Tw Sucidal Ideation - Tumblr Posts

Sad truths.

Ranpo: I have a riddle for you. Poe: Okay, let’s hear it. Ranpo: What has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs? Poe: A clock. Ranpo: No, that’s wrong. Poe: What? How is that wrong? Ranpo: The correct answer is Dazai. He has a face and two hands, but no arms or legs because he’s always trying to kill himself. Poe: That’s not a riddle, that’s just a fact. And a sad one at that.

The Soukoku dream.

Chuuya: Dazai, what are you doing? Dazai: I’m writing a suicide note. Chuuya: Why? Dazai: Because I’m going to kill myself. Chuuya: How? Dazai: By jumping off this bridge. Chuuya: Can I join you? Dazai: Sure.

Behind the Scenes of Mersault

Dazai: So, how long have you two been dating? Fyodor and Nikolai: We’re not dating! Dazai: Oh, come on. Don’t be shy. You two are obviously in love. Fyodor and Nikolai: We’re not in love! Dazai: Sure, sure. And I’m not suicidal.

⚠️Tw suicide/selfharm mention/vent⚠️

I am thinking about suicide again

I wanna die because.....

Why I wanna die ?

Maybe just because....

Maybe because I am useless

Maybe because I am not worthy

Maybe because I am not enough

Because I am nothing

Because I don't deserve to live....

I don't deserve to be loved, to love, to exist....

I am nothing and no one ever would love someone like me so why live if anyways I end up dead...

Why live if anyways I be annoying, useless, not worthy, not enough....

No one cares if I am alive or dead ....

No one cares if my arms are covered in cuts and scars....

As long as I have good grades

As long as people see me as a kind, good and clever person ....

No one cares and no one will .....

If so then why live ?

Why suffer so much when you can die

Why be alive and be called a problem

I don't want to live

I don't want to be alive

I want to die

To disappear and never come back

⚠️Tw suicide mention⚠️

I don't know what to do anymore

My friend want to kill herself and I can do shit about it

I mean I am trying my best to stop her but it looks like nothing reaches her

She doesn't listen

She doesn't want to listen

And I feel so hopeless, so useless, so worthless....

If she kills herself I will blame myself till the end

I have no reason to live but no energy to kill myself

God I don’t want to go to this volunteering. I should have backed out last week and yet I stayed for some insane reason and now I have to get up at FIVE AM WHEN I HAVEN’T FUCKING SLEPT AT ALL.

For context: its 4:53 am.

All I want to do is get so drunk I don’t remember anything at all. Is that so bad??

Is it just me who literally cANNOT DRINK SOCIALLY??

Like. If I’m drinking it’s to the point where the hangover is the worst, and that I’m numb to the world. I don’t know how to have ‘just one drink’. It’s either I can’t feel anything but blissful numbness or nothing at all.

And at the moment, it’s becoming more obvious that I’d literally rather starve than not drink.

So we just had the housing guy come round bc of something, and then the staff basically asked him to ask me to go into my room because I haven’t let them in today —which, okay, my bad but also, I’m AUTISTIC?! I need a fucking warning, and they didn’t give me one and they said oh we didn’t think you needed one and then I proceeded to cry in front of the guy because I got overwhelmed and I just. GAH.

Like yes my room is a mess. I know that. I can fucking see that! But I am working on it for fucks sake. I am currently in one of my lows and it’s making me want to fucking die and he doesn’t understand that and neither do they and I just. I am crying as I type and I hate it. I want to die or get drunk to the point of being hospitalised because at least then they’d see how bad I’ve gotten because if they have seen they sure as shit haven’t SAID ANYTHING.

And I just. I’m 23 and I hate being alive. I have hated being alive since I was a child. I literally spent most of my life wanting to be dead. I thought I’d be dead by now. And so here I am, no fucking clue on how to live, and unfortunately still alive. And I don’t need bullshit people told me about ‘oh it gets better’ IVE BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE I WAS FUCKING FIVE. I WANTED TO DIE AT FIVE.

And I’m 23 now. That’s 18 years of wanting to die. Nearly two decades and yet people go ‘oh it’ll get better’. Fuck that bullshit. It hasn’t in nearly two decades. It hasn’t since the day I felt like I died when I was a child and it probably never fucking will. So don’t give me some bullshit platitude that doesn’t mean shit.

12: 25 am thought:

I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. Im not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored.

It’s Odd, Thinking of Myself at That Age

It’s odd to see you with a passion,

A hobby honed in normal fashion.

