Outtakes

Outtakes

This bubble of joy I find myself in

Helps my world to not spin

Time is of the essence here,

Where the Gods are Queer

And walk amongst men

But I will say: Every now and then

I find myself wishing for the danger

but quickly I retreat away from the stranger

who may defeat me.

Not today, I won’t let me.

Although today is the day to truly be

Dancing, Dazzling with the Queen

The Queen? The Queen! for she

was right here, outside the bubble to the left

Wait… There I had just placed my weft

There… To the left.

In this world they spoke of enchanters

and master crafters

who’ll all keep you safe til the day you die

How that is guaranteed I know not why…

Yet no one told me of the opportunities outside the bubble

Outside the bubble! Beneath the rubble

Please take me in, I just want to live

I don’t care if you only have misfortunes to give

I didn’t want this at first, but now I’m torn.

My Fault. So I can’t mourn?

grown out

everyday, without fail, she’s here.

everyday. with a book in her hands,

everyday, she reads away beneath my leaves

whether my blossoming flowers slowly

trickle from my branches as the soft wind

hushes them into her perfect hair, causing her to sneeze, making me laugh,

or the strong greens of summer

engulf the sky above her,

shielding her

from quiet warm rains, or

golden leaves, bright oranges, loving reds,

drop upon her words, she picks them up

gently, so careful, as if they’re so precious

to her, as if every part of me is sacred to her,

even after it has abandoned me.

but she never does.

she never abandons me.

reading away at her pages, of love, passion,

kindness and courage, hopes of finding the

one, one day to share her life with,

drowning

in her reading, being absorbed in her life

as someone else, a character who to me

is unknown, as alas, i am unable to read.

i am able to just watch. watch her smile

drain from her face, her hair, scratched away

at my bark, her flawless skin growing paler

and paler everyday as she realizes she’ll

never live the life she lives while she’s under me

reading away, everyday, reading her books

fantasizing about her looks

getting caught onto hooks

until one day she doesn’t come.

she doesn’t read. i don’t know where she is.

has she left me? abandoned me?

she’s usually at my base, in a beautiful dress,

reading away and away everyday

like there’s no tomorrow, but then

tomorrow comes and she comes again too,

only now she’s not here. she isn’t sat where i would usually see her.

instead, others are. standing in her usual place, screaming, crying, desperately dropping

to the ground, on their knees, begging

to be dreaming.

it’s nice her family wishes to have had an imagination as vast as hers.

although one of my branches has been

feeling heavier than usual ever since

deep last night, in the bright

moonlight, when the stars became the leaves

of the sky and i was sat under the tree of the

universe.

they haven’t trimmed me in a while.

i must’ve grown out.

can i make it any more obvious?

Deep Summer Thoughts

A calling I cannot tone out

louder, bursts, unfolds, breaks up,

my legs, cold. The Light, it Speaks

to me, yet It won’t Shine in me.

Why won’t It look my way, have I

something done so cruel to drown It?

I look back, read the leaves of the

trees, each grain of sand. They shine,

like I used to. I go closer,

in longing, in desperation.

Yet they stab me, pierce my bones,

a cold, unspoken feeling.

I go deeper towards Him,

My Light. That warm feeling on

my skin, undressed. He kissed me

once, he’ll kiss me again.

As I touch him, and he me

they suck me in, obliviously.

I keep going deeper, thinking

that it is Him. Suddenly, no

warmth is felt on my bare

skin, no sweetness, it’s not fair.

They pull me in, drink me up.

Finally, they take my breath

Away. I no longer see the Light,

I no longer see My Sun. This

deep water that drowns love struck

souls, drowned me. Moonlight on

my skin, crazy whispers all come

in, I no longer have a purpose,

all I dream about is Him. Oh,

how oblivious I was! No wonder

they never let me in. I said

I’d be the last to pass, but

first I had to surrender, but

I couldn’t surrender Him.

there's something about the mirror in the hallway

my reflection pours a whine glass wearing a webbed dress made of phantasmas i stare at her in the hallway such a shame, crying on a summer's day i don't understand her demands red excuses speak in different tongues an image of lace underwear haunts my daydream as a honeyed nightmare i'd write about you like a vine the graze of your cotton skin upon mine driving me nowhere i would know naked license plates coax me out of love am i wasting away in place? porcelain tears on an undrawn face laid by a statue's decency the clouds shape the moon's hidden lunacy my portrait of anonymity bedaubed in oil paint and nudity

nobody can find out how much i need love

the faint touch of spring, wings of a lapis dove

doomed, blooming tulips blanket my sight above

the ground on which i sit upon, alone, thereof

nobody can find out how much i need love