Unironically, My Friend Keeps Calling Everyone A Rat And I'm Finding It Very Hard To Keep A Straight

Unironically, my friend keeps calling everyone a rat and I'm finding it very hard to keep a straight face because this image of Fyodor keeps popping up in my head everytime she says that.

I think I'm broken.

Wait.

What if the story of Bungou Stray Dogs is just a frame narrative. So maybe Atsushi is telling this story to his children, but it's their bedtime, so he tells them that he will tell the rest of the story the next night. Atsushi then cuddles for the rest of the night with his husband, Akutagawa, who pretends to be a vampire, making both of them laugh.

In the morning, their children meet up with Chuuya and Dazai's children, who are joined by Higuchi and Gin's kid. Kenji and Kyouka reveal that they are engaged. Poe and Ranpo call in from America to say they can make the wedding date. Yosano and Kouyou shed tears at this beautiful turn of fate. Nikolai and Fyodor show up, and everyone is jokingly mad at them. Fyodor promised to bring his band over for the wedding. Nikolai says he can provide the entertainment. Kyouka and Kenji have invited Mori and Fukuzawa, who were currently on a honeymoon in Italy.

Fukuchi died because he set one order wrong and ended up killing himself and nobody else.

Aya and Teruko live with Bram and Sigma.

Kunikida started up his old relationship with Katai, and managed to clean him up a bit.

Jouno and Tetchou live happily but the Hunting Dogs group chat keeps getting spammed by Jouno and his text-to-speech.

Tachihara and Tanizaki get together after Naomi forced him to go on a double date with her and Haruno.

Lucy and Lousia get a thing going on, leaving Fitzgerald and Steinbeck alone. They get a thing going too.

Lovecraft stays asleep (he tired of this)

And they all lived gaily ever after (pun intended).

This was Asagiri can keep the mystique of what happened, leaving the fandom to wonder how everybody was still alive, and begging Asagiri on a daily basis to ask him how he did it.

There is no other way.

Kenji these days scares me. He's all 'I looove cows' and then he's like 'Yes I am the re-incarnation of a fearsome demon, and I will eat you and your whole family' to back to 'OMG I LOOOOVE KYOUKA'

I just remembered that Higuchi and Gin are both Vampires. Let the shenanigans begin.

A smol Rant 'cos I read wayy too much of E.A.P 's works.

Considering most of the BSD characters' lives are based off their IRL'S, Poe's should be a lot darker than 'Smart boi made me hunt for revenge for six years'.

IRL Poe wrote about murdering people and holing them in walls, being buried alive, an orangutan strangling a woman and shoving her up a chimney, holing somebody else up a wall, talking to a mummy from ancient Egypt and a demon murdering people.

Not to mention his father went to get the milk, his mother died, he got adopted, got into debt (every author in the 1800's I swear), joined the army, got disowned, then died mysteriously.

The only part of his Army life we see is during the cannibalism arc, where he do be doin' some sniping (allegedly).

Edogawa Ranpo's name is actually the Japanese pronunciation of Edgar Allen Poe. IRL Ranpo was a simp.

Role Reversal

Dazai: Chuuya, I have a confession to make. Chuuya: What is it now? Dazai: I’m actually a vampire. Chuuya: … Dazai: And you’re my mate. Chuuya: … Dazai: And we have to kiss to seal the bond. Chuuya: *punches Dazai in the face*  Dazai: Ow! Why did you do that? Chuuya: Because you’re an idiot and a liar! Dazai: But I’m not lying! Look, I have fangs! Chuuya: Those are fake, you moron! You bought them from a Halloween store! Dazai: No, they’re real! Here, let me show you! Chuuya: Get away from me, you creep!