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i don’t think my bro gave a fuck

I like that despite being a child abuser, child exploiter, and an emotionally absent father, Reginald draws the line at transphobia.

ben and diego LMFAOAOA

truly iconic family photo tbh

real shit

netflix if i wanted to see a failing marriage i would've gone downstairs for family dinner

season one klaus was peak klaus i swear

Mourning the decuntification of Klaus Hargreeves

Thank god Dave is dead because if he wasn’t they’d probably have him kissing fucking Diego or some shit at this point

i’m telling you, season four five is NOT five

Also did the show just like forget that when Five saw Diego dead, he kept trying to wake him up in the apocalypse. Did they forget that he sat near his brother’s corpse completely distraught and Diego was the only person that Five actually shook? Five would never do this shit to him man

steve blackman when i catch you..

Listen, the most heartbreaking part of all this, for me, is that David Castañeda basically begged the showrunners not to do the story line and they did it anyway.

REAL REAL REAL

Season one Five Hargreeves should've managed to shoot season four Five Hargreeves in the head when he got out of the subway into the season one apocalypse. He could've saved us from...That. That's all I'm gonna say.

ugh

I thought that I couldn't hate S4 more but then I remembered that...

Five and Diego die without reconciliation and hating each other

Klaus dies without knowing how the Original Ben died

Diego dies without knowing if Lila fell in love with Five or not because she never answered the question

Lila died after not seeing her kids for nearly 7 years

Luther died without finding Sloane, the only person he was in love with

Allison died leaving behind Claire, the one person she sacrificed everything for

Ben died as a monster without his consciousness, unable to say goodbye to his siblings

But most of all, they all died to become flowers meanwhile the fucking Handler had a happy ending🤡

literally??

Genuinely why would Lila not be happy in a relationship with Diego???

THAT MAN WANTED TO BE A HERO, HE WANTED TO BE NUMBER ONE, HE WAS A FUCKING VIGILANTE FOR FUCKS SAKE HE KNEW THAT NORMAL LIFE SUCKED AND WANTED TO DO MORE!!!

AND YOURE TELLING ME LILA DIDNT THINK TO TALK WITH HIM ABOUT THAT SHIT?????? THAT MAN WOULD HAVE SAID ‘YES MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE GO WRECK HAVOC ILL PICK UP THE KIDS TODAY AND DONT FORGET NEXT WEEKEND ITS MY TURN TO GO PUNCH SOME PEOPLE’

DIEGO WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD “BOOKCLUB” AND HAVE SUPPORTED IT 110%

I’ll concede that the final season of Umbrella Academy wasn’t that good, but one of my favorite throwaway bits is that Viktor has been dumped by every girl in his town but clearly not because he’s trans, he’s just bad at dating

So the point of the umbrella academy is to not fix you’re family trauma and kill yourself for being born

i hate these writers dude

TUA SEASON 4 SPOILERS

okay so let me get this straight

Luther lost his wife then died as a stripper with a house that's falling apart

Diego died after just having found out his wife, who he'd been unhappy with for a long time, cheated on him with his brother

Allison died without a husband, with her career at a standstill, after not speaking to her family for years and without really fixing their relationship

Klaus died after relapsing after 3 years of sobriety, scaring his niece, without reuniting with Dave and with the additional trauma of being buried alive and sex trafficked

Five died having failed to stop the apocalypse - his only goal for the past, what, 60 years of his life - with unresolved feelings for Lila

Ben died suffering inside a huge blob that ended the world, never getting to be happy with Jennifer

Viktor died because he finally, FINALLY dared to question and oppose his father, after being unable to maintain a stable relationship with a woman for years (RIP Sissy ig)

Lila died stuck in an unhappy marriage, with conflicted feelings towards her husband AND his brother, with whom she had cheated

ok ok cool cool cool, got it.

brisket five 😓😓

Here's a list of things I liked in s4 because I need more than one morbidly beautiful opening shot to give me a purpose in life:

Confirmation that Ben and Viktor were close as children

Proof that Ben's always had a mean streak in him, the brainwashing just made him seem like a saint

The concept of the time subway

Five's Deli

That scene with Diego spinning in the air with bullets swirling around him

Jennifer having a Filipina actress

Diego and Lila's daughter being named Grace

Klaus practically being Claire's other parent

Luther embracing the silly

Gene and Jean

justice for gerard way

I feel bad for Gerard way rn., like IMAGINE you work upwards of 18 years crafting and ensuring that your comic gets on the big screen, only for fucking Steve Blackman to nerf you with the most atrociously out of character, plotless, anger inducing writing to ever grace Netflix minus the select few in the LAST FUCKING SEASON. Steve Blackman trust you will be dealt with, GERARD WAY IM SO SORRY

As I’m trying to come to terms with whatever the fuck that was, I’ve decided that:

Seasons 1 and 2 are peak. Absolute masterpieces. Canon.

Season 3 can be taken or left. Has its moments, but overall not as good as the first two. Canon, but only if you want it to be.

Season 4 is a fucking crack fic written at 2am that the author rereads at a later date and decides to delete. Absolutely not canon.

actually I will say something about this:

setting up a romance line but waiting until one of the actors is a freshly legal adult before executing it is creepy, actually, especially when the co-star is 15 years older

not even an exaggeration

umbrella academy season 4 spoilers without context

fucking real. THEIR CHILDISH BANTER COULDVE BEEN SO FUCKING FUNNY I SWEAR

I think I’ve seen some similar takes on this already but the whole lila and five get stuck in the time line subway subplot had a lot of potential actually but they just BUTCHERED it with the whole romance thing

imo the could have just done this:

- show them bickering and arguing, fighting over wich station/line to chose next in a sibling like manner

- show lila falling asleep on fives shoulder as she keeps mumbling about some stupid thing Diego has done while five tops that story with an even more stupid anecdote from their childhood

- show five trying to shave himself without a mirror and failing miserably until lila rolls her eyes and goes “give it here you absolute imbecile” and then helping him out BUT STAYING AT A REASONABLE DISTANCE AND NOT BREATHING ALL OVER HIS FACE

- show them freezing on the subway floor, five mentioning how they could save body heat by staying close to each other, visibly uncomfortable, and lila pulls a face but they end up falling asleep shoulder to shoulder NOT CUDDLING

- show them at the greenhouse timeline, covering the walls with self-drawn maps and complicated calculations, brooding night after day after night, trying to figure this out with lila drawing little hearts on the paper with her kids initials in it

- show five finding the map on the subway, immediately rushing to tell lila whose face lights up like a supernova and as she exclaims “fuck, we’re going home!” she tries to high five him (it doesn’t really work, because five does NOT do high fives) and then pulls him in for a hug. five just about lets that happen, but he smiles a tiny smile and they arrive just in time for Christmas

basically instead of the romance that gave everyone the ick, they could have just gone for the whole sibling like dynamic between the two of them that I adored a lot in the previous season(s)!!!!

goodbye the way i was so excited for them to be like the best duo ever

In s1, Five tells Allison he wants to live long enough to meet Claire.

In s4, Five and Claire never interact.

This is the most consistent show of all time, WOW!

this is so special to me

everyone else: prying information out of five like pulling teeth

five, walking up to viktor and klaus unprompted: hey. the apocalypse is coming. help me out

who do i gotta kill to get a decent cup of coffee?????

real shit

S4 of the umbrella academy would have been so much better if they scrapped everything and just had the entire plot be Ben convincing the others to scam Sir Reginald for all he’s worth via crypto