After Cas Confesses His Love, But Before He Pushes Dean Away, He Pulls Something Out From His Trench

After Cas confesses his love, but before he pushes Dean away, he pulls something out from his trench coat and slips it into Dean's pocket. Cas pushes him down and gets taken by the Empty, followed by Billie, leaving Dean alone on the bunker floor. As he cries, he feels something push into his chest, so he reaches his hand into his flannel pocket and pulls out the mixtape. The one he had given Cas as a gift and a secret sort of love confession of his own, thinking Cas wouldn't understand it. But as he stared down at the tape over top that read 'Dean's top 13 Zeppelin traxx', he knew that Cas understood. And he feels his heart break even more. Cas knew. Cas knew how he felt, yet he never said anything until it was too late. They were both too stupid to understand and just tell each other.

As Dean held the mixtape firmly in his hands, shoulders shaking with his sobs, he noticed that something felt off about it. The texture was different. He would know. He had flipped the cassette over and over and over in his hands before giving it to Cas, trying to decide on what to say to the angel.

Dean used his sleeve to wipe the blurriness from his eyes so he could see what was wrong with it. It still took a few seconds to adjust, and when he saw the large crack down the center of the tape, he gasped and brought it closer to his face. More tears spilled down his face. Cas' last move was to give this back to him, to show him that he understood their love and reassured Dean that, though he never said it, he knew how much he had meant to him. And Dean had broken it. The last thing Cas had ever given him besides the bloody handprint forever imprinted on his coat.

But as Dean's hands held on, finergrtips rubbing over the surface again and again, desperate to feel some kind of comfort in his hopeless situation, he noticed something attached to the back of it. He sniffled, wiped his eyes again, and flipped it over. On the backside, there was a piece of paper taped there with his name written on it. He quickly ripped it off, causing the cassette to re-split in half, obvious that the piece of tape being all that held it together, and opened the note.

Hello, Dean.

I just wanted to write you this before I give back your tape and apologize for breaking it. I'm really really sorry. I know I'm not super good at apologies, but writing makes it a lot easier, so I'm writing it for you. I hope you'll forgive me. I didn't mean to break it. I know you spent a lot of time picking the songs specifically for me because you knew I'd like them, though I had trouble understanding some of the parts. I'll never understand why humans love music so much. It's so much noise and there's so much going on, but I know it's important to you, so I will learn to like it. I'm very sorry for breaking it. I don't ever take it out of my trench coat, just in case I need to listen to it during an emergency, and I fell onto it. :( Please forgive me, Dean. I'm very sorry.

As Dean read, he watched tear drops stain the paper. He laughed a little as he continued to cry, noting how the letter was the most characteristic Cas letter he could think of. And he was happy. So happy that he didn't break it himself. It was already broken.

Cas knew how much the weight of handing over a mixtape was, especially a Zeppelin one for Dean, and he acknowledged it. Dean squeezed the letter to his chest as he leaned back against the wall and continued to cry silently.

Ok. My idea of the last 3 episodes of secret good spn

E17. Pretending it chuck was manipulating deans actions more directly than was shown bc no fucking way hed do that especially pulling a gun on sammy

E18 fucking hurts. . I wont change it

In reailty, only thing id change abt e19 is just jack mentioning he'll drop by now and again and some more explict dean & jack forgiving each other for the shit they did

E20 is completly different. None of that happens ok. Not one thing. Wdym dean lets cas jut rot in the empty love confession or not 😭

I know there was the covid factor but in an ideal world here are loose ends id like tied up:

Sam and elieen getting into a more commjted relationship/elieen moving into the bunker

dean/jack getting cas out of the empty AND REUNIONS GODDAMIT

Sam and dean dissusing talking about going on hunts less, and sam talking about opening up the bunker as a hunter safe house and dean n sam being like the new bobbys.

And i want it to end smth like this:

Sam opening the door, then the door opening again and again, shot of jacks 'hi', jody, patience and alex w donna, claire and kaia, garth & his wife and rowena, maybe even adam.

That intercut with shots of dean lookign up from him cooking in the kitchen smiling.

