My Current Mood

my current mood

do you ever get hit with a breeze that carries the smell of soft memory and understand why melancholy was considered a sickness?

Day 2

Found out last night that I'll probable never talk to Adolpho again, which breaks my heart and makes me feel so angry at myself and so, so guilty, but that was also oddly freeing to learn.

It's weird, I love him to absolute pieces, and I may never even get him back as a friend, but it feels like now I almost have permission to stop constantly thinking about him. If he wants me to put in the work to gain forgiveness, I gladly will, but as it stands, it's unlikely. So, in my mind, if you love someone, set them free, and if having to contact with me would make him happier, then I'll withstand it for his sake.

Again, this does make it easier to stop obsessing over him, and to give Niani the attention he genuinely deserves, even though some of my hopes and dreams are crushed (all be it by my own doing).

I'm still making an attempt to improve myself, maybe a tiny bit in hopes Adolpho will forgive me, but mostly for Niani and preserving and improving our relationship.

Y’all a tumblr user made this and idk how to feel abt the results

Day 1

starting a daily sorta blog to track my progress.

Me and my partner (let's call him Niani, for privacy sake, not his real name) decided we both have some issues we need to improve on in ourselves, and we're going to take til the end of the month, which is 21 days, to see how much progress we can make in that time.

My list is:

Try to work on developing a more healthy attachment style

Become less obsessive over my ex (lets call him Adolpho)

lessen my self destructive tendencies

Be less rigid/emotional about small things (hence doing my part to bring down the amount of bickering we do.) Niani's list is:

Communication/openness

Attentiveness

Showing love/affection

Shifting language to avoid bickering I think that this is really gonna help us. And I have to remember that while I am doing this for myself, and for the forgiveness of Adolpho, it is, most importantly, for Niani, because he deserves the best version of me possible.

Tw: self hate, references to: death, self harm, vomit, depression, EDs, etc.

Last night I cried so hard for about half an hour to the point where I almost threw up. No one was online so I got no solace in other people. I had spent the whole day cleaning and just messing everything up. I didn't get a single bit of drawing in, which is one of the only things that brings me joy at this point.

I was listening to my Spotify playlist, which made me feel more understood, but it didn't really help bring me out of it. I've been clean of self harm for over 4 months now, but that was one of the moments I was seriously close to losing that streak.

I was thinking about everything wrong, from my best friends death to my once good, now awful relationship with my mother, to a thing with an ex where I regret even dating them, not because it was bad, but because I had to choose between him and my current lover and you can probably assume who I chose. Now I'm worried he hates me, which is awful because I still love him, I just see my current lover as end game.

I feel so guilty for that last one, and for the first one. It feels like everything is getting bad again, from me starting down the road to an ED relapse without knowing the trigger, to suicidal thoughts popping up in a genuine manner, not loud enough for me to listen to them, but enough to be heard and thought of. I thought I was getting better, I wanted to get better, it makes me so sick to know that I may never fully recover.

Witchcraft Basics: Glamours

What is a Glamour?

A glamour is a kind of spell you cast on yourself to change how people perceive you. Glamours aren’t like the kind of magic you see in the movies--the same goes for all the witchcraft we talk about here. It’s not flashy. You can’t use a glamour to change your eye or hair color. You can, however, use them to be perceived as more beautiful, more confident, tougher, smarter, more delicate, the list goes on. I’ve written a couple of glamour spells before--mostly beauty spells like my spritzer or beauty oil. But there are other kinds of glamours and other ways to achieve them.

Oftentimes, glamours are performed along with your getting ready ritual. It’s a kind of magic that lends itself well to the mundane things we do everyday, and to the science of our world as well. You’ve probably heard of the placebo effect. The simple version of it is: if you believe something is happening to you, you’ll begin to feel the effects--it becomes real. The intersection of witchcraft and science is fascinating to me, and glamours in particular are where I see it overlapping the most! You’ve got magic and science working on your side with these, and the end result is often that you feel more secure in yourself, which is something we should all strive for.

