Im Angry At Everything

I’m angry at everything

And sad at nothing

And scared I’m showing it all.

I look in myself

And see an empty bookshelf

Of all the words i left unsaid.

And When I close my eyes

Leaving only relief and silked sighs

I find nothing but darkness in dreams.

They wretch my soul

Hands on my wrists and feet they pull

And maggots they shove down my throat.

No rest for a saint

Whose been pulled down from those pearly gates

And now rests as a sinner in Hell.

But rest I wish for

And dream of in waking moments

And whisper into the iced wind.

To be with you once more

To rest from this constant bloody war

To fall into your arms and sleep.

To smile again

Find the hand of a friend

To snack on blushing cherry reds.

So I’ll pray and I’ll sow

And raise my face to the sky 

And wait for the lily white flakes.

Soft kisses on my nose

As the snow gently blows

That’s when I’ll know it is done.

The red peels away

And your with me to stay

And my breath puffs out like smoke.

Some are quick to laugh.

Some are quick to cry.

Some are quick to leave.

Yes, sadly, some are quick to die. 

But even though they left swiftly,

they are slow to leave our hearts.

For though it was a quick greeting,

that’s how each friendship starts.

And ours will last forever,

not something death can break.

It’s too slow to reach ‘The End’,

so the idea of leaving just won’t take. 

Even so, I’ll miss you right dreadful,

every day that I don’t hear you speak.

But each tear that I let fall down my face,

these simple words I just repeat.

Some were quick to anger,

while you were quick to love.

So I’ll be quick to show them,

through me your work lives on.

Me today about literally everything:

One Lonely Spider

It’s the end of the line for me.

I’m a husk 

Empty

Shattered

One lonely spider dangling on a string.

What happens when the legs break and silk crumbles?

Hang on, it cries to itself,

But not courage, not will, can stop that broken little spider from falling.

And fall it does

Down 

Down

Down the drain broken legs and all

Not a sad fate though

For the spider simply was too small

Too small and the world too big

Its fate was set from the very first breath 

The moment its young legs touched the ground.

I can only feel bad for the spider that tried

To exist in a world built for the grand.

Farewell child

Farewell and good luck

Pray you don’t leave behind hate and pain and hurt

That they will forgive you when you go

For your broken legs could only hold you so long

No more pain, is that so wrong?

Who thought a flower could look so small in my hands

That rocks could tumble and fall

That the world melts into fountain of shifting shadows

When your skin begins to crawl.

Words tumble from your lips in scattered puzzle pieces

And I’m lost again in the violence of thought

That starless sky awaits my lonely return

Return to solitude, return to sender, return to my home

It is a house of forgotten miracles

Memories cursed to disappear

It is my past and future

It is the demon that chases my across the stars

It holds my hope and dreams in a net across its shoulder

Dangles them in front now and then

This is the house that I died in yesterday

And the house I will die in tomorrow

Cause I have been dying in there for quite some time now

Alone in the darkness

I am trapped there,

And each door Death awaits

Why do I open the doors?

I should stop.

But I don’t because an ember is not dead, 

Not yet

It remains alive through the years of smothering and starvation

So stubborn I wish it would leave

It hurts

It burns

But they say it’s good

They say it keeps me from giving up…

And I hate them all the more.

Would you give me a moment to think 

To feel

To spend one moment right here.

Cause this world’s blinding, it’s just anger and fighting

And I’m losing myself to the smoke.

Cause I’m taking all the hits that aren’t meant for me

But no one runs to help me cause I’m falling suddenly.

I’m lost, they lost me, and I’m running out of time

The walls are filling up with filth and grime.

I’m no longer clean, a dark stain on the wall

I need help desperately but too anxious to call.

This is all a dream, I need this to be a dream

So I can wake up and finally stop my endless scream.

I died last night and now live in a blur

My only friend, the mind’s dark whisperer.

Where is thy faith young wanderer?

You trust yourself, like a mouse trusts a snake.

What we can take from dreams

When I dream I can sometimes change something into something else, merely because I wish it. I can make a moose, a deer, or a plane out of thin air. If only I close my eyes and wish harder. The monsters don’t always leave but when they come a clawing. I reach out my hands and believe that though I hadn’t ever before, I can use the wind as my weapon and bash it straight into the floor. When I open my eyes it has happen, because I expected nothing else. I believed in my power so fully, that failing just wouldn’t make sense. And each time the monsters grew stronger and bigger than mammoths or whales, I just squeezed shut my eyes and let my belief grow in size, until it burst out and became something real. The enemies don’t shrink, but each time I fall, I just think. I’ll believe it until it is done. If it don’t work at first, I just clench my fists and believe harder, until I am commanding that very thing into existence.