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i think that maybe my main problem with supernatural’s ending is how both cas and dean got these massive monologues in what were supposedly moments where they had limited time and sam didn’t get to say a single word in his 30 second death scene. i feel like the ending could’ve been improved had these moments been shorter.

like imagine cas’s death scene in 15x18 had it been shorter. for example, dean and cas are locked in and dean says pretty much what he says already, and cas just looks at him and says something like, “when jack died, i made a deal with the empty. when i experience true happiness, the empty will be summoned, and it will come and take me.” cas meets dean’s eyes and softly says, “i love you, dean.” and kisses dean, before turning to face the empty and being taken.

for dean, it would be fairly similar to canon, just a lot shorter. in my ideal scenario, he would die a different way - i’m imagining dean being bitten by one of the vamps as he kills it, and begging sam to kill him before he can turn. dean would still die on his feet, and could end the same way, with the forehead touch, just this time with a knife in dean’s abdomen.

for sam, I would want to change his ending completely, although it would make an ok ending to me if we don’t see anymore of him (up until he reunites with dean in heaven) after he leaves the bunker for the last time, as to leave his ending open. it would be nice to have eileen there with him, maybe even holding his hand as he walks out, to give an idea of where his life goes after leaving the bunker, to get rid of the blurry wife and the debate surrounding the rest of his life.

endverse cas was fruity as hell like what is this!!

whoever said famine didn't affect dean bc his hunger was for cas. im shaking the bars on my cell and screaming and eating my pillow.

he's not into lonely women in bars on valentines this year and he doesn't want the burger he orders. one of the first things he does in the episode is call cas and then he's with cas for the rest of it. so ;mwhdbfng.g um

anyway. um.

I love watching shows with a main character who is so obviously autistic halfway through the 1st episode. I can tell Spencer Reid is gonna become a new favorite of mine, and this show is about to be a new hyperfixation.

Edit: Garth?!?!?! Hello????

One of my favorite Malec scenes has got to be after Magnus was swapped with Valentine and he tells Alec about his mom dying and killing his stepfather. Alec desperately tries to cheer him up and make things better, so he tells Magnus it wasn't his fault because he wasn't in control of his powers. But Magnus tells him that he was, and then Alec is at a loss because he's never had to do that before. The only person he'd probably have cheered up in the past is Izzy, and there's a very big difference between cheering up your warrior little sister and your centuries old warlock boyfriend that's carrying some serious family trauma. Alec treis so hard, and Magnus understands, but it still doesn't help much.

And probably the worst part of all of this is this is the first time Alec has ever seen Magnus cry. And then in the middle of crying, he calls him Alexander, which he usually only does during an emotional moment (sometimes not but usually).

Thinking about how, when Cas was working with Crowley, only Dean believed in him. And he was so sure that Cas was innocent, and his only reasoning was, "It's Cas, man." He believed him with every fiber in his being, even when all the evidence was stacked against him. He didn't believe it until Cas admitted it to his face. He believed in Cas' innocence over Bobby and Sam, his surrogate father and brother, you know, the one person he loves most in the world. He wanted Cas to be innocent. He didn't want to have to face the prospect that the man he believed to be an angel, both literally and figuratively, wasn't 100% on their side. He wanted to believe that Cas had changed, and he did, but not all the way. One moment in particular sticks out to me, and it's when Dean confronts Cas, even before all this, and says, "What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one." And I think it's such a stab to the heart. He wanted Cas to be human, to feel things, and experience things that he hadn't before. He just wanted to believe in him.

Viktor is my new favorite autistic icon.

this has been said countless times already i know. but it still absolutely astounds me just how powerful, how phenomenal, how profoundly, breathtakingly, earth-shatteringly monumental the story of Dean and Castiel is. and a decent portion of it somehow wasn't even intentionally written as a romance. there are people out there to this day who still deny that it was a love story in the end.

i mean, look at it objectively. it's about a literal Angel of the Lord rescuing a human from the depths of Hell, accidentally developing emotions because of him, sacrificing everything he ever knew for him, willingly dying over and over and over again for him, and being fundamentally changed and ultimately saved in return by his own burning passion and unwavering devotion for that one human. Castiel fell for Dean in every sense of the word. what could be more tragically, heartbreakingly romantic than that?