How to Cast a Glamour

So you’ve crawled out of bed, or off of the couch, and you’re about to get ready to go out. You want to look a certain way--be perceived a certain way, and you want some magical help with that. This is where casting a glamour comes in, and there are a ton of ways to do it. The simplest way, with no outside preparation or ingredients, is to manifest your intent while getting ready for the day, however it is you do that. Wash away the worries and debris of the day before when you shower and wash your hair. Focus on whatever quality you desire sinking into your skin as your wash your face, moisturize, shave, etc.

Choose your outfit according to what you’re trying to manifest--color associations work well for this, as does jewelry, especially if you’ve enchanted it. If you wear makeup, it’s tailor made for casting glamours. Use color associations on your eyeshadow and lipstick--pink for beauty, red for confidence, a nude if you’re trying to go unnoticed. Think of your foundation as well, the foundation of your spell. Whatever perception you’re going for, infuse the foundation with it and put it on. If you use concealer, use it to “conceal” any faults, or whatever it is about yourself you’d like to downplay today. Weave magic and intention into your hair as your pick, comb or brush it out for the day. Do you have a favorite perfume or cologne? Use it to cover yourself in your intention. And the best part is, after the day is over, you can end the spell by washing it all away!

Of course, you can do a glamour via more hands-on means as well. Potions, salves, baths, charms, enchanted meals, the list goes on. Tea, coffee and smoothies lend themselves well to glamours, as you can take them on the go and let the magic flow through you on your way to your destination. You can create a spray for your skin or hair, an oil to anoint yourself with, or even create a satchel to carry on your person in order to exude whatever quality you’re seeking. As you may have noticed, a lot of these glamours are reusable, as opposed to the cosmetic type glamours listed above. Both have their uses, and you can layer these methods as well to achieve what you desire!

Types of Glamours

What kind of glamour might you want to cast, though? Well, here are a few examples!

-beauty/attractiveness

Probably the most common type of glamour, these are used to make you appear more attractive to people you may interact with.

-confidence

To look more confident, even when you’re not particularly feeling that way. These are good for job interviews, meetings, presentations, etc.!

-toughness

If you’re trying to look stronger or more intimidating than you are, for safety or otherwise, this might be the kind of glamour you’re looking for.

-intelligence

Need to come off as more eloquent and intelligent? Well I’m sure you’re plenty smart, but if people have been doubting you, a magical boost might give them a nudge in the right direction.

There are plenty more, and these can overlap and combine to achieve what you’re looking for! Magic is malleable like that. Just be clear about what you need, or you might get mixed results. This goes for any spell, however. ;)

Tools/Ingredients for Glamours

Not sure what to gather beforehand? Here are a couple of ideas!

Makeup (especially eyeshadow and lipstick)

Perfume

Cologne

Lotions

Jewelry

Pins

Moisturizers/Skin care products

Roses (beauty)

Garlic

Hot Sauce/Hot Peppers

Dill

Banana (Success)

Avocado (Beauty, love)

Apple (Beauty, love)

Strawberries (Love, happiness)

Peaches (youth, happiness)

Cherries, pitted (beauty)

Vanilla

Bay leaf (love, passion, harmony)

Basil (wealth,love, faithfulness)

Oregano (ward against negative energy, happiness, peaceful energy)

Thyme (positivity, prosperity)

Parsley (happiness, passion, protection)

Sage (prosperity, mental clarity)

Rosemary (beauty, love, general magical boost)

Marjoram (happiness, love, money)

Sea Salt (purity, protection)

Pepper (passion)

Crushed red pepper (passion, a spell booster)

This is just a list to start with! You can use the edible ingredients to make teas, baths, smoothies, soups, etc., and infuse other ingredients with your intent. Glamours are versatile, and the way you cast them can be, too! The only real limit is your imagination!

(I'm cleaning up my blog and reposting some of my spells/etc that were once hosted on my website.💕)