Sad Truths.

Sad truths.

Ranpo: I have a riddle for you. Poe: Okay, let’s hear it. Ranpo: What has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs? Poe: A clock. Ranpo: No, that’s wrong. Poe: What? How is that wrong? Ranpo: The correct answer is Dazai. He has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs because he’s always trying to kill himself. Poe: That’s not a riddle, that’s just a fact. And a sad one at that.

Kyouka: What are you reading? Atsushi: It’s a book about how to be a good detective. Kyouka: Can I see it? Atsushi: Sure, here you go. Kyouka: *reads the title* How to Be a Good Detective by Ranpo Edogawa Atsushi: Yeah, he wrote it himself. He said it’s a bestseller. Kyouka: *flips through the pages* There’s nothing here. It’s just blank. Atsushi: What? Let me see. *takes the book back* Atsushi: Oh, he must have given me the wrong one. This is his notebook. Kyouka: Or maybe he’s just messing with you.

Fyodor is angerly

Fukuzawa: As the leader of the Armed Detective Agency, I have to make sure everyone is safe and happy. Mori: As the leader of the Port Mafia, I have to make sure everyone is scared and miserable. Fukuzawa: Why are we so different? Mori: Because you’re a saint and I’m a sinner.

One hellava speech.

Fukuzawa: I have an important announcement to make. Agency members: What is it? Fukuzawa: As you know, we have been struggling financially for a while. Our expenses are too high and our income is too low. We need to find a way to save money and increase our revenue. Agency members: How are we going to do that? Fukuzawa: Well, I have decided to implement some changes in our organization. Starting from today, we will be merging with the Port Mafia. Agency members: What?! Fukuzawa: Yes, you heard me right. We will be joining forces with our former enemies and working together as one team. Agency members: How is that possible? How did you even agree to that? Fukuzawa: It was not easy, but I managed to negotiate a deal with Mori. He agreed to share his resources and profits with us in exchange for our cooperation and loyalty. Agency members: And you accepted that? Don’t you know he’s a ruthless and cunning leader who will stab us in the back at the first opportunity? Fukuzawa: Of course I know that. But we have no choice. This is the only way to survive in this harsh world. Besides, we have an advantage over him. We have Dazai on our side. Agency members: Dazai? How is he an advantage? Fukuzawa: He’s the only one who can outsmart Mori and foil his plans. He’s our secret weapon. Agency members: But he’s also a traitor who left us for the Port Mafia in the first place. Fukuzawa: That’s true, but he also came back to us eventually. He’s loyal to us in his own way. He’s our double agent. Agency members: Are you sure about that? How can we trust him? Fukuzawa: We can’t. But we can use him.

OOOOOOOH.

Kenji: I’m hungry. Let’s go eat something. Naomi: Okay, what do you want to eat? Kenji: Anything is fine. As long as it’s delicious and cheap. Naomi: How about ramen? Kenji: Ramen sounds good. Let’s go to that place near the Agency. Naomi: Okay, let’s go. *They arrive at the ramen shop* Kenji: Wow, this place looks nice. And it smells good too. Naomi: Yeah, it does. Let’s go inside and order. *They enter the shop and see Dazai and Chuuya sitting at a table* Kenji: Hey, look. It’s Dazai and Chuuya. Naomi: What? Where? Kenji: Over there. They’re eating ramen together. Naomi: Really? Let me see. *She looks at the table and sees Dazai and Chuuya slurping noodles and staring into each other’s eyes* Naomi: Oh my god. They’re on a date. Kenji: What? No, they’re not. They’re just eating ramen. Naomi: No, they’re definitely on a date. Look at how they’re looking at each other. And how close they are sitting. And how they’re sharing the same bowl of ramen. Kenji: That doesn’t mean anything. Maybe they’re just hungry and don’t care about personal space. Naomi: Or maybe they’re in love and don’t care about anything else. Kenji: That’s ridiculous. They’re enemies, not lovers. Naomi: Well, you know what they say. There’s a thin line between love and hate. Kenji: Who says that? Naomi: I don’t know. Some people. Kenji: Well, some people are wrong. Dazai and Chuuya hate each other. They would never date each other. Naomi: Fine, then why don’t we ask them? Kenji: Ask them what? Naomi: Ask them if they’re on a date or not. Kenji: No, that’s rude. We can’t just barge into their conversation and ask them personal questions. Naomi: Why not? It’s not like they’re busy or anything. They’re just eating ramen. Kenji: Still, it’s none of our business. Let’s just leave them alone and find another table. Naomi: No, I want to know the truth. Come on, let’s go talk to them. Kenji: No, wait. Don’t drag me into this. *Naomi drags Kenji to the table where Dazai and Chuuya are sitting* Naomi: Excuse me, Dazai-san, Chuuya-san. Can we ask you something? Dazai: Hm? What is it? Chuuya: What do you want? Naomi: We were wondering… are you two on a date?

Barbie Elise

Elise: Mori, can we go see the new Barbie movie? Mori: No, Elise. That movie is not for you. Elise: Why not? Mori: Because it’s a satire that mocks the male patriarchy and the society that created Barbie. It’s not a fun and innocent story about a doll. Elise: But I like Barbie. She’s pretty and smart and has lots of friends. Mori: Elise, you don’t need Barbie to be happy. You have me. Elise: But you’re not pretty or smart or have lots of friends. Mori: …Ouch. Elise: So can I see the movie? Mori: Fine.