I'm Broken - Tumblr Posts

Problem

I am not looking for anyone at this point in time, and may never look for someone ever again.

But if there comes a time when I would like to have a someone again, I may be in a pickle. Who on earth would hear any of this and not run for the hills?

This was part of the plan I'm sure.

One day I will find a good one. And then I will chase them away with my crazy.

This worries me.

I can’t tell if I don’t like kissing in general or if I just don’t like kissing him.

Hazard of being with someone who crushes you every day of your entire adult life.

She’s dating someone else.  It’s Facebook Offish.

I’m not heartbroken, but I’ve been annoyed about it for about 15 minutes. 

If there is one positive thing I can say about leaving a totally horrible relationship it would be that it puts other things like this into perspective. 

One day I will find a good one. And then I will chase them away with my crazy.

All I can think of when I’m trying to add the bio is:  Hi, I’m broken.  Don’t make sudden movements when we’re in close proximity. I may lose my shit if we have sex. I will probably cry hard for no apparent reason.  In public.  And there’s a 60% chance I’ll ghost you without warning.  Oh and I like hiking, reading and food n shit.

I’ve just impulsively installed Tinder. Someone talk me out of this.

My parents are spending their Friday night going through old unlabelled spices and dried herbs in their cupboards and trying to guess what they are based on the smell. They're so pumped when they're certain they've identified one; they may just be having the time of their lives.

This is clearly #relationshipgoals. So I wonder how I grew up seeing my folks who genuinely love and like one another and still ended up in a relationship that nearly killed me.

What went wrong in this brain of mine?

I can’t sleep tonight

Having no other adult experience with an actual relationship outside of him, I have fears.

I feel like I’m allowed to be human with her.  I’m comfortable blowing my nose and flossing in her presence.  That doesn’t sound like much, but it’s progress.

More than anything I feel animated, like, alive.  I can laugh loud and silly, and be excited about trivial things; I can take long, windy routes to tell stories, and forget what I was saying mid sentence.  None of this phases her.  I’m not an annoyance.  I’m not wasting her time.

Did I ever feel this way with him?  I must have.  I remember being willing to take a bullet for him.  Does that mean this is all going to fade too? 

I worry I’m going to turn into that hallow, emotionless shell again.  And that it had nothing to do with him always cutting me down, and everything to do with me just being soulless and horrible.

Maybe all this love stuff is short lived and fleeting for me, and my rotten insides will cause me to hurt her as well.

I have the luxury of having a bit of massage coverage through work.  I take advantage of it as my body is not what it used to be after the years of abuse (ie, ballet, running, neglect and self hatred) I’ve put it through.

I did not expect to have a sensory flashback from my RMT working on my rotator cuffs. She said emotions can be stored in our muscles and tissues and that having them treated can cause those emotions to be release.

I was glad she gave me this out.  Because I wasn’t too interested in telling her the actual reason I was bawling.

idealizations concerning real life relations | jjk (m)

>>pairing:jungkook x reader / fuckboy!jk x hopeless romantic!oc

>>genre:s2l, fwb, smut, angst

>>word count: 40.9k besties i am so sorry

>>warnings: jk is so sweet, but also so evil lmao, oc lives in her little noggin, angsty fwb, drug and alcohol use, tattoos, multiple smut scenes that include: oral (m/f), fingering (f), light face slapping (with hand and cock??), praise, degradation, marking, dirty talk, so many creampies yum, multiple orgasms, kissing :(, cumming in pants :), probably more but i cant think of it, ok other stuff now, manipulation, infidelity, oc thinks jk is made of stars :(, jk thinks she is so pretty :(, misunderstandings, some fluff if you squint, brunette jk, blonde jk, n blue jk,  1 mentions of: howls moving castle, too many mentions of: stars, the color pink

>>notes: bruv i do not have anything to say for myself EXCPET that i worked v hard on her and i really hope u like it <3 beta: @birbdae​ tysm for dealing with this, she is long lmao >>> soundtrack

this is split up by seasons, so if 40k is a lot for one sitting, you can read one season at a time if that is easier :)

>>summary: jungkook loves to be loved, but he doesn’t love in return.

Keep reading

But really what if? I'm tired.....

Creds to the artist!

Damn

So I had plans to kill myself this weekend, today to be exact. Even gave myself a refresher course on how to tie a noose and guess what..... My family returned home. Just when I had the house for myself.... Why could things never work in my favor for once. Is this the universe's way of messing with me or is it giving me a sign. My head is already so fuckin messed up...............

So I guess I'll continue staring at my ceiling and continue to berate myself on how I am a waste of space and an absolute failure.

At least I got a fresh box of razor blades to keep me company.....

Save me

Please........

The sadness comes in waves on nights and tonight, I'm drowning.

Your girl just binge watched all of Good omens season two. I’m so fragile rn.

Jsjskdpsowjwb role playing hungry wolf fattening up a little chubby bunny to be a nice, big, delicious meal

Unironically, my friend keeps calling everyone a rat and I'm finding it very hard to keep a straight face because this image of Fyodor keeps popping up in my head everytime she says that.

I think I'm broken.

My Brain: You're broken.

My Soul: You're weak.

My Heart: You can't survive.

Me: Yeah, Thanks.

I wish I was enough for someone.