[Sam, Dean and Cas are staying in some house temporarily while on a hunt]

Cas: There's a female woman at the door

Dean: (at Sam) Wh- why is he saying that? (Turns to Cas) Why are you saying that?

Cas looks at Dean blankly and motions to the door.

Sam looks at his watch as the doorbell rings.

Sam: Ooooh wait, that's probably for me.

Dean: (confusion)

Sam opens the door and accepts a package from a mail woman.

Dean and Cas look at each other

Dean: Wait... When we get deliveries, you're... You're thinking it's called the MALE-MAN!?

Dean doubles over, laughing

Dean: AND SINCE IT WAS A LADY YOU ASSUMED IT WOULD BE A FEMALE WOMAN!?

Castiel looks extremely confused

Cas: that's what you said the other day, though, I know I heard you right? Male man???

Sam: (sets down with his package, pointing at it and smiling) Mail, m a i l.

Dean is positively howling in the background.

Destiel Pride: Featherlight

There comes a time in the grieving process when you run out of things to destroy. There are only so many colourful curses that can be screamed and muffled into the fabric of a trench coat. There are only so many people to blame before it becomes obvious the culprit is the person staring at you in the mirror each morning — or night. Time loses all meaning but before and after. There are no true mornings when mourning. Without Cas, there is no sun rising, only setting. That was how Dean lived in the weeks after Cas was dragged into The Empty.

He still hadn't used the word 'death', not even in the sanctity of his head. 'Death' was a slippery word when it came to the Winchesters, and Cas — whether the bastard liked it or not, was a Winchester by default. He was family. Goddamn family, with all the shitty hang-ups that came with the title.

The word 'death' didn't seem to encompass the grief. Cas was absent from any place that Dean could find him. Even in death, Dean would find him. The lack of him throbbed like bruised knuckles. It only hurt when he moved or thought about it, or stayed too still.

When two months had passed and all options Dean could think of had been explored to get Cas out of The Empty, he was left in the wreckage that'd once been his bedroom. The only things left intact fell into two categories, things that'd been too tough to break, and things that belonged to Cas.

In the silence that followed the carnage, Dean was left with what he'd been avoiding, a moment to think. He wasn't struck by a revelation. 'Revelation' wasn't the right word. He was struck instead by a sense of recognition. A long-hidden truth had stilled his hand and hollowed what was left of his body.

Cas loved him, he knew that. He'd known from the second the angel was gone. He knew what kind of love Cas meant. What he hadn't realised until he was hunched over himself, holding the splintered remains of his nightstand was that he loved Cas back. His loss had brought a torrent of rage because where the hell was all his love meant to go? When Cas left, he'd taken Dean's love with him.

And goddamn wasn't that the cosmic kick in the balls to bookend what he'd deemed a tragic existence? He'd been thinking about death and how useless death would be if Cas wasn't on the other end of it. He was thinking of life in much the same light.

Dean hadn't been raised to know what to do with a grief so all-encompassing it ran in the background of his existence like a mixtape on a road trip. If he followed his father's example, all that was left to do was to become an obsessed bastard, and destroy himself and everyone he touched in slow motion. The Winchester rule for dealing with grief? Become the gangrene in the wound. Make everything so much worse.

When Cas arrived at the door of the bunker a month later, Dean didn't know what to do. Everything in him pushed towards anger, towards utter annihilation of all that was good in himself. However, upon seeing the look of uncertainty on the angel's face decades of rage disappeared. What he was left with was the familiar ring of tinnitus and the thick pit of dread that'd settled in his stomach. What the hell were they meant to do now?

"Hello, Dean," Cas spoke, like nothing had happened. Giving Dean an out, he knew he'd never be able to take.

There was too much left unsaid between them to go tumbling back into cowboy hats and coffee quips like their last run-in with death.

Dean knew he was meant to talk but he'd never been much of a talker when it counted. His hands trembled as they moved unbidden to hover over Cas' shoulder. He needed to touch the guy, to make sure he was real but to do so felt too definitive. If Cas was an illusion, Dean didn't care. He wanted him to stay put for once.

