For Some Reason I Love The Thing Of Naming Video Game Characters "[noun] Guy". Like Heavy Weapons Guy.

for some reason i love the thing of naming video game characters "[noun] guy". like Heavy Weapons Guy. it's simple yet effective. like look that's the guy, that's the heavy guy. it's so gender envy. it's so mid-2000s Newgrounds. this is the perfect naming convention and i think we should keep naming characters like this

fanon craig headcanons because i'm making another one of these despite the fact that i already made 2 (i have chimp brain and i forgot i made 2 already just ssshhhhh)

ok absurdly long title aside. new thoughts about my little scientist man have spawned into my head i need to write them down,,, most of this is projection and very self-indulgent (and very gay) but that's what we do here on this blog babeeyy B) (also i was kind of sleepy while writing this so please excuse any sloppy writing

general headcanons

Craig is on the aroace spectrum, specifically demisexual and demiromantic. throughout his life, he's never really felt the "need" to be interested in other people in any way. he'd never felt attraction to anyone, he'd never really thought about pursuing a relationship with anyone, and the idea of him dating anyone felt foreign and strange to him because he just couldn't see himself doing that, especially not with a random stranger he barely knew. stuff like blind dating confused him. "why would you want to spend your life with someone you barely even knew yet?" was a thought that crossed his mind a lot whenever the topic would come up. for a while, he even considered himself completely aroace because of never feeling attraction to anyone before... that was, until he became close friends with Barry. the build up was gradual, but because of Craig never having been interested in anyone before, he initially didn't really recognise it as attraction until the realisation that he like-liked Barry suddenly hit him like a bag of bricks one day. it was like an instant "ohhh so THAT'S what i'm feeling" moment, followed immediately by panic. he could never let Barry know how he really felt, until it of course accidentally slipped out one day and he was super embarrassed about it until Barry admitted he kinda felt the same way about him, much to his shock (and relief). since then, the two have been dating for a little over a couple of years and have gone through a LOT of adventures with each other, growing closer and closer with every outing.

he's also not really sure what type of person he's attracted to yet. he's guessing he's probably either gay or pan for the time being.

Craig, as i've described before in earlier posts, is on the autism spectrum and was diagnosed fairly young. he ended up being diagnosed with the outdated term 'Aspergers Syndrome', as he was diagnosed well before the removal of Aspergers from the DSM in 2013.

Craig is very introverted. he's not shy per se, but he easily gets overwhelmed and overstimulated when around a lot of people and needs more than a few business days to himself to recharge. Barry, on the other hand, is an extrovert, and so him and Craig's needs often conflict with one another, leading to the occasional boyfriend argument.

Craig has chronic back pain and Vitamin-D deficiency, like most scientists at Legitimate Research. he gets exhausted quite easily and sometimes experiences painful headaches, which makes quite a few of his adventures with Barry a lot more difficult for him.

Craig is partially blind in his right eye due to the explosion that happened in 'Level 2', which ended up with a scar forming down his cornea. Craig never really had the best eyesight to begin with, but due to this incident, he now needs to wear prescription glasses underneath his visor. Barry feels kinda guilty about partially causing this to happen, but Craig has assured him that he doesn't blame him for the explosion damaging his eye and that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Craig is slightly taller than Barry, being 5''7. for reference, Barry is 5''5.

Craig is quite an ambitious and creative person, especially when he's highly emotional or focused, such as when he's doing anything related to his special interests. this made him a good friend and partner to Toni, who was also an ambitious and creative type, although Toni was quite impulsive and didn't exactly think through a lot of ideas until he was already finished developing and prototyping them. Craig was the anchor to his ship of creative endeavors, as he incorporated a lot more logic and practicality into his ideas.

