I Seriously Seriously Miss These Days Man

I seriously seriously miss these days man

ᴛᴜʀɴ ɪᴛ ᴏɴ! ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴏɴ! ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴍʏ ᴍᴛᴠ!  🚀📺🎵

Well scratch that last post about my 1st real date nonsense. Considering the fact the guy finally told me the truth this evening. He actually already has a girlfriend. But he's being indecisive about her. And its showing too. Because he doesn't want to let me go now that we've met, yet he flips his words and basically friend zones me and says we wouldn't last long. Makes assumptions in regards to my son and him and his real dad, if something were to happen to me. Says one day he wants kids of his own, but with me being in my late 30s that won't be possible by the time he feels he's finally ready for a kid. I knew deep down inside this was just yet another big fat joke. A big fat waste of time. My life journey/path dangles a good prospect right in front of me only to yank it away forever. This is what I get for enjoying myself and opening up. Back to shutting down again.

Say it again

“You will not recognize me. This time, I put my pieces back differently.”

— Malia Makana, Like Differently Love

And people who talk to me (like family and coworkers) just don't get that. They get mad at me for not talking to them like Disney princesses do to customers/guests. And have to keep reminding people. THIS AINT DISNEY WORLD. And you're not a child anymore.

“I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.”

— Jon Stewart

I love this post a lot. And its things I also need to put into affect starting tonight. My toddler is ALWAYS correcting me when I curse. So for the sake of him I will stop cursing. If other people can watch their language then I don't have any excuse now do I? 😊💯

things i’m no longer doing for the rest of 2023

using inappropriate language this goes beyond just cursing; it also includes making dark jokes, making “seggsual” innuendos, self-deprecating humor, and verbal negativity (gossip and saying negative things about self, others, or future plans).

allowing men to take up my time without them giving any type of investment in me my time is valuable, and it’s hard to gain complete access to me, let alone a little bit of access to me. phone calls will be cut short, texts won’t be too lengthy, and if they want to see me, they need to schedule and confirm a date with me.

accepting the bare minimum from not only others, but myself also everything i do from this moment forward needs to be 110% my best. i show up, i work my best, and i leave knowing that i did everything i could in that given time. i’m not leaving any room for regrets this year.

drinking alcohol because of my job in the nightlife industry, i find myself to drink a lot more than i should to help me get through the night. i usually feel gross the next day, it adds to any mental hardships i face, and it’s just not good for my body overall. the only times i will drink this year is if it’s my birthday, new year’s eve, or any other special occasion like a holiday or a special person’s birthday— if so, i’m limiting myself to one glass of high quality wine or champagne. tequila and any other spirit is an absolute “no” for me.

not keeping promises to myself if i say that i’m going to do something, i’m going to do it. i need to build trust with myself and that will allow me to also have more positive thoughts about myself and trust that whatever it is i want in life, i’ll have it because i’m used to keeping promises to myself.

Been tightlacing for a long while now. I can damn near close it completely. This waspie cincher is a 22 inch steel boned from a Jacksonville local goth store called "Subculture Corsets" i can't wait to be able to close it completely and I can move down an inch or 2. I have been wearing it to this warehouse gig i had for over 2 years, I'd wake up at 4am to get my son and I ready in a timely fashion without feeling rushed, and the cincher would go on when I got dressed. I worked an 8 hour shift (under normal circumstances) and I wouldn't get home until 5 or 6 pm depending on if I had errands to run directly after work or not. Then come straight out of it the second I get to my room.

One morning I had it so tight I couldn't breathe normal....but even when I got to work I still didn't loosen it. By the time 2pm rolled around it felt loose on me. So in the middle of a meeting I stood there and untied it, tightened it more to where it felt like a comfortable hug then tied it back. It felt like progress to me and it made me feel so good inside.

Can't wait for the next size down though. Also also after my car accident back in November I got xrayed and found out I have 12 herniated discs in different areas of my spine. And I have to admit that wearing a corset DOES FRICKEN WONDERS FOR THE SPINE!!!! Keeping a great posture helps prevent those annoying as hell back aches. So I havent looked back on not going a day without the corset ever since I realized I can work a physical job with it on and not be in pain. 😄💯🥰💓🤙🏾