I'm In Love With The "grazing Hands Under The Table". I Simply Can't Resist The "our Gazes Meet And I

I'm in love with the "grazing hands under the table". I simply can't resist the "our gazes meet and I stop breathing. We are so close. Too close" and I cannot help myself when they "kiss me so strongly, for so long that I have to shove them away, to catch a breathe". I'm a simp for forbidden love, especially when they are enemies that come to a point where they cannot refuse their feelings any longer, but neither can they express them. I am utterly smitten by the idea of hating someone and then, slowly, trough little, almost insignificant things they find out that the other one was the love of their life all along. I'll never stress enough about the facts that the "enemies to lovers" trope is the most wholesome trope of them all.

Fight me.

I feel this

Possessiveness doesn’t always have to be a rough touch to show ownership. It can be light and subtle as ever; a hand on the lower back, a lax arm around the waist, being so familiar with their body like being familiar with their coffee order - splash of milk no sugar- fingers resting just below the spot where you know their birth marks, scars or tattoos lay, gently brushing over clothed skin carefully avoiding the spots where you know they’re ticklish and watching the way they lean into your embrace with a smile on their face.

Possessiveness doesn’t always have to be crashing your lips onto theirs in front of someone who is trying to flirt with them. It can be an indirect kiss- taking a drag from their cigarette, and tasting the sickly sweet lip balm they always wear on the tobacco stick - the cigarette smoothly shifting from their fingers onto yours like this little habit of yours had been ingrained into their bones, or drinking from their drinks - specifically from the one a stranger had bought for them, the sudden appearance of your hand onto their beer glass barley phasing them as they continue on with the conversation they are having with the stranger- your lips resting just on the place where theirs have been, spots still wet from when they had taken a sip, while flashing a smile at the strangers over the rim , you and the strangers now both aware that you’re the only who knows how those lips feel.

Possessiveness doesn’t always have to be growling “mine” into their ear. It can be something simple as causally mentioning their name in conversations with family and friends, so much so even strangers know them through the stories you’ve told them, maybe even adding a little my in front of their name, not so much in a possessive tone but rather with a certain familiarity and fondness when talking about the socks they tend to leave scattered around the apartment or using the endearment when talking to your significant other, looking at their glittery eyes and big smile as you hand them a gift they’ve wanted for a long time, because of course you know what to get for your love, right?

Them:

Me:

It breaks my heart, thinking about myself

And you know what?

I feel like shit, because my mother was the parent who stayed, and still I have the nerve to have "mommy issues".

I love her to death, but sometimes I love death more then I love her.

Maybe if I died, maybe if was not here anymore, she'd appreciates me. Maybe she would respect me more. Love a me little bit more, enough to be able to say she's sorry.

Because -maybe- if I was really dead she'd say something nice about me for once.

But I guess this is all in my head.

My mom is not that bad, she's with me right? Like- she choose me, she says she loves me more than anything even when she treats me like I'm nothing. She dries all my tears, when she see that her words hurt. She dries all my tears, but she never say she's sorry.

Why I'm still here? What's the reason? I'm 22 years old with nothing to lose.

I don't have friends, I don't stand my family, the only speck of light in my life is gone and I'm supposed to still keep fighting? What bullshit is that?

Don't get me wrong, sometimes life it's too beautiful to just give up, but, I mean, why me? What did I do to deserve all of this? I don't think I'm bad person, I think I loved and loved deeply, I think all I did was loving and in return I get this? WHAT?! All I have is this room?

Nah, it's not fair and I don't want to become the villain. I don't want to change for the worst, but I don't even want to be this.

This stupid piece of skin, this shattered mind that is in constant pain. I really don't.

I don't, I'm just a girl, I'm just scared. I'm just me and it hurt if I think it's not enough.

Please, I'm serious, don't let me drown, please