if that's the case why not live? Spend every waking moment working, being something useful to him, get as much money as possible all for him that's why I can't kill myself, he deserves a good life and the second I can't help with that he might as well kill me.
I ffeel like the only way I'm going to find peace is if I fake my death or fucking run away and live in the woods and be no contact or like actually commit suicide and that's okay with me but thats scary and traumatizing for other people and I don't want my family to find my body...
just watched the video on youtube on the dad who played omori after his daughter was lost to suicide… it gets better, suicide isn’t the answer and i’m so sorry to anyone and everyone (myself included) for thinking of it as a viable option. you are loved, i promise someone in your life will be willing to get you through the day. it’s gonna be okay someday.
Don’t you ever feel like taking a pencil breaking in half and racking your wrist till you can’t anymore and the bleeding never stops as you just lay there numb from all emotions or is that just me ?
warning about su!c!dal shit bcuz my sanity is dead atm
oooooo i'm having funny thoughts!! a nice scissor with a shiny sharp edge, stabbing me in my heart. all good, all happy, smiling and crying, laughing and sobbing as my heart squeezes itself and crumbles into an empty shell. i'm dead, i'm dying, can you see? i love to hate me, i hate to love me. i'm tired. good night
Tw: suicide
One of the friends I made while I was in the mental ward killed himself.
He was also a trans dude pre official name change or hrt. He was a few years older than me.
He loved art. He was really good at it. I got to draw into his sketchbook.
I didn't know him well but I did look up to him. I thought that maybe at his age I could also start doing better.
Now he is gone. He is dead. He will never get to have his own art gallery or feel right in his body.
I'll try for him now. And for all the other people that couldn't continue.
I'm glad I got to know him...
Tw: suicide and slight mention of abuse
I seer to fucking God I can't keep doing this, I just can't. I don't want to be here.
Why does everything feel so intense? Why is everything too much for me? Why is it hard to just exist?
I just want to feel safe again. I don't want to lay in bed and be scared of something? I don't even know what I'm scared of?
I need someone who can protect me, someone who would protect me. Someone to stay by my side while I fight.
This is my fight, but I want someone to give me some cover.
I want someone to hold me when I get too weak. I want him.
He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel better. He. Him. I want him. I- I don't know what I'm doing?
Wait, I figured out what caused this breakdown, I showered and put his shit in the laundry...
That is a silly reason and it's not the reason, more of the last straw.
Everything has just been piling up. Like a house of cards and this was the card that broke everything down.
I feel so safe with him. Why?? Like, normally I am scared of everyone. Even people that I can physically overpower. But him.
He makes me feel safe. Even tho I wouldn't stand a chance against him. I am not scared of him. When I think of him I think of strong hand, long hair and soft kisses.
All things that comfort me.
When I think about anyone else, there is always also something that scares me. My friends can blackmail me. My parents can hit me. Strangers can do terrible things to me.
I can't ignore those concerns.
With him I don't have them??
Whattt???
I don't get it, it doesn't make any sense??
I want to hug him. I want to hold him in my arms and make him feel better too...
I don't know how to comfort people. I don't know how to make him feel safe and loved.
I feel all these emotions but I can't express them, they are stuck in my throat and in my hands.
I'm too tired.
I miss him. So much.
It feels like I will never see him again. It feels like I can never hold him again. It feels like it's all over and lost.
I can't, I don't want to keep going like this.