Free Write - Tumblr Posts

This is what i like about photographs- they are proof that once, even if just for a heartbeat, everything was perfect.

Jodi Picoult

Happy girl happy world

Loveeeee when my feelings align with the stars 💕♋️🌊🌱 respecting my grief and clearing the way, letting her go and thanking her for alllll of my lessons

preparing for my abundance on this glorious Jupiter full moon on this wonderful Jupiter day✨🪞

Just grieving for my past self, wishing I had poured better into me. Thankful for my compassion now. I know it was to make me who I am in this moment 🤞🏾💝

xoxo, SIS <3 =)

Life is full of twists and turns- it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong if they keep popping up. It just means life is ever changing and you’re actually paying attention to it. Your awareness of the changes is good. Don’t let your awareness turn into worries. You’ll get it all back on track in due time…

xoxo, SIS <3 =)

So much love, so much grief ❤️‍🩹

Thank you God for always keeping me close.

xoxo, SIS <3

Gratitude in FULL affect

Forever walking by faith, never by sight.

xoxo, SIS <3 =)

Never stop yourself from sharing your pure joy/interest in something, with your physical reality- doesn’t matter where you are or who you’re with.

If you feel yourself being pulled to share and you stop it… that’s cutting yourself off from source. Always use discernment, yes- but never stop yourself from sharing who you are.

xoxo, SIS <3 =)

Feeling every emotion, turning it into power. Thank you, God.

Xoxo, SIS <3 =)

you rose out of a broken foundation like a phoenix rises out of ashes, beautiful and bold.

-Sg ‘17

taste of death across my tongue go ahead and pull the trigger you’ve held the gun to long why you hesitating? i’m running out of patience palm itching craving for the end of it all how long until i’m gone? maybe it’ll be today wait another moment put the gun down again light another blunt and now i’m stoned tears down my face holding onto memories they don’t even matter maybe that’s my restraint but the crave of darkness still lingers turn off my ringer i don’t want to hear no shit just take hit after hit i’m over it kissed death three times before third try wasn’t the charm but i got the gun against my skull everything has became so dull pills put me in a lull i wish i could stay asleep and let people say RIP but they never cared when i was awake so why they caring now? i keep saying fuck it all but i care to much so let me smoke another lighter and then burn i don’t know when i’ll learn people only care for themselves and it’s only you in the end

-Sg’17

how terrible it is to love something that death can touch how terrible is it to know that no matter what happens, it all comes to a stop ...it’s heart breaking to think about sometimes but i no longer have room to talk i no longer can say i don’t know the face behind death the inevitable the fear of many the thing that many people try to avoid but death is not the scary thing that everyone makes it be ... she is inviting like a warms mother hug when you’ve came in from the cold and frost has bitten ever fingertip and toe tips and everything in between she’s like your grandmothers house on a spring evening when the weather is just right and all the flowers are beginning to bloom she’s like that one time you went on the ferris wheel and it stopped at the very top and it was just you and the city skyline and the autumn air she’s like that summers night when you were at grandfathers land by a fire and you were standing just so that the heat was perfect on your face she’s everything you have wished upon at the fountain in the mall when you were little she’s a beautiful thing .. not beautiful as in humanly but beautiful as in the sunrise on a sunday morning right before everything begins to move ...i can’t remember what happened next because i am standing here but i tried three different times not to be each time a little different each time a different tweak from what was done before a different drug added or higher amount of pills taken or maybe a little alcohol into the mix but i stand here today and i can say i have seen death and she is not the monster you have imagined inside your mind she is beautiful and bold taken who she chooses while telling others to wait she’s perfect in the most fearful way but she isn’t the monster you’ve created her to be

I met a wrinkly old woman today, on my way back home, asking me to make some space in the seat. The creases near her eyes, and the veins clearly visible in her almost translucent skin, stirred something in me. The skeletal body, trying hard to sustain in the wrapped cotton saree, and a small bag, that probably held her world. She was most certainly in her eighties, travelling alone in a metro, needing protection from all possible sides, symbolically and literally. But as she sat beside me, and a creepy man walked past, she held the steel bar beside me, hiding me from a probable attack, pretending like she knew me and I knew her, and we were travelling together. I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed to feel the protection from a lady, who could barely protect herself. She did what you would have. She was so much like you.

The creepy man, most probably was no grave danger. May be he just looked creepy. And I believe I knew ways to protect myself if it was the situation worth worrying. But that thin hand, with protruding blue veins, and shrunken skin, did manage to make me feel safe.