Dean's hands hovered ghostlike in the space between them, haunted as the rest of his body by the loss of the angel. His fingers flittered around Cas' body, nervous birds on hot, highway concrete. They'd land for a moment, featherlight, before taking off again. They explored Castiel's arms, his chest, his cheeks. All the while, Dean remained silent as the saint he wasn't.

In all his imaginings of their reunion, everything had been intense, whether he was throwing curses or kisses at Cas. He'd never expected his lips to lock and his body to betray him by shaking like a goddamn leaf in the breeze. He felt like he was a kid again, lost, silent and looking for someone or something to hold onto with all his fucking might.

He wanted to find his tongue, to say something to wipe the look of absolute bewilderment and trepidation from Cas' face but what the hell was there to say? No words would be enough.

He placed his hands on either side of Cas' face, watching the angel's eyes swell. He wanted a grand gesture. Cas deserved it, but Dean was still tied in knots trying to work out if this was a line they could cross and walk back from. Dean didn't know what he'd do if he screwed things up, terrified Cas would be another home he could never return to.

His lips found the scrape of Cas' cheek. The familiar five o'clock shadow on the unfamiliar territory of his mouth. It was so unlike Dean to be any kind of tender. There was no way the action could be misconstrued for anything other than what it was. A promise? A confession?

His hands had landed on the small of Cas' back and the curve of his hip. He opened his mouth to speak but the words came out garbled, sounding embarrassingly close to a sob.

Still, his mouth wouldn't shape the words. He closed his eyes and prayed, hoping Cas would hear.

Don't you ever do that to me again.

These lyrics right here. This whole song is Destiel coded.

Trees ll- McCafferty

---- Part 1 ----------------------

Cas makes his way into the kitchen after Dean hears him apologise and make an excuse to leave the table. His gaze flicks to Dean’s shoulder as he walks into the room, in a familiar gesture that’s so quick Dean’s sure he’s seen him do that before and just dismissed it.

“Dean?” Cas says with concern, eyebrows scrunching together endearingly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, but you mind telling me what’s up with this?” Dean gestures at where the handprint should be – which to him still looks like normal skin.

For a moment Cas says nothing. His eyebrows scrunch impossibly closer. He takes a longer look at Dean’s shoulder, then straightens up, clears his throat and says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” in a stilted monotone that would fool absolutely nobody.

“Oh come on! You’re a terrible liar, I know that you can see there’s a handprint.”

Cas sighs. “Yes. There is.”

“What the hell, Cas? When were you going to tell me about the friggin’ mood ring on my shoulder?”

“Mood ring?”

“Patience said it was glowing brighter than ever and I guess I was feeling really happy and uh-”

The corners of Cas’s lips twitch up into a smile. “It was glowing that brightly?”

“Hey, nope, not the important thing right now,” Dean says, heat crawling up the back of his neck remembering why he’d been so happy. He gestures back at his incredibly normal looking skin. “Who else can see this?”

“Psychics like Patience…” Cas begins, a little hesitantly, “and other Angels.”

“Okay, this is starting to make sense ‘cause they’ve always looked at my shoulder funny.”

“And Demons,” Cas continues quietly.

“Wait, are you kidding?”

“And probably ghosts. Though I’ve never asked one.”

Dean takes a deep breath. “Okay. That’s great. Everyone but me can see my sparkly my little pony cutie mark-”

“I don’t understand what ponies have to do with any of this.”

Dean smiles before he can help it and Cas’s eyes flick back to his shoulder. Dean grabs at the skin there, but he still can’t see anything different. “Seriously? Just from you doing your,” he lowers his voice when he mimics, “‘I don’t understand that reference’ bit?”

Cas turns his head away, but Dean can see the crinkles at the corners of his eyes from the smile he’s trying to hide.

Dean sighs, knowing the warmth in his chest will only be making the mark glow even brighter. Damn it. “And it's always been like this?”

Cas turns back to him, the smile gone. “I healed the physical scar as soon as I could, but that mark was made on your soul. The glowing print it left behind can’t be healed away,” he says softly, “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Figures.”

“When I made it… it was the only way I could bring your soul back with me.” Cas’s shoulders tense in that way that means there’s more, he just doesn’t want to say it.

Dean catches on. “Wait… it means something, doesn’t it? What does it mean?”

Cas holds his gaze but says nothing, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Cas? C’mon man, what does it mean?”