It’s odd to see you with such cheer,

And I wonder if it’s hiding fear.

You speak of school and say it’s boring,

But mostly good, just a few things annoying.

You give out details I didn’t ask,

But not as if it’s some arduous task.

We’re not the same. You’re young; I’m old.

But when I was nine, I wish someone’d told

Me that I could speak with disregard

To feelings, norms in high regard,

When they were around, my thoughts were safe,

My hate, my sorrow would never chafe

Against them such that I would fear

To tell them my want to disappear.

I had “reached out” even at nine,

Gave up in time, two words: “I’m fine.”

—that’s all that I could think of then,

Depressed before the age of ten.

I see you now, and think of this

And worry I may be remiss

In not prying, re-asking if you’re okay,

So you know I’d listen to what you’d say.

But what if you had never thought

Not even once, about dying?

Killing yourself?

Disappearing?

I wouldn’t want to worry you,

And you seem content with what you do.

Perhaps you are simply nine,

And need not hide behind, “I’m fine.”

TW: Suicide

"People dealing with suicidal thoughts tend to believe it's the most selfless thing they can do in. In the opposite perspective, it tends to be seen as the most selfish thing they can do." -My therapist.

I am someone who's struggled with many dark thoughts, and very much enjoys Omori. I want to use some of the things I discuss with my therapist in my writings and in that perspective. I don't know. I think it's interesting. (Yes I'm fine. No I'm not dealing with those thoughts right now.)

I wonder if anyone's wrote something about that idea... It really reminds me of Basil, heh!

Spread Word

Hello runner of the following pages here

@yoko-ono-daily @johnonolemons @liverpoolian and @takashimakato

I will be going over a few things I've been going through at the hands of my mother and I need you guys to listen along/Read along

Misery

a state or feeling of great distress or discomfort of mind or body.

Manipulation

trying to control another person so they will do what you want because it benefits you. Firm boundaries are necessary to protect yourself from a manipulator

For quiet sometime now every since August 2023 I've been manipulated by my mother in multiple ways.

1. her gaslighting me to believe my family hates me

2. all of my friends or Acquaintances are trying to R word me or Touch me inappropriately

3. That my feelings aren't as important as he feelings

4. That my mental health is not at all important and that the medication I was using did not help me at all.

What makes this worse is that My mom now has another thing to manipulate me with something I did that I'm not proud of.

She also makes me believe no one cares about me to the point that I barely have contacts in my own phone anymore.

That these guys I hang with are gonna rape and take advantage of me even though they are the only people I feel safe with besides my other friend.

My feelings are never validated, hell I'm staying at a house I don't want to stay at so my mom doesn't use this secret against me making me submit to her torture and abuse.

My mental health has been regarded so bad that I've tried to off myself multiple times and I've told my mom I need medication to get better but am met with threats of 302ing

(302)

In Pennsylvania, a 302 commitment is an application for emergency evaluation and treatment for someone who is a danger to themselves or others due to a mental illness. A person can be considered for a 302 commitment if they meet certain criteria within the past 30 days, such as attempting suicide, self-mutilation, or being unable to care for themselves without supervision. A 302 commitment can only be processed in the county where the behaviors occurred and can last up to 120 hours. A 302 commitment usually stays on a person's record for life, but an attorney may be able to petition the court to have it removed.

I've been miserable with everything that's been going on I have no one to go too and I'm scared to tell an adult and get CPS called its frightening every single second of the day walking on eggshells.

I also rarely eat since I'm afraid that we won't have any food left and since I don't have a job yet since I'm still in school and my mom has a shitty job we won't have lots of money.

My mother's baby father (not my father)

Has accused me of liking his wife (since my mother and him are not together and talk because my mom has a kid with him) even though I'm not interested in this lady and have a preference.

He called me a whore for having a partner and has told me I need to "Stop being Grown" when his niece is sending naked pictures of herself to people.

His niece is not better, she called me boring for not wanting to go outside and just watch what I want to watch while I'm there.

Turned off something I felt comfortable watching then tried to talk to me like it was okay before telling me I have to apologize to (Her uncle's wife) for trying to talk to her since I apparently am in love with her.

I told her about my S/A in confidence and she told everyone making me look like a whore..saying I enjoyed everything.

She lied to me saying she never told anyone but she did because I just don't go Promoting someone touching my body.

But i just want to say that this has been happening to me since August 2023 when I moved with my mom after my aunt kicked me out after something happened.

