@boywifesammy

— @boywifesammy

J2 + hugs through the years (updated!) [special thanks to my anon ❤︎] “10 years. Same show and same ugly co-star. But damn is he lovable. My boy @Jarpad.”    Jensen Ackles

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

when dean first got the impala from his dad, he made a bunch of his own mixtapes to play in it, just incase john wanted his cassettes back. he made one dedicated to each member of his family: his dad, his mum - even if she wasn't around anymore - and sammy.

driving little sammy around, he would play the tape dedicated to their mother, wanting sammy to get a feel for the person their mother was; even if sammy doesn't remember her, he should still be allowed to know her.

with sammy in the car, he never played his john tape or his sammy tape.

as the years went by, he updated the tapes sometimes, mainly the one dedicated to sammy; he didn't like messing around with the one for his mother and he didn't spend a whole lot of time away from john to feel the need to add new songs to the tape.

when sam left for college, he wiped the sammy tape for the first time and made it into something new: songs sammy liked, songs that reminded him of his brother, songs that seemed to scream his feelings about him.

dean didn't like pearl jam that much, but sam did, so sammy's favourite pearl jam songs made it on there. 'bitch' by the rollings stones made it on there, mainly because of the little back and forth he and sammy did: "jerk." "bitch." "bitch." "jerk."

then there were the songs that he never wanted people hear him dedicate to his brother; sappy love songs, power ballads, songs about pining and missing someone - everything he shouldn't feel about his brother.

'amanda' by boston was the the first song on the tape, but whenever brad delp would sing amanda, he would sing samantha over the top of it.

halfway through the tape, eddie money's song 'think i'm in love' can be heard. he hates that its there, hates that he feels that way about his brother but he can't help it; he just can't help it.

the last song on the tape is the song 'screaming in the night' by krokus. its the lyrics: 'screaming in the night, fighting for my life, i'd die for you. i knew it all along, headed for the sun, our love was true', has dean in tears he can't listen to the song in its entirety; only once he has an entire bottle of whiskey in his system can he have the guts to.

there are countless songs on there, but there is never a b-side; not even with copious amounts of whiskey in his system does dean have the ability to listen to sammy's tape that long.

picking up sam from stanford, dean pushes the tape so far down into the box, he almost forgets about it; buried deep in there probably next to the tape about mary, no where near the tape about john - he had binned that tape the night sammy left. but when sam throws himself into the cage, saving the world but leaving dean all alone, he digs through the box and finds the tape, playing it as he drives away from the graveyard.

it isn't until he pulls the tape out does he realise there is now a b-side; sams messy handwriting just legible enough for dean to make out his own name.

playing that side of the tape, the first song he hears is 'thank you' by led zeppelin and dean has to pull the car over just so he doesn't crash.

for the entirety of the tape, dean sits on the side of the road, listening to each and every song with tears in his eyes. there's 'here today' by paul mccartney, 'the one i love' by r.e.m - even though sam knows dean hates r.e.m, and it makes dean let out a painful chuckle.

one of the ones that hurts most is chicago's 'if you leave me now' and dean has to pause the song and skip it because he can't, he just can't.

song after song: 'brothers in arms' by dire straits, 'love to love' by ufo, even 'heat of the moment' by asia and that stops dean in his tracks because sammy didn't know if he was coming back - even though sammy buried him instead of making him a pyre, he didn't know if dean would be coming back - and wanted to wake up from all of this; return to the mystery spot and have all the answers they have now, so much earlier on.

much like how sammy felt, dean doesn't know if his brother will ever return to him; if he'll ever be able to confess with words, rather than songs, how he feels about his brother. what he can do though, is kiss the tape that holds their love and play it - listen to it in its entirety because after all, it holds all the answers to the epic love story of sam and dean winchester.

Sam and he just listens so so so well. Dean tells him to do something? He does it with no second thought.

Dean notices quickly, and at first he uses it for stupid stuff. Cleaning the kitchen, picking up clothes, getting him a snack from the fridge. But then he realizes Sam does literally anything he asks.

He starts asking for small things ... hugs, a kiss on the cheek, sometimes just hand holding. Then he starts asking for Sam to come in the bathroom, making him take a shower where he has to watch. And Sam doesn't care, he just does it.

Sam knows that he can say no, Dean gives him a "I'll stop if you don't want to" talk nearly every week. He just doesn't, especially when he's being asked to sit on Dean's lap and not to move. Even when Dean gets handsy and starts grinding against him, he just takes it with a smile.

Dean feels guilty at first, but then Sam starts asking him for things too.

"Can I have a kiss?" or "Can you touch me again?"

All it does is make Dean ask for more every day.

Dean being Sam's mommy. I think of it a LOT.

Dean cooking for him, helping pick out what to wear, and even ordering him around like an actual mother.

Sam and Dean would never admit they do this, not to anyone. Sam likes it being their secret that makes them unique, different.

Dean likes it most when Sam is having a stressful day, where he just craves motherly affection. Dean can't help but oblige.

First, it's petting his hair. Then he's kissing and cooing, telling him how good he has been. Then comes the touching, Dean's favorite.

"You want to kiss mommy, baby?" or "do you need mommy to touch you?" was all it took for Sam to practically melt and whisper about how much he loves his mommy and what he wants Dean to do to him.

purge of 2002? of 2012? what ARE those?

Oh, how quickly the past is forgotten. 

They are part of the reason A03 is a thing now. Not the whole reason, but part of it. 

The Great Purges of 2002 and 2012 are when ff.net got a wild hair up their ass about THINK OF THE CHILDREN and nuked any fic posted on there that was explicit. Thousands upon thousands of nc-17 smutfics were lost.

It’s what led to the creation of alternate hosting sites for smutty fic…AdultFanfiction was the one I went to…but thousands of fics would never be recovered.