backstory related stuff

Craig was a high-ranking scientist who worked at Legitimate Research around the same time as Toni and Peter Simpkins. he'd always had an affinity for science and mechanical engineering since he was young, as it was a pretty significant special interest for him. he would enter robotics and engineering classes and clubs during high school, and he eventually achieved so much academically that he ended up getting an invitation to fly overseas to study at a university in Australia, which was supposedly one of the most prestigious universities that offered many science and engineering-related courses (although oddly enough, it seemed to be funded by a "Legitimate Funding Co"). Craig had met Toni at university, the two studying in the same field together. they bonded over their common interests and creative ideas for machines and robots, and they often would spend hours throwing ideas around and developing what would later become some of Legitimate Research's weirder and wackier gadgets. Peter Simpkins was someone Craig met a lot later after getting his rank at LR, and while Craig wasn't as close with him as he was with Toni, he found his more upbeat, laidback and jovial personality to be quite endearing. oddly though, despite how upbeat Simpkins was, he was quite secretive about himself. Craig never really knew Simpkins that well before his untimely passing, which would happen only a few years later Craig and Toni became employees at LR.

when the news of Simpkins' death hit the high ranking scientists of Legitimate Research, it hit them hard. Toni was the most heartbroken and was utterly crushed with the guilt that something he had worked on directly resulted in the careless demise of his friend. not only that, but Toni had just been let go by the company within the same week following the failures of his experiments, which absolutely broke him. Craig, who was also grieving the loss of a fellow coworker, had attempted to provide some sort of comfort to Toni, trying to convince him that it wasn't completely his fault and that he'd never meant for it to happen, but it backfired incredibly badly, resulting in the grief-stricken scientist lashing out and breaking apart their friendship. Craig never saw or heard from Toni ever again since that day.

also: it's not exactly clear when and where Simpkins died canonically in Jetpack Joyride's story. it's said on the Legitimate Scientists' bio image that he died during the development of Mr. Cuddles, so it can be assumed he probably died when the 'Robot Bird' rock opera took place. Craig and Toni became scientists at Legitimate Research a few years before Barry discovered the laboratory, and everything went down a few weeks after Barry's first break-in.

i haven't fully crafted this part yet, but because of Simpkin's death and the incident pretty much breaking apart Craig's entire social circle, he decided to take leave and even considered resigning indefinitely. he felt as though the joy he'd once had for developing machinery had been fizzled out, and he was still just beginning to process everything that had happened. he'd planned to send out goodbye letters to his fellow coworkers, pack up everything he had brought over from university and stay back with his family throughout the grieving process.

this would never end up happening.

Professor Brains was overtaken by rage following the death of his closest friend, his decisions becoming much more rash, destructive and uncaring than before. much like Craig was an anchor to Toni, Simpkins was an anchor to Brains' more evil tendencies, and without him, he began to spiral into villainy. he developed a strict and harsh system of employment, having it be absolutely mandatory for every single non-clone employee to have their memories and names wiped, effectively brainwashing them and forcing them to be his slaves. Craig, unfortunately, happened to be one of the unlucky few to become a test subject to this system. almost every piece of identifying information about him was erased, including the memory of Toni, Simpkins' death and the aftermath (it was to prevent any free will from Craig), and he was booted down to being a regular blue-glove scientist (i like to think the gloves have meaning like the stripes) (they're like uniform colours and badges having separate meanings in star trek).

Craig's initial memory erasure lead to him developing an unhealthy habit of erasing any and all bad memories going forward as a sort of trauma response to something that was no longer accessible to his brain. the trauma imprinted on him before he could even process that he'd went through trauma at all, so now he just has this bad habit he can't remember the origin of.

potential story beats and headcanons related to that

i want Craig to have a character arc where he finally becomes more brave and action-oriented, standing up for himself more against the villains and even kicking ass in a few fights.

i also think a story where Craig becomes absolutely enraged at the sheer extent of Legitimate Research's unethical memory-wiping practises and how his life had practically been taken away from him with the promise of a good career doing something he'd love, by taking advantage of his gullible nature and eagerness to please authority. he and Barry hatch a plan to take over the entire establishment, free all the scientists and turn it into a sort of scientific haven for developing technology that would enhance the world, rather than technology made for evil.

with this revelation, Craig would go by two names, being his original one and the one Barry gave him, as he views the name Barry gave him as a symbol of rebellion. (i haven't decided on what his OG name would be yet,,, i'm bad with names lmao)

Craig kinda gets carried away with this idea though, and it doesn't get idealised until much later in the story where he takes a step back and reflects on his actions, admitting to Barry that maybe he was swinging too much in the direction of impulsivity from the inner need to be a more brave and active person.

