I'm An Outwardly Neutral Person Most Of The Time. But When I'm At My Wit's End Like Autistic Burnout,

I'm an outwardly neutral person most of the time. But when I'm at my wit's end like autistic burnout, or I'm withdrawing off prescription meds (like I am now), I can feel the flood barrier in my eyes degrading. The mask comes off for a millisecond. And it's for the most random, stupid shit, too. Something just has to be joyful to make my eyes well. Literally, I just read:

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, If no one else can help and if you can find them. Maybe you can hire, The A-Team."

And my eyes welled up and I was momentarily faced with an overwhelming sadness combined with happy/sad tears trying to escape. My mind goes,

"The A-Team brought so much joy every Saturday morning to children and adults all over. It was all so beautiful then, and nobody can have it anymore. We'll never have that world back. Nothing will ever be the same again. It's just so nostalgic. I want everyone to be happy and watch The A-Team."

The point here is that I'm not known to cry by anyone I know. But even the seemingly emotionally strongest of us are just really good at hiding it and throwing it away. Could be from masking, could be from conditioning. Either way, the A-Team intro message momentarily brought tears to my eyes, and that was funny enough to me to post on Tumblr.

It's okay to experience moments or days or weeks of hypersensitivity, empathy on overdrive, or just random bursts or overwhelming emotions brought on by random things. That can just mean we've been holding it all in for too long. We're at max capacity.

Let yourself feel. I certainly don't. I shut it down immediately out of some sick instinct. Don't be like me. Have a full Häagen-Dazs cry fest about outdated action shows.

Something about the fact Covid is being talked about like a common cold now is horrifying to me.

"Oh yeah I got covid again, gonna be resting for a week or so"

"Coworkers came in sick again, now I've got covid. Oh well, whatcha gonna do"

Its normal now. The new strains, the repeated catching, the fact its no longer a pandemic and is now a part of our daily lives.

A deadly disease that can and does permanently disable people who catch it is being treated like an inconvenient stomach bug.

And it was avoidable.

People are dying and being disabled in fucking droves and all anyone can say is "whelp, that's how it goes!" As if there wasn't/aren't vaccines, as if there wasn't/aren't methods that can help (masking, social distancing, etc), as if other places who took it more seriously didn't have better survival rates.

This outcome wasn't a guarantee. Selfish, ableist, racist, conspiracy loving ass-hats made sure it happened.

Looking at the numbers and then talking to people who didn't want to mildly inconvenience themselves to save lives is horrific.

Millions died.

Millions more will follow.

Thousands were disabled by it.

Thousands will follow.

And it. Was all. AVOIDABLE.

Stimming isn't enough. I need to violently vibrate out of existence

sudden urge to burst into tears. im not a toddler i just agree with their beliefs