How hard it is for people to leave absolutely? So they leave no trace behind. I saw you, in her today. "Thankyou Dadi!", I uttered before leaving, the words I never said to you. We were close but unexpressive. And I wish I said so much to you.

That toothless smile, and those sunken cheeks, did make me smile goofily. The smile of the older ones are the most beautiful ones in the whole wide world.

Keep visiting me this way. I have to tell you alot.

An excerpt from an autobiography I will never write, Vanshika

"So? Who's the one with more walls?", I asked grinning. My point was proved.

Sighing loud, as if tired of being on the defensive side, "I don't know. But if no one delved deeper into me, I'd always find peace telling them that I am okay..."

(1/10)

-Vanshika

"I never saw you praying before..", I claimed in wonder looking at the joined hands and closed eyes in wonder, knowing very well I disturbed the newly established connection with God.

I recieve an irritated look, "No one admits it out loud. We all beg before God. Everytime. Everyday. All those so called 'atheists' only know how to hide it well enough!"

(2/10)

-Vanshika

"I'm sorry for not being who you thought I'd be."

— Random Quotes

Lightbringer

Once, I stared at the darkness

and found it snarled

The space mocked me of claimed blindness

I went east, to find Sirius or Lucida

pointing out familiar faces

No, not yet, I have not yield

To the west, the Lord of Light had sailed

My little folks had long gone

Flaming rage burned inside out, burned

Ashes donned my despair like finest obsidian

Mercy, begged for mercy I'd been

The Lord who bear many names

Then, I would be nameless

The walls kept tumbling down in the city that we loved..

Ya know I really want to type out happy things. I want to write that I'm happy, my grades are up, my attendance is top notch, my professors are amazing, haven't been sick in a while, that I'm FANTASTIC!!

But that's the thing, I'm not. And I know that there's quite a lot of people out there right now, probably not reading this, feeling this way.

I'm scared. Simply put, I'm scared.

I'm so scared for what's to come that I'm not able to live my now and I dont even know what even IS coming..

My 2nd sem starts tomorrow, and I tried to open my book and I just blank. I dont know what I'm going to do in class. I'm scared to even drop my course, because if I do, what next? What new course can i do? I cant not have a college degree, right? Will I be okay if I dont have a college degree?

I've been tried so hard to catch up to something that I dont even know, I've forgotten whom I used to be..

But if you closed your eyes, does it almost feel nothing's changed at all ...

There are these small pockets, small moments when for a small while I forget about my impending doom and I feel calm. Just for a little bit.

Then the walls come tumbling down again...

Tell me how am I gonna be an optimistic about this ..

RAIN

smth a little out of what I usually do but its free write sunday <3

In the quiet of the night I can still hear it, against the rustle of sheets and my own breathing there is the soothing pitter and patter of rain against the roof. The slight hum of a heater dulls it for a moment; as I adjust I hear it once more. The tipping and tapping against my window-- I can hear it as the wind changes. The strong winds throwing themselves against my window, the thought of thunder as it crashes far away from me. I can hear the rain shift; a downpour to a sprinkle. The soothingness of it all attempts to lull me to sleep, I hear it on and off as I search for the cool of my pillow and my sheets. Finally I still; listening to the rain one last time, allowing my breathing to slow within its pattern, I’ll still against it’s lull; I grow heavy and allow myself to sleep. Once again being washed away by the rain. 

THE WORLD DIDNT END

To all my slowpokes, the ones who wait and the ones who fail. But you always manage to continue and learn ❤️

The world didn’t end when I was fifteen and failed getting my permit. Three times. It didn’t end when on my birthday I was alone with my best friend and my uninvited cousins who still showed up.

It didn’t end when I wanted to kill myself, it didn’t end when my mother got cancer and I couldn’t eat. The world didn’t end when I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror without wanting to be skinnier. It didnt end when I got diagnosed with a chronic illness.

The world didn’t end when I was 18 and almost lost my leg and my boyfriend wouldn’t answer my calls and my best friend drove me to the hospital. The world didn’t end when I didn’t get my license first try. It didn’t end when I got disqualified in my first show. Nor did it when I got rejected from my dream college.

And it didn’t end after I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me.

Through it all I pushed through, I took my antibiotics, I went to therapy and my mom got better. I didn’t end when I moved in with my best friend, nor did it end when I moved back home and am going to college. And it won’t end when my best friend turned girlfriend is packing up and moving across the country to pursue her dreams.

I’ve learned to take my time, to do things when I felt ready. Not when society said I was ready.