also. i want a really super exquisitely gay scene where, probably around the middle of Craig's becoming more confident arc, he finally reveals his face to Barry. it's a slow scene. the two are resting somewhere outside, watching the stars together. they've been silent for a while, just admiring the twinkling sky in peace, before Barry looks over at Craig and notices he's looking a little pre-occupied with something to the point of nervousness. he's fidgeting with his hands and seems pretty uneasy. Barry asks him what's bothering him, and Craig's a little hesitant to answer. "Barry, I... I need to show you something". they get up and move to a nearby hill (i always picture this taking place on a hill), before Barry once again asks him what's going on. Craig explains that the two have been dating for such a long time by now, and their three year anniversary is coming up soon. he mentions that something really big and important has been bothering him for such a long time, only becoming more and more bothersome with each month that passes in their relationship. it's gotten to the point where he feels guilty that, despite how close they've become, he's essentially kept himself locked away behind a hazmat suit visor for so long out of his own selfish insecurities. if he doesn't do this now, he'll never be able to do it ever. taking a deep breath, he slowly pulls off his helmet, Barry staring with intense anticipation.

and there he was, fully unmasked, fully revealed to what felt like the whole world. and it was incredible. messy blond hair that was modest and reserved, yet ever so slightly daring in its flow. jade coloured eyes that caught the twinkling light of the stars perfectly. his scar, his nerdy little glasses that were taped together, everything about him, all of it took Barry's breath away. "I'm, uh... Sorry if it's not what you expected, Barry." Craig bashfully apologised, making to turn his head away, but the gentle touch of Barry's hands stopped him before he could. "Craig", he began, a big, gleeful grin forming on his face. the scientist could've sworn Barry's eyes were starting to become wet with tears as he continued to speak. "You're just as beautiful as I imagined."

they get married on the spot after that /j

also i got a little bonus headcanon/story thing that i was writing in the tags but couldn't fit in!!! it's related to the apple experiment he was doing during the Halfbrick Multiverse Madness events.

it's not really explained in the JJ2 canon as to why Craig is experimenting with this apple and why it works the way it does, so i'm putting my own explanation to it in this fanon. now i believe the Halfbrick Multiverse Madness came out before Nixie's boss was added??? i think??? i don't exactly remember when everything came out, but even if it was added after her appearance, i'm still going to have this experiment take place before Barry defeats all the main bosses and then have it come up again after he defeats them.

i just thought of a way i could implement this story beat happening in the background of the main story before it starts to become more of a central point again. like, maybe Barry, Betty and Robo Barry were all having a celebration for defeating all the bosses and the sectors, but Craig seems to be quite preoccupied and dissociated from everything going on around him because now he has more time to think about and develop the apple, and he just can't shake the thought that he's missing something very integral to his memory. Barry notices this odd behaviour, but he reckons he should wait until after the party's finished to ask Craig what's up. it starts to get very late into the night, and the party begins to quiet down. Barry figures that this is the perfect time to check up on Craig, but when he goes to look for him, the scientist has already disappeared. Barry becomes increasingly more concerned and decides to leave to go look for him at the lab. "Maybe he's just tired tonight," he thinks, but there's a pit in his stomach telling him that something's wrong, he just knows it. without turning back to tell his friends where he's going, he rushes outside and straps on his jetpack, flying over to the lab as quick as he can.

Barry dashes to Craig's laboratory room and pushes the door open, being met with a startled Craig who was hunched over his desk and seemed to be working on a blueprint of some sort. one of the papers he was working on flies off the desk with his startled movements, and Barry goes to pick it up. he asks Craig if he's okay and that he was acting a little strange earlier, and Craig quickly stands up from his desk and awkwardly brushes his odd behaviour off as having important scientific research to do that just couldn't wait, taking the blurprints back from Barry. the jetpacker in question suspiciously raises an eyebrow. he isn't convinced. "You don't sound too sure about that, mate." he says. "Why'd you wait until so late into the night to work on this thing? Are you hiding something?". Craig gets more frustrated with Barry's questioning, his tone quickly becoming more snappy and irritated. "Barry, this is very important work. I'm fine." He turns back to his desk, reaching for a white pencil so he can get back to working on his blueprints, but he's stopped when Barry pushes him once again. "Listen, Craig, I just think you're acting a bit--" "I'M COMPLETELY FINE, OKAY!? Quit prodding at me so much and let me get back to my work!"