Cas closes the short distance between them (Dean hadn’t even noticed they’d been standing so close) and gently lays a hand onto the skin of his shoulder, over where the handprint would be if Dean could see it. He gasps when a hot jolt of something electric shoots straight through him and leaves his entire body tingling.

Cas finally says, “It means you’re mine.”

Dean misremembering the purgatory portal scene is altering my brain chemistry in so many ways. What do you mean Dean remembered it as him not being able to save Cas because he wasn't strong enough, but in reality Cas let go??? We know he remembers some things perfectly like when Cas went into the lake because he had nightmares about that, but how many other things does he misremember? Does he remember Mary dying? Does he remember all his fights with Cas? Does he remember all the times Sam died? This was such a missed opportunity to do more. They could've made Dean even more traumatized by having him misremember something for so long, and then him having to learn it was completely different and having a whole crisis about it.

It finally occurred to me that adult Sam’s obsession with healthy eating is his reaction to years of eating whatever Dean could steal and whatever he could warm up on a hot plate. Years of cereal. Years of canned beans. Years of greasy diner food. All because John was gone and child Dean did the best he could to make sure his little brother was fed. And Sam swears he’s not going to eat like that again because it reminds him of never having a mom or a real home other than the Impala. Of not having a dad stick around and raise him and his brother.

I wonder if Dean giving him a hard time about his smoothies and rabbit food comes from the guilt of not being able to give it to Sammy when he was little. I wonder if it’s why he so proudly sticks to his junk food and diner offerings, like it’s a salve to his ego. Sort of a, “Hey, it’s still good enough.”

Rewatching 'Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets' is such an enlightening experience. The amount of Destiel in this episode is insane. What do you mean a few seasons prior Dean gets mad at Cas for "personal space" and then literally sits on him at the diner, and then also basically cusses out Ishim for mocking Cas? What do you mean Ishim says he'll cure Cas of his human weakness like he did his own, aka killing his human lover, and then charges Dean with an angel blade. And what do you mean Cas lays there, nearly dead, and Dean forfeits blasting away Ishim because there's just a chance it might kill Cas. (Even though I think Ishim's full of shit there because I don't think it really would've blown Cas away)

Not to mention the entire episode was them having marital disputes because of Cas killing Billie to save Dean and Dean's 2 favorite people, and then giving a heartfelt confession about how much they mean to him.

Getting called out on an Arcane Uquiz was not on my agenda for today, but it happened.

https://uquiz.com/quiz/Jj7zHT?p=2230506

I have a deaf dog and I felt like Cas earlier with the way I stood over her, silently watching her sleep and admiring how adorable she was, and she never woke up because she couldn't hear me.

as free as a bird

Dean: * walks in wearing a shirt saying ""I'm Dean fucking Winchester"" *

Sam: What are you wearing?

Dean: Wait for it.

* a blushing Castiel walks in wearing a shirt saying ""I'm fucking Dean Winchester"" *

Sam: Oh... That’s... cute?

Ok. My idea of the last 3 episodes of secret good spn

E17. Pretending it chuck was manipulating deans actions more directly than was shown bc no fucking way hed do that especially pulling a gun on sammy

E18 fucking hurts. . I wont change it

In reailty, only thing id change abt e19 is just jack mentioning he'll drop by now and again and some more explict dean & jack forgiving each other for the shit they did

E20 is completly different. None of that happens ok. Not one thing. Wdym dean lets cas jut rot in the empty love confession or not 😭

I know there was the covid factor but in an ideal world here are loose ends id like tied up:

Sam and elieen getting into a more commjted relationship/elieen moving into the bunker

dean/jack getting cas out of the empty AND REUNIONS GODDAMIT

Sam and dean dissusing talking about going on hunts less, and sam talking about opening up the bunker as a hunter safe house and dean n sam being like the new bobbys.

And i want it to end smth like this:

Sam opening the door, then the door opening again and again, shot of jacks 'hi', jody, patience and alex w donna, claire and kaia, garth & his wife and rowena, maybe even adam.

That intercut with shots of dean lookign up from him cooking in the kitchen smiling.

