This Will Never NOT Be Funny

This will never NOT be funny

Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”. 

an incomplete list of unsettling short stories I read in textbooks

the scarlet ibis

marigolds

the diamond necklace

the monkey’s paw

the open boat

the lady and the tiger

the minister’s black veil

an occurrence at owl creek bridge

a rose for emily

(I found that one by googling “short story corpse in the house,” first result)

the cask of amontillado

the yellow wallpaper

the most dangerous game

a good man is hard to find

some are well-known, some obscure, some I enjoy as an adult, all made me uncomfortable between the ages of 11-15

add your own weird shit, I wanna be literary and disturbed

In which Howl’s Moving Castle is full of those Relatable Millennial Feels

Sophie

Convinced she’s fated to be a failure by pervasive societal messages

Depressed and anxious to the point that leaving the house terrifies her

Constant excuses to not talk to people

Wears one color and it is grey (like her soul)

“I’m eighteen but I’m ninety at heart”

RAGE

Has to get away from her home so she moves into a terrifying moving castle bc it’s free and at this point why not

*everything’s on fire* “This is fine”

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW THE WORLD WORKS o wait shit fuck

Feelings? What are those? I only know cleaning.

Howl

Fancy degree that he has to move to another world to use

Loves his blood family but just… can’t be around them 

“Why don’t you have a real job”

Cannot handle responsibility

Is responsible for things anyway

“Howl we have no money” “I’m going to buy a skull”

Embodiment of Do It For The Aesthetic ™

also “treat yo self” 

Just Can’t anymore and has a meltdown over his hair (aka everything else in his life)

“Oh no I care for all these people why”

Overcharges rich people and undercharges poor people bc the system sucks

Last night on earth? Time to get wasted.

“I don’t care” he says caringly, while caring deeply.

Michael

Anxious bab

What is happening why this plz help

Stresses out over his homework only to find out the papers had gotten mixed up and he was doing the wrong thing

“I guess this now” :/

Better at adulting than the actual adults

Loves his gf so much and is so openly happy about it

A bit useless in a crisis

Tries so hard, gets so far

Found family is the best family

Calcifer

“I’m being exploited!”

Complains about everything

Bored. Just. So bored. Give him attention.

Used to be literal star but things went wrong and now he’s living in a fireplace

Eats everything and anything. 

“Guys I have arms be impressed by my arms”

Creates a castle for the Aesthetic that also looks like it’s about to fall apart and frightens people.

Oops he cares about these assholes now time to ride or die for them 

when you fail a persuasion attempt in an rpg:

Them: Oh you don’t want this cat. He’s wild and he bites everyone and he’ll never just sit nicely in your lap. He’s a project cat. 

 Me: That’s okay, I’m a project person. 

 Two weeks later:

He won’t leave.