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An Opinionated Guide to Cybertronian Sweets (commonly found in vending machines)

This was written from the POV of a pre-war mech, who’s really into sweets, has both the mouth and proboscis to experience them with, and the strength of opinion to write this guide.

The guide itself was distributed by them to little public sharing libraries, or other nooks and crannies where one might find politically-unpopular writing.

Cybertronian sweets are honestly such a fun concept to explore. The idea of having a mouth and/or proboscis (from battle mask or empurata or other), and how that affects one’s enjoyment of different sweets in regards to taste and texture, or if it’s even consumable by one’s method of consumption. And then the politics and history of certain sweets! Ahh! It’s all so much fun :D

This was originally created for the August 2022 #TFZineJam You can see the full pdf on my itchio page here.

All the ideas and headcanons here are free-to-use. Actually, please do use them - it'd be an honor to see them in other people's art and fic! (if you do, link it here - I’d love to see!)

I know they don’t ever interact but I was thinking about Skyfire holding Rodimus like a cat, but like the thought was in your style. Like kitty drift but Roddy, anyways seeing kitty drift has been making my day recently!

JUST. A! LITTLE! GUY!!

may have misinterpreted this- but i loved the idea of a TINYY rodimus loafed in the palm of his giant hand

Yo question 4 Pandora:

does JAK know abt ur pet snake and if so how does he feel abt it?

(Jak is mildly scared of snakes, its an irrational fear, and he'd never ever hurt gudetama, but he's REALLY freaked out)

I love Jak very much, he's baby. He needs a hug and a warm blanky.

Pandora needs... New toys. =W= (manic gremlin cackle)!!!

there is nowhere in the world more full of warm blankies than pandora's apartment...

and she's got plenty of toys as well!!! (unless,..,. you mean in the other way. in which case. she's GOT PLENTY.... )

guys i have so many oc asks, im sorry fellas youre going to get a fucking wave of my ocs. actually im not sorry this is my blog and i can do whatever i want. and thats what im gonna do today

since he didnt have a faceplate as a human how does jak feel abt it now?? does it only activate in battle or is it like transformers and always there?

He sort of doesn't think about it too terribly much!! He mostly only activates it in battle, but it IS always there, see?

He doesn't typically activate it outside of battles, though he typically has it on when he's just hanging around the arena(because pandora DOES sometimes just observe bot fights without fighting in them, or shows up early to see some other matches before JAK fights) just in case, so he doesn't betray too much human emotion.

HOWEVER- when he was still getting used to his body, there were times where it would snap shut when he was startled or scared, which pandora thought was vERY funny.

since hes so sensitive to movement around him jak probably hates crowds huh

OH ABSOLUTELY!! Jak is VERY sensitive to movement around him. He gets jumpy very easily, and overstimulated very easily.

HOWEVER there are actually adjustments in his code to dampen or lower the sensitivity of his proximity sensors when a large portion of them are stimulated at once, specifically coded in for storage, OR-

Wearing clothes! Again, the main appeal of his frame was how lifelike and charismatic his model was capable of being, so often times fighters with his frame would be touted around parties or galas in the tech world.

so yes! Jak HATES crowds in this new form, however, crowds and close proximity is made bearable by his clothes

Wait... if EXO is fighting in the underground rings who's his handler? Like he has to have a person (probably an organic) 'controlling'/entering him into the fights right? Or did he do a funny and made a non-sapient mech he controls and pretends that's sapient to sign him up?

@creehd touched on this in his post about EXO from last night, but basically, EXO is pulling a fast one on the whole ring.

See, as this is an illegal bot fighting ring that exists in underground catacombs within the station, there are many bot fighters that WANT to participate, but are unable to appear in person due to many varied reasons, from physically being unable to get there due to illness or species, to wanting to remain completely anonymous due to one's career.

In my mind, and cree can attest this or not, EXO most likely appeared in the bot fighting rings under the guise of being an unsupervised fighter.

Unsupervised fighters DO happen occasionally, though they're much more rare, as if an unsupervised fighter loses a fight brutally enough, their bodies are typically either dumped, picked apart, or left to be collected.

The reason EXO doesn't have to worry about this, in his mind, is because EXO. DOESNT. LOSE.

Oh my goodness now I can't stop thinking about the fact that there's a possibility of someone finding out that Jak is sentient. Either him celebrating eerily humanely after he wins a particularly hard fight, or Pandora trying to comfort him after a loss(how often do you see bots getting comforted after a battle, eh?), OR the people(person?) who made Pandora quit legal bot fights (or someone else entirely, bitter that they lost to ur OCs in the underground battle) trying to undermine her, collecting footage and overanalysing it until they figure out that something isn't right...

- 💐 (thinking thoughts.........)

see the fun thing about this ask is that it has some layers to it!

first of all- JAK, while still having some tells that he's not fully AI, at a certain point is pretty comfortably able to fly just under the radar of most people, because while bots being too human is absolutely grounds to get them expunged from their rings, bots having personalities is NOT a crime. Often times bot fighters will code in some rudimentary personality codes to make their bots more likeable, encourage people to bet on them, etc etc. Because of this, JAK is actually pretty popular in his ring because his personality seems so pronounced in comparison to others.