SUICIDE INDICATORS (TW)

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. As I am writing this, many beings are thinking about ending their journey, for one reason or the other. Suic*** has been normalized when happening in certain contexts and forgotten about in many others. The truth is that, for a horrible amount of individuals, the reason was society. It is important to understand that we are all here in the same way, but we are not as strong to take it all in and move on. That's why we need to be respectful and caring towards others. One day it could be you, and it may be for a different reason, but you'd want someone to show you their heart.

You are needed. You are wanted. You are loved. If you are looking for a sign, this is it. You are important and I appreciate your existence. Earth wouldn't be the same without you. Please keep going. You can do it. You are awesome. Show your light. Stay.

The Indicators Project seeks to provide validation to those that have been through the situations and conditions described, as well as to bring awareness to many different issues and ways of being that are usually undervisibilized, misunderstood or unspoken due to still being some sort of taboo.

Indicators should never be used as a tool for self-diagnosis nor against yourself or others in any way, shape or form. Having one single indicator does not mean you will experience the situation described, specially if you never have before. Do not take this as a life sentence but rather as an explanation of the possibility of experiencing something. Use it the events in your journey through a wider perspective.

The ultimate purpose of Indicators is to be eventually used as a tool for prevention and self-awareness by all beings. Indicators signal the likelihood for situations, events, conditions and decisions. There are more indicators that need to be found, so researchs remain open forever. If you would like to participate in this or any other research as a volunteer, write an e-mail with the Subject 'Research Volunteer' to ancientastarwis@gmail.com I'm currently researching many different things so don't be afraid to reach out and introduce yourself. Feel free to tell me your story and as much (or little) details as you wish. Thank you for being you.

Will always reblog stuff like this when it comes up, there's a lotta apps like it! All different you can always search for one that works for you and it's ok if none of them do, just means that one out of hundreds of alternatives doesn't work

i recommend this app to help you distract yourself when you feel an urge to hurt yourself!

It’s so cute and calming :D

Tw: drugs, sh, suicide

I made my mum cry 2 times today. And I feel guilty for it, but at the same time I just feel numb.

It's funny how hearing my perception of the world and her actions can make her cry when she always tells me that I have nothing to be sad about.

I think that she loves me, I just also want to feel it.

Feeling this numb is always a risky time, right now it would be so easy to just take a few more of my sleeping pills and leave.

I don't mind the pain I cause other people when I can't feel it. It's freeing to not care and cater to everyone's needs, but I also loose everything that makes me me.

I have to get out of this state or it could get dangerous. Maybe I'll make myself bleed again, relapse after more than two weeks again. Or I could drink, wake up tomorrow not remembering anything and with a headache that will kill me. Or maybe I should just smoke some weed. Relaxing and unwinding, caring even less but in a nice way. Getting lost in the smoke and my own mind.

I don't know. I probably shouldn't do any of it. I know I shouldn't. But keeping me alive takes killing me slowly.

Tw: suicide

Fuck this. I love my friends so much, I really do and I want to help them but I am also just a human??

I talked out so many of my friends. So many of them are alive right now because I could put my own stuff aside for a few hours.

The last 5 days, I stayed up nearly every night all night because one of my friends just won't stop trying to kill himself.

Either do it or go into the fucking ward again??

Just stop it please??

Stop ignoring the advice you asked for? What the fuck? I've been triggered so many times in the past few days because I constantly hear

Oh yeah, I took 8 pills today and feel dizzy as fuck.

Oh yeah, I took pills and drank so much alcohol.

Oh yeah, I'm gonna jump off a bridge now.

Oh yeah, I'll cut open my veins and bleed out.

Okay, fuck this. I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORW.

I am sorry, I'm just trying to survive myself.

Tw: sh and suicide

My cuts from my last relapse are getting infected and there is pus and the skin is all red and inflamed and it hurts and I am so tired and just want to end it all...

It would be so easy to just take something and get it all over with...

Tw: suicide

One of the friends I made while I was in the mental ward killed himself.

He was also a trans dude pre official name change or hrt. He was a few years older than me.

He loved art. He was really good at it. I got to draw into his sketchbook.

I didn't know him well but I did look up to him. I thought that maybe at his age I could also start doing better.

Now he is gone. He is dead. He will never get to have his own art gallery or feel right in his body.

I'll try for him now. And for all the other people that couldn't continue.

I'm glad I got to know him...

IM SORRY THIS WAS TOO FUNNY NOT TO SHARE LMFAOO

SHAGGY LORE? KINDA?

Suicide mention warning