Its Late So Obviously Its Time To Have Some Big Feelings

It’s late so obviously it’s time to have some Big Feelings

Sometimes I am too loud

And I put my foot in my mouth

I say something stupid

Play it off as a joke, it’s okay

But there is one thing that I have always had trouble saying

I’m not sure when I last said “I love you”

I think it, easily, and I feel it

But I can never form the words in a way that others can know

I’m sure I could write it if I tried

But it never feels right

I think the last time I said it

Was as a closing statement to a phone call

But I don’t think it counts

It’s too quick, too perfunctory

Half the time it isn’t even heard

Said too late to matter

I don’t know why I have such trouble with it

I want to but I can’t

So I don’t

And it’s upsetting, to me alone, sure

But I have enough frustration

To make up for for their lack

There are plenty of ways to show love

To make it known

So I employ those instead

Actions often speak louder than words

But even still

Words can be plenty loud on their own

I call myself a poet

Someone who can paint with metaphors

Weave rhymes to make a tapestry of syllables

And yet three little words allude me

Stuck on the tip of my tongue

The edge of my pen

I’ll blame it on the autism

I just wanted to write about werewolves (and it’s at least kinda okay, I think)

The moon’s beauty is no longer mine to see

Her face now causes only agony

When before, the silver light was soothing

If only that could last

Passing on the curse through flesh and fang

Wishing things could have stayed the same

Always caught on the line

Between monster and human

Never truly either

Wishing for the control and safety of one

Longing for the freedom of the other

Dreaming of having a companion who understands

Yet still hoping to never pass this life onward

Wax and wane

Comes the pain

Like the ocean waves

I too am driven by the moon

Celestial bodies in the sky

Hear my howl, my plea tonight

My voice warps, turned harsh and feral

As my body is shred and born anew

Under the unforgiving glow

My new form begins to grow

Ever searching

Seeking a companion who understands

I hear a lovely cacophony

Surely I’m not the only one

I add my lonely voice to theirs

So near and yet so far

And I hope

Hey, why does my mouth always taste like metal after we kiss?

Her hair was a flowing cherry red

Like the ichor she lacked

A heart that never bled

A hollow soul

From which tears were never shed

A beautiful monster

A creature in disguise

Making lives shatter

Good thing it takes

More than one bite

To become a creature like her

Sickly sweet words

Force fed poison

Scarred by her venom

Making limbs go numb

As I pulled away

I saw my flesh in her fangs

My life in her claws

My blood in her maw

Coating her lips and her grin

As my vigour wears thin

How lucky am I

As ironic as it seems

To already be something

Other than human

Curses can’t stack

It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.

I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?

Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.

Something something water coloured eyes… Is this anything?

Your slate blue eyes

I feel like I’m drowning in shallow water

A simple solution

Get up and walk away

I can’t

Every time I try

I slip back down again

Scraping my knees on harsh wet pavement

Ice on the walkway

An easily missed danger

Shallow water

I miss the days when I thought you were kind

But now I know it’s your fault

Not mine

You hid my rain-boots

Drowning in a puddle

Easily avoided

And yet I didn’t

I should have known your shallow gaze was a warning

The eyes are the window to the soul after all

I’m on the ground, you’re smiling as I choke on wet stone