Hugs, smiling, cas leaning over and kissing dean on the cheek or smth, elieen and sam holding hands, laughing, and them all js chilling drinking beer & eating pie together, then a pan over to some shrine or just some photos of a wall of everyone whos not there, aka bobby, charlie, kevin, mary, Jo, Ellen, benny, ect. (Id put crowley but no way in or out of hell dean would do that, and tbh, theyd probably put john there but no<3)

Then sam and dean and cas going over there looking at the photos, and jack coming over and telling them smth abt how he fixed heaven, and theyre waiting for them, but that they should take their time. And sam and dean hugging jack and telling him theyre proud of them and them just being happy okay? Coz they fucking deserve it. They did it. They beat god. This is their story now.

And dean can look over at sm and be like "hey sammy. We didnt do to bad in the end huh?"

And sam will smile. "No. I guess not."

And wayward son would come on as th camera zooms out and cuts.

Dean deserves to have a proper relationship with jack when hes not being manipulated into using him or trying to kill him, and having a balance between family and hunting.

Jack deserves three dads who love him.

Sam deserves to do what he cannonically wants to do and is good at.

Cas deserves to be happy, with his family, out of the empty

Destiel deserves cannonization.

*insert something to say here*

After Cas confesses his love, but before he pushes Dean away, he pulls something out from his trench coat and slips it into Dean's pocket. Cas pushes him down and gets taken by the Empty, followed by Billie, leaving Dean alone on the bunker floor. As he cries, he feels something push into his chest, so he reaches his hand into his flannel pocket and pulls out the mixtape. The one he had given Cas as a gift and a secret sort of love confession of his own, thinking Cas wouldn't understand it. But as he stared down at the tape over top that read 'Dean's top 13 Zeppelin traxx', he knew that Cas understood. And he feels his heart break even more. Cas knew. Cas knew how he felt, yet he never said anything until it was too late. They were both too stupid to understand and just tell each other.

As Dean held the mixtape firmly in his hands, shoulders shaking with his sobs, he noticed that something felt off about it. The texture was different. He would know. He had flipped the cassette over and over and over in his hands before giving it to Cas, trying to decide on what to say to the angel.

Dean used his sleeve to wipe the blurriness from his eyes so he could see what was wrong with it. It still took a few seconds to adjust, and when he saw the large crack down the center of the tape, he gasped and brought it closer to his face. More tears spilled down his face. Cas' last move was to give this back to him, to show him that he understood their love and reassured Dean that, though he never said it, he knew how much he had meant to him. And Dean had broken it. The last thing Cas had ever given him besides the bloody handprint forever imprinted on his coat.

But as Dean's hands held on, finergrtips rubbing over the surface again and again, desperate to feel some kind of comfort in his hopeless situation, he noticed something attached to the back of it. He sniffled, wiped his eyes again, and flipped it over. On the backside, there was a piece of paper taped there with his name written on it. He quickly ripped it off, causing the cassette to re-split in half, obvious that the piece of tape being all that held it together, and opened the note.

Hello, Dean.

I just wanted to write you this before I give back your tape and apologize for breaking it. I'm really really sorry. I know I'm not super good at apologies, but writing makes it a lot easier, so I'm writing it for you. I hope you'll forgive me. I didn't mean to break it. I know you spent a lot of time picking the songs specifically for me because you knew I'd like them, though I had trouble understanding some of the parts. I'll never understand why humans love music so much. It's so much noise and there's so much going on, but I know it's important to you, so I will learn to like it. I'm very sorry for breaking it. I don't ever take it out of my trench coat, just in case I need to listen to it during an emergency, and I fell onto it. :( Please forgive me, Dean. I'm very sorry.

As Dean read, he watched tear drops stain the paper. He laughed a little as he continued to cry, noting how the letter was the most characteristic Cas letter he could think of. And he was happy. So happy that he didn't break it himself. It was already broken.

Cas knew how much the weight of handing over a mixtape was, especially a Zeppelin one for Dean, and he acknowledged it. Dean squeezed the letter to his chest as he leaned back against the wall and continued to cry silently.

1 episode in and Klaus is already an icon. I think I'm gonna like this show, and I have a feeling he's going to be 75% of the reason why.

My autistic ass should not be able to write fanfic bc then I'm usually forced to do research, and when I do, I do way more than necessary and go down the weirdest rabbit holes of random crap.