Hugs, smiling, cas leaning over and kissing dean on the cheek or smth, elieen and sam holding hands, laughing, and them all js chilling drinking beer & eating pie together, then a pan over to some shrine or just some photos of a wall of everyone whos not there, aka bobby, charlie, kevin, mary, Jo, Ellen, benny, ect. (Id put crowley but no way in or out of hell dean would do that, and tbh, theyd probably put john there but no<3)

Then sam and dean and cas going over there looking at the photos, and jack coming over and telling them smth abt how he fixed heaven, and theyre waiting for them, but that they should take their time. And sam and dean hugging jack and telling him theyre proud of them and them just being happy okay? Coz they fucking deserve it. They did it. They beat god. This is their story now.

And dean can look over at sm and be like "hey sammy. We didnt do to bad in the end huh?"

And sam will smile. "No. I guess not."

And wayward son would come on as th camera zooms out and cuts.

Dean deserves to have a proper relationship with jack when hes not being manipulated into using him or trying to kill him, and having a balance between family and hunting.

Jack deserves three dads who love him.

Sam deserves to do what he cannonically wants to do and is good at.

Cas deserves to be happy, with his family, out of the empty

Destiel deserves cannonization.

Rewatching 'Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets' is such an enlightening experience. The amount of Destiel in this episode is insane. What do you mean a few seasons prior Dean gets mad at Cas for "personal space" and then literally sits on him at the diner, and then also basically cusses out Ishim for mocking Cas? What do you mean Ishim says he'll cure Cas of his human weakness like he did his own, aka killing his human lover, and then charges Dean with an angel blade. And what do you mean Cas lays there, nearly dead, and Dean forfeits blasting away Ishim because there's just a chance it might kill Cas. (Even though I think Ishim's full of shit there because I don't think it really would've blown Cas away)

Not to mention the entire episode was them having marital disputes because of Cas killing Billie to save Dean and Dean's 2 favorite people, and then giving a heartfelt confession about how much they mean to him.

*insert something to say here*

Thinking about how, when Cas was working with Crowley, only Dean believed in him. And he was so sure that Cas was innocent, and his only reasoning was, "It's Cas, man." He believed him with every fiber in his being, even when all the evidence was stacked against him. He didn't believe it until Cas admitted it to his face. He believed in Cas' innocence over Bobby and Sam, his surrogate father and brother, you know, the one person he loves most in the world. He wanted Cas to be innocent. He didn't want to have to face the prospect that the man he believed to be an angel, both literally and figuratively, wasn't 100% on their side. He wanted to believe that Cas had changed, and he did, but not all the way. One moment in particular sticks out to me, and it's when Dean confronts Cas, even before all this, and says, "What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one." And I think it's such a stab to the heart. He wanted Cas to be human, to feel things, and experience things that he hadn't before. He just wanted to believe in him.

i think that maybe my main problem with supernatural’s ending is how both cas and dean got these massive monologues in what were supposedly moments where they had limited time and sam didn’t get to say a single word in his 30 second death scene. i feel like the ending could’ve been improved had these moments been shorter.

like imagine cas’s death scene in 15x18 had it been shorter. for example, dean and cas are locked in and dean says pretty much what he says already, and cas just looks at him and says something like, “when jack died, i made a deal with the empty. when i experience true happiness, the empty will be summoned, and it will come and take me.” cas meets dean’s eyes and softly says, “i love you, dean.” and kisses dean, before turning to face the empty and being taken.

for dean, it would be fairly similar to canon, just a lot shorter. in my ideal scenario, he would die a different way - i’m imagining dean being bitten by one of the vamps as he kills it, and begging sam to kill him before he can turn. dean would still die on his feet, and could end the same way, with the forehead touch, just this time with a knife in dean’s abdomen.

for sam, I would want to change his ending completely, although it would make an ok ending to me if we don’t see anymore of him (up until he reunites with dean in heaven) after he leaves the bunker for the last time, as to leave his ending open. it would be nice to have eileen there with him, maybe even holding his hand as he walks out, to give an idea of where his life goes after leaving the bunker, to get rid of the blurry wife and the debate surrounding the rest of his life.