A lot of spectators in the underground rings tend not to look too deep into stuff, the nature of these being illegal prize fights often attracts people of all stripes, though the most common are either those who appreciate the sport, or just garden variety robogore sadists who like seeing bots get obliterated for fun.

That's not to say there haven't been close calls though...

in fact.... this is a good chance to mention that TECHNICALLY..... JAK's cover has, in a way, already been blown.

One of his competitors already thinks there's something up with him.

(btw this oc belongs to my beautiful partner @creehd I will talk more about him if anyone hasss quessstionnsss <3 and i also probably will talk about him anyways even if u dont)

WAIT NO I NEED TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS MYSTERIOUS NEW CHARACTER.

LORE DROP PLEASE 🙏

AAA THANK U COMPY

OKAY!! so, First of all, this character does not belong to me, I'm sharing him with my lovely partner @creehd, this whole post is cosigned by him <3

NOW! Meet EXO!

EXO (short for Enhanced Xenomechanical Operative) was a prototype AI driven mass produced assassin bot who was scrapped as a design for having too unruly an AI. He is the only existing copy of his line, and as a result of being scrapped, he hates all organic life forms.

EXO is an absolute cunt. I don't say this with any amount of joking in the slightest, EXO is a self centered prick who thinks he's the most perfect being to have ever have been crafted, and that all organics are flawed and blind for not recognizing that, and that it is now his goal to prove that he is the most exceptional AI to ever exist.

How is he going to prove that? why by infiltrating the ranks of lesser AI and crushing every opponent in his path of course! YES EXO is also breaking the rules of the ai fighting rings, though he plays at being non sentient much better than JAK, mostly because his personality is mostly hate and he's a complete stick in the mud.

EXO understands the gravity of being caught as a sentient ai in these rings, and doesnt care, because all rules dictated by organics are merely roadblocks in the way of higher beings(him), though he does follow them otherwise to keep his cover from being blown.

THAT IS- he doesn't care until he clocks JAK (incorrectly) as being an AI of a similar complexity to him, and then gets COMPLETELY FUCKING FURIOUS because this is HIS stomping ground for crushing the weak and not only is JAK stepping on his turf, he's stepping on his turf and is becoming more popular than him. (not that popularity matters at all no way EXO doesn't crave validation at all nuh uh)

and so within lITERAL HOURS of knowing JAK and 'cracking his secret' EXO grows a hate boner for JAK so massive that it diverts his plan of 'being the best' to a plan of being 'better than JAK in every conceivable aspect to show how much BETTER I am than him.'

AND THUS begins the most one sided rivalry to ever exist in the entire history of the world: EXO wants JAK's head on a pike, JAK thinks EXO is a freak and needs to calm the fuck down, antics ensue because EXO can't get JAK expunged from the league without blowing his own cover,,, its all very goofy despite the bloodsport.

and yes, before anyone asks, cree has given permission, AND encouragement for EXO to be lusted after

Idk where I was going with this lol ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ but have some blitzbee.

You ever had an impulsive thought like standing somewhere high and think “Jump off” and have to scold yourself for it?

Yeah that’s blitzwing but 10x more intense lol.

Postwar Autobots join the Nemesis AU, but I continue to be obsessed with these large men not knowing how to flirt about anything outside of violence or interface

"It's Me" (5 Pages): Shockwave is too smitten to realize why Blurr might be scared of him.

To see the rest, please check out my pinned post!

*holds a car 🐱 towards you*

Give us more of JAK and Pandora and share one fun fact about each >:) or you'll be attacc by this car 🐱

Please I luv them so much as much I love your art, cute bbys uwu or I will be forced to make this car 🐱 attacc u

-🟦

oh no a car!! ok here's two random fun facts

PANDORA:

Pandora used to fight in larger bot weight classes with her fighters, and also used to keep 'trophies' from past matches whenever she won them!! the heads of some of her victims sit on a shelf facing her bed, which is both super rad, and very freaky for JAK specifically.

JAK:

JAK's favourite tv show is NEO British Bake Off! The format of the great british bake off has remained mostly the same, with the exception of new and crazy ingredients being used from different alien cultures. JAK gets WAAAY too invested in this show, and frequently annoys Pandora with his enthusiasm about his favourite contestants.

Critters

Well...I have to say I know nothing about canon Combaticons and their gestalt, but I read The Combiner Quirks of the Combaticons by Gayrob0t today and this is so so good odktjfjfmfn I just had to draw at least one scene from it

Don’t fret precious I’m here, Step away from the window Go back to sleep…

got inspired to draw some Shockwave & Blurr bc of the song “Pet” by A Perfect Circle, which i think is a GREAT song for Shockwave

I also recorded the process, which you can watch here:

>>> youtu(.)be/11EnDtxstXk <<<

(have to link it like that, otherwise my post won’t show up in tags at all)

I was NOT having a good day when I drew this but I am so glad I have so many pics of Blurr screaming fuck now

Once Again

no, you can't. or can you?...

Wow, it would be awkward if you saw the guy you crushed, right? 🤔

The cause of last post (not exactly