Romeo: A Pessimist Sees A Dark Tunnel.

Romeo: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

Juliet: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

Benvolio: A realist sees a freight train.

Tybalt: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

Mercutio: Wizard sees no problem in that.

Everyone: ...

The summary of R&J basically…

'TIS NOTHING OF THE SORTS. 'TIS BUT A RUMOUR. YOU GOSSIP! YOU NINNY!

i wouldst NEVER engage with one of such concentrated montague blood, no matter how much kindness rests in my heart! such a suggestion is appalling.... to tarnish my name and soul in such a manner is unforgivable.

do NOT go to romeo, for he would also be sickened by such implications!!! for shame, mercutio... you should know i plan to wed your cousin and have a. erm. happy, mundane, sedentary marriage with him. and bear his sons. and whatnot. i don't know.

and do NOT go to your benvolio. if you tell that thing even a part of this i swear....

(please do not tell my father. or tybalt. they'd have my head.....)

o hark, god! hark, angels! hark, spirits and my ancestors up above!

hark, and hear my pleas for mine cousin! catty tybalt, whom so often bares his claws, is aiming to hiss and scratch at those of the montague house... whilst i share his contempt and have lived to beseech the montague name, i believe not in the treachery of war and hate! not when mine heart has been taken captive in the gallows of the enemy's boy... and his heart be in the gallows of capulet girl, i am sure 😕

hark, and let these things not return to what they wast! do not let them come from whence they came! this terrible feud, bring it to an end, a feud now only of name! and if thee do not bring it to a stop then let us all be damned, for tybalt, catty tybalt, is bound to have his messenger pigeon confiscated again!! 😭😭

benvolio?? prithee, forgive my following words, but i find no interest in that..... "twink". i discovered that word and found it most suiting for him.

no, i care not for that of benvolio, as polite as he may be. alas, my heart hath been captured by another........ a much finer choice than your benvolio. i know your opinions on him especially, so i do not wish to offend.

DON'T TELL MY FATHER NOR TYBALT 🤫🫡

o hark, god! hark, angels! hark, spirits and my ancestors up above!

hark, and hear my pleas for mine cousin! catty tybalt, whom so often bares his claws, is aiming to hiss and scratch at those of the montague house... whilst i share his contempt and have lived to beseech the montague name, i believe not in the treachery of war and hate! not when mine heart has been taken captive in the gallows of the enemy's boy... and his heart be in the gallows of capulet girl, i am sure 😕

hark, and let these things not return to what they wast! do not let them come from whence they came! this terrible feud, bring it to an end, a feud now only of name! and if thee do not bring it to a stop then let us all be damned, for tybalt, catty tybalt, is bound to have his messenger pigeon confiscated again!! 😭😭

JULIET NATION!

it hath been too long since i had come to speak to you all... i'm afraid that life had gotten rather hectic. my engagement with... paris... has been quite eventful.

i'm truly morose over abandoning you all for so long. verona just seems to be the birthplace of all chaos!!! i will resume my irregular posting habits from here on out, i assure thee ❤️❤️

good morrow, verona! it hath been decided that me and my house shall be gracing the local bostonian pizza for some fine dining! tybalt, now released from his grounding, will also be attending. i just pray he squabbles not with my father. ❤️😁

CONGRATULATIONS, MERCUTIO!!!! THOU HAST REACHED A GREAT MILESTONE!!! HUZZAH!! ❤️🙌

thank you to everyone who got me to 500 likes!

I'm so glad people like mine silly little posts. I was honestly not expecting this account to turn out like this, but I love it so much! it's so funny, and all of you people are lovely.

not thou, tybalt. I still hate thee.