Barry's expression falters, looking even more worried than he was before. Craig is immediately hit with a twinge of guilt, and he apologises. "Look, I-I'm sorry Barry, I'm just... I really need to get this done. This is really important to me and... Brains needs these blueprints in by tomorrow." he felt absolutely horrible lying to Barry like that, but he just couldn't bring himself to tell him what was really going on. Barry nods, before apologising himself.

"... Yeah, I get it. Sorry about that, I'll stop pushin' you about it. It's just that... I'm worried about you Craig, that's all." Barry's voice became more gentle and convicted as he spoke. Craig didn't respond. Barry smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle pat, shaking the scientist a little. "You take care and get some sleep, okay? G'night, Craig."

"... 'Night, Barry." Craig mustered as Barry walked out the door, closing it behind him. the scientist sighed, slumping back down at his desk, quietly fidgeting with his pencil. A wave of exhausted determination washed over Craig as his eyes scanned over the incomplete blueprints. he just needed to get this done, and then he could finally rest.

ignore the fact that this became a complete fanfic at the end lmao. these are my ideas and headcanons for what i want to do with my fanon Craig and i think they're intriguing enough to possibly develop into a full-fledged story :D there are so many possibilities to explore with him and i just find him to be an interesting little specimen to think about and rotate in my head like a 3d object looll

also just found out about the AOZ event yippee!!! i'll post about that later (if i remember).....

just checked Jetpack Joyride and apparently the multiplayer button is missing from the menu now after the Hygeine event ended.... hmmmm this is. very intriguing.

random thought but i love the idea of Herobrine being less of an explicitly evil character and more of a weird cryptid thing that exists by accident and can only be perceived at long FOV distances by humans, forever being sort of isolated from the rest of them to only be seen partially obscured by the fog. he physically exists, but can only be perceived as though he were a ghost. he's very curious about other humans, watching over them as they traverse the world, but he means no harm. this can often look like stalking behaviour which can freak other humans out and make him seem menacing or off putting. scrambled throughout the world are legends and scriptures written about this mysterious being that make him out to be terrifying and threatening. warnings, spells and summoning rituals are seen scratched across the walls of ancient catacombs and ruined civilisations. locked inside dusty chests are torn and withered parchments scribbled with illustrations that depict him to be some sort of monstrous eldritch creature, perhaps mistaking something more terrifying for the legends of the strange man all should beware that have persisted for centuries. others depict him more as a silent, stalking shadowed figure, lurking behind trees and mountains with unknown intentions.

the only reason he exists is because of a strange bug that causes a duplicate of the main player to generate along with the world, and no matter how many times the developers of Minecraft try to remove him, he always quietly comes back somehow, implying that the rules of the game they created has developed into its own ecosystem that is slowly developing its own independence separate from the game, and that Herobrine is an integral part of it. he might possibly be a remnant of an ancient experiment or society that has long since disappeared, but for whatever reason, Herobrine still persists.

i was so brave a couple days ago. there was a baby huntsman spider in my room and i totally didn't fumble trying to catch it 3 entire times while trying to lure it in and out of a box all while screaming and going "whAT THE FUCJ WHAT" whenever it moved even a little bit. in which the reason i was trying to catch it was because it randomly appeared on a box right next to my bed and i knew if i didn't catch it i wouldn't be able to sleep. nope. totally wasn't genuinely frightened by a tiny itty bitty little guy that could literally fit in the palm of my hand 15 times. whaaaat me? scared by a tiny little spider??? psh no wayyyyy man no way

(after i did this i was slightly shaken up and extremely worried there was another much bigger one in my bed and i felt like there were bugs crawling on me until i fell asleep)

if archive.org hits me with a "job failed :(" ONE more time while i am trying to archive cohost css stuff im going to explode into a million bite-sized pieces