*Akutagawa-level Coughing* They're Gay

*Akutagawa-level coughing* They're Gay

Chuuya: I don’t need a therapist. I have wine. Dazai: That’s not healthy. Chuuya: Neither are you, but I still drink you. Dazai: What?

Sad truths.

Ranpo: I have a riddle for you. Poe: Okay, let’s hear it. Ranpo: What has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs? Poe: A clock. Ranpo: No, that’s wrong. Poe: What? How is that wrong? Ranpo: The correct answer is Dazai. He has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs because he’s always trying to kill himself. Poe: That’s not a riddle, that’s just a fact. And a sad one at that.

Baddie.

Atsushi: What are you doing? Akutagawa: I’m practicing my evil laugh. Atsushi: Why? Akutagawa: Because I’m a villain, duh. Atsushi: You know, you don’t have to be a villain. You can join the Agency and be a good person. Akutagawa: No, thanks. I like being evil. It suits me better. Atsushi: But you’re not evil. You’re just misunderstood. Akutagawa: No, I’m pretty sure I’m evil. Watch this. *laughs maniacally* Atsushi: *shudders*

Blackmail.

Chuuya: What are you doing here? Dazai: I came to see you, of course. Chuuya: Why? We’re enemies, remember? Dazai: Oh, come on. You know you still love me. Chuuya: I never loved you. You were just a partner. Dazai: A partner in crime and in bed. Chuuya: Shut up! Don’t say that out loud! Dazai: Why not? It’s the truth. You can’t deny our chemistry. Chuuya: I can and I will. Now get out of here before I kick your ass. Dazai: Fine, fine. But you’ll miss me when I’m gone.

POV he couldn't solve it.

Kunikida: What are you doing? Ranpo: Solving a case. Kunikida: With a Rubik’s cube? Ranpo: It’s a metaphor. You see, each color represents a clue, and by solving it, I reveal the truth. Kunikida: That’s not how it works. Ranpo: Trust me, I’m a genius.

Guess nobody died.

Ranpo: I’m bored. Let’s play a game. Yosano: What kind of game? Ranpo: A murder mystery game. One of us is the killer and the rest are the victims. Yosano: That sounds fun. How do we decide who’s the killer? Ranpo: Easy. We draw straws. Yosano: Okay, let’s do it. Ranpo: *pulls out a bunch of straws* Yosano: Wait a minute. These are all short. Ranpo: Oops. Looks like I’m the killer then. Yosano: Ranpo, this is cheating. Ranpo: No, it’s not. It’s strategy.