Hate It When My Coworkers Ask Me How Im Doing. Like, Fuck Off. You Dont Want An Answer. You Want An Im

Hate it when my coworkers ask me how I’m doing. Like, fuck off. You don’t want an answer. You want an “I’m doing alright, how are you?” which is a fucking lie and makes me feel bad for being a liar. But you don’t want the truth. And when I tell you, you look at me like I’m the crazy one here for… *checks notes* being honest? If you didn’t want me to say, “I can’t tell if I wanna die, cut myself, try to get high off my meds, quit this job and disappear, or just go to sleep,” then you shouldn’t have fucking asked.

Also, loving how whenever my mood gets bad, my pain gets worse, and the other way around. It’s a cycle that I can’t escape from and all I wanna do is sleep all day. But I have fucking insomnia.

The one thing you can’t take from me is the fact that I don’t care about you anymore. I’ll dissociate my life away. I’m apathetic. I’ll say it over and over until it comes true.

I refuse to miss you. I refuse to feel bad about this. I refuse to want you back. I refuse to shed a single fucking tear for you. You make me want to die, but I won’t give you the satisfaction of making me spill a fucking drop of blood for you. I’ll live. Out of spite.

So what if I die alone? Everyone dies alone, if you really think about it. I’ve already accepted the fact that I’m inevitably going to die. I accepted that reality when I was just a kid. We all die alone. Maybe it’s better that way.

If you know the context behind this, fuck off. I’m done. Good luck finding someone who puts up with your bullshit. Treat me like shit when you’re off your meds, make me genuinely concerned for the safety of both of us. I can’t take this shit. Sure, I did everything wrong, too, but at least I don’t take it out on other people.

My schedule:

Wake up.

Choke down breakfast.

Go to work, kill my body while at work.

Go home.

Dissociate (listen to “Life Waster” by CORPSE on repeat for a few hours).

Sleep (optional, probably cry self to sleep).

Repeat until inevitable death.

INTRODUCTION

Hello, internet. You can call me Carrion or Roadkill. If calling me either of those makes you uncomfortable, Oath is fine. I use he/they/it pronouns. I am 20 years old. I am a perisex trans man who was AFAB. I am pansexual and demiromantic. I am alterhuman.

I first made this blog for venting purposes, mostly, so I’m still going to talk about a lot of things that impact my life. Depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome, chronic pain, PTSD, SA, SH, abusive parents, gender dysphoria, species dysphoria, etc. And I’m going to swear. A lot. This blog is for talking without a filter. I might even mention my problems with being hypersexual. This isn’t an 18+ blog, but it isn’t not one, either.

I have been diagnosed with autism, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, ADHD, and CPTSD. I am part of a median system (each part/alter will have their own intro below).

If you have a problem with any of this, please don’t harass me. Just block me and move on with your day.

I’m also going to post song lyrics that I like, reblog stuff I’m interested in, and maybe share some art that I make, now that I’ve decided to use this as my main blog.

This is a safe space for everyone. Systems of all origins, those with personality disorders, those who use pet or age regression (just be aware that I do swear quite a bit). This is also a safe place for paraphilias that are not harmful (so all except those that involve children, animals, and the dead). Any hate or harassment towards myself or anyone in my comment sections will not be tolerated and will result in you being blocked immediately.

DNI (fuck off, get help, etc.): racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, acephobes, anyone who hates intersex people for any reason, ableists, zionists and supporters, pedophiles and supporters, zoophiles and supporters, anti endo, TERFs, people (dumbasses) who think that those with NPD and/or ASPD and/or any other personality disorder are inherently abusive (this falls under ableism, but I had to say it again), etc.

Note: I don’t care if you’re a religious person. Just don’t try to convince me that being myself is inherently wrong. Same goes for political beliefs. I don’t care, just don’t harass me about it

PART/ALTER INTRODUCTIONS (We call ourselves the Fractured Mirror Collective, by the way. Unanimously agreed on it). Everyone in this system is an adult, but please don’t flirt with any of us, even jokingly (unless you know us irl)

Ilerei

Gender: female, uses she/her, but doesn’t mind being called they/them once in a while

Species: unsure, some kind of unique creature

Origin: host made an imaginary friend as a kid. That imaginary friend became real and basically the host’s sibling and voice of reason

General traits: caring, protective of the host, tries to keep everyone else in check

Moth

Gender: genderless, uses it/its

Species: winged demon-like being, possibly undead

Origin: unclear, literally just showed up out of nowhere, took control of the body and freaked out about the lack of wings and claws. That was 8/12/24, so Moth is very new here

General traits: angry most of the time, obsessed with wings and flying. Enjoys collecting feathers. Tends to say violent things

Haunt

Gender: unclear, but uses any pronouns

Species: Wenditcher (Hollywood’s bastardized version of the w*endigo)

Origin: not sure, possibly trauma-based

General traits: Quiet, mostly apathetic, hungry all the time. Enjoys collecting bones. Less angry than Moth, but talks a lot about how edible most living things are

To be honest, I’m starting to think that dying alone is not only the most likely way this ends, but the option I’d prefer. It sucks to not have a favorite person, but you know what sucks more? Having one, then losing them.

There are so many self-destructive things I want to do right now